My hot mentor

Chapter thirteen - Avoided feelings

Ashley's POV:

Ethan invited me to his apartment. This was unexpected, but I liked it. His place is decorated the same way I would've done with mine. That will happen one day. I will say that I lied to him for one thing. I said that I wanted to live alone. This was true before I met him. Having someone like him every day with me is like a dream. He doesn't need to know that. The other thing is that I don't know how he feels. I sent him another anonymous note. I don't even know if he is reading them. Well, I can't ask. Otherwise, he will find out it was me. Ethan never told me about them. I'm not sure if it's good to continue with this. It's a way for me to talk with him, but at the same time, I will never say this face to face. If he finds out it was me, I won't be able to tell him anything. Now I wish we hadn't met. I like studying with him, but I'm afraid it's not only this. My brain started making fantasies. Nothing will happen. We can't be together. I know it. The thing is that part of me still wants this. I can't stop thinking about this kiss. It was like a sweet memory. I will lie if I say I don't want this to happen again. He is my mentor. I better keep this reminder in my head. Ethan is nothing more than a teacher. I hope that I can believe this.

It has been a month since I started university. What a month it was. First, I met a guy. Then, he appeared in my class. Now, he is my mentor. I don't know what else to say. Let's not forget about the party. I need to talk with Kylie. She can tell me what to do. Also, I know she won't talk about this to anyone. I want to keep this private for now. The other thing is that nothing will happen. It doesn't matter how I feel. I'll avoid this. I can't let him have problems.

It's the weekend. I planned to go home, but I gave up. I want to be alone for some time. I don't have classes today. That means I might go out. I got out of bed and went to get ready. I'm not hungry now. I can go straight for lunch. I checked the time to make sure it was not that early. Later, I called Kylie. Hopefully, my brother is not around her. I prefer it if this had been between us. After some time, she finally picked up. Maybe I woke her up.

- Good morning. Did I wake you up?

- No, no. How are you?

- I have been worse.

- Did something happen? You can tell me.

- I want to talk with you about something. Is my brother around?

- No, he went out.

- Great. Please, don't tell him anything.

- I won't. What is going on?

- I have a big problem and don't know what to do.

- Spill the tea.

- Here is the short story. On my first day with classes, I bumped into someone. That someone later appeared at the opening party. I met my ex-best friend and told her I had a boyfriend, which was a lie. After some rejections, he offered to be my fake boyfriend for the night. It's the same night he kissed me. Then he became my mentor.

- What a life you have there. - she said, chuckling

- Help me.

- Do you like this guy?

- I thought it was obvious.

- Then why don't you tell him? You might have luck.

- Did you even listen to me? He is my mentor. If something happens, he will never be a mentor again.

- Do you think he likes you?

- I have no clue. I sent him two notes. Anonymous.

- Why?

- Because they were quotes from my favorite books.

- Ashley. Tell the boy how you feel.

- I can't. I'll send you a picture from his profile.

- Oh. Now I understand.

- I made a mistake.

- All I can tell you is to keep him close. How old is he?

- He is graduating this year.

- Then wait until this happens. He won't be a mentor anymore.

- It's not that easy. Someone else might take his attention. I can't believe he is single.

- I don't know if I have to laugh or cry. You are adorable.

- Hold on. There is someone at the door.

- Hey. Do you have free time?

- Ethan? How did you find me?

- Linda knows everything.

- Come in.

- Thanks.

- I'm sorry, Kylie. What were you saying?

- Nothing. Bryan is home.

- Hey, little one.

- It's not that young.

- No, you are short. - he said and laughed

- I won't be surprised if you two break up.

- It's too late. - Kylie said

I talked with her for five minutes and went out with Ethan. I have no idea why he is here. Also, I never told him my dorm number. I know he asked about it. What I can do is enjoy the time with him. I'm sure he has friends, but I'm happy he chose me. Maybe I matter a little bit more. I should stop with the illusions. Nothing will happen, and I have to accept it. Ethan got us drinks, and we continued the walk. I don't know where we are going.

- Can I know why you are with me? - I asked

- Why can't I be? Is it bothering you?

- No, but don't you have friends?

- I do. That doesn't mean I have to be with them every day.

- Yes, but they still want your attention.

- Not really. I wanted to go out with you today.

- I see.

- Where do you want us to go?

- I don't know. I didn't plan to be outside.

- The weather is nice.

