Of Lilies Time and Remorse

Chapter 15

“ Guys, remember to make your moves precise! Be sharp!” sigaw ko. Today is our first day as cheer leaders. We're given an hour to start our practice. Leni and I agreed that I'll be the one to make the choreography in the first 3 minutes. Siya naman sa last 3 minutes.

Dahil ako ang nagsisimula, nahihirapan pa ako kung saan ilalagay sila sa formation. But I managed to arrange them naman. I started with a pyramid and sa three sides of the pyramid ay may itataas na cheerleader. I taught them some steps sa sayaw and then tatlong  lalaki naman ang assigned kada isa sa mga babae. 3:1 ang ratio.

Pinili ko ang magagaan na classmates namin. Si Diane, Quenny, at Rosie. Good thing my classmates were being cooperative kaya nagkaroon naman kami ng progress. Nasa pang 1 minute na kami sa one hour. I told them to practice even at home para hindi nila makalimutan. Bawal din umabsent dahil masisira ang formation.

Good thing ay napag-isipan ko na ang steps at formation kagabi. Gumawa ako ng parang game plan actually. I represented them as circles. Aakalain mong championship game plan sa basketball na ginagawa ng coach ang ginawa ko.

Napuyat ako kagabi sa paghanap ng perfect na music para sa cheer. Buong magdamag kaming nag-usap ni Leni para coordinated naman ang mga ginawa namin. Nahirapan din ako na maghanap ng steps na babagay sa kanta. We contact Diane din para sa cheer. Pangit kasi ako gumawa ng cheer kaya I gave the task to her. Okay lang naman sa kaniya.

When the bell rang, I dismissed my classmates. Dahil recess time na, pumunta muna kami sa canteen. Kent suggested na sa coop canteen kami bumili dahil bibili siya ng jumbo hotdog doon. I just hoped Sixto wouldn't be there. Baka asarin niya lang ako, hindi pa naman ako pinapansin nun. I didn't do anything to upset him. I did nothing wrong. And yet his acting as if I've made a grave deal out of him.

Nakipagsiksikan kami sa mga students mostly grade 8. Habang nasa lamesa naman kumakain ang mga senior high school students. I roamed my eyes.

“ May hinahanap ka dai?” Kent asked me with an annoying look on his face.

I rolled my eyes at him.

“ Oo. Si Leo. ” and we looked at Mae dahil SPS o Special Program for Sports student si Leo at dito sila madalas kumain dahil malapit lang sa kanila. He's a varsity player in baseball.

Kent just laughed at me. Bumili ako ng isang jumbo hotdog at ng carrot juice. Gusto ko din sanang bumili ng donut but it cost ten pesos. I reminded myself to save it. Binabawasan ko na ang budget ko sa snacks.

Mae bought two slices of pizza and one donut. She got herself a bottle of calamansi juice too. While Kent bought his jumbo hotdog and three pieces of siomai. Bumili lang siya ng buko juice.

Mae let me take a bite of her donut. Craving satisfied. Palabas na sana kami ng nakita kong papasok si DL.

I looked behind him.

“  It's just me, Lucy” he said.

“ Oh, I wasn't looking for anyone no”

“ Okay” he gave me a smile that annoyed the crap in me. It made me want to rip his mouth.

“ Wala nga sabi eh”

“ And I said okay”

“ It's obvious naman that you're insisting something” I said with a frown.

He crossed his arms and thrown his head back while giving me a lopsided smile.

“ It's just you”

I rolled my eyes at him. Bahala siya.

I heard Kent giggled.

“ Friend ba 'yun ni Sixto? Bakit ngayon ko lang napansin?” he said.

“ At bakit mo naman mapapansin? Focus ka kay Ivo” Mae answered him with an eye roll.

“ Shuta gwapo si Sixto but he's yours na” he looked at me. I made a disgusted face.

“ But I think I like his friend na. I like hard looking guys OMG!”

“ Hoy bakla ang landi mo hindi ka papatulan nun” pangongontra ni Mae sa kaniya.

“ Anong pangalan niya Lucy?”

“ DL” I answered Kent.

Bumalik na kami sa room. Kinuha ko ang phone ko at nag log in sa messenger ko. I looked at the people in active now. I saw Sixto's name with a green dot. Should I message him? But why would I?  This is what I want diba? He's not my baby sitter or my shadow. Nasanay lang kasi ako na nandoon siya lage. I sighed.

