Of Lilies Time and Remorse

Chapter 18

“ I've called the maintenance already. They're already checking kung anong problema”

“ The firemen told me na wala namang masyadong nangyaring casualties. Mabuti na lang at naagapan”

I heard voices. I slowly opened my eyes and adjusted my vision. I saw my parents talking. Nilibot ko ang paningin ko. Puros puti lang ang nakikita ko. I guess I'm in the hospital.

I tried to get up. My parents probably noticed that I'm already awake dahil agad na lumapit sila sa akin. My mom caressed my face while my dad called someone. A nurse, maybe.

“ Are you okay, Lucy?” my mom asked with worried eyes fixed on me.

“ Yeah, I guess” I said while looking at my body, cheeking if I had any burn or what. I couldn't really remember except that an unknown number called me, and then I passed out.

“ What happened?”  I asked.

My dad came with a nurse. She checked me, and told me that I'm already fine at pwede lang umuwi. Wala naman akong natamong kahit anong sugat. Nahimatay lang talaga ako dahil sa usok. She said I inhaled the gas, pero wala namang grabeng nangyari. She said I can go home already.

Dad cleared his throat.

“ Nag overheat lang siguro ang generator or electric line natin, kaya umusok. They're still checking kung ano talaga ang nangyari.  Bukas pa 'yun aayusin kaya wala muna tayong kuryente sa bahay.”

Tumango na lang ako. I quickly asked my mom for my phone. May tumawag kasi na unknown number.

“ Ma? Paano niyo naman nalaman na nasira ang generator or electric line natin?”  maybe the unknown caller was the one who called my parents too. I sighed. It's probably DL.

“ Nevermind Ma”

We stayed silent for a while until we heard a knock. The door opened and I saw DL with his parents. They went inside. They brought food and some fruits.

“ Lucy, are you okay? Nasaktan ka ba?” Tita Lev went to my side and checked me. I smiled at her at saka umiling.

“ Hindi po. Nahimatay lang po talaga ako, siguro sa nalanghap kong usok o baka pagod lang talaga ako”

“ Mabuti na lang talaga at naagapan. Your house could have been on fire.” naiiling na sabi ni Tito Syne.

I looked at DL and he was just leaning his back on the wall with his eyes focused on me. I quickly averted my gaze because I remembered, that I was actually pissed of him.

Someone knocked again, and my dad opened the door. Sixto and his family came in. He was holding a bouquet of flowers. He put it in my side table.

Sixto's mom Tita Rina immediately came to me and checked me. I just smiled and told her I'm alright. What is up with moms anyway?

Our parents talked about the incident earlier. Our neighbors also extended their worries. Later on, our parents went outside. Maybe they have something important to discuss.

We stayed silent. No one dared to speak, so I took the opportunity to say my gratitude. I cleared my throat and looked at DL who was still leaning on the wall. I hope he's back won't hurt.

“ DL. Thank you for calling me.” I said shyly. Nakakahiya naman talaga. One day, I was cursing him and now I'm actually thanking him. He smiled at me and moved his head to the side.

“ You're welcome, Lus. Anyone would have done the same.” He said while setting his eyes on Sixto who was sitting in the couch.

I looked and Sixto and he was looking directly at DL. He puffed some air and stared at the latter for seconds. He then turned to me.

I didn't know what to do, and I was intimidated and feeling embarrassed with his stares. His eyes were almost piercing me. Fear or embarrasment was probably evident in my eyes that seconds later, his eyes went back to normal.

Normal. Like how he used to look at me before. Soft and gentle. I gulped. I miss his stares. I missed how he looks at me. I miss him. I miss him just because. I'm hurting just because.

Just because he's my friend.

The door opened and our parents came in. My dad probably processed anything necessary, dahil lalabas na ako.

“ Una na kami Dain, Lorenzo. We'll prepare your rooms. Lucy, see you.” I smiled at Tita Lev.

“ Thank you, Lev. Syne.” My dad acknowledged them.

DL went to me and pat my head.

“ See you at home, Lucy.”

“ Huh? Uh see you?” naguguluhan kong tugon. They went outside already.

Tito Cyle, Sixto's dad playfully punched my dad in the shoulder.

“ Ngayon, ayaw mo sa bahay namin,dahil gusto mo sa mansyon?”

