The Perks of Being Heartless

Chapter Nine

Chapter 9: Revelation

August 31, 2017

I immediately rushed towards the hospital after I heard what my sister said. I can feel my tears falling down to my cheeks.

No, no, no. This can’t be. Our family will be broken. Not now. Not my mom, please!

“Alex! Here!” I ran right away when I heard my sister.

“W-where’s mom? W-what happened? H-how?” I asked. My knees are shaking. My voice was trembling. It’s not letting me finish a phrase.

“S-she’s with Dad. I—” she paused when we heard a shout. I turned my head and suddenly, my heart sank.

“Edward! Where’s Edward?” a woman wearing a dazzling dress and thick makeup was running towards us. And behind her, was the person I least expected.

“Russell?” I asked myself. He stopped at that moment and then turned towards me. His dilated in surprise.

“Alex?” he asked as walked towards me. I wiped my tears. “What are you doing here?”

I didn’t answer him. Instead, I pointed the woman with her. “Who is she?” I curiously asked.

“My mother,” he answered.

“Why are you crying? Who are you with?”

I was stunned. What is the meaning of this? Russell’s mother is looking for dad. Why? Don’t tell me–

“No,” I muttered. “This can’t be.”

“What are you talking about?” Russell asked, clueless. My heart skipped a beat. He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t know that his mother– No… the man I claimed to love doesn’t know what’s going on with our family.

We turned to the curtain as it opened then saw the doctor removing his gloves. By the looks of his face, I know something’s wrong.

“Who are the relatives of the patients?” he asked and I immediately raised my hand causing him to lift his brows in confusion.

“I’m the daughter,” I told the doctor and he nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he started. Both of my hands landed on my mouth when I heard his first phrase. “We did all we can but… I’m sorry. Your mother is dead.”

I felt like my body turned numb. My knees were shaking so bad that any moment I might collapse on the floor.

“But don’t worry. Your father is stable,” he continued but I just sobbed. I cursed at the wind and wiped the waterfall of tears falling down my cheeks.

“I’m really sorry, Miss,” he said before leaving. I leaned my back unto the wall and cried. I heard some footsteps towards me but I didn’t care. My heart was beating so fast. She was all we have. But now, she’s gone.

“W-what happened?” I raised my head and I saw my sister’s worried face which made me feel more culpable.

“M-mom…” I can’t finish the words. It was stuck on my tongue. But I think I don’t need to complete what I am saying when she bursts out in tears while shaking her head.

“No…” she whispered. I swallowed and composed myself. I hugged her while sobbing. I caressed her back. “No way,” she whispered while shaking her head ignoring my hug. “You’re lying, Alex. No.”

I burst out crying while hugging my poor sister. Mom’s gone. She vanished while still carrying her love and endurance despite our father's betrayal. Dad will definitely be with another woman – no one will stop him with his mistress now.

I stopped when a realization hit me. I looked at where Russell and his mother were a while ago. And there, I saw them.

He was talking to her mother when his deep eyes met mine. My heart crushed when he was walked towards me but his mother stopped him instead and proceeded towards my father’s room.

Now, I should be ready for this because Russell, the man I love, is my father’s son from his other family.

Earlier I told him I loved him. We committed ourselves to each other. And now, I don’t know but I felt the same thing—I felt love more than disgust even if my Russell is my brother.

***

I felt a grudge inside me. All because of my father. It’s been a week since he last visited mom. I heard he had already recovered from the car crash. I just don’t understand why he can’t seem to pay a single visit.

Are you really that selfish that you can’t even visit us, Dad? Are you that selfish that you can’t give even throw a single glimpse on my mother who endured all the pain, even if she knew you were unfaithful to her, until her death? How could you be so persistent to not give a morsel of care for us?

I took my phone from my pocket when I felt it vibrating. I took a deep sigh when I saw who was calling and immediately turned my phone off.

Russell’s been contacting me for a week but I just can’t seem face him – at least not right now. Even if I know deep inside that I love him, still, it was immoral to love your own brother. We need to move on. We need to take the next steps in life.

My tears started to fall again. I harshly wiped them away. We’re not meant for each other. God! How could destiny be so unfair to us when it comes to love?

“Are you okay?” I turned to Michelle when she asked me.

I nodded weakly. “I think so,” I answered while hugging Mom’s photo.

Today is her burial. As expected, my father is not here. Maybe I should accept the fact that he’s gone from our life – for good.

Maybe he’s happy now. Mom is dead; his wish to be divorced will finally be granted. I shook my head with that thought and moved closer to my mother’s coffin.

“M-Mom…” I whispered. “Thank you, for everything… and I’m sorry that you’re soon to be ex-husband is not here.”

I suddenly felt someone caressing my back. I thought it was just Michelle, who also felt bad, who’s comforting me. But when I turned around, I felt like my heart was going to explode anytime. It was beating so damn fast.

“Russell?” I asked in surprise. “Why are you here?”

“Alex…” he whispered. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

I looked down when he said those words. ‘I’m sorry.’ How I wished Dad could say these words to us.

“Russell…” I managed to smile. “It seems like fate is not on our side.”

He looked astonish. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat.

“Russell, I can’t have a relationship with my…” my voice was shaking trying to say the last words. “...with my brother.”

I didn’t wait for his reaction instead I turned my back away from him. I closed my eyes and felt the wind kissing my skin.

“Alex, wait,” Somehow, I felt so happy and ecstatic when he stopped me. “Are you breaking up with me?”

As fast as my mood switched from emotional to delighted, it switched back to emotional again. I didn’t know what to say.

No, Russell. I’m not breaking up with you. I love you enough not to do that. But, this is just not right. Definitely not right.

I didn’t say anything else. Instead, I placed both of my hands on my mouth, covering it to prevent a loud cry that I don’t want anyone else to hear, but I failed. I burst out in tears.

“Sorry. I’m sorry…” I muttered then ran towards the car as fast as I could.

I wish happiness was permanent. I let my walls crumble down. I let myself fall. Now, I was falling apart.

When I reached home, I immediately rushed to my room and locked the door.

I squeezed my eyes to stop the tears from running on my cheeks, but my eyes began to blur and I started to shiver as the sobs I've been trying to contain broke out violently.

Yes, I'm crying.

The oh-so-great Alex with a “stone heart” is now pathetically crying. I stood up and screamed loudly as I can, hoping that it would erase the pain. I violently threw all the things my hand touches.

Why did I let him break down my walls?! Why did I let him change me?! It was never part of my plan, but why did everything ended up this way?! Stupid Alex! This is what you get! Now, your heart is torn into pieces. You suck big time because of that damn love.

I stopped my ireful self when I saw my reflection in the mirror. My eyes screamed pain, hatred, and… love? What the f**k, Alex?! I looked like hell and it infuriated me. But what angers me more is the hope I saw in my eyes! I saw a girl I no longer know. This is not me. This is not the Alexandria Mercado I used to be.

I closed my eyes and the memories of that night started flashing in my mind.

Just as everything was already revealed, only then did I realize something I should’ve realized before I met him. Never get too attached with anyone. It will only lead to expectations and expectations always lead to disappointments. Anticipate everything and expect nothing.