13th REAPER

3 | We’re Inevitable

Chapter three: We’re Inevitable

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Do you know what it feels to be drowned? To be in that dark place under the water where you can feel in your skin the cold, lifeless water swallowing you until you’re at the bottom and saving you was impossible.

You’re constantly reaching your hands out but no one was there to hold it and end your misery. You want to shout; you want to scream but it was impossible. You’re not tied but you’re paralyzed.

And just like being drowned, the deeper you get the little the light you see. The little the hope, the little the chances of saving.

I am drowning.

No not literally. But sometimes I wish that this was literal, atleast my body can recover, atleast I can say that; Hey! My god I drowned! And just shrug off the feeling and put that experience to my most unforgettable experience in my whole entire life and put the Hashtag Never4getlikeever.

No. it wasn’t like that and never will.

It feels like I’m inside the water full of sharp edges piercing through me making my way down painfully. Slowly as the water takes me deeper demons from my mind are coming out to devour that tiny hope I’m protecting with. That tiny sunlight I’m struggling to reach even though I can’t.

Because that’s what keeps me going. To hope even though it was hopeless. To be positive even though the situation isn’t.

That even though life is a s**t you need to move on and go with it.

This is my life. This is me, Drowning.

I slowly open my eyes only to see the ray of sunlight passing through my windows making its way on my face and on the rest of my room. I grunt and I tied my hair into a bun with my ponytail that was on my wrist.

I heaved my breath fighting the feeling of me, staying inside the room for the rest of the day. Gusto kong manatili nalang dito at hindi na lumabas pa. Because, whenever I’m in my room, I feel safe. This was the only safe place I can ever think of.

But I know I can’t. kailangan kong lumabas. I need to face another day with them nagging me up, harassing me emotionally and physically, beating my heart with foul and hurtful words they can think of.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako humantong sa ganito. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang nagawa ko noon para ilagay ako sa kalagayan na ito but I’m sure of one thing: I want to get out. I want to escape.

Suddenly, I heard a lot knock on my door. Right, my peace was again broken.

“Snow! Tanghalina na! kailangan pa ba kitang gisingin araw-araw para magkusa ka? Walang kwentang bata ito! Lumbas ka diyan at maglinis ng buong bahay! Maraming kalat ang nakakalat!” My Aunt Mia said as she continues to break my door with her fist.

I don’t want to speak. I want to stay here. Why can’t I stay here? Why can’t anyone else protect me? please, anyone? It doesn’t matter who you are, it doesn’t matter to me at all, just please save me!

But no! no one was there to hear you, Snow. No one was there to save you. Pity, you are all alone.

Napalunok ako. “Opo tita saglit lang po.”

“Anong saglit lang! labas! H’wag mo akong pinaghihintay bata ka ha? Pag-ako napuno salabas ka matutulog ngayong gabi!” Judging from her voice I know she’s angry. But why? Wala naman akong ginawang masama.

Napalunok ulit ako. “Opo.”

Sa mga nanginginig na kamay binuksan ko ang pintuan ‘ko. Nakita ko si tita na nakatayo at nakapamewang habang nanlilisik ang mga mata niya na nakatingin sa’kin.

Agad na hinablot niya ang buhok ko dahilan para mapaigik ako sa sakit. Sa ilang beses na pagsasabunot nila sa’kin hindi na ako magtataka kung balang araw makalbo ako.

“Wala ka talagang utang na loob.” Hinila niya pa ng mabuti ang buhok ko. Bigla akong napapikit para tiisin ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.

“P-P-Pasensya n-a na po, T-Tita hindi na mauulit.”

“Talaga dahil pag-inulit mo pa peste ka sasaktan na kita!”

HELP! Anyone? I fight back the tears that was threatening to fall. You’re strong Snow. Atleast, don’t cry. Don’t let them be satisfied by seeing you cry.