I pressed his name. I started typing but I stopped and deleted it. Bakit naman ako uuna sa pagsend ng message? Ano naman ang sasabihin ko? I just stared at my phone when Kent surprised me.

“ HOY!”

“ Ay shi-

Dahil sa gulat ay na press ko ang like. I can feel my blood boiling at Kent. I was about to remove it when I saw him typing! Na seen na niya. I bit my lip as I waited for his message.

After a few seconds, he sent a like too.

Napakurap lang ako. Yun lang? Sa sobrang tagal kong hinintay 'yun lang? I turned my phone off.

“ Kent! Halika ditong kupal ka!”

I shouted at the top of my lungs. 'Wag lang talaga siyang lalapit sa akin. I'd definitely break his shoulder blades. That way,  he don't need to pretend like he's hurting.

Our teacher in ESP came in. We greeted her.

“ Class, tahimik lang ba kayo kahapon? I had to ran an errand for the preparation for your prom”

My classmates were hyped the moment they heard about prom.

“ Nag-usap kami sa senior high department kung possible ba na isabay na lang kayo sa grade 12”

My classmates were excited lalo na iyong may mga crush sa senior high.

“ OMG makikita natin si DL and Sixto!” impit na sigaw ni Kent sa tabi ko. Kinurot lang siya ni Mae.

I held my breath. Sana hindi.

“ And sadly, hindi pwede”

Yes! Thank you!

“ As much as we want to, hindi kasi magkakasya sa venue. Sobrang dami niyo kasi. Kaya we'll just have a separate ball habang separate din sila. But it will be hold in the same day.”

“ Ayy sayang ma'am”

“ Baka maisayaw pa ako ng crush ko”

Some of my classmates groaned in disappointment.

“ Ay paasa naman si ma'am. Hindi na lang sana niya sinabi ayan disappointed tuloy ako” napailing na lang ako kay Kent.

“ Give your payment to your adviser na ha, deadline will be on the last week of January”

“ Magkano po ma'am?” I just let my classmates ask the questions.

“ 1,500 pesos. That's for the venue, lightings, sound system, your food, and stage designs”

“ May theme po ma'am?”

“ Yes. The theme will be sophisticated fairytale”

My classmates were in awe.

“ You can just wear any gown or tuxedo you wish. The theme is only applicable for the venue”

We just continued our lesson. May project din siyang binigay. Bottle ng 1.5 liter na softdrinks na lalagyan namin ng mga plastic wrappers na ginunting ng maliliit. To be passed sa first week of February.

“ Mag gown kaya ako?” Kent suggested.

“ Sige tapos hintayin mo lang kaming matapos” sabi ni Mae sa kaniya.

“ Ang epal mo. As if naman masasayaw ka ni Leo eh grade nine pa 'yun. Si Phil na lang.” bungisngis ni Kent. Kinurot lang siya ni Mae. They really wouldn't last a day without trading barbs.

We went to our next subject. Last subject na for the morning. Nothing much dahil nag discuss lang naman si ma'am.

I looked at Aya and asked her kung nakabili na ba si Rey sa materials namin.

“ Hindi pa. Sa Saturday lang daw siya bibili”

I just nod my head. I guess hindi naman problema 'yun dahil may budget na kami, at isa pa, malapit lang ang isang shopping complex sa school namin.

The hour past in a blur. Lunch time na. Mukhang pupunta ang mga classmates ko sa bahay nila Ben dahil fiesta.

“ Sama tayo dai” Kent grabbed my arm and I grabbed Janna.

Hindi makakasama si Mae dahil umuuwi naman siya every lunch time.

“ Traffic mamaya. Bahala kayong malate. Papagalitan tayo.” pagrereklamo ni Janna. Kent being the demon himself,

“ Hindi 'yan. Alam naman nila na fiesta kaya keri lang. Pustahan tayo late din mamaya ang teachers” I just shaked my head. Bahala na nga,  ayaw ko namang maiwan. Edi mag-isa akong kakain sa room?

'Wag na lang.

I went with my classmates. Pumara kami ng jeep at paunahan na makasakay dahil sobrang daming pasahero talaga. Muntik na ngang maiwan si Janna buti na lang hinatak siya pasakay ni Alfred.

