The Perks of Being Heartless

Chapter Four

Chapter 4

Sunday, July 09, 2017

I woke up when I heard the sound of the alarm I set on my phone. I checked the time and it's already 8 o’clock in the morning. I turned to look in the calendar ‘July 09’. It's my birthday.

I stood up in front of the mirror and examined myself carefully. I’ve changed… a lot. The old Alex was gone.

I went out of my room and I was surprised when I heard a ‘pop’ noise in front of me. I opened my eyes and lots of little confetti was flying around. I saw Mom and Michelle smiling at me sweetly. Mom suddenly grabbed me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Happy Birthday, Alexandria! We love you very much," my mom uttered with a smile painted on her lips.

"Happy birthday Alex! You’re getting old! I hope you find your true love," Michelle shrugged. I don't know why but I just felt the warm liquid flowing down my cheeks and my heart burst with so much pleasure. It’s been a long time since I had this kind of celebration. I thought it would be an ordinary day but this is one of the happiest celebrations that ever happened in my life.

"You surprised me a lot! You didn’t even tell me about this," I said with a joyful tone.

"Alex! It’s a surprise, right? Of course we wouldn’t tell you. That’ll ruin the main idea of the surprise,” Michelle shrugged and that made us laugh including mom.

"Alex, I want you to live your life the way you did before. I noticed that you didn't talk to me and you let yourself stay busy with work. If you're here at home, most of the time you are always locked up inside your room. I feel that it was my entire fault– why you changed that way," Mom seriously uttered while staring into my eyes.

"Mom, it’s not your fault. Don't blame yourself. I was just busy with my work; and if you think that I've changed, it was my choice Mom. Dad… he was the one–" I paused when I saw Mom gaze at me strangely.

"Mom, where is dad? Isn't he joining us?" Michelle asked. I felt relieved when she changed the topic.

"Uhmm… He's so busy with his work. We know that he's diligently working for us, right? So for now, don’t think about it. Let's just eat and celebrate," Mom stated while she looked away from me. I don't know if I should be offended with what she just did. How long will she endure Dad's behavior?

When will you wake up to the truth Mom?

After we ate, I bid my mom and Michelle goodbye. I have to go somewhere. I was at the gate when mom called me.

"Alex, did you know that your dad and I are not in good condition? I mean, we're not okay. Did you know that there's a third party involved?" Mom asked with a bitter tone.

"Yes, I’ve known it for a long time now. I've often heard you fighting with him, and I know that he has another woman. I know everything that's happening to this family. I know you're trying to hide the pain–" I paused for a moment and gave her a piteous look.

"Mom, you're the wife! His legal wife! How long will you endure the pain? How long will you hide from the truth, Mom?" I uttered. I don't know where I got the courage to say these words. I thought Mom would slap me because of what I said. I thought she would get angry or offended hearing those words. She kept silent but I saw the beads of tears rolling down her cheeks. I could feel her every sob. Seeing her in grief made me weak. Then suddenly, I found myself embracing her.

"I’m sorry Mom. I tried to keep quiet for a long time but I just can't help it. I need to speak up. It also hurts me that Dad did this to us," I muttered. If only I could take away her pain just to make her feel good. But I can't. Only she who can do it for herself.

"I'm sorry Alex. Your mother is so weak. I'm scared to face the truth. Maybe I was just fooling myself that everything is going to be well, though it wasn't. I just really love your dad and I can't live without him. I'm sorry Alex, but I still can't let him go," Mom still managed to speak, stopping her sobbing. I tapped her back just to comfort her. This is the best thing I can do for now to comfort my mother.

I don’t really understand love. Why do some people become idiots for this thing called love? Love that only brings you pain, makes you suffer, hurts you too much, and in the end, you’ll be left alone. Sometimes, the hardest thing is to accept your realizations. Realize how stupid you are, and that you just deceived and convinced yourself that all is well and everything is fine. That's foolishness. And Mom? She is one of those who have fallen in love and got nothing but heartache and suffering in return.

After that confrontation, Mom asked me a favor to let her fix everything. She also asked me to stay quiet for a while and not to tell my Dad that I know everything. They are still my parents and I can't interfere with their decision about their relationship. I'm also affected because I am their flesh. I love my mom so much, more than my life. I loved my Dad too, but I started hating him for hurting my mom.

I'm here in the cafeteria. I wanted to breathe and relax and try to forget about what happened earlier. I was suddenly thought of my blog. Fortunately, I brought my laptop so I checked out any updates. Lots of notifications appeared and strangely, I didn't get any notification from Mr. Commenter.

