Kill Your Darlings

This book contains depictions of mental illness, including depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. This book contains depictions of mental illness, including depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, and self-harm. Other warnings include adult themes and content such as language, fantasy violence, and character death. Other warnings include adult themes and content such as language, fantasy violence, and character death. While there are many fantastical things in this book, I wrote from a place of truth. Herein, I offer my deepest truths—truths I am not proud of, truths that I believed would do more harm than good if I spoke them aloud. For years, I’ve suffered from depression. On these pages you’ll find—between all the dragons and magic—an account of how I spiraled to rock bottom. You’ll be exposed to dark and sometimes visceral descriptions of mental illness, including self-loathing and self-harm. You’ll hear an unkind narrative voice, for the voice of depression is one that twists the truth, turning you against yourself. I understand these descriptions may be triggering for people who, like me, have hit the bottom, and have punched through to sink to new and unfathomable lows. These content warnings are provided to help you decide if this is a story you want to read. Although my book descends into darkness and examines the internal narrative that can lead to suicidal ideation, it’s ultimately a tale of hope. When I read the words I wrote, they remind me that I am more than my darkness, more than the sum of my mistakes, more than the traumas I’ve sustained. I began writing Kill Your Darlings as a love letter to myself, at a time when I felt no one else in the world loved me; but I honed it, revised it, and edited it, hoping it could serve as a love letter to the people out there who’ve suffered as I have suffered. I wrote in the hopes that speaking about these topics would pave the way toward de-stigmatizing them. I recounted my emotional journey in the hopes that others would feel less alone. I described my internal battle in the hopes that one day these battles would be treated with kindness and understanding, rather than ignorance and dismissal. As with all groups, people with depression aren’t a monolith. My journey may not resemble yours. I’ve told my truths as best I can; that’s all any of us can do. But if you’re like me, and mental illness has lied to you, distorted your reality, and stolen your joy, then know I wrote this book for you. I know the battles you fight—and I believe you can win. All my love, L. E. Harper