“ Oo sino ba namang ayaw sa mansyon?”

The wives just rolled their eyes.

“ Kidding aside, nahihiya naman akong tumanggi kay Syne. Alam mo na, masyadong mabait iyon” my dad said while Tito Cyle nodded.

“ Well, magkapitbahay na naman tayo bukas. We'll be staying in Lev's house just for the night.” my mom said.

“ Una na kami.” Tita Rina held my mom's hands.

“ Lucy, we're glad you're okay.” she smiled at me.

When they were out my parents started packing our things.

“ Nagdala pa ng pagkain, eh sa bahay naman pala nila tayo tutuloy.” mom said pertaining to the food DL's parents brought.

“ Ma?” I called her. Umupo na ako sa kama. Hindi naman ako na confine parang nagpapahinga lang ako dito.

“ Hmm?” she went near me.

“ Have you said your thanks to DL? For calling you?”

My mom frowned at me.

“ DL? But Sixto was the one who brought you here. He called us”

My eyes widened in shock. Si Sixto? Pero bakit? I have so many questions to ask him. I ran out of the room, I can hear my mom calling me. I tried to look for him. Surely, nasa hospital pa sila. Sana.

Tinakbo ko na papunta sa parking lot. I scanned the cars. Hinahanap ko ang sasakyan nila but I couldn't find it. I sighed. Umuwi na sila.

I went inside the hospital. I don't know if I was walking in circles, dahil hindi ko na maalala kung asan ang room ko. Napakatanga naman.

Napunta ako sa isang ward. I was slowly getting freaked out dahil wala akong nakikitang tao. Gosh, all those horror stories have gotten into me now!

I heard footsteps behind me, so I walked faster. The person- I'm claiming he's a person. I don't want to entertain the idea that a ghost is folllowing me. But I'm getting scared! Hindi na sana ako lumabas. What am I thinking!

I muttered my prayer while I fastened my pace even more. Nakayuko ako habang naglalakad dahil ayoko naman na makita ang mukha ng multo sa harapan ko in case he'd jump scare me. I bumped into someone.

I held my nose. Baka mapango ako!

“ I'm sorry po. I wasn't looking”

The person I bumped into kept silent. I slowly lifted my gaze.

It was Sixto. He's still here!

“Uh, someone was following me.”

“ That was me.”

I blinked. But how can I bump into him kung nasa likod ko siya?

“ Pero- ”  he raised a brow at me.

I sighed. Mas mabilis naman siya maglakad dahil matangkad siya. Hindi ko siguro napansin na nasa unahan ko na siya at nag 'over take'.

“ Nevermind.” pag iling ko.

We just stood, facing each other awkwardly. I cleared my throat.

“ Sixto. Thank you. For calling my parents and for calling me. ” I said while biting my lower lip. I looked elsewhere. Nakakahiya talaga. I feel so ashamed. I even thanked DL.

“ Akala ko kasi si DL-

“ He would have done the same, Lucy.” he interrupted me. I bit my lower lip even more.

I don't know what to say, so I stayed silent. This is so awkward. Hindi naman kami ganito noon. But there's an invisible wall between us already. I can't tell him my thoughts, and he can't tell his to me. It's not  like how we were before. He sighed.

“ Ihahatid na kita sa room mo. Your parents are probably waiting for you...and I bet DL's family is waiting for your family too.”

Tumango na lang ako. We walked side by side. Silently and slowly. I walked slowly, because I don't want the walk to end. It's the only thing that I can hold on to, to be this close to him...and maybe, just maybe his thinking the same. Or maybe his walking slowly, because I walk slowly. We're so near, and yet so far too. The invisible wall is really doing it's job.

“ Naiwan ka nila Tita?”

“ Nagpaiwan”

“ Pero paano ka?”

“ I can go home alone, Lucy”

I stayed silent. We stopped from walking.

“ Pero bakit...” I gathered enough strength to find my voice and continue voicing out what I'm thinking.

I want to know the reason, but at the same time I don't.

“ Bakit ka nagpaiwan?”

I looked at him. I hope my eyes reflected what I'm thinking about him. Because I know in myself that I couldn't and wouldn't tell him. I hope he can see in my eyes how much I miss him and that I want us to be back to normal. I want him to know that I miss how and what we were before.

