Lead Me To You

Kabanata X

Adjustments

Monica

I see so many familiar faces. Even after all those years, they're still here. Mas lalo lamang namumuhay sa aking puso ang mga alaala ng nakaraan.

"Good morning, Signora." Bati sa akin ng mga pamilyar na mukhang nasa harapan ko ngayon.

'Signorina' ang titulo ko noon. Ibig sabihin ay 'young lady' sa English. Nakakataba ng puso na tawagin nila ako ngayong 'Signora' na ang ibig sabihin ay 'madam or lady'.

Hindi ako makapagsalita at parang umurong na ang aking dila dahil hindi ko maisatinig ang aking sasabihin.

"Monica," my cousin snapped at me. "They are greeting you." He said.

Agad ko naman silang hinarap at ginawaran ng aking tipid na ngiti. Hindi ko pa rin talaga alam kung ano ba ang mararamdaman ko ngayong nakatungtong na akong muli sa mansyon na ito.

Francis somehow snatched the attention of all the people in this lobby as he walked in my direction. All eyes were turned to him as he started to speak.

"Pardon me for being late. May pinaghahandaan kasi ang buong mansyon na pagsasalo bukas." Francis proclaimed.

He has so much authority in him.

"That's okay. Kararating lang din naman namin. Pero mukhang pagod sa byahe si Monica kaya kung maaari ay ihatid ko na muna siya sa kanyang magiging kwarto." Sabi naman ng aking pinsan na si Matteo.

Tumango na lamang si Francis at hindi na nagdalawang isip pa ang aking pinsan at giniya na ako pataas ng magarbong hagdanan.

We stopped at the familiar door. It is indeed familiar because this was my room before, and in irony, this is where I will be staying from now on until I am here. My chest was pounding hard and I feel like I'm going to faint. I don't know how long I can keep this up but I'm not gonna last if I will keep this to myself. I held Matteo's arm as we entered the room. He sat me down on the bed and looked at me worriedly. He put his hand on top of my hand that was holding his arm and touched my forehead suddenly. He still looked worried.

"Do you want to be checked? You are burning up." He whispered.

"I can't- can't stay here. I- I'm going to die." I cried.

I don't know why.

"You're safe here. No one's going to hurt you unless Francis and I are here. We're going to protect you, alright?" He assured.

"No, no, no! I can't stay in this room. I can't be alone here. I'm going insane!" Hindi na ako mapakali.

Sa loob ng kwartong ito nakaukit ang nakaraan. Tila nakadikit ang mga iyon sa dingding at sa apat na sulok nito. Saan man ako tumingin ay parang gumagalaw ang mga larawang tila ako lamang ang nakakakita.

"Francis!" Matteo's voice was receding as I examined the room with my eyes.

"Francis!" He called again.

My anxiety is killing me. And I am letting myself suffer for staying in this room. I am still not letting go of Matteo's hands, holding it tightly as if it's gonna fade.

"Can she transfer a room?"

"The other rooms are not yet thoroughly cleaned, I'm afraid. But she can stay in my room in the meantime. Ipapautos kong linisan ang katabi kong kwarto para sa kanya."

"It's gonna take one more day?"

"Probably, they still need to move some furniture."

"And she can't be alone, at least for now. Until she adjusted."

"Yeah, I know. I'll take care of her."

Hindi ko na napakinggan and usapan ng making pinsan at ni Francis patungkol sa paghahanap nila ng bago kong kwarto. Bigla na lamang along nanghina at parang dumidilim na ang aking paligid.

"Monica!" The last call I heard before I could blackout.

I don't know how long I slept but I just found myself laying on somebody's bed. As I opened my eyes, the light from outside the window was the first I have noticed. I turned to my other side only to see Francis looking keenly at me.

"You're awake. Do you need water?" He asked.

I ignored his question and look for my cousin instead, that is nowhere to be found in this room.

"Where's Matteo?" I forced myself to sit up.

"He left just fifteen minutes ago. He needs to go back to Manila for the other case he's working for his client." Oh! I was not informed.

"Leaving me alone here?" With such anxiety that I am feeling right now?

"I am here to take care of you and replace him for a short moment if you would permit. I can assure you that I am capable of taking good care of people." He said. It sounded so arrogant.

