Of Lilies Time and Remorse

Chapter 19

I look and feel like a zombie. Literally. Maiitim ang under eyes ko, at sobrang lusog ng eyebags ko. Hindi ako nakatulog. I thought about Sixto....and DL too. Itong mag best friends na 'to mahilig na pahirapan ako.

I got up early and prepared for school. Hindi pwedeng mag-absent dahil baka may ma-miss ako. Sobrang hectic sa school ngayon. Nakabihis na ako, at nagbasa na lang ng mga notes sa mga morning subjects ko. Even Math. Hindi na ako pwedeng maging go-with-the-flow sa math. Last grading na kaya, kailangan ko ng makabawi sa math grade ko. Kahit sa last grading na.

I heard a knock. I opened it and I saw my mom.

“ Gigisingin pa sana kita. Ang aga mo namang magising. Are you sure you're okay to go to school?”

“ Okay na ako Ma. You have nothing to worry.”

“ Tawagin na lang kita for breakfast? Nagpre-prepare la kasi kami”

“ No. I'll help.”

Bumaba ako kasama si mama. Tita Lev was surprised to see me too.

“ Bakit ang aga mo namang magising,Lucy?”

“ Naninibago lang po. Hirap po kasi akong makatulog kapag wala sa bahay namin” I lied instead. Ang totoo kasi niyan, madali akong makatulog kahit wala sa bahay. Kaya nga sa lahat ng camping, outing, at iba pang school related overnights, ay wala akong problema. Hindi lang talaga ako makatulog dahil sa mga nalaman ko kagabi.

I helped with the preparation for our breakfast. Everything is set, kaya pinuntahan na ni Tita, si Tito. Tinawag din ni mama si papa. Unang bumaba si Tita kasama si Tito. DL was behind them too. He's ready for school too.

We sat down gaya ng kagabi. I saw my mom and dad, descending from the stairs already. We waited for them.

After the prayer, we started eating

The adults have their morning conversation total maaga pa naman at absent naman sila Papa ngayon. Dahil sobrang yaman nila DL, his parents have trusted people for their businesses. Isang art director si Tita, taking over his in-law. Siya na ang naghahandle sa art galleries nila. Tito Syne is an artist himself. Kaya walang problema sa kanila ang time.

“ Devounne, hindi ka din ba natulog?”

We looked at Tita Lev.

“ Look at your eyes, mukhang hindi ka talaga natulog. Lucy is understandable dahil naninibago siya” Upon hearing my name, napainom ako ng tubig. I shyly smiled at the adults.

“ Hindi ka naman pinagbabawalan sa video games,or computer games. O kahit anong games” I coughed upon hearing the last 'game'.

“ Pero sana naman, natutulog ka” pagpapatuloy ni Tita.

“ Hayaan mo na, Hon. Ngayon lang naman diba Dev?” Tito defended their son. Tita just rolled her eyes.

“ Yes, Pa. I'll make sure to finish all my games. As soon as possible”

I can feel him staring at me, kaya nag focus na lang ako sa pagkain. The adults resumed from talking about business.

I went to the room and did my things. I got my bag, and went downstairs. I saw everyone waiting for me.

“ Sabay na lang kayo ni DL, Lucy” my mom said.

“ Maaga kasi ang mga electricians at inspectors kaya hindi kita mahahatid, Lus” Tumango na lang ako kay Papa.

I kissed goodbye to my parents, and then said my thanks to the De Loughrey couple.

DL opened the backseat door for me. I went inside, at sumunod naman siya. We kept silent. Sobrang awkward, mabuti na lang at nagpatugtug si manong driver.

Nang dumating kami sa school, I said thanks kay manong driver. I turned to DL to say thank you din. Syempre kotse nila, at driver din nila. Pagkatapos na pagkatapos, ay agad ako na tumalikod at naglakad papunta sa building namin sa likod. Nandoon kasi ang grade ten habang nasa kabilang side ang sa mga senior high.

Pagkapasok ko sa room, every thing is in chaos.

“ Oh, anong meron?” I asked Mae. She just gave me a shrug. Kent was nowhere to be found. Absent siguro.

We got our brooms at saka ay pumunta sa hagdan para maglinis. Dahil wala si Kent, wala kaming maaasar. Nag bell na kaya bumalik na kami sa room. Our teacher went in, and started calling names for attendance.

