The Rogue

Eight - Control.

It took some time for my heart to slow down; my fingers had shaken while I changed my clothes. I settled for leggings and a sweatshirt, comfort was needed after the whirlwind weekend. I was thankful that I was on semester break, there was no way I would have been able to focus on class today.

Checking my phone, It almost 9 am and I have a message from Evan.

Last night was fun, I understand. See you again soon.

At least he wasn’t miffed about waking alone; I don’t know how I would have explained my nightmare to him if I had stayed let alone found an excuse to leave to get back to Adam.

Adam. I don’t know what to make of him. He’s all over the place and so hard to read, but last night, his concern for me felt... different. He doesn’t strike me, as someone who would ever genuinely show care for someone else yet there was honesty in his tone. More than that, why had he come to mind when I was with Evan? When I barely know him.

I pull myself up, desperately needing a drink of water. To my surprise Adam isn’t in his room, though his bed is perfectly made, you wouldn’t even know someone lived in this room, except for his backpack sitting neatly in the corner.

Making my way down the plain white corridor to the kitchen I halt in the doorway. A strange woman is sitting at the bench. She looks up from her phone, smiles a warm inviting smile, as her gaze takes me in. I relax, just a fraction.

“The guys are just out training, Alessia’s in the tech room, there’s cereal in the top cupboard and milk in the fridge but not much else”

She’s tall, platinum blond, dressed in a tight scarlet velvet V-neck top. Her long, perfectly manicured nails were scrolling away on her phone.

I hesitate. “Sorry didn’t mean to scare you… I’m Megan” she smiles motioning for me to enter.  

So this was Megan who left me clothes.

“Nice to meet you… thanks for the clothes” I cautiously make my way into the kitchen, finding the lone cereal and milk, making myself a bowl.

“Oh don’t mention it, it's nice to finally meet the person that’s causing such a fuss.” Her voice is bright and bubbly any and all unease I had drifted away, she reminds me a lot of Jess.

“So what’s your part in all of this?” I ask, leaning against the bench to eat my cereal. Something about sitting down felt strange, I wasn’t even sure if I should be out of my tiny room.

“I provide pleasure to Seth…”

my jaw drops and Megan bursts out laughing. “I’m kidding, kind of. I’m Seth’s girlfriend, I’m actually a hairdresser by trade.”

“So you’re not a part of the order then?”

“No. Although they keep tabs on me and I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement since you know, Seth technically doesn’t exist.” She pats the barstool next to her,

so I take it.  

“You know when the guys said you were the daughter of a wealthy scientist, I pictured someone a little more… fancy.”

I smile. “I’m from Byron really. I’m only here for university.” She’s looking at me intently. The same way jess does when she’s scheming.

“Here’s the deal Ivy. You and me, we are going to be friends. Because of the non-disclosure agreement, I don’t really have anyone to chat to about Seth, people just assume we are long-distance, it’s hard to always be lying but you, we can chat.” She was blunt and to the point, and I can’t deny I too could use a friend to talk to as well.

“Deal. You don’t chat to Alessia?”

“Alessia is… she’s complicated. She doesn’t exactly approve of my presence here. She’s nice, but she’s a lot like Adam. Hard to read, hard to really know, and keeps to herself mostly.”

“Yeah, Adam is… intense.” I agree, taking a few more bites of my cereal.

Her brows furrow. “It’s not surprising though given his background.”

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“Seth, he’s like you, he got recruited for his tech skills before he even finished year 12, that’s how I even know him, we went to school together. Adam though he was born and raised in the order, his parents are members, it's all he’s ever known.”

That explains a lot. I could only imagine what Adams's life has been like, being raised to be a hired assassin, did he even have a childhood? My thoughts are interrupted as

Seth Adam and Bryce; all wander into the kitchen, rummaging in the cupboard for snacks and grunting when they come up empty.

I hop down and slip past them to the sink, wash my bowl and spoon up and put away, heavily aware of Adams's gaze on me. Megan is smiling and busily talking to Seth but I catch her to give me a sneaky wink, as Adam taps me on the shoulder making me jump. He motions for me to follow him as he heads back into the tech room. when we enter Alessia is talking furiously in Italian over a microphone I look at Adam confused.

“Just ignore that” He mouths before pulling us out of seats in front of the computer we sat at the other night.

“I thought you’d be wondering if you got any information. I had a quick scan through last night, a lot of it was encrypted and because the download was interrupted it wasn’t decoded, but we did get some fragments which added with all the names of people at your father's party you were able to get us, gives us a lot to go on.” He muses, as he types away entering codes I don’t understand.

