Of Lilies Time and Remorse

Chapter 17

Just what the hell is Sixto doing in here?! If I could, I swear I've turned my back by now...but that would give him the idea that somehow, what happened between us affects me. Na hindi naman talaga.

So I stayed silent and didn't bother to look at him.

“ Saan kayo ulit dong?”

“ Sa terminal sa Luzurriaga po”

“ Ikaw din dai?” manong driver asked me next.

What? Kasama ako? Sino pa ba ang ibang nakikita ni manong dito? I took a glance at Sixto and...

Oh. Hyacinth is with him...

“ Opo manong. Sa terminal din ako”

Manong driver motioned us to get in. Una akong pumasok habang pinaupo naman ni Sixto si Hyacinth sa tabi ko habang umupo siya sa tapat ko. So he's being a gentleman to her...

Dahil matangkad si Sixto, sumasagi ang tuhod niya sa tuhod ko. I adjusted in my seat and looked at my phone instead. Sakto naman at nag chat ang mga classmates ko, kaya may pagkaka-abalahan ako. Buti na lang or else this would be a really awkward ride. Gusto ko lang makaalis kaagad dito dahil baka atakihin pa ako sa puso. This less than 10-minutes ride might be the death of me.

I heard Hyacinth talking about how fun their day was. Nalaman ko rin na sasama pala siya kay Sixto pauwi...kaya pala 'dalawa' ang sinabi ni Sixto kanina.

The ride took longer than I expected. Malapit lang naman, pero dahil sa  matraffic sa may intersection mas nagtagal kami.

I frowned when I say a message from DL. Nag pop bigla ito sa phone ko.

DL De Loughrey: Hi Lucy, going home?

I raised my brow in confusion. At bakit naman siya magcha-chat sa akin? This is unusual.

Lucy Ybañez: at bakit ka naman nagtatanong?

DL De Loughrey:  wala lang. Send me a picture of the plate number.

I rolled my eyes. Hindi naman kami close talaga for him to chat me and for me to send a pic. Pero baka caring lang talaga siya sa akin bilang kapitbahay niya, or pwede ring sa mga human beings overall.

Teka, paano niya naman nalaman na nakasakay ako ngayon sa trycycle?

I opened my phone camera and angled it. Kaso nasa harap ko si Sixto. Natatabunan niya. I don't want to talk to him, kaya ginawa ko na lang ang best ko na macapture.

The moment I clicked, my phone flashed! Naka on pala ang flash! I heaved a deep breath. Nakakahiya. Sixto might get the wrong idea. Baka akalain niya na siya ang pinipicturan ko.

“ Oh. Taking a picture of a handsome guy you happened to share a ride and then sending it to your...friends?” Hyacinth said.

I turned to her and she has that annoying smile and mocking eyes. Probably judging me and thinking how cheap I am to take a photo of her friend.

I smiled at her and raised my brow.

“ No. I was taking a picture of the plate number. Someone actually asked me. He probably cares for me.” 

I turned to manong driver kasi baka ma offend siya.

“ Pasensya po manong ha, nanghingi po kasi ang kaibigan ko.”

“ Okay lang dai, ganon din ako sa mga anak ko lalo na't gabi na”  I just smiled at him and looked back at Hyacinth.

“ Feels nice to have a friend ate diba?” that made her shut her judgemental mouth. The look on her face told me how shocked she was when I called her 'ate'. She probably didn't expect me to address her 'ate'.

I was still savoring my moment when  Sixto cleared his throat.

“ Sino?”

Oh, so nagtatanong na siya ngayon. But strangers don't usually share personal informations so I said,

“ Magkakilala po ba tayo, kuya? It's private kasi”

The look on his face was epic! Serves him right. Siya itong hindi namamansin, and he still have the audacity to ask? Strangers don't ask personal questions kaya!

He stayed quiet after that. And so did I. Si Hyacinth na nga lang yata ang nagsasalita. Hindi ko na pinakinggan and instead I composed a message for DL.

Lucy Ybañez: i hate you.

I attached the photo I took earlier. Nakakainis pa at nakakahiya. Para naman hindi masayang. Bahala na kung hindi niya iyon kailangan talaga. I feel like magkausap sila. Pero paki ko ba? Magsama silang magkakaibigan.

After an awkward ride, nasa terminal na din kami. It felt like forever if you'd ask me. Pinauna kong mumaba sila dahil mahihirapan ako kapag umuna ako.

Sinusuklian pa sila ng driver kaya nagpaalam muna ako magpapa change sa may street vendor dahil wala pala akong coins.

Pagbalik ko, wala na sila.

“ Eto po manong” I said as I extended my arms with the coins. Umiling naman si manong at ngumiti.