× July 09, 2017 ×

→Alex (@Ms.AnonymousBlogger) published a blog post.←

It's my birthday! Happy birthday to me! Yay! :)

Within a minute, I received some notifications. All are greetings. I smiled because they remembered my special day. I hope Dad does too. I remember the last time he had greeted me – it was three years ago. I tried to get rid of these thoughts and memories about my Dad. It's not worth remembering anyway.

I turned my attention to my phone. I just received a message.

"Happy Birthday Bitter! My wish is for you to not be bitter anymore. This is your one and only yummy ice cream."

I raised an eyebrow. How did he get my number? And how did he know that it’s my birthday today? Who in the world is he to say that I'm bitter? And excuse me, he's not yummy! Not in the slightest bit!

I looked at my messages. Kid, Letti, and even Mae sent their greetings. I'm just thankful for their efforts, except for Russell. Maybe one of them gave him my number.

I focused on my laptop again. Hopefully, that Mr.Commenter will also greet me. Geez! What am I thinking?! I do not know why I'm thinking of him. Is it because he always notices my blog posts? I don’t even know.

I checked my watch. It's already 12:00 noon.

I prepared to leave but I paused when I saw a familiar face.

It seemed like my world stopped when I saw him with another woman and I saw how happy he is with her. They went inside a café. They sat on the table in front of me. I felt anger was starting to rise inside me again. This has been such a familiar feeling ever since he did that. I wanted to confront them and shout. I want to pour out this anger I have always kept inside. But I can't. I can’t seem to move from where I was sitting. I felt frozen. I tried to hold back the beads of tears in my eyes but I failed. My tears started to drop when I saw my Dad kissing her mistress. I can’t understand what I feel. Anger and hatred was fused with my emotions.

I managed to walk outside the cafe even though my knees were shivering. It was so painful to see him happy, especially because it wasn't me, my sister or mom who’s making him happy, but the other woman who happened to be his mistress. I hate seeing him happy while Mom is in pain and suffering because of his foolishness and lust. I hate you Dad! I really hate you!

I took out my cellphone and dialed a number without even looking on my contact list. I just needed someone to talk to.

I heard the other line rang three times before someone answered. I can't explain what I feel – a strange feeling. My heart started beating fast when I heard a familiar voice. I know it's him.

"Hello, Miss Bitter?" he answered on the other line.

"I uhmm… well, I’m sorry to disturb you. I… I just need someone to talk to," I said in an apologetic tone.

"It’s okay. Where are you now?" he asked as though he's very worried.

"I'm here outside a café," I said without hesitation.

"Alright I'm coming! Stay there," he said and then ended the call.

I leaned my back against the car on the parking area. My tears started to fall again. I cried and sobbed. I didn't expect that this would be more painful than I expected. I wonder how mom must have felt all this time. Now I know how such a strong woman she really is. She's not weak because she endured the pain. She’s still in love with Dad despite all the pain she’s keeping.

"Hey, Alex. What happened?" My view is blurry because of the tears but I know it’s Russell. He's here. He grabbed me towards his chest and hugged me.

"It’s Dad... I s-saw him with a-another woman," I managed to speak between my sobs. He tapped my back trying to comfort me. I reluctantly stopped crying. Well, at least his presence and action made me feel at ease.

"Alex, let's go to the Ice cream shop. My treat!" He said with excitement. A big smile flashed on his face. He wiped my tears with his thumb. I just nodded and he held my hand.

We went to the ice cream shop near the café. When we arrived, we sat on a vacant table beside the glass wall.

"What flavor do you want?" Russell asked as if he’s a waiter who’s taking my order.

"Hmmm, I’ll have chocolate ice cream," I answered and then he left.

I can't stop myself from thinking of how stupid my dad is by ruining our family just because of a girl. The napkin on the table is already crumpled because of the anger I’m trying so hard to hold back.

"Here you go. A chocolate ice cream for Miss Alex," Russell arrived just like a waiter giving my order. He put the ice cream on the table.

"For Russell, cookies and cream," he continued and smiled widely with his hands clapping like an excited kid who just got a new toy. The way he acted reminded me of my childhood days – when we still have a perfect family. Before my tears could fall again, Russell held my hand and looked at me saying that I need to forget it, even just for today.

"Your ice cream would be more delicious if it's not melted," he stated and I looked at it.

I gradually grabbed a spoonful of it. After eating half of my ice cream, I actually felt better.

"Do you know why I brought you here?" Russell asked me. I raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to continue.

"My father told me that if you are feeling lonely or hurt, it’s best to eat ice cream. It would make you feel better."

I nodded at what he said because I really felt that way. I should be thankful to him. He made me feel better, and I love the way he comforted me.

"Thank you Russel. Thank you for being here with me.”