“Is it enough for you to let me go home and get on with things?” my voice raises as I brace myself, hoping for a yes.

“No. But it’s good, you did good Ivy” He gives me a slight smile and I relax down into the seat, feeling both reliefs my efforts weren’t in vain but also defeated, how much else will I need to do?

Adam must have caught my change of mood.

“I’m serious Ivy, what you got us is good. It’s much more than we’ve had to go on.”

I take a deep breath and compose myself.

“Okay so, where do we start?” I say a little more confident than I feel, sliding myself closer to the computer.

We spent most of the day, looking up the people who had been at the party, but to our dismay, nothing overly eye-catching came up, not in the mainstream media or any databases that the order had and It was beginning to frustrate me.

“f**k it!” I snapped pushing the mouse away and running my hands through my hair. “this is useless!”

Adam spun my seat around and pushed me towards the door.

“You need a break, come on.” He said firmly, as he pulled me to my feet and marched me to his room. I didn’t protest because he was right.

“Put some jeans and shoes on, we're going out.”

excitement set in, I didn’t care where we were going but I was ready to be out of this house. In my wardrobe room, I quickly changed, swapping my leggings for jeans, and slipping on my Chelsea boots. As I rummaged through my bag for my crossbody bag something small catches my eye. The device Adam had given me had fallen from my backpack onto my bed. I hesitate to take it but settle on tucking it in my pocket, I just hope I don’t have to use it.

Adam was waiting for me when I opened the door. He too had changed from his sweats and was now wearing fitted black jeans and a tight black zip-up motorbike jacket that further accentuated his broad shoulders. He had tied his hair back away from his face, highlighting his green eyes; something about them draws me in. My cheeks flush as I catch myself staring.  In his arms, he’s holding a smaller version of his jacket; “This one should fit you” handing me the jacket, seemingly unaware of the redness burning in my cheeks.

I slip it on and zip it up. It’s snug-fitting and instantly warm. Adam adjusts some straps around my wrists and waist before leading me back to the garage.

The SUV is gone leaving just the motorbike. He grabs a black helmet hanging from the wall, pushes it onto my head, adjusts it then puts on his own.

He slings his leg over the bike and wastes no time starting it. The engine roars to life, making me nervous. I’ve never ridden a motorbike before, let alone with someone. Slowly, awkwardly I climb on behind Adam. He points to where I put my feet and cautiously grab ahold of his waist, grabbing a fist full of his jacket.

“Stay close to me.” He orders as he revs the bike. I wrap my arms around him tighter pushing up against his back as he raced off, leaving the garage before the door had fully opened and made my heart skip a beat.

Outside the rain had stopped leaving an overcast sky. It was a dreary winter's day but I didn’t care, I was thankful for the moment feel free. The streets still damp caused showers of spray to fly out from the bike when Adam deliberately sped through the puddles. My heart jolted each time, but a smile graced my face. I could have even sworn I heard a chuckle from Adam.  I hated to admit it but he was right. I did enjoy this. Time had seemed to slow and the icy breeze blowing past us felt incredible.

Adam weaved us in and out through the city traffic; I moved with him on every curve, it didn’t take long for me to get the hang of it.  He sped us through the suburbs through the city and onto the highway until we made it to the coastline.

Pulling up at an almost deserted beach, the smell of saltwater felt like home.

I took off onto the sand as soon as Adam had my helmet off. The cold sea breeze is soothing, bringing peace to my mind and calm through my body. A little taste of home I didn’t realize how much I needed.

Adam ran to join me and soon we fell into an even pace. The beach is quiet, occasionally we passed the odd runner or dog walker, but it would have been easy to feel alone.

“Feel better?” he breaks the silence and I’m reminded why we were here.

“The information I got was useless” I grumble kicking a piece of driftwood across the sand.

“Why do you think that.” His tone is annoying calm; I don’t understand how he isn’t as bothered as me.

“Because we’ve looked up people all, and found nothing of interest”

“Doesn’t mean anything, we haven’t really investigated any of them. At least not yet.” He shrugs.

“The list was huge, you can’t investigate all of them.” I sigh.

“We can… But where would you suggest we start? It's one thing getting names and audio, it’s a different thing to be at a place, and see a person, read their body language.”

I think for a moment. “Katherine Mason, she seemed really interested in me and Evan said she’s been working with my father. And professor Seamus, he seemed to know a lot about what Evan is going to be taking over.”

“We’ll start there.”

“We?”

