The Second New Beginning

Does real life becomes your dream or your nightmare? I want to run up to end but where,where is the beginning. I am now at Silay International Airport, happy and excited to be back home and meet my family again after working as a maid or an ofw in middle east specifically in Oman. Seeing my mom and my aunt Fely at airport i am happy to see them both but im not that happy. Seeing there smile and my moms tears of joy is not enough for me to be happy enough to enjoy to be back. Inside my aunts car, she said you become more whiter and i just smile. She told me not to change my clothes, where going to my cousins wedding Ricajane Bermeo. Wearing a darkblue slack with a darkblue long sleeve blouse. Im not out of place but i gain attention because im the only different. My cousin keeps on calling my name for 3 times, i stand and come in front to join all the girls for a game. The one that could not catch the brides flower, will be the one that is chosen to received the flower. I wasn't lucky to get the flower but i was happy not to catch the flower. Were back home, in the morning i gave my aunt Fely a 5,000 cash payment for my plane ticket and another 5,000 for a gift aside more chocolate, clothes,blanket and a set of bags of Loui Vuitton. I am expecting a 2 large package i send before my flight back to Philippines. When my brother arrive to visit me, i gave him a 3,000 cash aside frim his transportation also with more gifts for his wife and children. My family are all happy with everything i bought for them. I am preparing and completing all the documents of my sister needs for the house i bought for them that includes my SPA or my special power of attorney for my sisters name. Everyday i am thinking new menu that i want to prepare and cook for my family. I want them to taste those food i tried to eat in other country. One day, i made a filipino pandesal, i know exactly what to do, ingredients and the process of making pandesal. I remember while i was watching my uncle making a pandesal for our business before i went to middle east. I did make and cook. Then when i saw the bread it looks like a cookie not a pandesal. I was thinking of all that i did, i cant identify of where i went wrong or made a mistake. I know i did not made any mistake. I was having a headache thinking of that until i just told myself, forget it. One morning, i cook a bakareta. I prepared all the ingredients, my cousin called me and ask what im cooking. He said, it smells good and makes him hungry. One night, my sister told me about everything that happened while i was away. She is happy to tell me how big i have help financially. She is happy telling me that i have help to our brother. I was looking at the sunset while I started to open up about my experience in Oman I was about ask a support for me stay in Philippines and not to work again in other countries. Looking at her smile and seeing her happy is enough for me to stop of telling her about my life, my story, it wasnt ready yet to be open. The most important is they are happy without knowing of everything, not knowing of everything is good to begin a new life, moving forward is not that hard to start again. New work, new country, new environment , new employer, new life and new start to forget the bad memories. My story is not yet ready to be read by everyone and everyone are not ready to read my story. The second new beginning of my life is about to start, the day comes my journey going to Malaysia. During the day i arrive at the accomodation of Innovedge Agency with other girls applied as a maid the same like me. We were told to have a rest first for a day. Then on the second day we were told to have our medical. On the next day we were told to go to the office of Innovedge Agency. David Tan husband of Christie Cheong is the one that gave an orientation about our work and relationship between employer and employee. Next day, afternoon time, another day to meet our boss at the agency and another reminder for our work. Everyone were told that they can made a call for there family. When the day i went at the office. I know im ready for my work to start but the day i step my foot at the office Cheryl Robinos is one of the agent. She is a lesbian,i was looking at her, curious on how and why she is a lesbian. She looks beautiful if she becomes a real lady. She is looking at me at the same time,she looks very happy to see me right there. I dont know what to feel exactly ,to be happy or not. Her smile is different, it has a meaning that cant said through words with they she look at me. I felt not happy but i was feeling like want to vomit. I know exactly what her smile means, and its scares to entertain even in my mind. I dont want to give any malicious meaning to her smile but her smile shows everything even i dont want to think about it,its keeps in mind going back to remember again. It is a time to have another orientation from the owner and husband of Christie Cheong. We were given a sit each one of us in front of David Tan's office table. He is talking about the laws and rights of an ofw. One of the employee and ofw is the one named Beth Soriano that