The Perks of Being Heartless

Chapter Eight

Chapter 8: Weird Feelings

I groaned when I felt the sunlight shone through the window and landed on my skin. It's morning. I rubbed my eyes gently to clear my vision. I tried to stand up from the bed but I felt a strong, masculine arm around my exposed waist. Wait, what?

"What happened?" I muttered to myself, enough not to wake up the man lying beside me who’s sleeping peacefully. I smiled at the view of him wrapping his arms around me. But then, memories of what happened last night suddenly swirled inside my head. I felt the sting of pain down there. I even noticed the blood stain on the sheets and the blanket and that's when I started to panic.

"Goodness, Alex!" I cursed myself again and again for my foolishness. I gently moved his arm away to unwrap it from my waist. I heard him groan due to the sudden shift of movement from the bed.

I'm still not ready to face him. I did not waste any moment. I picked up his shirt from the floor since it was the nearest garment from where I was seated. I wore it and endured the pain down there as I tiptoed and ran towards the bathroom.

I bit my lower lip as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

I made sure that it was locked. I wanted to scream because of the stinging pain from down there – a proof that I am no longer a virgin.

I let the water from the shower cleanse me, trickling down every part of my body. But still, I cannot change the fact that I gave everything to him – my everything. No matter how I tried not to pay attention to what happened, I have to admit that I have no regrets about it. I might be drunk at that time, but somehow I said the words I've been longing to speak – I love you too, Russell.

I sighed as I turned off the shower and wore the bathrobe hanging on the wall. I bit my lower lip again as I held the doorknob.

Now, what? You were so bitter back then, but what happened to you now, Alex? Why do you feel your heart racing faster than normal? If you don't feel any love at all, why are you so hesitant to go out and face him?

"Alex?" That voice. It's unbelievable. I shivered when I heard that voice.

"Are you okay inside there, Babe?" I smiled. Silly endearment. I felt like there’s whole damn zoo rampaging inside my stomach when he called me that. He might be near the door outside. His voice sounded so clear from where I am.

"Y-yes..." I softly answered. I even stuttered! Damn! It’s hard to speak up when your vocal chords are also shaking. What is happening to you, Alex? Inhale. Exhale. You got this, Alex. Just act like nothing ever happened. You're good at that!

I turned the knob, and when the door swung open, he was there standing with only his night pants on. He's topless, for goodness sake! He immediately walked closer to me and rested both his hands on my waist. I'm solely wearing a bathrobe, please! Can't he see that this is not the right moment for him to be this close to me? It's getting hard to breathe in and out, Russell.

"How are you feeling?" I was trying my best not to nail my sight on him. I landed my eyes anywhere my sight lays upon. Anywhere except on him.

I took a glimpse, just a single glimpse of his face. "Much better now," I whispered then looked down afterwards. All I saw was worry written all over his face.

He's worried.

It's like my heart is jumping all over again inside my chest.

The trip back home was awkward. Letti and Kid might have not noticed since they were busy flirting with each other, but we were as silent as the dead. There were no talks between us.

I was avoiding him all throughout the trip but I took glimpses of him once. Or was it twice? Thrice or was it four times? Goodness! Okay! Countless! I couldn’t help it.

Something happened between us and that unexpected confession that night is still so vivid in my damn mind! Am I that head over heels for him? Am I?!

"Bye Alex! Russell, take her home safely, okay? I'm gonna kick your ass if you don’t," Letti warned before they got off the car.

"Of course! I will never forgive myself if something bad happens to my baby."

Did he realize what he said? He's out of his mind! I heard the couple teasing us as they got out of his car.

I exhaled a lot when they were already out of sight. My face had already turned red as a tomato due to their teases and laughs earlier. Damn them!

"Let's take you home," he said, smiling warmly at me. God, he looks so handsome. I flushed red once again and I felt my face getting hotter when I felt his hand gently squeezing mine. I'm supposed to avoid these things from happening but my body and heart won’t not cooperating. Why? I really don't know.

"Thank you," I managed to say when he parked in front of our front yard. I was about to unbuckle my seatbelt when he suddenly spoke.

"Alex, we need to talk about it."

"About w-what?" I must admit I thought he really didn't want to bring this up. I felt a little bit of hurt inside me. He was quiet for a while, his eyes were glued on the road ahead. I also noticed how frustrated he was as he ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times as if he's trying to control himself from even looking at me.

Maybe it was the awkwardness because I'm just sitting beside him that made me feel the drumming and pounding of my heart again. It's like a bomb that is going to explode any time soon.

He heaved a deep sigh as he also unbuckled his seatbelt and completely turned towards me. I can't help but stare at his face and expression. He looked very frustrated as he dipped inches closer.

Now, I don't even know how to feel. If I respond to this, what will happen next? I don't want to end up like my mom or my sister. They are heavily broken right now and as much as possible, I don't want to feel dead inside when the façade clears off. Push aside these feelings of yours, Alex. Throw it away and just forget it!

I turned my head to the side to prevent any intimate reaction and sighed. No more.

"If this is your way of telling me about what we needed to talk about, I have to go." I was about to open the car door when I felt the grasp of his strong hand, not wanting to let me go.

"What are you doing?!" He looked so serious and it made my heart beat twice as fast. I felt weak when I saw his face soften – a glint of hurt and worry written all over. W-what have I done?

"I-I'm sorry if I always made it hard for you. B-but Alex if there's one thing I'm sure..." He gently brushed both of his hands to my cheeks as series of tears started to break through. He smiled. "I love you, Baby. I will always do." I cried even more when he said those words for the second time; but now, I'm not drunk anymore. This is really happening.

I found myself snaking my arms around him, pulling him closer as I let my lips do the action and synced it with the rhythm of his lips. It was breath-taking. It was passionate. I felt the burning desire not just because of how our lips danced with each other, but also because the movements made me feel love for the first time. It was the pure and true happiness that I thought I would never feel.

We stopped for a while as I muttered the words that eventually put up a bright smile to his lips, "I love you too."

"I love you too Russel." I hugged him tightly as I muttered those words again. I felt him kiss the side of my head as he also tightened his embrace. I cried because of joy. Now that I said what my heart desired, I never regretted it. Instead, I felt pure bliss and joy.

"Babe, I love you so much; and as much as I wanted this to last, your phone's been ringing for a while now." We both laughed and broke down the hug. I reached for my phone as we both got off his car.

It was my sister calling. I answered it quickly. "Hello? I'm home, Michelle." I felt Russell’s arm around my waist. I smiled at him. We were about to enter the house when we noticed that the doors were locked. My forehead creased.

"A-Alex, don't freak out, okay?" I heard her on the other line. Her voice is shaking. God! What is happening?

"Mom's here in the hospital."

"What?!"