“ Starting today, you shouldn't be late. Be responsible students. I'll close the door and who ever is late, will stay outside.”

She got up and locked the door. We stayed silent. Nagreklamo ang iba. Some even brought up instances. But our dear teacher is firm with her decision. If you're late, you'll stay outside.

She discussed a new lesson. I was busy taking notes when I heard someone calling my name from the window.

“ Pst. Hoy Lucy”

I turned and saw Kent. I called Mae and we didn't let the opportunity of teasing Kent pass.

“ Diyan ka, total mukha ka namang pulubi” I laughed at what Mae said. Some of my classmates noticed Kent, and told Ma'am about it.

“ Ay,  diyan siya. Late siya. Wala tayong magagawa”

Everybody laughed at what Ma'am said. Lalong inasar si Kent ng mga classmates ko.

“ Ma'am! Ang cute ko para maarawan dito ma'am. Buksan mo naaa”

But his words fell on deaf ears. Hindi siya pinansin ni Ma'am kaya mas lalo siyang inasar.

Nagulat nalang kami ng may pilit pinihit ang door knob. After several tries, the person stopped. Hindi naman si Kent dahil kitang-kita namin siya. Nakatingin din siya at nakangiti. Sino kaya ang pumihit?

Sumilip na din ang tao sa bintana.

It was Janna!

“ Hala, Janna! HAHAHA!”

“ Ma'am ang favorite mo oh, late din”

“ Ay, tahimik”

Lalo namang natawa kami.

“ Yes! I'm not alone anymore!”

“ Ma'am naman, may emergency kasi, na flat tire kami” but like Kent's excuse, it fell on deaf ears. Napakamot na lang si Janna ng ulo.

Natawa lang kami sa kanila. Gosh, I almost forgot what laughing feels like. Buti na lang late si Kent at Janna. For a while, it made me laugh.

The bell rang, at binuksan ni Ma'am ang door.

“Oh, magpa late pa kayo”

“ Sorry ma'am, it won't happen again...charot!” tumatawa lang naman sila Kent.

Diane went in front and told us to go to the gym. Practice na naman for our cheer dance, I'm sure.

Bumaba na kami nila Mae, and Janna just kept on ranting.

“ Wala man lang consideration, emergency nga eh. Tsaka, bakit ngayon lang kung saan patapos na ang school year.”

Napapailing na lang kami sa kaniya.

“ Sus. Okay lang iyon no. At least memorable ang araw na ito” Kent being the optimistic that he is cheered her up.

Nasa gym na kami at pinaulit ko muna ang mga steps na ginawa ko last week. May iba na nakalimot, pero naalala lang din naman nila. After sa mga steps ko, si Leni na naman.

She went in front dahil turn na niya na magturo. Tapos na kasi ako sa three minutes ko. Included na doon ang stunts na ginawa ko. Gaya ng mga lift, catch, at mga free-wheeling.

After an hour, may progress naman kami kahit papaano.

Recess time na kaya, bumili kami sa coop canteen. Mabuti na lang at wala pang masyadong mga estudyante kaya hindi pa nasgtutulakan.

Gusto kong kunin iyong isang junk food na naka tali sa taas, pero hindi ko naman maabot. Someone got it for me. I looked at the guy.

“ Salamat po—”  I stopped. I was caught off guard kasi. I cleared my throat.

“ Salamat, DL” tumango lang siya at ngumiti.

Paglabas namin sa canteen, kinurot ako ni Kent.

“ Ang sabi ko, sa iyo na si Sixto akin si DL. Bakit ba ang benta mo sa mga senior high?” I glared at him.

“ Inaagawan mo talaga ako no? ”  I rolled my eyes at him. Nagdra-drama na naman siya.

“ Bakit hindi mo pinansin si Sixto, Lus?” nagtatakang tanong ni Mae.

“ He's there?” nagugulat kong tanong.

I didn't saw him kasi.

“  He was looking at you, the same way DL was. Mas intense lang” she continued.

“ Weh? Imagination mo lang 'yon”

“ Char. Ikaw na talaga sis.” Kent nodge my side. I glared at him again.

“ Pero kasi, hindi sila okay ni Sixto, kaya siguro hindi niya napansin kasi focused na siya kay DL”

“ Sinasabi mo diyan? Tumahimik ka nga” Kent just rolled his eyes and mocked me later on.