“ Naku bayad ka na dai, binayaran ka na ng lalaki”

I blinked several times. Bakit naman niya gagawin 'yun? Akala ko ba hindi na kami friends. Ngumiti na lang ako at nagpasalamat bago pumila para makauwi na. I didn't see them sa line kaya baka may dinaanan pang bilhin.

Dahil Saturday naman at gabi na, mabilis lang akong nakasakay ng trycle pag-uwi. I thought about Sixto. Nakakalito naman siya. Ano ba talaga? Ganito ba 'yun? May friends bang hindi nagpapansinan? I just closed my eyes and rest for a while. With Sixto clauding my mind, I actually forgot how this day had been really tiring.

Naabutan ko sa sala sila mama na nag-aaway.

“ Nagsisinungaling ka na naman!”

My mom was taking deep breaths and was on the verge of crying. Dad went to her and touched her arm.

“ Ikaw lang ang nag-iisip niyan. Bakit ba ayaw mong maniwala sa akin?”

Umiling lamang si mama at pinaalis ang kamay ni papa na nakahawak sa kaniya.

“ You know what Lorenzo? I'm tired and sick of your lies” I saw tears running down her face as she stormed off and went to their room. Pain was evident in my dad's face.

He sat down in the sofa, and massaged his temple. He glanced at where I'm standing, and he's probabably surprised to see me.

Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa paglakad para umakyat sa kwarto. Before I could take the first step of the stairs, Papa called me.

“ I'm sorry you heard that, Lucy”

“ I have to hear that Pa”

I left him with a pained expression. Alam ko naman na walang perfect relationships but it actually hits different kapag parents mo na ang mag-aaway. A different kind of pain.

Hindi na lang ako kakain ng dinner total busog na naman ako. Pero with what happened today? Gusto ko na lang mag stress eating. I have that habit kasi. I know it's bad and it's gluttony but I can't help it. So I grabbed from my cabinet a bag of chips. May stock kasi ako na nakatago.

I slumped into my bed as I take a handful of the chips into my mouth. This day is really stressful but at the same time balanced...did you get my point? We really can't be happy without feeling sad din. Masaya ako dahil syempre, we made our film, the memories, laughters, and all, but heto ngayon, nalulungkot din dahil away pala ang maaabutan ko sa bahay.

Seryoso, this has been a roller coaster day. Masaya, nakakahiya, naguguluhan, malungkot.

I thought about Sixto. Baka friends pa rin kami, pero ganito na lang talaga. Aware naman ako na may magkakaibigan pa rin kahit hindi nag-uusap. Hindi naman kasi communications ang basehan ng friendship...pero iba kasi si Sixto. Hindi naman siya ganon...

Nakokonsensya ako sa nasabi ko sa kaniya kanina. Ang mean ko lang, pero I just snapped naman. Sana maintindihan niya. He's always been understanding to me... Sana ganoon pa rin.

Should I talk to him? Magso-sorry ba ako? In person ba or thru social media na lang? I took a handful of my chips again.

I just want us to talk, and clarify things. Kung magkaibigan pa rin kami, kung may nagawa ba akong mali? O kung ano pa man iyan na naging reason sa treatment niya sa akin ngayon. But my ego and pride wouldn't let me. I will not talk to him first.

I finished my chips and I decided to go downstairs but before I opened my door, I heard my parents shouting at each other again.

Hindi na lang ako nagpatuloy. Instead, I got another bag of chips. I looked at Sixto's room. Naririnig kaya niya? Noon kasi tuwing nag-aaway ang parents ko pinupuntahan niya ako at dinadalhan ng cotton candy noong bata pa kami...umaakyat siya sa bintana ko gamit ang inilagay namin na ladder noon. It just feels nice to have someone check on you if you're okay. He always make me feel better...pero hindi na ngayon...nag-aalala pa kaya siya? I heard them shouting again, with glass being  thrown and shattered. Vase na naman kaya 'yun?

I covered my ears with my pillow at nagtalukbong ng kumot. I like it. It gave me comfort and warmth. I really want my parents to be okay... and I miss Sixto...

I cried silently until I feel asleep. I didn't notice I was still holding on to my newly opened bag of chips. And I slept with it.

Sunday morning. Another day. I got ready, dahil may pupuntahan na naman ako related sa school.

Bumaba na ako and I saw my mom in the kitchen.

“ Aalis ka na naman, Lucy? Breakfast ka muna”

I went to her and sat silently. Pinaghanda niya ako ng makakain.

She sat across me too.

“ What time ka palang nakauwi Lucy?”

“ Late na Ma” I told her. Hindi ko na lang sasabihin kung anong oras dahil baka malaman pa niyang narinig ko silang mag-away ni Papa. I doubt that my dad mentioned me kagabi na nakauwi na ako. All they did was fight.

“ Related naman sa school ang ginagawa mo Lucy no? Me and your dad had been going easy with you. Please don't disappoint us.”

“ Just schoolworks Ma” I said while shoving a spoonful of rice to my mouth.

