Of Lilies Time and Remorse

Chapter 14

Pagdating ko sa bahay I saw my parents in the living room having a serious discussion. Hindi ko naman narinig, and I don't have any plan to eavesdrop because I know it's an adult matter.

I'll ask them some other time if it involves me, because if it does, I have the right to know. But for now,  I'll just let them handle the problem first. They looked at my direction when they heard the door shut. I went to them and kissed their cheeks.

“ Akyat po muna ako. ”

“ We'll just call you for dinner Lucy” tumango lang ako kay mama and papa just gave me a smile.

I went up to my room and immediately indulged myself in a half bath. Sobrang stressful ng araw. Monday na Monday pa nga. After 15 minutes, nagbihis na din ako ng pantulog. I then went to my study table any checked my things. Nilabas ko din ang lunch box ko para ilagay sa kusina mamaya.

I grabbed my diary notebook and made a to do list. Sinulat ko ang mga schedules ko, projects na hindi pa napa-pass at iba pang bagay na kailangan gawin. I'm really a go with the flow person pero sa ngayon, I really need to be organized muna dahil sa sobrang daming kailangan gawin.

Kung noon nagbabasa lang ako ng libro at chill lang, I can't chill right now. Chill naman ako sa quizzes dahil hindi naman ako nag-aaral. What I'm concerned ay ang mga projects na may deadline. So I have no choice but to compromise.

I got our research draft first and made a pointer para mapag-aralan ko. I took note of the words, the title, the topic the effects, and everything about our research.

My mom called me for dinner. Kinuha ko muna ang lunch box ko at bumaba na. Naabutan ko sila na nasa table na.

“ Ano na ang balak mo na kuning strand Lucy?” tanong ni Papa habang sumasandok sa kanin.

“ HUMSS po Pa” sagot ko sa mahinang tinig. Napatigil naman si Papa sa pagsandok at napatingin sa akin.

“ Bakit hindi ka na lang mag STEM?”

“ Gusto kong maging writer Pa”

He stopped from putting rice on his plate and looked at me.

“ You can still be a writer while having a professional job Lucy”

“ But being writer is also professional. Kaya nga pag-aaralan Pa” I answered while staring at my plate.

“ Think about it. Your obsession about writing might just be a phase for now. Pwede pang mag-iba. ”

I just stayed silent. Alam ko naman kasi na sa ganito ang patitunguhan ng usapan. Nasabi ko na kanina na hindi ko muna sasabihin sa kanila pero wala akong choice. This found this as a perfect opportunity to know what's going on with their child.

“ You can still be a writer Lus kahit na STEM ang kukunin mo.” my mom said joining the conversation.

I sighed and answered her honestly.

“ It's different Ma. HUMSS is the starting point. There are subjects that are given for specific interests. Creative writing will be covered in HUMSS Ma”

She stared at me and I stared back. Papa cleared his throat.

“ Enough with this conversation. You still have months to decide Lucy, but we'd really hope you'd take STEM. it will help you and you'll learn a lot from it.”

I want to tell them that I'll  learn a lot in HUMSS too. We were already oriented about the strands and ever since, I really want to take up HUMSS.

We just ate in silence after that. I washed the dishes and then I went back to my room.

I got my paper and continued to work on our script for the theater play. I made it up to act three.

Next, I continued the script for our movie too. Hindi naman ako masyadong nahirapan na dahil naisulat ko na ang story nito noon. My group mates agreed to use it.

Around 10, na kaya I stretched my body first dahil almost 2 hours din akong nakaupo lang. Kinuha ko ang illustration board at sinubukang gawin ang math polygons ko. I decided to make the pyramid first.

I drew in the board five triangles para idikit ko lang at maging 3D. Hindi ko lang alam kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko.

I feel like it's time to sleep kaya niligpit ko na ang mga gamit ko, at nilagay sa bag ang mga importanteng gawin.