- So?

- I know where we can have fun. Later, I'll take you for lunch.

- You don't have to do that.

- But I want to. Who was the girl on the laptop?

- My brother's girlfriend.

- He is lucky.

- I tell him this every day.

- Are you ok? Did I say something?

- What? No, it has nothing to do with you.

- By the way, I published our story.

- You did what? Why?

- Because I wanted to. I will say that it's successful.

- Really?

- I thought you followed me.

- I do, but I haven't checked the website for the past week.

- We have five thousand reads on the website you follow me.

- People don't have taste.

- No, they have an excellent one.

We kept talking until we reached the destination. Ethan took me to a bookstore. I don't know what to say except that he hit the jackpot with the place. He told me to pick any book I wanted. I have no idea why he is so generous, but I won't miss the chance. We spent more than an hour. When it comes to books, I'm so picky. I can't decide what I want. There are so many that I want to read, but I don't have that much time. Later, we went for lunch.

- Thank you for this. It's like a therapeutic session. - I said, and Ethan laughed

- No problem. I was sure you would like it. We can make this our go-to place.

- If I spend so much on books, I won't have what to eat.

- Leave this on me. I'll take care of the books.

- What? It can't happen. You can't buy me everything I want.

- I can do whatever I want. You were like a kid in a candy store.

- Everyone has their favorite places. That was one of mine.

- Next time, we'll go to the library. I'll let you take the lead.

- Why? Because I don't have to pay.

- No.

- You are unbelievable.

- But you like me.

- I never said that.

- There is no need to. I can see it in your eyes. They always tell the truth.

- I want to eat a salad and a lava cake.

- Good, but don't change the topic.

- What topic?

- Ashley, I can see it. I think you are avoiding me again. Are you scared of the truth?

- No, I'm not.

- Then you have to look at me.

- Why would I do that? I have been looking at you since we went out.

- That is not true. Otherwise, you wouldn't have talked so much with me.

- I don't know what you mean.

- I think you do. - he said and lifted my chin

- What do you want? - I asked, avoiding his eyes

- One look from you.

- I can't.

- Why?

That is a good question. I know the answer, but I won't tell Ethan. Admitting the obvious won't help me. I feel like he knew everything since the beginning. I'm glad he didn't say anything about the notes. I might stop with this. It's a waste of time. He doesn't care. Finally, we ordered food. The lunch was quiet. He kept giving me looks, but I didn't respond. I might go to my dorm. I feel better there. My roommate is never with me. She stays with her boyfriend all the time. It's not like I care.

- I will go back to my dorm. - I said as we walked out of the restaurant

- Don't you want to be with me?

- I spent enough time outside.

- Can I come with you then?

- Why? Don't you have better things to do?

- That is not something worse.

- Ethan, what do you want from me?

- To admit the obvious. I can see it in your eyes.

- Here is what I'll admit. - I said and looked at Ethan

- I'm listening.

- All this was fake. I didn't even ask you for this favor. Melanie didn't believe it, and that's it. I don't need anything else from you. The fact that you are teaching me is a pure coincidence.

- Do you believe what you said?

- I do.

- No, you don't. You are forcing yourself to believe it.

- I'm not. Truth hurts.

- Can I take you somewhere else?

- No, thanks. I want to go back inside.

- Please. I won't do anything.

- You are my mentor, nothing else.

- I can be your friend.

- You sound desperate.

- I only want to spend a bit more time with you. Is it that much?

- In our situation, yes.

- I can't understand you.

- No one said that you have to do. You can go and finish your next short story.

- Why are you doing this?

- I have to think about myself. I came here to study.

- I'm here to help you with that.

- But it looks like you want something else.

- Ashley, please.

- I already told you. It was pretend.

- But you don't believe it. I know it. You want this to be real.

- What I want is something you can't give me.

- Why are you so sure?

- Because I know it. I have to go.

- But.

- Bye, Ethan. - I said and left

I blinked a few times to make the tears go away. Everything was fine until he brought that thing to the table. I tried to lie to Ethan. This time, I think he believed me. I want to be with him more than anything, but I can't do it. When he graduates, I might think about this. I won't let something happen to him. I have to be honest with him, but I can't. The problem is that he is my mentor. I have to see him a few times a week. I will manage to keep things professional. I'm not sure about him. Well, he has to do it. There is no other choice. I hope that I didn't hurt him.