Too Close, Too Fast

Different Visions of the Future

Nick

Ok, I kinda lost my track of thought, while sitting in the pub with Drake.

I quickly drank the rest of my beer and then lifted the glass above my head for the bartender to see I wanted a refill. He was here a second ago, so he’s gonna hate me for it. But that trip down the memory line was very uncomfortable for me, so I don’t care. I need booze.

I changed the subject of the conversation and really tried to stay focused and listen what Drake had to say. You know, the usual, about work, some of his successful cases and something about his subordinates being lazy and inattentive (oh, he’s really a boss now :)). He carefully avoided mentioning his family life, but when I asked him about it, his face lit up and he told me a lot of funny and nice stories.

Then he of course asked about my life - if I am seeing anybody and how I am I doing… “That’s actually part of the reason I wanted to talk to you,…” I started to explain and he laughed: “I knew that you didn’t call just to hang out. You need something from me, don’t you?” Somebody would get mad about that, but Drake apparently found it funny that I was the same selfish bastard as always. So I laughed with him. “Yeaah, you know, how it is. All the women in the world want me… And I have a feeling that I am seeing one, who’s not telling me the truth about herself.”

I explained everything about Natalia to Drake. But I think he didn’t believe me. He only tried to make fun of it instead. “You’ve treated her like crap and you are wondering, why she didn’t invite you to her place, or why didn’t she tell you more about her childhood? Yeah, call the police, she’s crazy,” he said ironically.

I told him about the contact lenses too, but he promptly swept it aside again. “So what? A lot of girls use contacts instead of glasses. And why wouldn’t she decide the color she wants? I don’t see a problem there, only your paranoid thoughts. But I have other mystery for you, my friend. How come you only noticed the lenses, when she was crying? You told me you guys had s*x, so you didn’t see it then?” Fair point, but as anyone could guess by this point, I usually don’t notice things like… well, eyes. Plus, it was dark and we haven’t exactly done only the missionary position, so I didn’t have to look her into her eyes all the time :).

So I made a dirty joke about that and we laughed about it together.  But I still didn’t let this thing go, because it was bugging me. “I just feel like Natalia’s somehow obsessed by me, so I was wondering why…” He shook his head and sipped from his beer before answering: “Nick, I always admired your great ego! Only you can seriously think that every girl in the world is crazy about you. But you know what I think? Honestly?” He made a pause and after I nodded quickly with my head, he continued: “I believe Natalia is completely normal and plain girl, who just likes you. You probably like her too and it’s getting serious, so you are trying to make up a reason to get away from her and from commitment.”

I was silent for a while… “Yeah, that does sound an awful lot like me, Drake.” An obnoxiously overconfident smirk appeared on his face. He was convinced that he won and I would just give up. No, no, no, my friend, you forgot who you’re dealing with… “Maybe it’s partially true and I am mostly scared of serious relationships. But I have met other girl recently and I really like her – I could picture going out with her for a long time. And call me crazy, if you want, but I still think Natalia’s up to something. I don’t know what, but my gut is telling me to be careful around her.”

Drake sighed. “Ok, I believe you. And what do you want ME to do? Arrest the poor girl, or what? On what grounds? All you have is vague stuff, nothing that would indicate that she’s a criminal.” I told him I already proof-checked her ID card with the guys at the station and she does not have anything on her record. “I mean, really nothing. Nada. It’s too clean, not even a fine for bad parking. And I even tried googling her name and I found a lot about other women with the same name, but nothing on her. It’s like she doesn’t exist for too long, she just appeared from nowhere recently. So I was obviously thinking….”

And me and Drake said it simultaneously: “…fake identity.” I finally got his attention and even though he still clearly thought I was exaggerating, he was willing to help me. “If I get you something of hers with her fingerprints on it, could you check the database for me?” I finally asked the question that was in my head during the whole evening.

“It’s a little shady, but for you – anything, Nick.” I was really grateful and I thanked him and promised that I will pay the bill tonight. “You bet your a**, that you’ll pay! And go order something harder!” So we drank some shots to celebrate that we became friends again and everything is good between us again. Except that my consciousness was awakened by the booze, so I finally apologized to him for being a jerk to him before. That I got offended and didn’t even call him or anything. “I was just in a really bad place, but I shouldn’t have taken in on you. I was not a good friend and I’m sorry about it!” At least I think I said something like that, I was already pretty drunk by that point.

Drake himself wasn’t much sober either, so he waved his hand gracefully, as if he was freaking queen Elisabeth. “All forgotten. Don’t worry about it. I-…” He gave a hiccup and then started talking again: “I totally get it! (you can imagine how drunk he was, if the sound of the word ‘totally’ lasted for more than five seconds) You were still hur-hurting…. I bet I would act the same way… or maybe even worse. I would probably drink myself to death, or would put a bullet through my head.”

Then he hesitated and looked at me apologetically. “Oh oh…. I guess I shouldn’t been giving you these ideas…” He said and started chuckling about it as an i***t. “You dumb bastard, you think I haven’t thought about it yet?” I said and laughed too, even though it wasn’t much of a joke, but rather a sad reality.

Nevertheless it was great to just kid around and not take it too seriously. Even though after another drink a brief window of clarity and truthfulness came up and I told Drake about my major ups and downs in the past few years. The truth about these moments, when everything I wanted, was just to kill myself immediately and end everything. Maybe I even hoped that I would see Jasmine and kids again , if I did it, although I normally don’t believe in any afterlife at all that and I think it is only a bulls***t that people made up to feel better. But the idea of reuniting with my family someday and somewhere, really helped me too, so I shouldn’t judge too harshly then.