Naghilamos muna ako and brushed my teeth before climbing in my bed. Naalala ko na kailangan ko palang manuod ng cheer leading videos kaya naghanap ako sa YouTube muna at sinave sa downloads. Papanuorin ko na lang kapag may free time. I set my alarm at 2 am. Mahilig kasi akong magpa alarm ng maaga para gawin ang mga bagay na hindi ko natapos. I'll just stay awake for an hour, and then I'll go back to sleep. I turned the lights off.

I said my prayers before closing my eyes. I wish someone would visit me in my dream.

I woke up from the sound of my alarm. I turned the light on and got up from my bed. Pumunta ako sa study table ko. I decided to continue writing our script dahil umagang-umaga kaya productive at mabilis ang utak ngayon.

Napatingin ako sa bintana ko. Nakalimutan ko pa lang iuntie ang curtains. I glanced at Sixto's room. The lights were turned on. Is he still awake? He always turns his lights off kapag matutulog na eh. Or maybe it's one of his new year resolutions. For a change maybe. I just shrugged and untied my window curtain. I am never opening this window again.

I wrote for an hour, and decided to sleep back dahil baka makatulog ako sa kinabukasan. I set my alarm again at 6 am. Ayoko namang malate sa 7:30 na class.

After I said my prayer again, I closed my eyes. But I opened them again and looked at my window. Kahit naka sirado na ito, at naka down na ang kurtina, nakikita ko pa rin ang liwanag ng ilaw ni Sixto dahil nag re-reflect pa rin ito sa kwarto ko.

I can't help but to wonder. We were okay naman during new year. We just came back to school din and today's January 5. I admit we haven't been talking the past few days. Something might have happened or maybe I'm just over thinking things...

If he decided to be much closer or more than friends with that Hyacinth girl, judging from the way I saw them yesterday, I wouldn't mind...

Okay lang naman sa akin and besides why wouldn't it be okay? Friends naman kami. Well he should have told me atleast. Hindi 'yung magmumukha akong tanga na naghihintay sa kaniya sa gate habang tumatawa siya at kumakain ng ice cream. Wala namang pasabi na I'm on my own na pala.

I shook my head. Kung ano-ano na ang naiisip ko. Maybe because it's already three o'clock. I looked back at his window and after a few seconds, the lights went off. So he's still awake.

I woke up from the sound of my alarm. Agad akong naligo, at nagbihis. After that I went down to have breakfast. I don't really skip breakfast because my mom wouldn't let me. She never fails to remind me that it's the most important meal of the day. Never start your day with an empty stomach.

“ Bilisan mo na Lucy, at baka malate na kayo” I nodded to mama and immediately put my plate in the shrink. Kinuha ko din ang lunch box ko at baka maiwan pa.

Bumalik ako sa room ko and I brushed my teeth. I put my lunch box in my bag, and I started fixing myself. I combed my hair, and put on my hair barrette. I then wore my watch. I applied my day cream in my face and lastly the strawberry lip balm for my face. I whisked a little bit of my perfume. I went down.

Sabay ko si Papa dahil papunta naman siya sa city. He's working as an engineer in a construction company habang si mama ay papunta sa bukid dahil she's working as a chemical engineer in the geothermal plant. May dadaan na service van sa kaniya.

We kissed mom goodbye and then off we went. I kissed my dad's cheek before going out of the car.

“ Sabay kayo ni Sixto mamaya?” my dad asked. I stiffen. Hindi na ako sigurado kung sabay pa ba kami. Nasanay lang ako na sa apat na taon ko dito sa school, sabay kami. I guess it changed.

“ Hindi ako sigurado Pa. Baka mat ibang gagawin si Sixto” I told him as I turned my back and started walking.

Pagdating ko sa room, pinapagalitan na silang lahat ni Diane dahil hindi na naman sila naglinis. Inuuna nila ang pakikipagchikahan sa halip na maglinis. Mapapgalitan na naman kami ng adviser namin kapag hindi kami naglinis.

I just sighed and got myself a broom.

Pumunta na kami nina Mae at Kent sa hagdan.

“ Napaka feeler talaga ng Ivo na 'yan. Hello, hindi ko na nga siya crush bakit naman hindi niya pa rin ako kinakausap”

“ Syempre Kent baka nahihiya ang tao. Knowing na may HD ka pala sa kaniya.” Mae said. Hinayaan ko na lang sila at pumunta ako sa baba para simulan doon ang pagwalis. May dust pan naman na dala sila.