“Sorry po Tita.” Binitawan ni Tita ang buhok ko at saka huminga ng malalim. “Maglinis ka ng mabuti sa bahay at aalis kami ng mga pinsan mo. Babalik kami mamayang gabi at inaasahan ko na may naluto ng pagkain mamaya. Labahan mo pala yung mga damit ng kambal, kunin mo nalang sa kwarto nila. Paki linisan rin yung iba pang mga kotse sa garahe at higit sa lahat gusto kong maayos at makintab ang buong bahay mula sa salamin hanggang sa sahig, maliwanag?”

Gusto kong umangal ngunit alam kong wala akong laban, ngumiti ako ng peke. “Opo tita.” Hindi na ako nagsalita pa. I watch her back as she walks towards my cousins who are now dressed for some party? I think not. Hindi ko alam pero pare-parehas lang ang itsura nila sa’kin.

Makapal ang make-up at napaka-revealing na damit.

Hindi ba sila nanlalamig sa mga suot nila? December na kaya, it’s December! Nag-i-snow na sa ibang lugar. Yet, here they are showing off some skin.

Umiling nalang ako at saka bumaba ng hagdan para kunin ang walis. Sinimulan kong mag-walis sa buong bahay. Inayos ang bawat kalat at damit na makita nang makita kong paalis na sila. Narinig ko ang ingay ng sasakyan patunay na nakaalis na sila.

When they left I suddenly feel safe again. Funny isn’t it? Funny how my emotions can turn upside down whenever they are involved.

Funny how my heart and guards are down when they are not around.

Huminga ako ng malalim at nagpatuloy sa paglilinis. Kahit naman na wala na sila this does not guarantee that I can do whatever I want. I’m bound with rules. I’m bound with time. And I don’t know when will I be free, maybe I can when I’m dead.

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I spent the whole morning cleaning their mess. Tatlo lang sila pero hindi ko alam kung bakit nila kayang gumawa ng kalat na aabutin ako ng anim na oras para linisin. Huminga ako ng malalim at pinunasan ang mga pawis na nasa noo at leeg ko. December na pero mainit parin ngayon sa loob ng bahay. Ayaw kasing pinapagamit ni Tita ang Aircon lalo na pag ako lang mag-isa.

Nang makapagpahinga na ako ay dumeretsyo ako sa banyo para maligo matapos kong maligo ay nagpalit lang ako sa isang black na Shirt at black pants agad akong lumabas ng bahay. Ipinasak ko ang headphones ko sa tenga ko at pinatugtog ang mga kanta ng ALL TIME LOW- one of my favorite band. Huminga ako ng malalim nang maramdaman ko ang sariwang simoy ng hangin.

The sun is not out today. Thick gray clouds are blocking the blue sky. The ground is wet from the rain last night and the wind is cold enough to make me shiver. Bumalik ulit ako para kunin ang puting hoddie Jacket ko at nagsimulang maglakad sa kawalan.

Nagugutom na ako at ang tangi ko lang kainin ay ang sandwich na ginawa ko kanina at isang juice. Ayaw ulit ni titan a ginagalaw ko ang refrigerator o mga pagkain maliban sa juice at tinapay nang wala siyang pahintulot.

I felt again the cold wind brushing my hair off my face. Napayakap ako sa sarili ko at natuloy na naglakad.

I don’t honestly know where I’m going but I don’t want to be in that house anymore. Ayaw ko rin na madatnan na naman nila ako dahil panigurado puro utos na naman ang aabutin ko.

Habang naglalakad iba’t ibang mga tanawin ang aking nakikita. I saw children playing with their friends. I saw friends wasting their time together. I saw couples, holding their hands out and some are even comfortable drinking coffee at their verandas.

Sa bawat mga taong nakikita ko. Sa bawat bagay na nararamdaman ko, aaminin ko, hindi ko maiwasan ang hindi maingit. They have freedom. They are alive. They are living their lives at their fullest enjoying everything they’ve got while me, I have nothing.