“Wow, that’ heavy… Have you been to a therapist or someone like that?” Drake asked and he gave me a strange look, as if he was trying to find out, if I am having suicidal thought right in that moment too, or not. “Yes, I’ve tried that years ago, but it was worthless. In the end, I had to help myself and realize that at least I can do my job and try to make a better world by catching few bad guys.” Truth is, but I didn’t want to tell him that – sometimes I feel like I am just slowly waiting for my death. I am not rushing to it, or anything, but I know that it will come one day and I will be glad it did. But in the meantime I am trying to enjoy everything that I still can and also help with what I can. At least that way, my life will not be totally wasted and pointless…

Drake seemed a little bumped, when I told him all this, but luckily more drinks helped us to laugh again. It was a nice evening after all and I am glad that Drake and I are buddies again. Plus, I am excited that he will help me with Natalia. I haven’t heard from her, since that time she cried a river, but I am not rushing to see her yet.

I don’t need to get her fingerprints directly from her, because I remembered that I have her something at home –the glass she drank from. It’s so f***ing lucky that I don’t wash the dishes until the sink is full (so basically almost never). So, tonight I am rescuing the glasses (mine too, because I can’t tell which is which) from there and tomorrow morning I am heading to Drake’s office to give them to him.

***

Vanessa

October 29

Great bow and white framed windows on the left side, two white columns on each side of the amazing dark wood front door, smaller windows on the right, beautiful brickwork, simple second floor with tiny, but cute windows, and grey vinyl gable roof. Of course nice garage next to the house and little front yard with a space for gardening. But even bigger garden is in the back and there is also a porch, where me and Nick could spend the long warm evenings. Although he doesn’t know it yet. It’s gonna be a big surprise for him, but I am sure he eventually will end up being happy here – with me.

Wow, it’s really beautiful here. Plus, if you go inside, it’s actually even better! After opening the door you’ll find yourselves in narrow, but cute hallway, with the stairs to the second floor (there are two bedrooms and one bathroom upstairs) and to your left there is a spacious living room with a lot of light from outside. To your right there is a tiny dining room and the kitchen in the back. Almost everything is already furnished and even thought I would like to create a special home for us in the future, I had to act fast now, so I just settled for this.

And of course I wouldn’t take it, if the place didn’t seem nice enough, but that’s not the case. Everything looks comfy and tasteful, so I couldn’t be more satisfied. Of course the most important thing is the basement. Luckily, a musician used to live here and he had his studio in there, so everything is already soundproofed perfectly. Of course it will still need some special adjustments for my purpose with it, but I will deal with it in the next few days.

Today is only about the last meeting with the real estate agent and paying the deposit. Yesterday the bank approved of the mortgage, so that should be all right too. But let’s just say - I bought a house for me and Nick! That sounds more romantic. I can’t believe that everything is happening so fast all of the sudden, but it’s really for the best and Nick will understand it too – sooner or later.

“Ok, so please sign here and…” the voice of the agent was cut off by my ringtone. “I am sorry,” I said, taking the cell phone from my purse and trying to silence it. But then I noticed the name on the screen – Nick… “Oh, it’s my husband calling, I should probably take it,” I explained and my lips twitched a little into a smile, when I called Nick my husband. He’s not yet, but he will be, so it’s not even a lie…The agent smiled too and nodded.

 “Hi sweetie, I can’t really talk right now, did you need something?”

***

Nick

I haven’t heard from Natalia for a while and I started wondering what’s new with her. Normally I wouldn’t care, but of course there was still the question of the pregnancy in the air. And she usually tried to spend every day with me, or call of text at least, now nothing – the silence really freaked me out. I didn’t know what to expect. So, I decided to call her myself…

She answered almost immediately, but warned me that she didn’t have much time. “I was just wondering, if there is anything new? Did you try the pregnancy tests, like we had discussed?” She hesitated and it seemed like she was trying to find the right words. I had shivers run down my back, as I worried. “Yeah, I took a few, they were…positive. I am really nervous about all of this and I am trying to find the right gynecologist for the appointment… But I wasn’t very successful yet, everyone has their schedules full till next year. Can you give me a few more days?”

S**t, s**t, that’s not good. That’s sounds it’ really true. That’s really crazy – me, having a baby with Natalia?! I hardly even know her… Maybe she will be reasonable though and we will deal with this some other way. But we shouldn’t really wait with this too much longer.

Then I realized - I know a doctor who could help us, at least with the first exam. Let’s see, what Natalia thinks… I explained it to her and asked: “Should I call her and set it up for us?” The reaction I got was quite unexpected…

“Heeeer??? You mean it’s a woman? How do you know her? Let me guess, you slept with her!” And then Natalia made a sneer that sounded so familiar… I really can’t explain, but I would swear I’ve heard it before. But where?

Then Natalia apologized and tried to tell me that it was just the stress speaking. “I am sorry I snapped like that. Yes, please, set up the appointment and then text me the details. I have to go now, see you soon, byyeee!” And she was gone… Weird.

Oh, that reminds me that I still need to take the glasses with her fingerprints to Drake and his guys. I am now starting to think more than ever, that something about Natalia doesn’t add up. Maybe I had already met her before? But who is she? Why don’t I remember?