We stopped when we saw a teacher. Baka kasi malanghap niya ang napaka fresh na air. Humihinto kami sa tuwing may dadaan na tao. Paakyat na din ang teacher namin kaya we greeted her.

“ Good morning ma'am!”

“ O, tapusin niyo na 'yan. Magsisimula na ako sa klase” she said in her monotonous voice.

“ Ma'am, ang daming dumadaan kaya paulit-ulit kami” Kent said our excuse.

“ Ay, dalian niyo. Magbibigay ako ng quiz. ”

“ Yes ma'am!”

When she was out of earshot, we laughed. As if naman na bibilisan namin. We always take our time. Mangongopya lang naman kami. Ganoon talaga. Nagkokopyahan lang naman lahat.

“ Grabe naman. Moved on na nga ako sa kaniya diba? May baking crush na ako. Speaking of new crush...” his voice trailed of as we saw the whole athlete section.

We compressed in the side and stayed silent habang paakyat sila. Ang iingay! Ang dudumi pa ng mga sapatos. Hindi man lang nagtaktak sa may rubber mat.

When Kent's crush looked at us, we nodge his side. Pinanlakihan niya naman kami ng mata. Ilang ulit ko bang sinabi na na mukha siyang tarsier sa ginagawa niya?

Nang nasa third floor na sila,  we don't have a choice but to sweep the stairs again.

True enough, dahil may quiz nga na binigay. But we weren't that worried dahil nangopya lang kami. Alam naman ni ma'am na nangongopya lang ang lahat. It didn't bother her. Pero kapag exam, mahirap talagang mangopya. Grabe siyang watcher. Hindi niyo kakayanin. Hindo na kayo makakahanap ng ways gaya ng BDO.

The following subject, we just had our lessons. Nang nag recess na, hindi na ako sumama sa kanila ni Mae para magrecess. I decided to watch the videos I saved. I put on my earphones and watch the videos. May inulit ako ng inulit dahil nagustuhan ko pero hindi naman namin kokopyahin lahat. I went to Phil, dahil mag ka group kami sa movie, and handed him the script.

“ Pa picturan mo na lang sa kanila. Imemorize niyo na ang lines niyo” tumango naman siya. Napicturan ko na kasi 'yun.

Tapos na ang break time at mukhang wala ang teacher namin, kaya I got my script sa theater play namin at tinapos ito. Groupmates naman kami nila Mae, Kent, at Sweet dito. Dahil nasa act 3 na ako kagabi, I finished it up to act 5. Last act na din.

I took pictures of it first dahil mahirap na baka mawala.

I gave it to Mae.

“ Ipa memorize mo na sa kanila para madali na lang sa atin ang magpractice. Gawa na din tayo ng props kaya maningil kana ng 10 pesos each.”

Tumango lang naman siya and scanned the pages.

The vacant one hour went well. Ngayon ay pupunta na kami sa next subject namin. Ang ARPAN.

Our teacher grouped us, dahil may gagawin din kaming project na ipapasa sa kaniya. Parang miniature na bahay ang pinapagawa niya.

She gave us the time to meet our groups. First thing na ginawa namin ay nagisip kung anong bahay ang gagawin namin. We settled for the Popsicle sticks.

Since group mates namin ang magaling magdrawing, we let him design the house. Next ay pinag-usapan namin ang mga ilalagay at color coordination.

“ Kailan natin 'to gagawin?” tanong ni Tyra.

“ Hindi pwede sa Saturday dahil puno ang schedule natin” Kent said.

“ How about sa Sunday morning?”I suggested.

“Pero family day 'yan. Wala na tayong time sa bahay ganoon ba? Papagalitan na naman ako nito” Jovie said.

“ But it's the only time available. We'll just make use of the whole morning at siguraduhing dadating kayo on time, dahil may interview pa akong pupuntahan sa hapon. Lahat tayo ay pagod o papagalitan sa bahay dahil laging wala. Hindi lang ikaw.” I snapped at her.