Sa sahig na siya nakaupo. Naiiyak pa nga siya dahil tinawanan lang namin siya nila Kent, Xylo, Taira, Sweet, Rey, Lloydie, Cris at iba pa. Ang iba naming classmates ay nauna na. Ang hindi naman sumama ay nasa kani-kanilang bahay dahil umuuwi sila tuwing lunch gaya ni Mae at Jamaica.

Nang dumating kami sa bahay nila Bens, nahiya pa kami. Syempre sobrang dami namin. Nauna pa nga sila Phil doon. Bens welcomed us and lead us to a table. Nag serve kaagad kami ng pagkain. Kent took a lot of pictures lalo na with Phil dahil gusto niyang inggitin si Mae.

Mabel gave us a cup of buko pandan each for dessert.

“ Anton oh” she gave one to Anton.

“ Salamat”

We looked at her. Me, Kent, and Mae knows there's something going on between them. Hindi ko lang alam sa iba pa niyang friends. Maybe they know too.

“ Mabel, pakikuha din ako ng coke please” Kent gave her a teasing smile.

She secretly gave Kent a dirty finger before getting his coke. We just laughed at her.

Parang compound itong bahay nila Ben. Sinabi niya sa amin na ang mga kapitbahay niya ay relatives niya lang din. Nasa gitna ang bahay nila. Napatingin ako sa bahay na nasa kaliwa ng sa kanila. I frowned when I saw Diane.

“ Ben, bakit nasa kabilang bahay si Diane?” I asked him.

“ Boyfriend niya ang pinsan ko” he smiled awkwardly before looking at CK, his friend. Nagulat naman kami.

“  Akala ko ba si CK ang gusto niya?” tanong ni Taira.

Well who would have thought na ang president namin na annoying kay CK ay nakapag move on na sa cold, serious, and paasa na si CK?

“ Feelings change” Ben said while looking at CK while the latter just continued his food.

“ Lalo na kapag hindi pinahahalagahan” he continued saying while smiling and looking at me.

I blinked several times.

“ Appreciate someone habang nandyan pa. Yung mga pangungulit niya, dahil baka isang araw paggising mo, nagbago na siya” Anton continued.

This made CK stop eating. He got up and stormed off. Nagulat kami sa kaniya. Did that just hit him? Agad naman siyang sinundan ni Ben being his best friend.

“ Akala ko ba wala siyang gusto kay Diane?” Kent asked. I too have no idea. Hindi naman kasi niya pinapansin noon.

“ Hindi niyo kasi alam” Rey said while shaking his head.

Bumalik si Ben pero hindi na namin nakita si CK.

“ Bumalik na siya sa school. Dalhan niyo na lang siya ng dessert mamaya Lloydie” sabi ni Ben habang umiiling.

We continued eating. Nauhaw naman ako kaya tumayo muna ako at pumunta sa may drinks section. Nakarinig naman ako ng malalakas na tawanan sa kabilang bahay sa kanan.

“ Grabe naman 'yun Sixto HAHAHA”

I froze. Nandito si Sixto? I looked at the other house and I saw him with his friends. Nagkakatuwaan sila habang nagkwekwento si Sixto. I looked at the girl beside him. Her arm was linked into his. She looked really interested while listening to Sixto. She showed to much enthusiasm. I've never been like that to him...

Hindi ko namalayan na puno na pala ang baso ko kaya dali-dasli ko itong kinuha mula sa dispenser. Hindi na ako nag soft drink. Nang tumingin ako ulit, I saw DL looking at me.

I smiled and gave him a wave as I turned my back. I am never showing him that he got me. I don't think Sixto saw me. Or maybe he did but he didn't care.

Ben's words rang in my ear.

Feelings change

Pero wala naman siyang feelings na babaguhin in the first place. Maybe this is where our friendship ends. Nakakalungkot lang. There was no warning, no signal basta it just ended.

There really are things that would end without you knowing the reason why.

I ate and ate and ate. Nagulat pa sila dahil hindi daw halata na matakaw ako. I told them matakaw ako tuwing may okasyon. They said it's unfair na kumakain lang ako ng kumakain without getting fat. Bata pa naman kasi ako at mabilis pa ang metabolism ko. I explained.