Noon naman meron ako ng mga bagay na ito. Isang masayang pamilya, mga kaibigan, at higit sa lahat, may magulang.

Thinking back then, I know I’m one of them.

I walk aimlessly. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako patutungo at saan ako makakapunta. I just started to walk and accept whatever I am right now.

Napatingin ulit ako sa paligid. Since when did I arrived in this place?

Tall trees and the ground was covered in grass. A gloomy and dark aura is surrounding the place. I think I also saw a rabbit or something like a dog or what-so-ever animal that has four legs.

Napatingin ako sa kalangitan at saka ipinikit ang aking mga mata. I spread my hands out trying to feel the wind across me. trying to fly. Trying to be free. I can feel the melody of the song in my ears.

“We meet again, Serene.” Napatalon ako sa nagsalita. Sakto naman na bigla kong nahablot ang earphones ko dahilan para mahulog ang mga ito. Lumingon ako sa likod ko kung saan nangagaling ang boses.

Nanlaki ang mata ko when I saw Archelaus wearing a black and whites three-piece uit. Napalunok ako. What he’s wearing right now defines his body more. The way that piece of cloth hugs his body like it was a part of him. How sexy he can get just by placing his two hands on his two pocket and how his sexy yet dangerous grin competes his godly appearance. I can’t find any negative adjective to describe him right now.

He’s a god. But I need to stop appreciating him, just like what they have always said; looks can be deceiving. Just remembering the way he made me feel when he first transfer put all my guards up and walk back just to be away from him.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, nervously. Why am I like this when it comes to him?!

“Well…” he trailed off. “I was on my way home when I saw you and I thought that maybe we could talk.”

I took a step back again and I know he noticed it.

“Do I have some contagious disease, Serene?” Dammit! Stop saying my name, please! He took a step forward I took a step back. “Why are you avoiding me? I just want to be friends.”

“I don’t want to be your friend,” I said keep my five-meter distance from him. “Why can’t you just find someone who’s much more willing to be your friend? And why are you wearing a suit?”

“Curious?”

Umiling ako. “Just asking.”

“Well, I attended a funeral.” He tilt his head towards the west as he eyes me with his eyes full of amusement? I don’t know. I saw him holding a paper with a name and a date. The date that was written was the date today. What are those? Gusto kong tanonging kaso bigla siyang nagsalita ulit. “Besides, I don’t want anybody to be friends with.” He chuckles and slowly his lips formed into a smile. “I want you to be my friend.”

Napapikit ako sa hindi malamang kadahilanan. I can feel my blood rushing backwards as he walks closer to me. “Why me?” I manage to ask.

Why am I even talking to him? Ba’t hindi nalang ako umalis kanina.

“You’re different Serene, you know that?” biglang bumukas ang aking mata. His smiles were gone only those deep piercing eyes remain at he’s looking at me intently. “You’re not like them; you are somewhat similar to me.”

Biglang nanlaki ang mata ko as he stated those words. “You? How?”

Nagkibit balikat siya. “Drowning, Serene. We’re both are but you’re different. I lose the sunlight I’m struggling with years and years ago but you? You’re still hoping. You’re still breathing. And you know what? I want that sunlight Serene, do you want to share it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I manage to say again.

Umiling nalang siya at saka ngumiti. “Well if you don’t understand then it’s okay.” Tumalikod na siya akala ko ay tuloy tuloy na siyang maglalakad paalis ngunit nagkamali ako nang sumulyap siya.

“The night before the clock strikes twelve, you’ll see me Serene. The chances are fair but the decision are yours. Would you struggle to breathe? Or would you lose?” ngumiti siya ng misteryoso. “And, always remember this, we’re inevitable. We’re bound to meet.” He said as he walks towards the woods and disappearing from my sight. Leaving me clueless from all the words he said.

What does he mean by we’re inevitable? Was this all fated?

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