Lead Me To You

Kabanata IX

Mansion

Monica

Naupo si Francis sa kanyang swivel chair at humarap sa akin. Hindi ko pa rin maalis ang aking mapagtanong na ekspresyon dahil naguguluhan pa rin ako sa mga nangyayari.

Am I being fooled right now?

"I don't really need another assistant," I heard him said.

"Why did you want to hire me then?" It was a half meant question and a half meant statement.

"It is for your safety-"

"There! Here we go again! You wanted to keep me? Then what? To hide me again for someone who wants me dead? And then you will also get in trouble because of me or worst you will also die!"

Is this really my fate? Their fate?

Whoever comes near me, they always end up dying.

At hindi ko na kayang mayroon na namang mawawala nang dahil sa akin. My cousin's life is also in danger because of me. Hindi natin alam kung ano ang mangyayari at kung ano ang isusunod na patibong ng kung sino mang gusto akong patayin.

"We are just worried about you. Your cousin is concerned since the explosion." He said.

Please, I want them to understand.

"Why are you so worried about me? I've got nothing now. They can kill me anytime." Kaysa sa madamay pa sila.

"Huwag mong sasabihin ang ganyang pananalita, Monica!" Narinig kong entrado ng pinsan ko.

Ayaw ko nang pahabain pa ang komosyon na ito. Na kahit ano namang gawin ko ay hindi pa rin ako masusunod.

"I am responsible for your security, Monica. Kahit wala na si Don Massimo ay hindi ko pa rin bibitawan ang pangako kong ako ang magbabantay sayo."

"If they really want to kill me, matagal na nilang ginawa kahit nasa Italy pa ako."

"Stop! You will work here not because we hired you. You will be here everyday, hindi ka aalis hangga't hindi kita hinahatid o sinusundo. Kung nasaan si Francis ay kasama ka niya. Hindi ka niya bibigyan ng mabigat na trabaho." Paliwanag ng pinsan ko.

"Will I get paid?"

If I'm going to be here, at the working hours and tailing Francis, at least they need to pay. I am jobless and broke.

"How much do you want?" Francis asked.

"Are you seriously asking me?" Tanong ko.

I can't believe it.

"Yes. I need to know how much salary you want for a month."

"Well, beside on the favors I asked you to do. Just enough to support my needs every month."

"How luxurious you want your life to be?"

What?

"I am not a material centered woman! Enough is enough." I hissed.

"Just wanted to know because I know and I witnessed how luxurious your lifestyle was in Italy."

It was because of Paris, my husband. He always wanted to eat outside or spend time with me outdoors. Playing sports, shopping, he also includes me in his business trips so I got the chance to roam around when he's not busy. But it was not because of my luxurious life.

"Makinig ka na muna sa akin, Monica." Lumapit sa akin si Mateo at kinulong ang aking mga pisngi gamit ang kanyang mga palad. "I need to ensure your safety as a promise to your father. And don't say that I do not care about you. I do. And I am your only relative left that you can rely on."

"Alright. Fine. Whatever you say." Pagsuko ko.

Umupo ako sa sofa sa loob ng opisina ni Francis at humarap sa kanila.

"Where's my desk? Where will I work?" Tanong ko.

"My secretary will provide you everything. You can start today." Francis said.

At gaya nga ng sabi niya ay maayos na ang lahat. Katabi ng kanyang sekretarya ang aking station at katapat lamang ito ng pintuan ng kanyang opisina. May intercom din sa aking lamesa at sariling laptop pa. Kaunti pa nga lang ang mga gamit ko kumpara sa katabi ko dahil nagtataasan ang magkakapatong na papel sa ilalim ng lamesa nito.

Umupo na ako at maingat na binuksan ang laptop. Brand new at halatang wala pang nakakagamit.

"This is how to turn on-" sumingit ang babaeng katabi ko ngunit naputol ang kanyang sasabihin.

"I know how to use a MacBook," Sabi ko.

Hindi niya ako kailangan turuan sa bagay na iyon dahil lumaki ako na ginagamit ang Apple products.

"Okay. Here are the list of the things you need to do for the whole day." Binigay niya sa akin ang isang folder na naglalaman ng mga listahan ng mga gawain.

Orient his schedule for the day.

Make a coffee for the boss when he arrived, after four o'clock and warm black tea before leaving.

Attend executive meetings and write down the minutes.

Always be available when boss needs assistance.

And more!

Really? These are all I'm gonna do? I thought that I am not the official secretary here?