Hindi ko naman talaga napansin si Sixto. Or anybody. It's not because of DL. I just don't pay attention to my surroundings. Kaya siguro hindi ko napansin na umuusok na pala ang bahay.

Lunch time na and I'm waiting for J2 and J3. Mabuti na ang at dumating na din sila.

Nasa may gate na kami when I saw Sixto with his friends. Except DL. I looked for DL and he was not with them.

“ Hoy!” napatingin ako kay J2.

“ Kanina ka pa nakatitig sa group nila Sixto ha” she raised her brow.

“ Ano ka ba. Hindi ba pwedeng may tinitignan lang?”

“ Sino? Si Sixto? But you don't pay attention to him before” I looked at J3 next.

“ Noon iyon. But I wasn't really looking at him. I was looking for DL”

Oh no. I slipped. She raised her brow and squinted her eyes.

“ You have a lot of talking to do”

“ I agree!” J2 said with full  energy.

Hinawakan nila ako sa magkabilang braso and dragged me.

“ Hindi naman ako tatakas eh!”

“ Kahit na. Para mabilis tayo. Mabagal ka maglakad” J3 said. I just sighed. I guess I don't have a choice. I let them drag me na para bang lantang gulay na kulang sa dilig.

I was really savoring my food. I

chewed them throughly. J2 was looking boredly at me.

“ Ang tagal mo naman matapos”

I just shrugged.

“ Dapat daw nguyain ng mabuti ang pagkain.”

J3 rolled her eyes and got my spoon and fork. I widened my eyes.

“ Cut it off. Magmamadali ka, o akong magpapakain sayo?”

Sibimangutan ko siya at bumalik sa pagkain with my usual pace.

“ Good”

Bossy as usual. After a few minutes, natapos din ako.

“ Talk”

“Omg! Parang kriminal si Lucy na kailangan i-interrogate.”

I hissed at J2.

“ So Sixto's avoiding me—”

“ OMG! bakit?!”

We both gave Thea a glare. She smiled with a peace sign and acted as if zipping her mouth.

“ Because DL said, he's wanting a way out”

J2 frowned while J3 nodded her head. She kind of understand while J2 is still clueless.

“ I understand him though. You're giving mixed signs, Lucy. Naguguluhan siguro siya kung magpapatuloy. Knowing you.

..” she intently looked at me.

I furrowed my brows.

“ But you like him” she stated.

I looked at her and then at Thea. Thea was nodding her head. She get it, I think.

I sighed. There's no more to hide anyway. They know me. Too well. We share secrets.

“ Fine. I like him...but we're still young”

“ So takot ka?” J2 asked.

“ Takot saan?”

“ With the idea of falling in love”

I looked directly at them.

“ No. Hindi ako takot. The

timing is just not perfect. Bata pa kami, things could still happen.”

“ Exactly. Things can still happen. We never know, Lucy”

I just shrugged.

“ Just don't tell us we didn't warn you

. When 'things'  happen” she continued.

“ So, how did DL became involved?” J2 asked next.

“ He said, he can't stop from joining the game, Sixto's trying to end.

Their eyes widened in shock. J2 tried to say something, but chose not to.

“ But how? He liked you? Noon pa?” J3 asked. There was still a hint of shock in her voice.

“ That is what I don't know. ”

“ Wow. Mag bestfriends fighting over a girl?” naiiling na sabi ni J2.

“ Correction. They are not fighting. That would be petty”

They stared at me in disbelief.

“ Paano mo nasasabi na walang kwenta ang magkagusto sa iisang babae?”

“ J2, syempre bata pa kami. And I know it's not deep pa.Whatever they are feeing, is just infatuation.”

“ Pero paano nga kung in love pala sila sa iyo? What would you do?”

“ Wala. I'll let it pass” I said.

“ Kahit pa ma 'in love' ka din sa isa?”

I sighed at J2's kakulitan.

“ Kahit pa. Ang bata pa namin no. And I'm a 100% sure, I wouldn't be in love as of now.”

“ You can't prevent that!” J2 said being annoyed.

“ I can.” 

I just did. I wanted to add, but I chose to keep it. I looked at J3 next who was just staring at me.

“ Ikaw? Being the intellectual that you are, would you fall in love? Will you allow yourself, given this time?” I asked Suzanna.

“ If you consider me as the 'intellectual' that I am, yes.”

I blinked. She spatted the word 'intellectual' like poison. I shouldn't have said it.

