HE WAS A SHE

CHAPTER 7: HAUNTED BY THE PAST

The past, present, and future are the three things in life that coexist with each other. What we did in the past, whether it’s good or bad, became the foundation of our present. The past being bedrock allows the people of the present and the future to learn an important lesson and prevent history from repeating itself. But if we refuse to assess our past honestly, it becomes as horrible as a ghost haunting us for the rest of our lives. A ghost that will go wherever we are at any time.

***

He didn’t say anything except, “Catch it!” while tossing the keys of his car and “Let’s go!” with his face looking so vague. I expected he would burst into a cry after seeing a single tear falling on his cheeks. But he did not. He just wiped it casually as if it didn’t happen at all. I thought he would shout his lungs out from disgust and frustration. But, he just breathed deeply with a big, “Huh!” Or, he would punch something like a wall in his car. But he reacted differently— way differently from someone who’s experiencing the same thing as him. He remained silent even in the car. He just sat quietly while staring at the scenery outside although there were only a few, since it was very dark outside and only a few areas were covered with lights. It was the first time I saw him that way. Honestly, I wanted to say something since the atmosphere became so stiff and awkward inside the car, but just like him, I lost the words to say. I don’t know why. But I just couldn’t find any words to say.

And he remained like that until we reached the bed and breakfast in the countryside. He didn’t speak even a single word. After finally landing at the place we could spend the night, he just walked in, got into his room, and locked himself until morning. Not that I intended to be here. It’s just that it’s the only place that has accepted us after getting rejected by five prior places we’ve been to. That’s the worst rejection I’d experienced in my entire life. “I’m sorry, we’re full.” “I’m sorry, there are no more available places.” “Sorry, we’re close.” All those words kept on running on my mind like crazy as I drove the car to every staycation place available in the area as suggested on the internet of course. Just imagine roaming around in the middle of the night with your body already feeling the coldness of your surroundings and your feet getting exhausted from walking here and there. And with every apology you got from all the places you’ve been to, your mind wants to shout from frustration and tiredness. But you just can’t. Because aside from causing a public disturbance and eventually spending the night in the jail, you would just look pathetic. And the last thing I would do seriously.

I stayed in the room beside him. I laid down on my bed quietly while trying to listen to him on the other side. A lot of things have been running on my mind. A lot of worries. And a lot of questions. Questions I wanted to ask from him. Questions like, ‘Are the news true?’ ‘What did you know about the suicide that happened at MC Group in the past?’ But those questions became worries—worries that I don’t know where it sprang out. Seeing his face without emotions pinches something into my heart. Something that I can’t explain. I looked at my phone and it was already early dawn and yet I couldn’t take a deep sleep. I felt like if I was unconscious, he would do something bad, like end his life for good. And I can’t let him do that. Not on my watch. Never. That’s something I promised myself after losing my sister in the past. A promise I vowed to fulfill as long as I can and as long as I am breathing.

To be honest, I wanted to knock on his door and check on him with my eyes and ask how he was doing. I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to comfort him and tell him, ‘it’s okay, everything will be just like a night after the day.’ But I became a coward until the very end and stayed in my room. And the last thing I remembered, I was knocked out of bed and everything became a history of the night.

I woke up from the strong rays of the sun after hitting my eyes. I slowly open my eyes and try to get a grasp of my memory as to what happened over the night. I tried to navigate all the corners of my mind from having a first-hand experience of my boss and his grandfather’s commotion last night until he instructed me to drive the car anywhere far and reach this place. I rolled my eyes up and down as I recalled bits and pieces of my memory, not until…

“Ugh!” I jumped off the bed and rushed into his room after remembering something. I knocked on his door hysterically.

“Sir! Sir! Are you there?” I shouted. “Sir! Please open the door. Don’t do something you will regret for the rest of your life.” I panted while stammering hard at the door.

“Hey!” A voice echoed from somewhere.

“Sir! Am I too late? Don’t scare me like that.” I screamed with fear.

“Hey!” He grunted while grabbing my hands away from the door.