"These are all the lists?" Tanong ko sa kanya na may halong sarkastiko.

"Hindi lang iyan. Nagbabago minsan ang schedule ni Sir Francis at kailangan din mabago ang list. So I made five lists, you can freely browse it whenever you want."

Nilapag pa nito sa aking lamesa ang apat pang folder na naglalaman ng mga listahan.

"Basta ang huwag mong kakalimutan ay ang sabihan siya ng schedule niya buong maghapon,"

I am good at this!

Kahit hindi ko pa nararanasang magtrabaho buong buhay ko, sa tingin ko naman ay makakaya ko ito. Magiging mabagal o magkakamali ako sa una ngunit matututunan ko naman iyon sa pagtagal ng panahon.

"Kung ito lahat ang gagawin ko, ano naman ang gagawin mo?" Para namang sa akin niya pinasa lahat ng gawain.

She laughed. "You misunderstood the job of being a secretary. We do a lot of things, more than you know."

"Sa ngayon ay iyan muna ang magiging trabaho mo. Maghintay tayo ng mga iba pang ipapagawa ni Sir Francis."

Well, this is my first time.

I have never worked for anyone. I have never served even my husband. Kaya iniisip ko kung paano ko gagawin ang mga trabahong ito nang hindi ako mahihirapan.

Tumunog ang intercom sa aking lamesa na aking kinagulat. Halos matapon ko ang hawak kong ballpen sa lakas ng tunog nito.

"Ms. Carluccio, please come here in my office." Francis' voice was spitted out through the intercom.

Pagkatapos niyon ay namatay itong muli. Kinulbit naman ako ng katabi ko at minuwestra ang pinto gamit ang kanyang mata. Hindi ko naman alam kung ano nga ba ang gagawin ko kaya pumunta ako sa pinto at biniksan iyon na walang ideya kung ano ang gagawin.

Lumapit ako sa kanyang lamesa at tumigil lamang sa harap nito nang isang metro na lang ang layo namin mula sa isa't isa. I tried to be formal since I am wearig a formal attire. I placed my hand in the middle of my tummy and waiting for his command.

"Make me a coffee," he commanded.

"What?" I didn't hear that clearly.

Tinigil niya ang pagbabasa ng nakasulat sa papel na hawak nito bagkus ay tumingin sa akin. Making sure that I am listening.

"I said, make me a coffee." Paguulit nito.

"You're joking, right?" He knew me!

"Why would I joke in a place like this? This is workplace. Everything has to be serious and focused on their tasks." He stared at me blankly.

I never make a coffee in my entire existence. How am I supposed to that?

"H-hindi ako marunong," sagot ko.

"You never done making coffee before?" Tanong naman niya na may pagtataka.

"No. I always had it instant. We have maids, they're the one who's making coffee for me."

"Hindi mo napagtitimpla ng kape ang asawa mo?" Tanong nito.

I almost forgot that I am not single anymore. I barely noticed the wedding ring I wore everyday on my right ring finger as a symbol of my marriage. Hindi ko naman iyon pinakamaseryoso dahil hindi naman pagmamahal ang dahilan ng pagkakatali ko kay Paris.

We got married only for the sake of both our families.

"Never," matigas kong sagot.

Umalis na lamang ako sa kanyang opisina at nagpunta ng pantry upang hanapin ang sinasabi nitong coffee maker. Mayroon ako nito sa bahay ngunit hindi ko naman ginagamit kaya wala talaga akong ideya sa paggamit nito. Nilabas ko ang aking cellphone upang tawagan ang magaling kong pinsan na si Mateo. Baka sakaling alam niya kung paano gamitin ito.

"Ano na naman, Monica? Itigil mo na ang pagpapabago sa isip ko dahil hindi iyon mangyayari." Bungad nito nang masagot ang aking tawag.

"Tigilan mo rin ako sa kadramahan mo. Magpapaturo lang ako kung paano magtimpla ng kape." Napairap naman ang aking mga mata sa ere.

"And you think I am the right person to ask on how to make a coffee?"

"No. I know how terrible you are. I just want to ask if you know." Kahit ako ay naguluhan sa aking sinabi.

Just answer me, you imbecile!

"Ask her secretary or search it on Youtube. What are phones for? I am busy as it is, can you just please call me when something is really threatening." And he ended the call. Just like that.

I can't believe him saying that to me. I know how stubborn I am but I will not tolerate that kind of attitude.

May araw ka rin sa akin, Mateo.

As if Youtube can help?

'How to make coffee using a coffee maker?' But I still searched for it.