“ But if you have a boyfriend, tell us okay? So we can guide you.”  I stopped eating and then looked at her.

“ I don't have one, and no one's interested Ma”

Nagpatuloy na kami sa pagkain. I didn't bother asking kung nasaan si Papa. He probably left early, or he left last night and slept elsewhere...I'm betting on the second.

She got up and got something.

“ Here's your cotton candy Lucy, napaka-agang binigay ni-

Before she could finish her sentence, I immediately got the cotton candy and smiled broadly. So he didn't forget! He still cared!

She frowned at me and gave me a questioning gaze.

“ Kailan pa kayo naging sobrang close ni DL?”

My smile faded.

“ DL? This is not from Sixto?” I asked in a soft voice. I was disappointed...

“ You should have let me finish my sentence. Dinaan ni DL kanina 'yan. I didn't know you're expecting it to be from Sixto...” her voice trailed off, probably sensing my disappointment.

“ Oh okay Ma, I'll tell him my thanks. Akyat na po ako.”

I stared at the cotton candy. I bit my lower lip as I looked at Sixto's window. I didn't know I was crying... Ang OA but...it made me sad. Nakakainis. Bakit ganon sila? Bakit ganon siya? I thought he's nice. Annoying but nice. But I guess all good traits I had in mind towards him were fake. My phone beeped.

DL De Loughrey: received my cotton candy? I noticed you love cotton candies. Good morning :)

Lucy Ybañez: alam mo, f*uck off.

I turned my phone off. No, I'm not dumb. He didn't notice. Someone told him. This boys gotta be playing me.

I opened my window and shouted towards his room.

“ JUST GO TO HELL! ISAMA MO ANG BESTFRIEND MONG ADIK!”

I had enough. So dumb of me to realize that they had this little game called 'Messing with Lucy'.

Nakakainis. Nakakagigil. Nakakiyak.

I went to Rey's house. We did our project. Mabuti na lang at artist ang mga kagroup mates ko. I told them I wasn't really feeling well, kaya we didn't beat around bushes. We rushed. Understandable dahil may iba pa kaming appointments. May magsho-shoot pa nga sa film nila dahil hindi pa natapos.

I didn't want to talk kaya kahit si Kent ay nagtataka.

“ Alam mo, hindi ka naman maingay, pero hindi ka din naman ganito ka tahimik. Problema teh?”  he said while munching on his fries. Magka group kami sa AP din, and sadly hindi na kasali si Mae sa amin. Nasa fastfood chain kami at naglulunch. Hinahayaang lumipas ang oras dahil may interview pa kami na pupuntahan. Magka TLE din kami. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing...

“ Hindi ba pwedeng tinatamad ako magsalita?” I said habang dinidip ang chicken skin sa gravy.

“ Hindi. Iba talaga teh. Brokenhearted?”

I rolled my eyes at him. Hindi ko na siya pinansin sa pangungulit niya at kumain na lang.

Nang nag one o'clock, pumunta na kami sa Spa. 1:30 naman kasi magsisimula ang interview namin. Mabuti na lang at magakagrupo kami sa section Daza. I helped withbthe making of the interview script kaya may ambag ako. Abie will be the interviewer. Moral support na lang ang iba, kasama si Kent. Basta nagpakita at sumama, okay na 'yan.

The interview went well. Mabuti naman. Gusto ko na lang umuwi kasi. I'm still not in the mood.

“ I'll send it to you na lang so you can edit the interview na. 'wag mong kalimutan na maglagay ng subtitles”

Abie told Nikki. The latter just asked some questions, regarding sa interview at kung ano pa ang gagawin.

The rest patiently waited hanggang sa matapos na lahat ng concerns.

“ KTV bar kami Lucy, sama ka?” Donna said.

“ Ah, kayo na lang. I still have my homeworks kasi but thank you.” I said a lie. Wala na akong homeworks. I make my homeworks every Friday night.

“ Hoy guyses, sama ako! Lucy, sama ako ha? Baka hindi na kita masamahan sa terminal niyo. Sorry girl gusto ko lang mag rewind at magparty!” Napailing na lang ako kay Kent.

I went home. Alone.

Wala akong taong naabutan sa bahay. I wonder where Mama went at kahit si Papa.

I decided to read a Mystery- Thriller Story entitled The third Twin. I let my frustrations out by reading a book na angkop sa feelings ko. If I'm feeling normal today, I would have settled with a Teen Fiction.

My phone rang.

“ Hello?”

I frowned. Wala namang sumasagot.

I looked at the caller ID. It was an unregistered number.

“ Hello?” I said again. Ibababa ko na talaga 'to. I don't have a lot of patience today.

“ Lucy. Get out in that house. Now! ”

I couldn't hear what he was saying. My mind was fuzzy and the last thing I saw was smoke. Everywhere.