I shouted from shock after seeing him at my back. I shouted as if I had seen a ghost. I touched his face and he was real. “He’s not a ghost. He’s alive. Thank goodness,” I told myself.

“Hey! Why are you looking so surprised to see me? And why are you knocking at my door as if you’re going to destroy it no matter what, as long as you can get in?” He curiously asked.

“Nothing!’ I replied after realizing how pathetic I was earlier. “It’s nothing, just forget it.”

“What? You’re shouting and babbling about doing something I would regret for the rest of my life. Tell me! What is that something I shouldn’t do so I won’t regret in the end?” He moved closer, demanding a thorough explanation.

“Nothing!” I quickly replied while avoiding his gaze. “What are you talking about?” I faked a smile while slowly moving towards my room. “Ah! Right! I need to go to the restroom. I need to... you know, call of nature. Bye!” I added while rushing inside.

I breathe in and out while standing behind the door. “Thank goodness. I was able to escape from total humiliation.” I commented. “Crazy, Eli. Crazy! That’s not so you.”

***

It was past 8 am when I finished taking a bath and changing into new clothes. Luckily, I brought a shirt and pants and readily packed them in my other bag. It doesn’t hurt to prepare for unexpected situations like this in life. Well, having to live a different identity in front of everyone else has taught me a lot of things. And one of those is to always be prepared. I don’t know exactly how I do it. But, I guess it’s just all about training. Training physically, emotionally, and mentally, of course, especially since the path I choose is very exhausting and mentally draining. You don’t know whom to trust and let your guard down. You must always act like a soldier at night—on point and focused. And frankly speaking, it’s very tiring at some point. I had only just started and yet I already felt exhausted, especially when things went nowhere. But I can’t give up now.

I got out of my room and went downstairs. I was busy staring at the pieces of paintings hanging on the wall in the lobby of the building. It was very fascinating in the eyes to see different artworks. But what really caught my attention was the piece at the center of the lobby. It was an abstract painting entitled Haunted by the dark past. I stared at it closely, trying to understand the title of the painting and finding any connection that would live in its context. But no matter how much I turned my head upside down from left to right, I still couldn’t get it.

“The man in the center was scared. Scared of what? His past is probably like what the title of the painting says. The dark brushes suggest his dark past. The past--that no matter where he hides, will always run after him like a ghost.” A voice thoroughly explained.

I moved a step closer and stared at it thoroughly, looking for the man he was talking to. But no matter where I looked, I still couldn’t see the man nor the past that haunts him like a ghost. “You’re lying,” I uttered. “There was no man in the painting. It was just full of lines—different strokes of lines to be exact.” I added while I turned my back and saw the man I was talking to. It was him—my boss.

“You will never see it because that’s what you imprinted on your mind,” he explained.

“What? What do you mean?” I curiously asked.

“A painting carries the emotion of the painter. What gives life to it is not how it was depicted directly but how a certain emotion was able to reach someone looking at it. And you will never understand it no matter where you look at it, because you told yourself at the very beginning that it was just a painting of lines and so, in your heart—you closed it with the thought that there was no man at the center nor his past that ran after him.” He calmly added.

“What was he babbling about?” I asked myself while staring at him. “Was he talking about the painting or something else?” I added.

“And, why do I feel something different about him though? I can just point out exactly as to what. But my gut feeling tells me something odd about him. “Ah! Whatever!” I grunted while slowly walking towards the dining hall for the morning buffet.

But, before I could leave, my phone suddenly beeped. My eyes rolled into shock seeing the name of the person who suddenly called me. It was my boss’s father and the CEO. I hesitated to take his call. First, because I didn’t know what to say to him if he ever asked the whereabouts of my boss since a few weeks ago, he had secretly given strict orders to report to him anything about my boss. Although I haven’t given a yes, it’s not like I could also give a no. Second, because my boss had told me not to tell anyone about our location, not even his family. And while I was listening to him, I could sense his sincerity. He wanted to be alone even just for a day.