But it's the only free time. To be passed na next Friday, end of the month naman ang movie, sa first week of February ipe perform ang theater play, pagkatapos ipa pass pa namin ang ibang projects. We can't take our time sa hapon dahil for sure everyone's tired to do more.

We agreed to make it sa bahay ng artist namin. Total may mga acrylic paint naman siya, nag ambagan na lang kami sa Popsicle sticks, styrofoam foam, glue sticks, double sided tape at ibang pwede naming idesign. There are ten of us, kaya we decided to give ten pesos each. Ang artist namin na si Rey ang bibili sa materials.

And it's settled. Whether they liked it or not,  they don't have a choice.

Sumama ako kay Janna at Kent na bumili ng lunch dahil nababagot na ako dito sa room. The schedules are back to normal. Hindi ko alam pero kahapon ay nagkabaliktad ang schedules.

The teachers explained naman na they weren't free sa time allotted nila dahil may seminars silang pinuntahan. Kaya nag switch na muna sila dahil hindi naman pwede na kababalik lang sa class ay absent sila.

Kumain na lang kami sa room habang nagpapa music si Chris. Sobrang lakas ng speaker. Well, lunch time naman kaya bahala sila.

I went to the Cr alone. Hindi ko na binother si Janna para samahan ako. Nag lulunch pa kasi.

Pagbalik ko sa second floor galing CR, napatingin ako sa building nila Sixto. I saw him, DL and their friends got out from their room. Napatingin sila sa akin.

They smiled at me. DL raised his hand as if to acknowledge me. I waved at him. But Sixto... Sixto didn't even look at me... He went back inside their room. Hyacinth gave me a smile.

I heaved a deep breath.

“ Oh, pinuntahan kita sa cr nandito ka na pala”  Janna told me.

“Nakipag flirt ka na naman sa senior high no? Well okay lang naman dahil lunch time pa. Wala pa kayong teacher na maiistorbo” she teased me.

“ Hindi no. We don't talk anymore”

She tilted her head and frowned. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang maguluhan. Naguguluhan din kasi ako.

“ Lucy, anong score mo?” Aya asked.

English time na namin and our teacher gave us an unexpected summarize test. Akala naman namin mag checheck lang siya ng drafts ngayon. Nagbigay siya kaagad ng summarize test about the lessons she gave before the sembreak. She caught us off-guard.

“ 27” I lazily answered her as I rest my chin on my hand.

“ Three wrongs? Ano naman 'yun?”

“ Basta nakalimutan ko yung river na sinabi sa inferio. Hindi ko din kilala yung pope na nandoon. At yung isa, ni leave as blank ko lang.”

I still heard her say 'Char' I rolled my eyes.

Last subject means last hour of boredom. The student teacher discussed about El Filibusterismo. She caters 3 chapters per day. She let's us remember kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga malalalalim na salita sa Filipino. Nakakaantok pero interesting din naman sa tuwing pinapatayo niya kami for the activities.

The bell rang, at tila ba nabuhay ang mga patay na kaluluwa ng mga kamag-aral ko. Agad kaming nag prayer at nagpaalam sa aming guro at sa student teacher namin.

We immediately cleaned the room. Pagod na ako at gusto kong umuwi kaagad.

“ Kent sabay ako sa inyo.” I told him.

“ Hala, pupunta muna kami sa computer shop para sa research namin.”

Tumango na lang ako sa kaniya and waved my hand.

Nasa gate na ako. I sighed. I'm on my own na ngayon. Kailangan ko na talagang matutong tumawid mag-isa. I looked at the other side of the street. Sinubukan kong sumama sa mga estudyante pero ang bilis nila makatawid. I gave up. Sasakay na lang ako ng tricycle.

Kung lalakarin ko lang, hindi naman ako makatawid sa mga crossing. Kinuha ko ang ten pesos sa coin purse ko at pumara.

Nang nakaupo na ako ay napabuntong hininga ako. This is how it is. I reminded myself to save an extra ten pesos everyday.