Burnt Flower

First Love

Has it ever occurred to you? why first love are always the most intricate part of your love life, since their very existence is what either build you or destroy you. The candle light they lit in you life lives on to forge or melt other heart and you never really get over them...or the special moments you spent with them. Let say your first kiss for instance or the very first gift you gave them or the messages you sent to them, silently or publicly. Those moments you shared with them that's feel so heavenly like it gonna last till eternity. like nothing is ever gonna change the momento until the pangs of heartbreak hits you without warning or hesitation. The affliction and affection that you accrued from them tends to affect every fragment of your being psychologically and emotionally. That's why most distaste in reality can be tracked to a broken relationship or a broken promise concerning the idea that revolves around the dangerous comfort of love. As much as this ideology seems plausible and effective enough. It doesn't seem to apply to my story, perhaps it was because the relationship I presumed I had cultivated held no honesty or consistent commitment or maybe it was because of my interest in the society and eventual hubris. Whichever the case may be, I was the definition of the fisherman chasing a lone fish in a vast endless sea. Some say the strongest passion and desire for the one you love can sting so hard by the slightest hint of disinterest of the other party. Everything comes crashing and you wanna believe you're at fault even without no ground to such assertion. In the end all you discern is an act of betrayal so bitter that it leaves your heart shattered. It was the day after I got accepted and my mind was blossoming pretty little flowers yet to hold their root and be independent. Marvellous came to me with the sole intention of uprooting and damaging those young innocent flower.

"She said she can't have you"

I let out a little laugh. "Very funny"

"I'm serious" he straightened his face. "The gal isn't serious. She's not really into you nor is she deserving of you. It's time to move on " he said looking down and shoving off the chair which faced us before sitting on it.

"she told you that" I asked dismayed and visually shaking slightly

"her words " he said simply.

Then my mind went into Chaos.

"what did she said I did?" Now I was visibly rocking and I could feel the sweat beads riveting on my forehead.

"She didn't say. Only that she couldn't."

I collapsed on the bed and just went silent for minutes. Not thinking, not wanting to think.. I felt so disorganized...so disoriented and my minds seems to be choking on self accusations. My brother went on pacifying and that just made matters worse. I didn't know when the tears started slipping. I opened my mouth and tasted salt

"I haven't done anything" I teared up even more

"I know bro" Marvelous was saying clearly uncertain on how to handle the situation. He didn't see this coming either.

"I...loved her" now I was breaking off.."I .... wanted her..and she just..." I gulped hard "she just broke me like I was a twig or something"

"she's not deserving of you bro. I'm sure someone way better than her will come along".

I looked at my brother with so much pain. someone else?. she was my someone else that no one else will ever replace and now she's gone and you still believe there's someone else. The water kept flowing freely. I wept...I wept so hard that I developed a runny nose..more or less I hated her for what she did and how she did what she did. For one I realized I was the stupid one that fell so easily and got broken because of the stupidity.

*************

That evening, I had to visit the gas station for some petrol, needed for the generator which we're accustomed to switching on at night. On my way back I was chanced to pass by her building and unluckily for me she was just outside..like some heartless predator waiting to mock and feast on it wrecked prey.

"Leon!" That was supposed to be my name. I looked towards her direction and she had that mischievous smile set on her smooth cheeks. "can I see you for a second?". Like this was not embarrassing enough. I walked up to her uncertain of how to react or what to do. She sat on a paved stone just outside the building while I stood my ground growling inside.

"how're you doing?" she still had that sadistic smile.

"fine"

"Did you get my message?". Now this got me wondering. what was she up to?

"I did" I said simply

"how do you feel about it" she pressed on

"it's cool. It's what you want ".

"what I want?.. what about what you want?"

"does that really matter right now?" somehow I was starting to lose my patience and i just wanted to leave but her enchanting personality held me in place.

"Marvellous told me you cried ..cuz of what I said" she continued. Suddenly the air seems to have turned to ashes and my inside vaporized. That little jerk! how could he?!. my mind went numb and I felt subjected to utmost ridicule. I opened my mouth to protest.

"I..."

"you don't have to say anything... really" she giggled. "I'm going to be honest with you I really don't wanna be in any relationship rn...but because of your brother. I'll make an exception just for you. If you want there to be a "us" I want to see you tonight 7:30 pm don't be late". And of course I wanted her...there's nothing in the world that could defeat that. She meant that much to me and if it means lowering my ego just to be with her ones again. Then I'm all in.