“What would I do, now? What would I choose, then?” I asked myself while contemplating the best option to choose. But even before I could make a choice, my boss suddenly took the phone and turned it off.

“Hey!” I grunted while trying to get back my phone from him. But since he was taller than me, I failed to do so, leading me to accidentally slip off my feet and lose out of balance. I was about to fall hard to the floor when he quickly caught me right on time. Just like a scene in my favorite movie where a man right on cue catches his woman perfectly and magically. My heart then skipped a beat. I stared at his eyes. And everything froze for a moment.

But then that magical moment didn’t last long. He suddenly let go of me, leading me to stumble onto the floor.

“Ouch!” I grumbled from body pain. I looked at him with fierce eyes wanting to devour him alive.

“Ah!” He exclaimed while stretching his body. “Why is my body so stiff these past few days? I guess I needed to go back to the gym for an intense workout then.” He added while slowly escaping what he did.

***

After eating my breakfast, I stayed in my room to take a rest and a break from everything that stresses me out. “Oh! Nothing, probably. Because lately, I’m sure it was someone—a person to be exact.” I snorted while recalling what he did to me earlier. “Ah!” I grunted.

“Ah! Oh! Huh! That’s all I’ve heard from you today, Eli. Are you okay?” Bobby called. “You’ve been so stressed lately.”

“Right.” I sadly sighed.

“Are you sure you can still pull it off?” He worriedly asked.

“Of course,” I replied quickly. “This is just a piece of cake for me. Don’t worry.” I proudly added.

“If you say so,” He replied. “By the way, I have good news and bad news for you.” He interrupted. “What do you want to hear first?”

“Good news, of course,” I excitedly replied. “I mean you’re right, I’ve been stressed out lately, so, I needed some good news to fuel me up. Tell me! What is it?”

“It’s about the former driver and personal bodyguard of your sister's former boss.” He narrated.

“You mean the one who went missing after changing his statement? The one who promised to my dad that he would testify about my sister’s death?” I further asked.

“Yes! Him.” Bobby added. “I suddenly got on track with his purchasing activities.”

“For real?” My heart was filled with hope after hearing such good news from Bob. “That’s good news. So, what about him?”

“ Its location is somewhere south—in Cebu City, to be exact. And I guess he’s been hiding there since he went missing after changing his statement at the trial before.” He explained.

“Are you sure? I mean, how sure you are that it was him and not anyone else then,” I insisted.

“Honestly, I didn’t expect to track him down so easily. I’ve been tracking his family members but he got none. Both his parents died and his only younger sister didn’t cooperate as well. But one day, I had this friend from college who is now a food and travel blogger.

I’m not really into watching vlogs on the internet. But this friend of mine just messaged me and asked a favor to subscribe to his

channel. And thanks to that, I got notified on one of his recent uploads, and out of curiosity that day, I watched it. And surprisingly, that’s when I saw him at the backdrop of the video. And the rest is history.” He narrated.

“So, we should go and meet him immediately,” I uttered. “Maybe he’s the answer that I’ve been waiting for so long.” I excitedly added.

“Or, maybe not.” He sounded hopeless.

“What do you mean?” I curiously asked.

“Actually, after tracking him down, I called him immediately and asked if we could meet in person but he immediately said no, even before I could tell him my intention. I haven’t explained my purpose for meeting him since he had already hung up the call. And after that, I couldn’t reach out to him. Probably, he blocked my number or what?” He sadly explained. “Hey! Are you still there?” He asked after hearing nothing from me.

“Yes, I’m still here.” I sadly responded.

“I’m sorry.” He uttered.

“For what?” I asked.

“I know you’ve been waiting for this a long time ago. And even now, it’s still a failure. And I couldn’t do anything about it,” he uttered.

“Don’t be too sorry, Bob,” I replied. “I know you’ve done your best.”

“But still it wasn’t good enough. Because if it does, we would have a bullet against them. I’m sorry for failing you, Eli.” He added.

