Can You See Me?

Prologue "It was never my fault. I didn't tell you to court me. Ikaw yung pumipilit ng sarili mo sakin. Sukang-suka nako. Nakakadiri ka." Walang ka emo-emosyong sabi niya. Unti-unti ang pagpatak ng aking mga luha, hinang-hina ako sa mga salitang kaniyang sinabi. Hindi ko alam ang aking saabihin o gagawin. Ganoon ba talaga yung nararamdaman niya? Mula noon, hanggang ngayon, hindi parin niya maintindihan, na ang tanging hiling ko lamang ay ipadama niya sakin ang pag-ibig na ni minsan ay hindi ko naramdaman. "Hindi naman sa ganoon Yous, ang sakin lang naman..." Mahinang usal ko. "Ano? Ano yung sayo? Hindi kaba nahihiya? For once, have some self-worth or self-love. Aciente ka pa naman. Gagawin mo talaga lahat para mapansin lang kita ano? Eto sinasabi ko sayo, makinig ka ha. I will never like nor love someone who doesn't even know what pride is. Huwag mo naman sirain buhay mo para sakin." His voice echoed inside the hallway as Adam's apple continued to move. I've never seen him this angry. The rushing anger in his eyes is so visible that it makes my legs shake. My tears continue to rush down my face. "I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to make you feel that way." I'm stuttering as I look into his eyes, with my whole world completely falling apart. "Stop saying sorry, okay? It'll never change the fact that you're in a mess. Look at you, you look like a dead person, and you disgust me. Please, go away. Please, leave me alone." He said, straight looking into my eyes. That's my cue. That's my cue to leave. I know he never used please in his life, and I never saw him beg someone. Maybe I'm too much this time. Perhaps I did forget everything about me to make him like me. Maybe I love him too much. I looked into his eyes to see if there was a chance to fix this, but I only saw pain, disgust, and sadness. I wiped off my tears and smiled at him sadly. I uttered my last words. I was trying to make the atmosphere lighter. "Okay, you know I always give what you want. If this is what you want." As I turned my back to him, I couldn't help but think of our good memories. All those dates. Those times. Did he never really care for me? Napipilitan lang ba siya? Lahat ng yun. Lahat ng ginawa namin, wala palang ibig sabihin nun. I wiped my face making sure that there were no tears left. I entered the elevator and pressed the ground floor button. I met some of my classmates on the way to the parking lot. I gave them my usual greeting and smiled. I was letting them think that everything was fine and I was okay. As I sat down in my car, they were tears rushing down my face. It hurts. It hurts so much. My heart is broken into tiny millions of pieces. Basag naa basag ako. Ang buong Mundo ko. I found my phone and saw it in the backseat. I immediately called the only person that I could talk to. I dialed her number, and immediately, she answered. "Vic, please help me. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm in the school's parking lot. In the engineering department. Please fetch me, Vic." I said, shaking. "Casy? Is this you? Yeh, this is you. Okay. okay, wait for me." I can hear worry in her voice. I know she probably just woke up and is on her way to save me. Maybe everything will be fine now. That whole 5-minute waiting is the longest 5 minutes of my life. I heard a slight knock on my window and saw a familiar face. She entered my front seat with her hair in a ponytail, wearing her sweater and dolphin shorts, plus her plain white crocs. She then said the words that I needed at that time. Words that comfort me. "Come here. Hug me." I cried non-stop; I couldn't believe that here I was, bawling my eyes out. I realized the fact that my life was messed up. She kept on rubbing my hair as I cried on her shoulders. Maybe she can't believe that the "everything's fine Casy" is breaking down. After crying for almost 30 minutes, she asked me what's my plan. I can't look straight into her eyes because I don't know too. I kept silent. "Go study abroad." She said while looking at me with sentiments in her eyes. I'm not shocked by what she suggested. That's the only option we have. My only option. "Yuh, I will contact mommy and tell her my plans, but please, please don't you ever say to anyone what's the real reason why I left. I don't want them to blame him. Just tell them I accepted a big opportunity abroad." I'm looking at her and begging her to agree and to promise me. "I promise, babe." As she showed me her pinky finger and did a pinky swear. I called my mom and told her my plans. She was so happy and booked me the earliest flight, which was tomorrow at 6 am. Casy drove me back to my condo, and I started to pack all my things. I brought everything I needed, including my birth certificate, grades, etc. I heard a knock on my door and saw Casy with her wide-leg pants, black tank top, and Air Jordan 1 Mid in black and white. "You ready?" She smiled, asking. "Do I have a choice?" I smiled back a little. We called for help at the front desk, and they helped us put all my luggage in the compartment. The ride seemed fast, and I arrived at the airport. I said my goodbyes to her and went inside to wait. “Mag-ingat ka dun babe ha.” She kissed my right cheek and patted my back a little bit. I smiled and checked myself. Before going inside, I blew a kiss to her, and she teasingly avoided it. I chuckled a little. I waited for several hours before my plane boarded. As I entered the plane, I was still thinking of him. I hope he'll find peace in my absence. I hope that he'll find the thing he wants. However, I want him to know that he'll always be the most radiant color. He outshines everyone, and all I can do is admire him from afar. Goodbye Yous. Until we meet again.