What am I? A five-year-old child that needs parent's support?

"Leave me alone," I said.

Nanghihina akong humigang muli sa kama at binalot ang aking katawan ng makapal na comforter. I looked like I was splurging my way to darkness again to the idea that Matteo left me alone. As if he is not coming back. I don't know if I could trust Francis right now. I don't know his true motive. Kaya niya siguro ako pinapunta dito ay para pahirapan ako. To torture me by reminding me of my past.

"Just call the maid if you need anything. I'll check the next room if it's cleaned already so you can transfer tomorrow." I heard the rustling sound from his movement.

I just remembered that this was not my room but his.

I heard the door opened and closed, a cue that he left the room. Tumihaya ako ng higa at hinawi ang kumot hanggang sa aking baywang at tumitig sa haligi.

Papa, what is happening? Why am I here? Ho bisogno di te adesso. I am so hopeless.

Now, where is my phone? I need to call my cousin and scold him for leaving me here by myself. Pumayag ako sa ideyang bumalik dito kasama siya ngunit hindi ko yata napaghandaang kailangan kong masanay na rin na minsan ay mawawala sila dahil may sarili silang buhay bukod sa problemahin ako.

Why am I always the problem here? I do not wish to be protected, by the way. And this was not the plan I presume. How can I carry it out if I'm here?

"Ugh! Frustante!"

Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang aking pagod ngunit nakatulog na naman ako kakahintay ng reply ni Matteo mula sa aking mga pinadalang mensahe rito. Nagising ako mula sa katok sa pintuan ng katulong na may dalang isang tray ng pagkain.

"Magandang umaga, Signorina. Pinadala po ito si Sir Francis kasi kagabi ka pa daw hindi kumakain." Sambit into nang ipating ang tray sa kama.

"I could go down to eat. Hindi mo na dapat pa ako hinatiran ng pagkain dito. Pero, salamat pa rin." I said nicely.

"Nagprisinta po talaga ako na dalhin ito sa inyo kasi gusto ko po kayong makilala. Palagi ko po kasing naririnig mula sa mga matatandang katulong dito na ikaw daw po ang dating may-ari ng mansyon na ito." Paborito talaga akong pagusapn ng mga tao.

"Why do you want to know that?" I was suddenly curious about the things they have described to me.

"All good things! Napakabait at maalagang amo raw po ang inyong ama. Tuwing katapusan ng buwan ay may bonus raw po na natatanggap ang lahat ng trabahante lalo na kapag mataas ang bentahan ng mga produkto nila. Masayang pamilya raw ang nakatira noon sa mansyon na ito lalo na noong nabubuhay pa ang asawa ni Signor Massimo. Masakit at hindi makatarungan nga lang ang sinapit na pagkamatay nito kaya nawala lahat sa kanila." Litanya niyo.

Nakikinig lamang ako at habang pinapakinggan ko siyang nagsasalita ay hindi ko napigilan ang aking sarili na maluha. Bumabalik ang alaala ng aking ama sa aking isipan. And I just realized that I have taken him from granted so much. If I could just turn back the time, I would have listened to him more.

"Naku! Pasensya na po. Hindi ko po sinasadyang paiyakin kayo. Sorry po talaga. Heto po ang tissue." Hindi na ito mapakali nang inabot sa akin ang tissue.

"It's okay. I'm fine. No need to worry about." I said.

Nanginginig ito sa aking harapan habang hindi na ito makatingin sa akin ng diretso. Bigla namang pumasok si Francis sa kwarto at nadatnan ang pangyayari.

"What have you done to her? Why is she crying?" The authority of his voice. Kahit mahinahon na pagtatanong lamang ito ay nakakatakot pa rin.

"She did nothing wrong to me. I just had a bad dream, that's all." Palusot ko.

Seems like he believed it.

"Go to the next room now. Make sure that it's all cleaned so she can transfer." Utos nito sa kanya.

Agad naman niya iyong sinunod at parang kidlat na lumabas ng kwarto.

"You scared her," I stated.

"No, I did not." He answered.

I was not even asking him a question.

"You are scary enough for them," I said to him.

"Am I scary to you?" He asked.

"I wouldn't have liked you before if you were scary," that just slipped out of my mouth suddenly.