keep on talking and answering David Tan's question. He is asking about savings. He said that we have to save money and not to send our full salary to our family. Then he is saying about the government laws for ofw. I was the one have been ask about the rights of an ofw. I did answer about the rights of my fellow ofw for them to know because i know that some of them are new doesnt know anything. I answered and explained in a loud voice for everyone to hear. Then there's a filipina woman walking towards the office and looking straight at me and im looking at her too. I told myself she is boastful doesnt even knock at the door not even saying hi or a greetings to the boss. She walks like she is the boss. She even go out without saying anything to her boss. Then there's another woman standing at the door saying in a chinese language, a pretty, sophisticated chinese,long hair and talking at the boss. I was just looking at there conversation .Then the woman went beside the boss chair and keep on saying in chinese. Next thing she kiss the boss on the lips in front of everyone. Im looking at the both of them, im thinking that the women is telling is something to everyone,its not a word but by action. Im thinking that she is saying, these man is mine alone. "My boss David Tan's kiss" It reminds me of my dream and the man in my dream. They look the same, same feature. Im looking at him i dont realize that i forgot my boss David Tan's face and how he look like. Then im looking at the man in my dreams kissing the chinese women, happy. Remembering my dreams in the past for as long as i can remember, i was in my 3 yr. old kid,elementary and high school years up to my college years. I was only 12 years old. "My Dream" In my dream, I was with a handsome with a happy life together we are both happy. Next dream, the guy came with a woman, its like telling me of separating with me. The third party is Christie Cheong. While they are on there way out,there is a person lying dead. Im looking at the person but then i cant identify whom. Then i wake up. Next is i dream about my childhood. My mom is carrying me inside the Riverside hospital,she is crying and nervous looking at me because im in hemorraged. I saw a woman with a long black hair looking at me very angry. She is warning me not to be more beautiful than her.She told me we will meet again someday and said she will kill if im more beautiful than her. Im asking myself why and i feel scare of my future thinking am i going to be alive or dead. My mom is talking to the doctor on what will be the effect of hemorrage in my body. When my mom is about to go out of the hospital, is a 3 person, 1 woman, 2 man and 1kid a boy wearing a toxedo and holding a ball. When we are out of the hospital , i look at the left side i saw a man at the top of the building wearing a black toxedo. Then i turn at the right side, a woman came near me with a red roses in her hand and she gave it to me. I just look at her face intently and asking myself why. When i wake up, i remember my dream and i realize that was exactly the real event during my 3 yrs. old to be exact. But i am thinking, the woman is warning me about my future someday, i know exactly what she means, its my face, my look. Next dream, i was dreaming of a the same long black hair woman. In her left hand she is holding the hair of the beautiful woman,white and mestiza, kneeling down in front of her. At her right hand she is holding a sword near the neck of beautiful woman. Then she cut the head of the woman in front of my eyes. Im afraid while looking at her holding only the head of the woman.When i wake up i was shaking, i cant sleep, i cant even close my eyes. I was too scared to sleep. Next dream, Its still the long black hair woman , holding a plate with a head of a short black hair of a woman. She bring the plate near my face to show me that will happen to me also,she said she will kill all of the woman who are more beautiful than her. I was thinking of my face, i got scare because i know i will die in her hands. Im just a kid, thinking about what will be my future. Next dream, the time comes ,the future we both meet and she is very angry,telling me ill be dead. Cheryl Robinos, the lesbian agent looking at me smiling. I am looking at her way too curious to know about her smile. During there kiss i push myself to think of my parents kiss.I feel something to the man she is kissing but then i know were i stand and i know why i went to that country. I was always a person that put in my mind the things that i want to do, painful or not. Im looking at the black office table, the office room and everything, its similar,its the same, and the man in front of me is the same. I know where i saw everything in that office. But my question is why is these happening now, why it becomes real, why my dreams becomes real. Im thinking of my dream, the present , why its all connected in person. I know dream should only be in dreams and not in real life. I am a person that plans everything push my mind to do it. Why?..its because its what i want,its what i want to put in my mind,its what i want to do,its something that i force to erase in my mind