“ Yes. If I were to fall in love, this time, then I'd fall. Mas gusto ko ng mas maaga. It might be a hindrance in my future plans, kapag 10 or more years from now. Marami akong gustong gawin”

I kept silent. We're really different. Gusto ko 10 or more years pa, dahil naniniwala akong mas stable, mas maganda ang patutunguhan...while she wants it now because it might affect her future plans kung matagal pa...

“ Let's go back. Baka malate tayo” I said while fixing our table. We left Cups and Mugs after.

The afternoon classes went well. Nasa hagdan kami at naglilinis. Mae was sweeping the floor, Kent was mopping it with a wet mop, and I'm wiping it with dry cloth. Para kaming domino. Si Mae na ang nasa pinakailalim habang si Kent sa may gitna, at ako ang nasa taas.

“Grabe, malapit na matapos amg school year and I'm proud to say that I've moved on.”

“ Alam mo bakla, tumahimik ka diyan. Wala namang totoo sa mga sinasabi mo”

“ Nyenye. Bitter ka porket hindi ka pa moved on kay Phil”

Hinayaan ko na lang silang magbangayan. Patapos na sila, habang ako naman ang pinaka huling matatapos.

“ Lucy, kamusta na ang iyong heart? Naguguluhan ka na ba?” Kent wiggled his brows.

I gave him a disgusted face.

“ Napapakanta ka na ba ng 'mahal ko o mahal ako?' ang kaso parehos kang mahal. Ang taray!”

“Hindi ka tatahimik?Tatawagin ko si Ivo”

“ Weh? Sige nga.” nagpabebe pa siya ng boses. Iw. Sakto naman na dumaan si Ivo para magtapon ng basura.

“ Hoy, bakit dito kayo dadaan?” pagsusungit ni Mae.

“ Lock na po ang exit ma'am.” Cris explained.

“Ivo” I called him.

“Oh?”

I looked at Kent from Ivo's back. Nakatalikod kasi si Ivo kay Kent. Grabe naman ang iling ni Kent na aakalain mong mababali na ang leeg niya.

“ May kilala akong may crush sayo”

Mae was already laughing hard. Namumutla na naman si Kent.

“Si Jent.”

“Jent? Sinong Jent?”

“ Basta Jent”

Tumango lang siya atsaka umalis. Natatawa naman si Cris habang tinitignan si Kent. Na gets niya siguro.

“ Hoy, ano ka ba!”

“ He's dumb. Hindi nga niya na gets diba?”

“ Kahit na! Na gets nga ni Cris eh!”

“ Ano ka ba bakla, si Cris yun. Hindi yun magsusumbong.”  sagot ni Mae habang tumatawa pa rin.

“ Bakit Jent?”

“Jentzabel. Dyesebel. Sirena. Sirena ka diba?”

Tuluyan namang tumawa si Mae. Kent was also laughing. Kinilig na din siya dahil 'interesado' daw si Ivo kay Jent.

Naghintay na lang ako ng masasakyan. Halos lahat kasi ay puno. Ang iba din ay hindi nagpapasakay dahil malayo daw ang terminal.

Paulan na kaya, I hugged my bag. Baka mabasa pa kung sakaling umulan ng malakas. Nagulat naman ako ng may huminto na sasakyan sa harap ko.

“ Get in.”

Nakakatitig lang ako kay DL. Hindi ko kasi inakala na ipapahinto pa niya kay manong ang sasakyan. Lumabas naman siya sa kotse at marahang itinulak ako papasok.

“ Hinihintay mo pa bang mabasa?” tanong niya habang sinisirado ang pinto.

“ H-ha? Hindi.” tanging sagot ko.

I hugged my bag. Umulan na nga. Mabuti na lang pinasakay ako ni DL.

“ Salamat”

“ We should love our neighbors.” he said.

I gave him a blank look. Tatawa na ba ako? But it's not a joke. It's not supposed to be laughed at. It's in the bible.

“ Kaya siguro maraming kapitbahay ang mahal ka, Lucy. ”

He stared at me. I ended our eye contact. Ang awkward.

Tumingin na lang ako sa bintana. Napaayos ako ng upo when I saw Sixto...

Nagpapasilong siya sa may puno sa freedom park...kasama si Hyacinth...

They were laughing. Masaya. Good for them.

DL looked at the window too. Then he looked at me. Binawi ko ang tingin ko, and looked in the front instead.

At least I saved my ten pesos. And more.