“You signed a contract Ivy, you wanted to get information” My mouth falls but before I can protest I find myself falling facedown into the sand. Adam is laughing, he had knocked my feet out from under me in a sudden maneuver of his leg.

“What the hell!” I snap, pulling myself up and brushing damp sand off me.

“I have my work cut out with training you.” He continues to laugh at me a glorious warm laugh; it angers me. I storm off, stomping through the sand. He’s infuriating. I know nothing about him, he’s uprooted all my plans, expects me to trust him yet pulls this stunt. My anger continues to grow, I feel it burning through me, I put my hands in my pockets, and suddenly I know what to do.

He catches up to me, grabbing my wrist to stop me but I spin into him. Pressing the device into his hand as he caught my raised fist. His face contortions momentarily as pain sear through him and he jumps back in shock.

“Maybe not!” he pants through a mischievous grin. I glare at him as the anger boiled over-consuming me.

“You don’t trust me, you’ve torn my life apart, but you expect me to blindly trust you when I don’t even know you!” I scream.

Adams's smile fades and his laughing stops. I don’t let him speak.

“I don’t want this! I just want to go home and get back to my life. Why are you dragging that out? I got you some information isn’t that enough?” I’m panting and shaking. I am overcome with anger and frustration but Adam is watching me calmly.

“You want to go back to your life as it was?” his voice is soft, calm, soothing.

“Yeah, I do” I snap, tears stinging my eyes.

“Ivy, don’t you see? You can never go back to what it was. Your father, he experimented on you. He almost killed you. Your mother knew and lied to you about it. Then your Father just happened to be trying to contact you when you were of legal age… You really think he doesn’t have ulterior motives to your deal besides just having you for his public image?” Slowly as he spoke he moved closer, his eyes focused solely on me. Every word sunk deep into my mind, the anger subsiding was replaced by an indescribable feeling as all the puzzle pieces fell into place and I fell to my knees in horror.

I try to speak, but strained gargles come out. I cant breathe. My chest is tight. I gasp in and out but it's not enough. I don’t want to feel it. Tears are pouring down my cheeks leaving wet drips in the sand. I clutch my head trying to will away the thoughts spinning in my mind.

“I… cant…. he…. she… please…” I choke out as Adam kneels in the sand in front of me.

Memories I thought were nightmares flash in my mind and the world begins to spin. Adams cool hands cup my cheeks, gently lifting my chin to look at him.

“Look at me Ivy, Breathe with me… in… out….” He is soft and calm, guiding me. I stare into his green eyes that see right through me. I choke in the breaths but do as I’m told. Slowly, with each breath the panic slips further away and numbness stays in its place.

“You’ve spent your life disconnected from yourself. You’ve been in survival. You think you know who you are but you don’t. You’ve just been running.”

Slow tears are still falling down my cheeks, he brushes them away with his thumbs before gently gliding my hands down from my head, holding them in my lap. Adam is right. I don’t know him but he knows me better than I know myself.

“It all just hurts so much, I don’t want to feel it”

“Pain is a part of life. People are raised to fear pain, that it’s bad. It’s not. Pain is just a messenger, when you don’t fear it when you listen to what it’s trying to tell you, it doesn’t hurt so much.”

I look at his hands, holding mine. How much pain have they inflicted? How much have they endured?

“How do you not fear it?”

“Practice.”

I pull my hands from his and wrap my arms around my waist turning my gaze to the ocean. Adam shifts and sits next to me.

“What are you afraid of Ivy?”

I shake my head.

“Are you afraid of me? I’d understand if you are” his voice holds a twinge of sadness; it pulls my gaze from the ocean. I look up at him, his defined features in the soft light, seem tired, he appears young but his eyes, as mesmerizing as they are, I now see hold wisdom and memories beyond his years. His defenses are down, and at this moment, I can't help but feel that Adam and I are alike in ways only he could see before.

“No… maybe a little.”

“If it's not me then what?”

“Myself. I’m scared of myself Adam.” He nods and I’m thankful he doesn’t press. I’m not ready to talk about that.

“When you’re ready, we will go. But when we go, you need to leave the Ivy Hale you thought you were behind. That Ivy doesn’t serve you now, she never did. It's time to stop running from yourself, It’s time to take control”

We sat in the sand, watching the waves flow in and out. Each time the waves crashed into the sand, I felt the pain drift away. Adam was right, again. I cannot keep running. I need to take real control of my life. I need to end this with my father so I can be free.

I looked at Adam, wiping the last few stray tears from my eyes.

“I’m ready.”