I want him to see in my eyes my questions like what happened? What made us change? Why did you walk away? Why did you show me that I'm important and that you'll never leave my side?

“ I was visiting...” he hesitated.

He put his hands in his pockets, looked at me and had long blinks. He then licked his lips. It was dry.

“ Hyacinth. I was visiting Hyacinth too.”

I didn't notice that we're already in front of the hospital room I was earlier. I said I wanted to know.

I wished I didn't asked him. He gave me one last look with a tight-lipped smile as he turned his back and walk away. I watched it. I watched his back while walking. I watched him walk away. It really hurts. I clenched my fist and put it in my chest. Get a grip on Lucy. Why are you hurting? Bakit ka nasasaktan? Kaibigan mo lang siya diba? You said you were too young to fall in love. You're too young to be in love.

And so you're not.

You're only hurting because he's a friend. A friend you lose.

Our ride home or should I say, the ride to our neighbour's home was silent.

My parents were silent all along, and so am I. I don't know if they're still fighting or what, basta tahimik lamang kami sa biyahe.

After a 20-minute drive, we found ourselves in the De Loughrey's driveway.

The whole De Loughrey family is waiting by their front door. They welcomed us. DL lead me to my room for the night. Their house is really big so I didn't mind being separated to my parents. They need to be by themselves. They need to talk. I don't want to be there, and I'm sure they don't want me hearing whatever misunderstanding they have.

“ If you need anything, I'm just across your room” I just smiled at him. I didn't bother telling him, the fact that I knew Sixto was the one that saved me. Pagod na ako. I'll just let things flow. Besides, he and his parents were kind enough to offer their home for us to stay.

Tita Lev emerged from DL' back.

“ Make yourself comfortable, Lucy”

“ Thank you, po”

“ Okay, baba na tayo? Dinner is ready”

Sabay na kaming bumaba patungo sa dining area nila. Tita Lev linked her arms on mine as we descended the stairs. DL was just behind us.

Tito Syne told us to sit down. Tita Lev sat on Tito's right. My dad was on the other side, then my mom sat beside him. I sat beside my mom. Umupo naman si DL sa harapan ko. Maliit lang ang mesa nila. They have a  gigantic table, pero sabi ni Tito,dito sila madalas kumain. Sobrang laki kasi ng isa, na kapag umupo sila, hindi sila magkakarinigan. Tatlo lang naman kasi sila.

After Tito Syne lead the prayer, we started having our dinner.

Gusto ko ng steak, ang kaso nahihiya naman akong kumuha dahil nasa side ni Tita iyon. Nagulat na kang ako ng may naglagay sa plato ko. I looked at DL, and he just winked and smiled. Napangiti na lang din ako.

Our parents were busy talking about something at hindi naman ako makarelate. Hindi ko lang alam kay DL.

“ Lorenzo, 'wag niyo ng madaliin ang pag-ayos sa electric line niyo. Have a normal process. You can stay whenever you want.”

Tito Syne said. His voice is just so soft and kind. Mabait talaga siya.

“ Salamat, pero nakakahiya naman Syne. Madali lang naman, by tomorrow, okay na ang lahat.”

“ Dain, sabihan mo ang asawa mo, na dito muna kayo. Para namang hindi tayo mag bestfriends. I missed you”

My mom rolled her eyes at Tita Lev.

“ Isa ka pa. Anong I miss you? Palagi naman tayong nagchichika”

The couple still insisted, but my parents kindly declined. I guess hindi naman siguro ganoon katagal maayos ang kuryente namin. They continued reminiscing. They talked about their teenager lives. Magkakaibigan na pala si mama, papa and tita Lev since highschool. They met tito Syne in college.

“ Dain, and I were actually crazy back then. Naalala ko pa, we agreed to set our future kids for marriage para magbalae na kami. We were crazy about those arranged marriage stories we read in high school.” natatawang kwento ni Tita Lev.

“ I remember that. But look at us, tig-iisa lang ang anak. That agreement died long ago.” natatawa ding sabi ni mama.

Dad just sighed. He's probably thinking why he married and became friends with a crazy girl. Tito Syne on the other hand seems interested. He's listening intently while facing his wife with a smile plastered on his face. Probably because he didn't know that story because he met her during college.

