Loves moves in mysterious ways

Chapter 10

She acknowledged Kirstin comprehensive look at a wry smile. Oh don't feel me so sorry for me."

after all, I stay with him by choice, but there are times when I wonder if I'm just a fool,

or a masochist.I tell my self that deep down there somewhere he loves me.'

She grimaced slightly as Kirstin interrupted fiercely, He does Carol. I know he does.'

I wonder. That's what I've always told myself, but now I'm beginning to wonder. It wouldn't be so bad if the others all shared your moral code.Kirstin.

She saw her start with surprise and allowed herself a grim smile.Oh I might be crazy, but I'm not dense .

Lady like me with wandering husbands soon learned to recognise the signs.

I must admit that with you it took a bit longer than usual.

It was when he wanted to buy you that fox that the truth dawned.But you still."

I chose it for you because it was a present that you richly deserved.

I must admit that for a while I wondered if you'd be able to resist him.In fact,I could not see how you could.He can very persuasive when he wants to be.

But when you said were going you to resign,'I knew then that I had nothing to worry about from you.'

Kirstin saw the tears standing out in Carol's eyes and cursed John for his insensitivity.

Never had she been more glad that she hadn't given in to the physical impulse to take John as her lover.

She could never have faced the grief and torment in Carol's eyes if she had.

Oh,and I promised myself I wouldn't behave like this.It's just that' Carol broke off, and as Kirstin looked at her she realised that she had had put on weight and that she was moving less briskly than usual.

Carol watched her and then said tirely,Yes ridiculous, isn't it at my age?And what on earth John will say I don't know.

At the moment he thinks I've just been indulging ina about of over-eating,

and I want him to go on thinking that way,at least until we're all safety stablished in Hollywood.

If I tell him I'm pregnant now, he'll seized on that as a excuse to leave me behind.

And we all know what happens to wives who get left behind, don't we?

A temporary separation all too often becomes a permanent one.

You are having a child! Thanks, Carol said drily.

You are doing wonders for my ego.Oh jo, I didn't mean it that way.

No I know. It came as something of a shock to me as well, I can tell you, Carol confided, leading the way to her parked car. To say nothing of what's going to do to John.

It was genuine accident, but remember not a word to him.'

The traffic was very heavy and Kirstin didn't try to distract her companion by trying to talk to her, but at last day were out of city and heading for the Pembroke comfortable house in Luxembourg.

John's out, and the kids are at school, Carol told her as she unlocked the front door and led the way into the comfortable office room that John work in.He stormed out in something of a huff.

No doubt he's gone round to see Pauline Fernadez for sympathy and comfort.

There was an edge of bitterness to her voice and Kirstin wasn't used to hearing.

He'll get tired of her eventually, Carol.

Yes,I know.

He always does. But what I'm sot sure about any longer is whether I've got the resilience to make my self wait.

I always used to tell my self that I was lucky to be married to a man like John,

and that because he is the man he is I must just to pay the price being married to such demands, but just lately I'm beginning to wonder if I wouldn't have been better married to someone else-someone who puts me first and not himself.

Kirstin looked at her in concentration.

Carol' Oh, don't take any notice of me. Its much be this baby.Come on,help me to find this dammed script. I'll go and tell Elvie to make us some juice,.

Elvie was the latest in a long line of au pairs and while Carol's went off to find her,Kirstin started to go through the documents.

It took them three hours to find the missing script; jammed in between three files,it had slipped to the bottom of the drawer.

Between letters on the top,Carol said in disgust.

What on earth was it going there?

God alone knows or more probably, John alone, Kirstin said ruefully, being perfectly acquainted with her late boss habit of pushing unwanted papers anywhere and everywhere simply to get them off the top of his table.

Well that's that then,

Carol flopped into a chair.You must be cursing me for dragging you all this way simply to find this.

No it's all okay.I had to come in Germany anyway. I need a ball gown dress.

More to distract Carol than because she was actually worried about finding something to wear,

Kirstin told her of James's plans to open the new health centre and more particularly of her own involvement in it.

No,you mustn't bother to go out and buy anything, Carol told her.

What you ought to do is to hire something. Use one of the theatrical boutique.They have the most fabulous outfits.Carol was right, Kirstin recognised.

She gnawed anxiously at her bottom lip. I thought you had to be a member of Equity at the very least to hire anything from one of those places.

Being John's wife has some advantages,Carol told her darkly. I know the very place.

I hired an outfit from them for the some events.It was fabulous. Come on,

I'll give them a call and then we'll go straight round.

Sensing that Carol needed to keep busy to keep her mind off her husband, Kirstin allowed herself to be persuaded.

Within an hour she was being shown an abundance of ballgowns that would even have silenced Jessa.

How about one?

The woman in charge suggested, lifting a glowing off-red long satin number with the coulor and sheen of pearl off it's protective hanger.

It was designed for Gabrielle in the Shrew perfect for a Whitehead-dress with your creamy brown skin.

Enviously Kirstin stroke the supple fabric,wondering how on earth the designers had managed to achieve that unearthly opalleceffect.

The low cut bodice was encrusted with pearls the bodice dipping to a sharp V at the front from which the full skirts fronted out in true Megan splendour.

Try it on.Carol urged.

Kirstin needed the help of the associate to get dress fastened up the back.The bodice clung to her like a second skin, the whaleboning causing her breasts to swell against the tight fabric.

When she remarked on this assistant shook her head. That's the way it's meant to be.It's a perfect fit on you, and the length is right as well.

At Carol's behest she went outside to show her.Its so beautiful, Kirstin, you must have it.

I'll need a mask,

Kirstin warned her,allowing herself to be tempted. Hire of the gown would be expensive, but nothing like as expensive as a buying a new one.

