Finding Home

Disagreement

Caitlin

I get into my mom’s car, pulling the driver side door closed. There is movement in my bedroom window but I don’t see Quinn. He’s feeling some type of way about not being allowed to come out with us tonight, but it’s a friends only night and significant others are not invited. It doesn’t matter to him that neither Merit or Lena are bringing their partners, he’s just sore because he wants to be included.

Instead of getting caught up in his bad mood, I pull up my recent playlist on the music app and put the car in reverse. I sing along to the songs as I drive to Lena’s house. She is fighting with her mom about something again. I’m not exactly sure what she and Aunt Tori are disagreeing over now, but it seems like they are constantly fighting and making up.

To avoid the awkward family drama, I stay in the car when I pull up to the Vincent’s house. I park the car and text Lena to let her know I’m waiting for her.

Me: I’m here! Tick tock!

I smile to myself, anticipating her reply. I don’t have to wait long before Lena bursts out of the house and practically runs to the car.

“Oh my god, you’re such a b***h!” She breathes as she opens the car door.

“What?” I play it innocent.

“You know what! Tick tock?! You just pulled up, I saw you in the window!”

“I can’t help it that under normal circumstances I’m usually waiting for you to be ready to go.”

“Whatever, you’re a rude ass.” She rolls her eyes at me.

“You’re ridiculous, I know the only reason you were at the window waiting for me is that you and your mom are at it again.”

Lena pulls a face at me. “Don’t even get me started.”

“I don’t know why you two can’t get along, Aunt Tori is the nicest!”

“Yeah, maybe if she isn’t YOUR mom. Otherwise she’s a busybody and sticks her nose into everything! You’ll see. I’ll tell you everything after dinner when we are with Merit and Elle.”

“Speaking of, do you think Elle is doing okay?” I look at her out of the corner of my eye.

“What do you mean?”

“I just noticed she seems more distant lately. I can’t put my finger on it.”

“You know that’s just how she is. I’m surprised we’ve been able to stay friends like this for so long. I think it’s against her nature or something.”

“s**t, you’re mean!”

“I don’t mean it like that. I just mean she’s kind of a loner sometimes and it doesn’t seem like she wants to be close with people.”

“I don’t think that’s it. She’s always spent loads of time with us growing up.”

“Did you ever notice it was only us or her family that she hung out with?” Lena asks.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, we all have friends outside of our group except for Elle. She is the only one who doesn’t even mention anyone else outside of her family and roommates. Occasionally she will complain about someone in her classes but that’s it. It’s like other people don’t exist to her,” Lena explains.

“I guess I never noticed that. Either way I still feel like something is off with her.”

“I’ll see if I pick up on anything tonight and let you know.” Lena shrugs and turns up the music, ending the conversation there.

I know Lena is stressed about her own issues, but I can’t help but think she can be a bit insensitive. Maybe Elle isn’t as social as the rest of us, but I don’t think that’s because she wants to be that way. I think she genuinely doesn’t know how to connect with people sometimes. She doesn’t do a great job with small talk and that makes it hard when first meeting new people.

Now that I think about it, her career choice is strange for her since she’ll be dealing with a lot of people at work as a nurse. I’ll have to ask her more about it when we get a chance to talk. I have a hard time staying in touch with Elle and Merit as much as I do with Lena since they are going to different colleges.

With Lena, even if she was at a different college I think it would be relatively easy to stay in touch with her because she is so outgoing. Out of all of us, Lena is the biggest “people person,” I have my writing, Merit has his painting, and well Elle is just Elle. I feel like a shitty friend for not realizing that I don’t know what Elle’s “thing” is until now.

It’s so much easier to know your friends when they are open and love to share their lives like Lena does, that I forget to check in with Merit and Elle as much as I should. It’s easy to assume they don’t have anything going on or that they want to share because they are less likely to reach out unprompted. Whereas with Lena, if she has something going on she lets everyone know it. That quality is nice but it can be overwhelming, too.

“Hey, I think you’re supposed to turn here?” Lena breaks through my train of thought.

“Oh crap, you’re right.” I hit the brakes a little harder than I normally would. “Sorry!”

“What were you thinking about?”

“I was wondering what has been going on with Merit and Elle since we aren’t in their lives as much now.”

“That’s why we need to enjoy tonight and not get stuck in our own heads!”

“I know. I’m not stuck in my head, I’m trying to pay better attention to our friends.”

“You seem like you’re in a shitty mood now. What did I say?”

“Nothing specific. I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but sometimes you can be a little self-absorbed with your life. Before you freak out about that, I do the same thing and I was thinking that I should show more of an interest in our friends’ lives.”

“Wow. I cannot believe you just called me selfish! I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that and try to enjoy the rest of the night. You might feel bad about your relationships with Merit and Elle, but I check in with them on my own. Just because you don’t know about everything I do, doesn’t mean I’m a selfish bitch.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I want to have a good time with everyone tonight.”

“Whatever, we can talk about this later.” Lena climbs out and slams the car door behind her. She waits for me at the front of the parking spot but starts walking ahead of me when she can tell I’m close by. Maybe it was wrong of me to say anything but I don’t want to be a friend that just tells people what they want to hear when I think they could do better.

Hopefully, our disagreement doesn’t bleed into the rest of the night. Lena can be dramatic and emotional in the moment but usually she calms down again quickly.