I said it before that they are my ideal couple. And they still are.

Napangiti na lang din ako.

Dessert was served. I happen to look at the front at muntik ko ng makalimutan na nasa harap ko pala si DL. He was looking at me with a smile. I raised my brow at him at saka sumimangot. Just like how I act with Sixto before...and my thoughts were filled by Sixto again.

“ Your agreement is still acceptable. We have Devounne and here's sweet Lucy”

The voice brought me back to reality from thinking about Sixto.

“ Po?”

“ What?”

Sabay na tanong namin ni DL sa papa niya.

“ Who knows it might come true. But I don't think we'll still need an agreement. Devounne is—”

“ Dad. I think you're talking too much” DL interrupted his dad.

Tito Syne just smiled at his son. Habang napakunot naman si Papa ng noo niya. Our moms were being giddly.

DL's brows were furrowed. He slid me a cup of ice cream. I muttered a soft thanks because, I don't think he's still in the mood.

Upon seeing his gesture, the adults laughed. Especially Tito Syne.

After dinner, my parents went to our house first para kumuha ng nga gamit ko for school bukas. I think my parents asked a day leave, para maiayos na ang bahay.

Bumalik na din sila dahil sobrang dilim siguro sa bahay. Tita Lev gave them flashlights beforehand.

Nasa kwarto na ako. Sa guess room nila DL. It's kind of late at hindi pa rin ako makatulog. Nasa mini bar ang mga matatanda and were having a drink. I guess hindi pa sila tapos sa kwentuhan nila.

I decided to go outside at magpahangin muna. Pumunta ako sa may fountain nila, iyong pinuntahan ko noong New Year celebration namin.

After a few minutes, I felt someone's presence.

“ Hindi naman ako magnanakaw. 'wag kang mag-alala”

He laughed upon hearing this.

“ I was just joking before, Lucy”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“ Okay. Sabi mo eh”

We stayed silent again. I was leaning on front facing the fountain while he's leaning his back, that's why he's facing me but his eyes were looking at the night sky.

“ DL” I called his attention. I looked at the night sky too. I want to ask him things, but I don't want to look at him. My action may give him the idea that I want to talk, but I just don't want to look at him.

“ Nasa hospital din ba si Hyacinth? O-okay lang ba siya?”

I remained looking at the stars. I waited for his answer.

“ Yeah, I guess.”

I now looked at him.

“ You guessed? So hindi mo alam?”

He just shrugged. I heaved a deep breath and intently looked at him.

“ Ano ba talaga ang nangyari kay Sixto?” I asked. I'm feeling brave for a while but the moment he opened his mouth to speak, I got scared.

He lowered his gaze and looked at me too.

“ He tried his way out.”

Napakunot ako ng noo ko. Ano bang sinasabi niya?

“ A way out from what?”

He stayed silent. I waited. Still he kept silent. I guess he's not telling me more. I sighed. Kung friends man kami, mas close naman sila ni Sixto. They're bestfriends. His loyalty belongs to him.

“ You don't need to answer that. He's your bestfriend. Alam ko naman na siya ang papanigan mo”

I turned my back at him. And started walking my way back into the guest room. He followed me silently. I guess he's sleepy too...or he just want to be inside his room. Just when I was about to open the door, he spoke

“ A way out from liking you, Lucy”

I gulped. Gusto ako ni Sixto?

I looked at him, and he was looking at me too. Paano ako makakatulog nito? Paano ako makakatulog nito ngayong may gusto si Sixto sa akin?

There's just one question left.

“ Why are you being kind to me? Why are you messing with me? Is this your game? Or did Sixto told you to distract me?” my voice was raising so I calmed down. Bahay nila 'to. No matter how pissed you are, you should always consider your place. I'm a guest. He's the host.

“ Plano niya ba 'to? To mess with me? He want a way out? I get it. Kung ayaw na niya. Bata pa naman siya. Pero bakit nan—Bakit nandito ka?” I asked with a hoarsed voice. Desperation is evident in my words. I'm desperate to know the game.

He maintained his eye contact on me.  After a few seconds of silence he said something that made me awake even more.

“ Because I can't stop myself from entering the door, Sixto's trying to close. I can't stop from joining the game, Sixto's trying to end, Luciandy”