A mask I've got the very thing the assistant told her.This gown was designed for a ball scene as it happens a little addition the producer of this particular version of the Shrew wanted,

and there just happens to be a mask to go with it.

There you are; Carol exclaimed with a grin. It was quite obviously meant to be.

The mask was in the same satin as the dress and trimmed lavishly with a pearls.

It gave Kirstin's face a curiosity fey and unreal dimension,somehow making her mount look fuller and exaggerated the oval slant of her eyes.

It's perfectly, Carol told her, adding to the assistant, we'll take it.

While the gown was being packed up Kirstin had a peep at some of the others hanging in the same closet.

There were ballgowns from every era imaginable; brief wisps of Regency chiffon, crystal-beaded twenties shimmies, elegant belle epoque bustles.

You could spend a lifetime here,couldn't you?

Asked Carol, drooling over a fortuny pleated hank of silk chiffon.John's car was parked in the drive when they go back, and instantly Kirstin was aware of the change in Carol.

She seemed to close up and withdraw into herself,and Kirstin's heart ached for her friend.

There you are, Carol;

where the hell have you been?You know we're due to attend tonights performance.

John's irritable voice broke off as he saw Kirstin standing at his wife's side.

In the shadows of the hallway, Kirstin saw him flush slightly as though he was suddenly aware of how unpleasant he was being to Carol.

Kirstin my Swettie" what are you doing here?He made no attempt to embrace her.

I asked to Kirstin to come here to help me look for your manuscript; Carol told him.

Kirstin watched as he shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. We found it filed.

She told him drily. He had the grace to look faintly shamefaced.

I supposed I've been a bit of a bear lately..... it's all this business about going to the L.A.

Oh,really?I thought it was something else you had on your mind.

Kirstin wasn't sure which of them was more surprised.John was watching his wife's retreating back with his mouth agape.It was so unusual for Carol say anything even slightly contentious to her husband that none of them seemed to know quite what to say.

It was only when she had disappeared into the kitchen that John relaxed a little,

expelling his breath and swearing slightly. I don't know what the hell's got into Carol recently.'

Don't you Kirstin asked him pointedly, looking at him.

What the hell does mean?

He was frowning and blustering as he always did when ke know herself to be in the wrong, and there was certainly nothing even remotely lover-like in the way he gripped her arm and almost dragged her into her office room.

Just what going on around here?he demanded,growling at her Carol's been unbelievable-with these last few weeks. Not her normal self at all.

Perhaps she is just getting tired of a husband who's consistently unfaithful wished her;

Kirstin suggested tartly ,and then instantly wished her hasty words unsaid.

It was no business of hers, and Carol's would probably not thank her for interfering.You mean she knows? she's told you ?

For a intelligent man he could be exceedingly dense.Kristin gave him an ironic look.

She is always known John, she told him.Its just that in the past she's chosen to turn a blind eye.

Why do you think I wouldn't have an affair with you?She mocked him gently.

Not beacuse I was tempted.' She could almost have laughed at the way he preened himself.You are very attractive and dangerously persuasive man when you want to be, but Carol is my friend.

I care for her so much to hurt her for what would have a best been only a very brief physical fling.

You do have a way of bringing a man down to earth, don't you?

John commented wryly, and she could that even though he was amused he was also a little shocked by her out spokenness.

Oh come on.What do you expect, John? I've worked for you for too long to have any illusions.

A new face come along, you convince yourself that you've fallen in love, but once the excitement of the chase is over, it's back to reality and Carol.

Have you ever thought what would happen if she wasn't there to go back to?

It was plain to Kirstin that he hadn't. He stood there frowning down at her, looking as hurt and puzzled as a cold.

But she'll always be there. She's she's part of me.

Will she? Kirstin asked him wryly, and watched the doubt shimmer in his dark eyes.

She loves you,John',she told him softly, but love doesn't always last for ever. '

He swallowed and looked at her with shocked eyes.

Are you trying to tell me that Carol's found someone else? He seemed to look past her and stare into space.

'She has been different lately.

That would explain.He gave her a brooding look and Kirstin said hastily,

'She hasn't said that to me,but I do know that she's unhappy. '

Carol's unhappy? He looked so affronted that if it hadn't been so serious Kirstin could almost have laughed.

She had interfered enough perhaps even too much,she told herself as John turned away to glare through the window with brooding intensity.

For herself she didn't doubt that he loved his wife- she had never doubted it,but Carol needed and deserved more than John was giving her,and it would do him no harm to think that he might lose her.

What ever the outcome of her interference, at least she knew one thing, and that was that John's feelings for her were once again simply those of a friend.

She hadn't ever really feared that he would pursue her to the Borders; there were many more easily accessible distraction in his life for that, but it was still a relief to know that his pursuit of her was over.

Later in the evening, she was a little surprised by the firmness with which Carol refused to accompany John to the theatre.

It will do him good to be turned down once in a while.

His girl love isn't on stage tonight.

Her understudy is taking the part,so he won't have the consolation of watching her.

I suspect that's why he wanted to me to go,but for once I decided I wasn't prepared to play second fiddle.

Her face chang all of a sudden, crumbling.

Oh Christ,Kirstin I'm such a i***t,Why on earth don't I simply give up? I can't go on competing.

You don't need to.

He does love you, Carol. I just think he needs you to be reminded how much occasionally.

He'll never change.

He'll always be a terrible flirt,but but if you could have seen his face this morning when I suggested to him that you might be tired of him.'

Carol started at her.You said that." Oh Ummm and John looked as shocked as a child being told that there isn't any Father New year."

Ummm...I never thought of trying to make him jealous. " Kirstin grinned.

Well, I shouldn't throw yourself too energetically into the part."She looked meaningfully at Carol's stomach.

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