“Bob, I’ve made it this far because of you. So, don’t be sorry just because of this. For sure, we would find something to use against them. Not maybe today, but soon, we will. I know we can.” I sounded positive. “I’ve never lost hope in us, Bob. So, don’t be too hard on yourself just because of this, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you.” He replied.

“Eli!” My boss suddenly entered my room. Luckily, Bob was always ahead of him and quickly changed to silent mode.

“What’s wrong?” My boss asked.

“Why?” I played coolly.

“You look like you saw a ghost or something.” He replied. “Why are you so surprised to see me?”

“Hey! That’s because you just entered my room without making anyone a sound or even knocking first before entering. You just sprung out so suddenly like a mushroom in the wild.” I added.

“Well anyway, we have to go.” He uttered while grabbing my hands and dragging me out of my room.

“Hey! Slowly please.” I pleaded. “I didn’t apply for this job just to get injured or what.”

“I’m sorry.” He smiled. “But I’m just so excited to go on a road trip and enjoy the scenery this place has to offer. The staff told me we could use the road truck while exploring the area. He even gave me a map so we wouldn’t get lost. He said we shouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Here! Catch!” He shouted while tossing a key.

I was so clueless until he told me that I'd be the one who would drive this whole road trip. I was about to complain, since as far as I could remember, I didn’t agree on anything earlier. Not even joining him on his sudden road trip. And as far as I can remember, he didn’t ask for my permission either. He just grabbed me suddenly, tossing the keys and forcing me to take the wheels off the road.

“It’s beautiful,” he said while raising his hands in the air and smiling at me.

“Yes, it’s very beautiful,” I uttered while forcing myself to fake a smile on him.

“You know what, I haven’t done this before.” He suddenly sounded melodramatic. “To be honest, this is my first time traveling.

“Seriously? I mean no offense, Sir, but you can go travel and enjoy the perks of life. So, I was just so surprised to hear that this is your first time,” I said.

“Ever since I moved into that house, my life circles with school, home, and after-school academy to learn a lot of things. I thought when I finished college and my MBA, I would have the freedom I’ve been longing for so long. But, I was wrong. I was immediately admitted into the company and worked my butt off until this day.” He uttered. “You know what, sometimes I ask myself why I’ve been living like this. Why've I been working so hard? I mean I don’t have a family of my own to provide for, unlike others in the company. That no matter how tiring the work is, there’s fulfillment because you’re doing it for the ones you love. But when I look at myself, I realize I don’t have one.”

“But even if you don’t have a family of your own yet, you’d still have a family. Your dad, your mom, and your grandfather.” I uttered.

They’re just my family on paper.” He added. “On TV. In front of the camera. In front of everyone’s eyes. We’ve never been a family, to begin with.”

“But still...” I was about to say something when he quickly got out of the car even before I could properly park the car.

“We’re here!” He excitedly screamed while rushing into the sea.

“Sea? Again?” I sighed.

“Hurry!” He smilingly called while waving his hands.

“Yes! I’m coming.” I responded while rushing towards him.

“Why are we here?” I curiously asked. “I mean if you really wanted to go near the beach, there’s a beach near the place we’re staying. Why go this far?”

“Hey! This is a different beach. Look!” He pointed to the white sand. “And look at the clear blue water. Isn’t it beautiful? It's way different from the beach near the place we’re staying. Plus, the staff also mentioned that this is the best place to witness the sunset. I know how much you like watching the sunset. Remember?” He added.

“What’s wrong with him?” I told myself. “Why is he acting weird this time?”

“Take a seat!” He offered.

“You prepared all these?” I asked while seeing the dinner by the sea campfire set up. “If you made all your effort for this, you should have brought your special person here and not your executive assistant,” I added.

“But, I don’t have anyone special.” He replied. “Remember?” He added while taking a bite of the skewers.

“Remember? What do you mean?” I curiously asked.

“I know you saw the video—the prenup video of my supposed to be bride. So, for sure, you knew it didn’t go well after that seeing you are here with me on this cozy night instead of her.” He explained.

