Alphas broken mate

Trying to resist feels imposibble

Beast

No matter how much I tried to fight it... how far I ran from it, but here I am back in his arms. It feels like nothing has changed at all in all these years and, at the same time, it feels like a mockery because so much has changed.

The thing that changed the most was us. Neither one of us is the innocent child who believed that our love for each other was enough. That if we try hard enough and love each other hard enough, we can overcome it all.

It's even adorable when I think about it now.

But nevertheless, even after we both changed, here I am back in his arms.

He was holding me against his chest so tightly that it felt like he was afraid that I was going to disappear the moment he released me. This was probably true because the need to flee was so strong, it was burning in my chest and screaming at me that I had to get up and go. Because being here right now made memories of our past gather at the surface and if I did not move, those memories would be back and I... I don't know how to survive them.

Shit.

I closed my eyes as I gripped my fists tightly as if holding them tightly would prevent me from falling apart, that it would stop the memories from coming back.

It is stupid to think that I can stop them or alter their flow in any way. I was just a helpless vessel for them.

Before I even realized it was happening, the memory was so fresh in my mind that it felt like I was really back in my room.

It was early spring and I had just returned from a meeting with Daniel's father.

He called me in after one of the elders of the pack pointed out that I was not participating enough in the pack life... that I should be more active as the leader of this pack.

Pity for losing my parents can only take me this far.

That was his favorite phrase to use and each time he used it, it felt like I was slapped across the face.

It was almost funny because I never felt that pity he was talking about.

There was only pressure to be the perfect leader, and it was like that from the moment they died. Hell probably even before they died, I was just too young to understand it.

"Erin, it's your duty for this pack. So I'm sorry, but you will have to put in hours in pack life after school. However, your grades cannot suffer from it."

I stood there with my back straight as I listened to him explaining how my current performance was not good enough, that I had to try harder to make my parents proud and that I had to show a better example to everyone in the pack.

From the outside, I was sure that I looked respectable and the perfect image of an alpha daughter, a polite smile and no other emotions on my face, but inside I was burning with rage. My eyes were starting to tingle as tears were threatening to roll, but that could not happen. It would have only made this that much more embarrassing and bad. Tears never solved anything when I was younger and they most definitely will not help me now.

He was a great beta and a decent father to Daniel even when he was not really his son... but when it came to me... to my emotions, he was strict to the point it should no longer be considered humane.

No tears, no tantrums, no emotions.

It is not fit for a leader.

I had to be strong for the pack.

That was all I heard every time I showed even a shadow of emotions when I was young and it only got worse with years as tensions in the pack started to rise.

So I pushed a concrete look into my face as I listened to him scold me for yet another rumor that had been started about me.

A rumor that I had no control over or any way to prevent.

It was just another girl who was jealous of Daniel or a guy that I shot down. It was always like that. I shot them down after a pathetic love declaration or Daniel shot a girl down saying that he was not interested in a relationship. All the girls were sure that I was the obstacle between them and the man who was most likely to become the next alpha, and so they employed the only tactic that they could and that was gossip.

I forced myself to breathe calmly, hoping that I could hold on until he was finished because breaking apart this time would not be pretty, and starting a fight with this man would not do me any good.

"That's all, you can go now."

With a quick nod, I turned on my heels, bolting out of the poorly ventilated study.

I barely made it to my room before I lost control and a low roar of anger left my throat.

My wolf was going crazy inside of me. It was desperate to break free and wreak havoc, but this was not a good time to let her out, especially when she was so angry, it would end in violence so I released her rage in here instead. I started breaking things, crashing them into the wall. Things crashed into the wall, shattering into small pieces as hot tears started rolling down my cheek.

They were tears of frustration and anger at the situation... at myself.

No matter how hard I try, I am still not good enough.

No matter how much effort, my grades could still be higher, my reputation better, my participation in the pack life more active...

Shit.

My hands started to shake as I slowly sank to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. Trying to hold myself together as the emotional storm changed from anger into something so much more familiar... it was the f*****g self-hatred that followed me all the time.

"Why can't I ever be good enough? Why..."

I whispered to myself as I heard the doors to my room open. There was only one person who would be stupid enough to walk into my room after hearing the crashing sound.

Daniel slowly wiped the tears from my cheek even when I didn't look up at him.

Carefully, he picked me up from the ground as if I weighed nothing and gently sat me down on the bed, which somehow survived my rage.

He sat on the bed with me, pulling me into his lap and pulling me closer to his chest.

A part of me wanted to attack him, to punch him... but I did nothing because no matter how hard I hit him he wouldn't back down. He never did... not when I threatened to rip him to shreds... not when I ran at him with my claws out... he would just stand there and take it until the anger was out of my system... and after he would hold me as tears and self-hatred that returned tenfold for hurting the only person that cared about me.

So now we usually skip that fighting part. I haven't tried to fight his comfort as we got closer and I learned I could rely on him.

His warmth radiated from him as he pulled me close to his chest. Slowly it crept into me, making the tears run more intensely and then slowly die down.

"Wanna tell me what he said this time that got you this angry?"

He quietly whispered into my hair and I felt myself whimper to the softness of his voice.

I did not trust my own voice to answer him in words, so I just shook my head. There was no question what would happen if I even mentioned to him what his father said. The only time Daniel ever fought with his father was over me... and I hated it so much every time.