I always wanted to be straight to the point. And I'm not going to lie about how I feel about him. I have always been infatuated with him before, especially when I saw him passionate about wines. That's how we started to get closed to each other.

It's just that, we're not the same person anymore.

How have we come onto this?

Ang simple lamang ng buhay ko noon. I am just existing, living and celebrating my life as a Carluccio but everything changed since they have got interested in my family. And I still don't know who they were but I am not giving up.

Paglabas ko ng mansyon ay may pinaghahandaan ngang pagsasalo para mamaya. Maraming ginagawa ang iba pang katulong at hindi ko dapat sila abalahin.

"Hi! Just want ask. Para saan po ba ang pagsasalong magaganap mamaya?" Nilapitan ko ang isang hardinerong nagtatabas ng mga halaman.

"Maganda at marami po kasi ang naging ani nitong isang linggo. Hiniling lang po ng mga trabahante na magkaroon ng pagsasalo para sa selebrasyon. Pumayag naman si Sir Francis kaya naghahanda na kami ngayon." Sagot naman nito.

Oh really? He listened to them.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad papunta sa ubasan para makita kung totoo nga ba ang balita. Mas malulungkot lamang ako kung magkukulong ako sa kwarto. Kailangan ko rin naman ng sariwang hangin. Narito na rin naman ako, kaya sasamantalahin ko na.

I was not prepared to see that my favourite hammock was not there anymore. Isa na lamang ang punong matibay na nakatindig dito. Masakit para sa akin ang makita iyon kaya pinihit ko ang aking katawan pabalik ng mansyon.

"Magandang umaga, signorina."

Hindi ko pinansin ang mga pagbati nila sa akin dahil wala akong ibang maisip kundi apng komprontahin si Francis tungkol sa duyan.

"Where is my hammock?" I found him in the kitchen with the two maids helping him with the cooking of something I don't want to know.

"Why is it not there anymore? And the tree!" I hysterically asked him.

Tinanggal niya ang apron nitong suot at pinatong iyon sa counter. Lumalapit ito sa akin habang hindi pinuputol ang tingin.

"I had to remove it because it might be broken. A lot of typhoons had hit this place for eight years so the tree was also destroyed. But I hid the hammock at the storeroom for safekeeping." He explained.

"That hammock was the only memory I have with both of my parents that I can accept without breaking down. I was just shocked that it was not there on how I left it." Nanginginig kong pinunasan ang mga takas na luha sa aking pisngi.

"I can reinstall it again if you like. I just have to call some person to do the job." He offered.

"I want it the old way. But I guess, it's not gonna happen sooner. Just leave it."

It's not going to be the same hammock I used to like anymore.

"Do you want some tiramisu to stop you from crying?" He crossed his arms from his chest.

"How would a tiramisu be of help for me right now?" I copied his movement.

"Matteo informed me that's your comfort food. You have a sweet tooth." He stated. And it's not a lie. I do have a sweet tooth.

"And you believed him?" Matteo and I need to talk about this.

"He knows you better. And to have peace in this house, I have to learn everything about you." He said.

"Am I a problem that you need to solve? That requires you to study my behavior?" I don't want to start it again.

Sa huli ay tinanggap ko pa rin ang alok nitong dessert. Nalaman ko na sarili niya itong gawa para lamang sa party na magaganap mamaya. I saw the one truck arrived at the facade and the helpers assembled the rented karaoke for the farmers and other staff. It's gonna be a fun and loud evening. Luckily, we don't have neighbors.

"Iho, patulong naman ako na abutin ang malaking bowl na iyon na nasa taas ng cabinet." Narinig kong sabi ng isang matandang katulong na nasa kusina.

"Salamat, Francis."

Hmm, she's not calling him Signor or Sir. She must have been special.

"Walang anuman po, Manang Ophelia." Sagot naman ni Francis.

I heard that name before. And if I was not mistaken, the woman with that name was once my nanny. To my curiosity, I went back to the kitchen and explored the whole place only to kind out the oldest woman on the wheelchair mixing something in a bowl on her lap.

"Nanny?" I called her to confirm.

My voice was still clear, enough for her to hear so she turned in my direction. I was right! It was her! I was so relieved when there is still someone that stayed here despite everything that has happened. I ran in her direction and hugged her from behind her wheelchair.