"umm okay!" I spurted and she left me with myself and the keg of petrol. I walked home not knowing how to feel. First I felt like rushing home and strangling my brother to death and next I felt like jubilating. Fact that there was still hope made everything make sense. I got home and did not strangle my brother but I condemned what he did saying I was crying was belittling me and that was so unmanly.

"In the end it worked out just right... didn't it?" was his way of consolation. That night my Aisha sat me on the pave stone to read a number of rules and regulations guiding our supposed relationship.

"first... I'm gonna make certain inquisition about dating from five different people who knows you and I personally. That will serve as a means of affirming whether we are really suited for each other" I just nodded but she kept going nevertheless

"you're not to sought my attention or request for it except I make preparation for one. You get to know all my friends and I do the same for yours. After the night prayers..there's no room for lobbying." then she called my name.

"Nifemi!" I looked at her not certain where this is all leading to

"you know I do smoke right? like I f*****g drink a lot...so I'm crazy up in the head. ..imma initiate you into that gang and you'd start puffing too pretty soon. you down for that s**t?" I gave a short laugh knowing she was just being dramatic.

"you think I'm joking? like we go from Canadian loud to colos all the way down to Cannabis...smoke from the pot..smoke weed ..molie and all that..." I just kept laughing cuz yh she's a simple girl with a crazy lifestyle.

Later during the night she sent my brother to bring me to her and she sat me with her friends who were bunch of flamingos and ostriches as far as I can tell. They kept on twittering... chattering.. laughing into the night like they never really have any meaningful thing to do than just saunter on about lotta irrelevant stuffs. I felt disarrayed in-between the entire hullabaloo and I just had to pretend as if I was enjoying their company. is this what love felt like?

"Nifemi do you want some?" that was my sweet Aisha inquiring if I would have some of the watermelon she had in a bowl cut to small size. I nodded and she took a spoonful and fed me. That felt thrilling and I was bubbling inside. She gave me another and another and it felt perhaps the night should never end. When I decided to leave she walked me to a certain distance and we shook hands... holding hands for like forever and when she was ready to let go, I still lingered on untill she extracted her hands gently. I slipped in a five hundred naira note into her it and she smiled sweetly saying "thank you". The money? well was a collection of notes I stole from Mom in other to purchase a phone, little did I know that that was the beginning of it obliteration.

**************

The next day was even more interesting, although it was almost the same boring scenario of sitting with her loquacious friends and doing nothing tangible than stares. It was all worth it

After awhile she left for inside while I sat down with a friend of hers who was practicing some Barbie song I was conversant with (thanks to my sisters obsession with Barbies). She kept making the same

🎵I need to know these answers

I need to find my way

Seize my tomorrow

Learn my yesterday

I need to take these chances

Let all my feelings show

Can't tell what's waiting

Still I need to go

I need to know🎵

"You know it?" she asked looking up in astonishment

"umm yh. My sister made that possible". Her name was Abigail and she was the most corny out of Aisha's friends.

"aww...I love that." I smiled cheaply. "will you teach me?" Now that felt like the worst job ever.

"umm... sure". She shifted for me and I sat down beside her.

"So...this is how it goes..." we kept rambling on and on over the song.. making adjustments and chiseling it where necessary. Aisha came just in time to rescue me

"and what are you guys summing " she stood over me giving Abigail a questioning that says. know your limits. Abigail gave her a cheesy smile and stood up "I was just leaving anyways". I pretended I didn't have any idea what was going on and Aisha took a sit right where Abigail stood from.

"you were teaching her a song?" she queried looking me in the face while giving me a cozy smile

"kind of....she requested it" I said looking at the floor. She took her seat and folded her hands

"how about you teach me too?" her eyes were still fixed on me. I chuckled and immediately regained my composure

"umm...I don't know...i mean..." I was puzzled and my heart beat quickened, this got her giggling.

"I have something for you" her voice lowered a bit

"what's that?" I asked curiously followed by a rustling sound.

"here!" she thrusted a packet of biscuits into my hands but my humility sank into pacific.

"No...I can't" I retorted rejecting it

"why?" she looked at me utterly confused

"You don't have to do this for me...it's not right" I handed it back to her but she made no attempt to retrieve it

"It's a gift. If you don't want it, you can do whatever you want with it." she stood up and walked away without another word. I still didn't see the danger in refuting her mischievous gift. I called on her younger sister and hand it to her. She was more than obliging to accept it. When she found out. She gave me a mean face and didn't bid me goodbye. My brother explained the reason. In his word he told me Aisha had bought a pair of biscuits for both of us and I had carelessly trade it off like it meant nothing. I didn't see that coming and I was an innocent bystander with a complete pure intention but that's what you get for bargaining with a witch.