but its still there, i dont how to answer my own question, i dont even know whom im going to ask. I dont know what is happening around me all i know i want a new life so i have to erase and always remind myself work and my family is something im holding on to live and nothing more. I am ready with a vision of being financially stable with my sister and family, without a man in my life. When i step my foot out of that building im looking at the building, i know something but theres no answer, so erase and work. The building, i already saw that, i know where. In my dreams again. Does dream becomes real?..i know people will say its only a dream and not real and why dont we sleep again maybe we just need more sleep. Other people will say that wake up and not keep on dreaming. How can everyone explain,"is it real or just a dream"?For me, dream should be in dreams only, i make my own dream and draw them so that i will not get lost on myself. Its what i make ,its what my life i want to be and i draw myself work and family. I made my own dream to control on whom im going to keep and let them enter in my life. During that day Last December 19, 2019 the day i arrive at my employers house with my agent. Im standing outside the gate with my agent, looking at the house. Why it looks familiar but i remember on where i saw the house. When the gate open and we enter,waiting for the owner of the house. Im looking at my luggage and remember that this was in my dream before in middle east, the same luggage,the same house,the same 2 and color of the cars. We were entering inside the house, and my employer Madam Jang Kim Luang let us enter at the kitchen and lead us to there dining table. While we were walking from the kitchen,im thinking, i saw the house, its all the same. The conversation already start with introducing me as there maid,we both agree that ill have my phone 1 day a week,but i know i have all the rights to keep and use my phone but then i want to follow what my employer wants and gain there trust to have me keep my phone. I dont know that my life has not started yet right there. My life during 3 to 4 months has been good but then sometimes there is an issue.First day of work, December before Christmas, im busy making general cleaning,they are both adking me to clean and i keep on saying yes but while im cleaning the crystal cealing i forgot the steamer that my employer ask me to turn it off later. Then its burn at the bottom of the steamer and made a hole. I told Tai Ren Yin about what happen and show it to her. I say im sorry and she told her mom. She is angry to what happen. Then next day,her anger is gone.Like there attorney coming every 2 times a week also a chinese. They are both having a conversation at the ground floor,my employer Madam Jang Kim Luang telling there attorney that filipinos are not good while looking at me. I did not pay attention even i feel that i want ask and know why. Another issue they keep on talking about me ,i always hear my name mention by the both of them Madam Jang Kim Luang and her daughter Tai Ren Yin. I talk to Tai Ren Yin, at there private office saying that they can tell me and talk about there issue or problem about me, she keep on telling me that they dont have any issue while i get emotionally. Third issue, is they keep on saying that im sour towards them, i feel that time that im sad,angry and turn off to my employer during the whole month of April year 2020, im telling myself and push myself not to get angry or sour towards until they have a visitor , my employer told me to bring a water for him. She introduce me to her visitor and i went to the kitchen. The man i know they are having a conversation about business and his holding a documents but the word sour, came out again and it gets me interested on what they are talking. I did hear named Sheila May Uy being compared to me.Another group of psychologist came there talking about me being sour,i keep on working but then i know they are talking about me and it gets me angry and my face becomes strong that doesnt smile.Im thinking that why keep on talking about me and doesnt even ask me or make me sit infront of them, if they are a real psychologist they should interview me and ask many question about my life but then no. They just keep on looking at my way. Inside my room, i keep on hearing them and gets me angry more. I went at the door sitting there,not locking but keeps my ears to them. I want to understand on what they are talking. Until my employer did make a call to my agency . They both decide to return me. I keep on asking myself ,what is wrong to my work,did i made a big mistake. I decide to just accept and find another employer. As days pass by, my feet is too painful to walk, its too painful to make a step but my work continues. Im thinking, get up force myself to be awake,too sleepy, i told myself ill sleep for another 5 minutes,until its pass my schedule of my time for work. Then i have to do my work more faster even my feet is too painful, i did not told my employer because i said it will just gone. They saw me the next day,walking like im in pain. They ask me if my feet is in pain. Then i said yes.