"Nanny, it's me. Monica." I sobbed on her shoulder.

"Monica?" She repeated my name.

"Yes. It's me. Do you still remember me?" Tanong ko.

She didn't answer. Seems like she thinking. I hope she remembers.

"She's having a hard time remembering due to old age. Bear with her." Francis said.

Kinalas ko ang aking yakap sa kanya at pinunasan ang aking luha. Bago ako tuluyang lumayo ay muli kong binaba ang aking ulo upang halikan ang tuktok ng kanyang ulo. 

I just can't believe that she's still here. She stayed there as she promised.

Muli kong binalikan ang ubasan at bahagyang naglakd lakad kahit tirik na ang sikat ng araw. Mahangin naman dahil sa mga punong nakapaligid kaya hindi na rin masama. I should have brought my har tie, my hair is swaying through the direction of the wind blows that is covering my face. At kung minamalas ka nga naman ay natanggal pa ang sintas ng aking sapatos.

Now I have to look for the spot where I can tie them back again.

I growled from frustration. I just want to spend this day in peace but simple things like this irritate me.

"Let me do it for you, Signorina." A man suddenly showed up from my behind and bend over to reach my shoes.

"You don't have to do it," it's too late. He's tying them up now.

May dala itong itim na payong na hindi pa nabubuksan dahil sa sinisintas pa nito ang aking sapatos.

"You can run again, Signorina." He tapped my shoes.

As he rose back, I am looking at his face. I needed to thank this man for his chivalry so I need to see his face. And he keeps calling me 'signorina' which annoys me even more.

What's up with people calling me that?

"Thank you- Carter?"

Is he really Carter?

His face, the scars, his built. Just the way I remembered him.

"Still in the flesh, signorina." He chuckled.

"Dio mio! It's really you!" I gasped.

I can't contain the happiness inside of me that I extended my arms for an embrace to him. Two special persons that I met today for not seeing them for eight years. Thankfully, they are still alive!

"I'm glad that you're back," I patted his back while still embracing him.

"I still need to fulfil my promised to Signor Massimo," he said.

"Oh enough of that! I'm happy that you're here. Are you working for Francis now?" Kumalas ako sa aking yakap.

"Oo, at kinuha niya ako para protektahan ka." Sagot nito.

"So you're still a bodyguard?" At ako na naman ang kailangan niyang bantayan.

"This is my job. And I love to do nothing than to do something else. Which will not require me to see you." He stand beside me and we walked.

"Oh come on! There are enough men here who can do that job. And besides, you should have escaped after that incident. Hindi malabo na sundan ka rin nila." I said. I started to get worried for him.

"I should have been dead a long time ago if I'm the one they've been after," he has a point though.

We continue catching up while walking at the vineyards. We have talked so much because a lot has happened for eight years that I'm gone. And I have come to remember that there's still Helga that I didn't meet today. I hope she's fine now.

"I forgot to ask you... about Helga." Carter stopped walking. "Is she still here? Dito pa rin ba siya nagtatrabaho?" I asked.

He stopped walking as soon as he heard Helga's name. I got curious even more because of the silence he's been giving me. 

"Sh-she died. When I went back to the house after I escorted you to the airport, she's not breathing anymore. And she got shot right straight to her head." He said while stuttering.

What? How?

"She was shot by the head? How?" It could be- no!

"Nasundan pa rin tayo hanggang sa bahay. Mabuti na lamang at naunahan natin sila. Si Helga na lamang ang naabutan ng mga ito-" I don't want to hear it anymore! It has to stop.

Tumalikod ako sa kanya upang itago ang aking mga luha. Nanghihina naman ang aking mga tuhod nang mapaupo ako sa ilalim ng puno. Isa na namang tao ang nawalan ng buhay ng dahil sa akin. Kung hindi namin siya iniwan ni Carter ay mapoprotektahan pa namin siya. But they are just so ruthless. Helga could barely opened her eyes and they still shot her. Hindi na sila naawa.

"I'm sorry, Monica. We just need to keep you safe." He apologized.

Keep me safe?

"For what? Kung ang kapalit naman ay ang buhay nyo." I wiped my falling tears with my palms.

I am not worth saving. I did not contribute anything to make them do this.

And first of all, I did not ask for this.

Sobra na.