“You knew, all along?” I asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“And, why didn’t you tell me about it then?” I asked. “Why did you act as if you didn’t know at all?”

“Right.” He deeply sighed. “But let’s not focus on the past. Let bygones be bygones. Let’s focus on the present. That’s what you told me when we were on the beach a few days ago. Life for the moment. Remember?

I fake a smile as I recall that moment he told me.

“I didn’t know you were poetic and full of wisdom.” He added while patting my shoulder. “So, tell me about yourself then. I didn’t know much about you. I only knew your name, your address, your phone number, your birthday as stated on your resume. But other than that, I don’t know anything from you. So, tell me, what’s your story, then? What is Mr. Eli Perez, story then?”

“Seriously? He’s asking me, for real?” I asked myself. “Well, nothing much.” I simply replied.

“Nothing much?” He mused. “I don’t believe you.”

“Just tell him a bit of your story, Eli.” Bob suddenly whispered. “To gain his trust, you need to make him believe you can be trusted. And you can only do that if you share your story. Well, not all though. Just a bit. And for sure, you know what’s to tell and what’s not.”

“Well, I came from a simple family. I had a simple life. My dad works as a public defender and he’s very good at his craft. My mom is a plain housewife. But I didn’t see her as merely a housewife because I knew how tough managing the house works. And it’s extra challenging whenever there are quarrels and fights at home. Nevertheless, it was a happy home for me. I have a younger sibling. We were very different from each other. And that different personality has made us drift apart, especially when I started to work somewhere far. That distance has to drive us apart. I ignored it at first, not until when I lost her that I was filled with regrets. I haven’t said my goodbyes to her and neither did we talk and fix what was broken between us. And until now, there’s always hope in my heart. There’s that longing—longing to see her again and apologize for everything.” I paused for a while. But even before I could continue my story, he was slowly into tears. “Are you okay?” I worriedly asked while handing him the box of tissue I had brought.

He turns his back and quietly wipes his tears. “I’m okay. I guess I was just carried away with your story. I didn’t know you had pain as well. I mean, I always see you with toughness and courage in your face. So, I didn’t really expect it at all.” He mentioned.

“Good job, Eli!” He sounded pretending to be sad while clapping his hands.

I wanted to immediately shut him off or take back all he said, but I couldn’t since my boss was still there with me. And knowing how cautious and meticulous he is, I can’t take any risks at all.

“Bottoms up!” I cheered while pouring his glass with some drinks.

And just after finishing a few bottles, he was already drunk and suddenly knocked down. Earlier, he was boasting about how good he is at drinking. To be exact, he proudly said he could even finish two buckets of beer. But we’ve just gotten started and now he’s totally knocked down and sleeping soundly as if he’s not going through a rough day. I pulled him in and settled him in the tent he had prepared in the area. I covered him with a thick blanket after removing his shoes.

“Good night! Sleep well, okay?” I uttered while touching his hair.

But as I was about to leave the tent, he suddenly grabbed my hands and wrapped me in his arms. Suddenly, he whispered. “Don’t go.” He pleaded. “Don’t go, Jess!” My eyes rolled into shock after hearing my sister’s name. “Don’t go!” He continued screaming. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” I stammered while catching my breath. “What do you mean you’re sorry? Why are you calling my sister’s name? How do you know that name?” I shook his arms trying to wake him up. “Tell me! What do you know about her?” I yelled.

But he didn’t respond. Instead, he continued sobbing about his dreams. “Why would he utter my sister’s name? On his dreams? Why? How come he knew my sister? Did he really know something about what happened to her? Is the news circulating about him and what happened in the past true? What is his relationship with her in the first place?”

***

In our lives, we all have our secrets—the deepest secrets we want to hide even until we die. Especially secrets that can hurt the people we love. We keep it no matter what. But no matter how much we hide them and no matter how much we run away from them, those secrets become like a ghost that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. It will just spring out of control. Like a bomb, it will explode. And the aftermath is always immeasurable, especially when it’s about the people we love and care about so much.