Alphas broken mate

A step in the right direction... maybe?

Beast

After those words left my mouth... it made my chest feel a lot lighter.

I said it... I finally said it out loud, and now he knew the truth. Now he knew that he was my reason... my light and I tainted him and ruined everything, but at least now that he knew that without him, my story would have been a lot shorter. He would now know that there was no reason for him to blame himself. I was the one to blame for all of this.

With the words finally out I released the breath I was holding and my eyes closed, I could not look at the mating scare or at him in general. Saying those things out loud was a lot harder and more difficult for me than I could probably take after what happened over the last few days, but it was exhausting on a whole new level. After living in a constant state of numbness with flashes of pain, feeling anything at all is quite difficult. So now, even after sleeping most of the time, I felt so exhausted, that I was ready to pass out at any moment.

After telling those things I was ready for him just to leave or at the very least to push me away. So I was preparing myself mentally for that, for the pain of rejection that was about to come.

What I was not expecting was to feel his hands wrap around me and him pulling me into his lap.

"Oh, Erin..."

He whispered into my hair as his lips gently touched my forehead.

"Baby, no...."

Not sure when, but at some point, I must have started crying... or at least there were tears rolling down my cheeks because I felt him gently brush them away with the tips of his fingers.

"You are not and never had tainted me or whatever else you had been thinking. Erin, you could never done that..."

I genuinely wanted to laugh at him, but no sound left my mouth, so I just shook my head, hoping that it would stop him from saying anything else. But it did not work because a moment later he continued to talk, but this time I felt his hands on my cheeks stopping me from shaking my head.

"Erin?"

Why does my name on his lips pull some strings in my chest that I did not know existed?

"Ering... baby? Please look at me. I need to know that you understand me."

The pads of his fingers were gently massaging my face and I couldn't stop myself from leaning into the warmth they provided.

"Erin..."

When he whispered this time, I could not stop myself from opening my eyes and doing as he asked. I'm not sure if it was the gentle touch, his words or the need to do as he asked that pushed me to do this. But once I opened my eyes, I was met with his shining eyes and I saw that he, just like me, was crying.

The tears in his eyes felt like tinny little daggers piercing through my heart and I felt the undeniable need to stop them, to do anything just so he would not cry anymore.

"Erin... you... what you said is not true. You never tainted me or however you put it. There is no reality in which that is true. For my whole life, you were the freaking light in my life, my reason for being, and I cannot let you go on thinking anything other than that."

He sounded so sure of himself when he said it and I really wanted to believe it, but the feeling in my chest... the voice at the back of my head was laughing at that though. Telling me that Daniel was just in denial and whatever feeling he was holding on to for me was clouding his judgment of the painstaking truth, that I was the reason for his suffering over the years, that I was the reason why he was hurt, why... why everything that happened happened.

So I tried to stop him, I tried shaking my head and I was about to disagree with him verbally, but before I could say anything he stopped me.

"No, Erin. Listen to me... please open your eyes and look at me."

The fingers on my face pulled a bit stronger as he forced me to keep still.

"Please open your eyes."

He asked again with even more gentleness in his voice and I could not deny him. So my eyes slowly opened, and I found myself looking at him once again. His eyes were even softer than before, matching his voice, but there were clear sparks of determination in them.

"Erin, you were not the reason for all my pain or whoever your brain is telling you. Sure you hurt me, there is no denying that, but you did not do it on purpose. This."

He pointed at the scar on his neck.

"This was an accident, we both knew that it was a bit risky. We both knew that your wolf was always very physical expressing her love and that it could get a bit out of hand at times, but I was ready to take that risk... we both were. So you are not the only one to blame for this nor is your wolf. When we talked about this I was the one to agree, I was the one that encouraged you to mark me even when you said that you were not sure about this. So if anyone is to blame for this, then it is me and I do not regret it. Sure it hurt like a b***h and the scar is a bit scary looking, but it is a sign of your love for me. And so I cannot regret it, not when it means so much to me... it is the sign of our connection and I could never hate it or you."

He was so sure of his words, that I could not help myself, but believe in what he said... mostly because deep down inside I wanted to believe him, I wanted his words to be true, even when a big part of me refused to accept the truth and wanted to fight him on it. But the light and determination in his eyes stopped me, as well as the fact that I did not have it in me to fight him. Exhaustion was washing over me like a great big wave or something, so I said nothing and just leaned into him. His hands wrapped around me instantly and I felt myself relax even more as I curled into him, my face buried in his chest as his hands warped around me tightly.

"You may not believe me now, I know that and I know that it will take time, but I am determined to change your mind about it and I will change it."

A little sound of disagreement escaped my chest, but it was muffled by his chest.

"I know that you won't believe me and disagree, but I will change your mind in time. Now rest... I'm sure that this has been a lot."

With those words, he laid a gentle kiss on the top of my head as he pulled me in just a bit more tightly, and now I was completely blended with him, there was no telling where one of us ended and the other one began.

A light chuckle rose in my chest as his words replayed in my mind. It still amazes me how well he knows me, even after all this time he reads me like a book, but I guess some things never change... and I hope they never will.