After finishing my last cup of tapioca Janna asked us to go back na. We said our thanks to Ben and his parents before leaving. Pinadala niya pa ang dessert para kay CK. Absent kasi siya. Tutulong pa siya sa pag aasikaso ng mga bisita nila.

Sumakay kami ulit ng jeep. Janna kept on praying na sana ay hindi magalit si Sir na late kami o di kaya ay ma late din si sir dahil obvious naman na late na talaga kami.

Hindi nga naman siya nagkakamali. We came in late. Marami na mang late na obvious na galing din sa fiesta. Good thing is that umalis si sir.

“ May binigay lang si Sir na assignment. Icopy niyo lang. Nasa board” sabi ni Mae.

“ Hindi ba siya nagalit?” tanong ni Kent. Umiling lang si Mae. Kent gave her a cup of buko pandan.

“ Kawawa ka naman kasi” he said while showing her the pictures we took earlier.

Tumabi naman si Janna kay Jamaica.

“ Ako? Wala ka bang dala for me?” tanong ni Jam kay Janna.

“ Wala. Hayaan mo si Kent. Makapal talaga ang mukha niyan” Jam just rolled her eyes but Janna actually got her something.

“ Wow. Makapal pala ang mukha ko ha? Ikaw nga nagdala ng buong leche flan!”

True enough dahil buong lalagyan ng leche flan ang dala niya.

“Ibalik mo lang ang lalagyan kay Ben bukas”

In our next subject which is TLE,  nakipagchikahan lang ang teacher namin habang nag mamassage ang iba. Dahil tapos na ako kahapon, ako naman ang minamassage ng partner ko.

Back massage naman sa araw na ito. Nakakarelax talaga. Gusto ko na lang matulog pero baka magalit siya kaya pangiti-ngiti na lang ako. When the bell rang, sinuot ko muli ang polo ko. Our teacher reminded us na next week na ang final demonstration namin for head and neck massage at sa next next week na for shoulder and back massage and so on. Para daw maaga na kaming matapos at notes na lang namin ang ipapasa.

Mukhang magdi-discuss lang kami sa English. Kinuha ko lang ang notebook ko at nag take down notes lang. Napatingin ako sa mga classmates ko at halatang inaantok dahil sa sobrang busog. Halos lahat yata kami ay pumunta.

Sa last subject namin, ay nag review kami ng mabilis dahil magbibigay ng quiz ang student teacher namin.

“ Sino ang anak ni Tandang Selo?”

Mabilis ko namang isinulat ang sagot ko.

“ Sino naman ang mga apo ni Tandang Selo? Isulat sa bilang sampu, labing isa at labing dalawa”

Nagpatuloy ang pasulit hanggang sa nasa panghuling bilang na kami.

“ Bakit maihahalintulad ang pamahalaan sa bapor tabo?”

Natapos ang pasulit ng maayos. Hindi naman ako nahirapan dahil nagbalik aral pa si Ms.

Halos lahat ay nakakuha ng perfect score. Nagpatuloy kami sa pagtalakay sa mga sumunod na kabanata.

Nag bell na at niligpit na namin ang mga gamit namin. We took our time cleaning.

“ Tambay muna tayo sa freedom park pagkatapos maglinis” Kent suggested.

We agreed with him. Nagmadali kami sa paglinis at pagkatapos ay nilock ang room at bumaba na.

I stayed close to them as we crossed the street. Bumili muna kami ng street food. Kasama ko si Kent, Janna, Taira, Mae,  Sweet, Rey, Lloydie, CK, Anton at Xylo.

Tumambay na lang muna kami at nagkwentuhan. This actually feels nice. First time kong umupo at tumambay sa freedom park ng hindi nag prapractice ng kung ano man.

Lloydie played his guitar at nakisabay kami sa kanta niya. We all had fun. Totoo nga siguro na there are blessings disguised as problems. Kung problem man ang maituturing sa FO namin ni Sixto. I proclaimed it na. What could be the other reason ng hindi niya pagpansin?

If it didn't happen, hindi ko sana mararanasan 'to. Ang umupo sa Bermuda grass at makipagtawanan lang. Later on someone went to us. He asked us if we have time.

We said 'Yes' He gladly sat with us and told us his experiences with God.

Funny how I remembered  that months ago Sixto and I smiled while walking in the middle while observing the happy people. Funny how I'm being one of those people now.

Funny how he told me not to change when in fact he was the one who changed first.