What to choose? They're so many of them! I don't know the brand. I don't know which parts should I touch. Which milk should I pick.

I will never do this again!

I still have the finished product in front of me. After all the spills on the table, on the hem of my dress. After all the the burns on my hand as I held the cup many times. But I don't know the taste of it. I don't want to know.

"Is making coffee took almost thirty minutes?" Bungad na tanong ni Francis nang makapasok ako sa kanyang opisina dala ang mainit na kape na nakapatong sa tray.

"Far stare zitto," padabog kong nilapag ang kanyang kape sa kanyang lamesa na hindi ininda ang init ng tasa na naghatid na naman sa akin ng sakit.

Napansin niya siguro ang mapupula kong kamay kaya napatingin siya sa akin. Sunod niyang tiningnan ang mantsa ng kape sa hema ng aking damit.

"Did you played around the pantry?" He asked.

Really? That's what he's asking me?

"I'm not a child to play around anymore, Francis. And if you're talking about my red hands and the stains on the hem of my dress that made you think that I played some stupid games around that pantry, then you're wrong. These was all the results of your stupid coffee!"

Padabog kong sinarado ang pituan na ikinagulat naman ng kanyang sekretarya nang harapin ako. Umupo ako katabi nito nang hawak pa din ang tray sa aking braso. Mabilis ang aking paghinga dahil sa galit at pakiramdam ko ang maiiyak na naman ako ng walang dahilan.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"No. I'm not! I am pissed!" I groaned.

Halos mapunit ang mga papel habang nililipat ko ang bawat pahina nito. Wala akong naiintindihan sa mga ito ngunit wala na rin akong pakialam.

Lumilipas ang mga oras nang hindi nababago ang aking pakiramdam. Unang araw ko para sa trabahong ito ngunit parang gusto ko na lamang sumuko. Am I just going to make coffee all my life for one specific person? I don't want that. But it seems that I don't have a choice.

I didn't have lunch. Hindi ako tumayo sa aking kinauupuan simula pa kanina. Ang tray na kinuha ko sa pantry upang ihatid ang kape ni Francis ay nasa ilalim pa rin ng aking lamesa. I read, tanging ginagawa ko lamang sa maghapong ito ay ang magbasa.

Organizational statuses of the company.

Product knowledge.

Franchises, distributors, suppliers.

System usage.

And a lot more.

These are too much to handle for myself.

Nararamdaman ko na bumibigat ang aking ulo at pumipitik ang aking sentido. From all these readings, I doubt that I can sink it in all at once in one day.

"Shift's over, Ms. Monica. Hindi ka pa ba uuwi o may hinihintay kang sundo?" Nagliligpit na ng kanyang mga gamit ang aking katabi.

"I have to finish all these," sagot ko.

"That's way to much. Hindi mo agad masasaulo ang lahat nang iyan sa isang upuan lamang. Umuwi ka na muna at magpahinga. Bukas mo na lang muli pagaralan." Sabi nito.

Since I need to be driven and I have to divert my attention, I need to stay.

"No, I'm fine. You can go now." Pagpupumilit ko.

Hindi ko na siya muling pinansin at nagpokus na lamang sa pagbabasa ng mga artikulo sa aking harapan. Umalis na rin naman ito at hindi na muling nagpaalam pa sa akin dahil hindi ko naman siya mapapansin. Ilang minuto na rin ang lumilipas at tumitindi ang sakit ng aking ulo. I want some coffee but I don't know how to make it. If I order it, they will not give me the taste that I wanted.

Nagbakasakali akong muling tawagan ang aking pinsan na si Mateo upang siya ang bumili ng aking kape dahil alam niya ang gusto kong timpla ngunit kagaya ng kanina ay hindi ako nito pinagbigyan.

I guess I just have to stick with water then.

"How's your hand?" Out of nowhere, Francis appeared in front me.

"They're fine," tipid ko namang sagot.

"Does it still hurt?"

"I just said that I am fine. Which of those words you don't understand?"

I am not going to plan on having a good conversation with you.

"Why are you still here? You must be tired, this was your first day. Go home." Sabi nito ngunit hindi ko pa rin siya pinapansin.

As I said, I do not want any conversation with him.

"I'll call your cousin to take you home," He slid his hand to his pocket.

"There is no need, Francis. I will pick her up now." And then my cousin finally came.

He helped me pack my things that I will bring to continue on reading at the condo. Pumayag naman ang management kaya lahat ito ay dadalhin ko.

"I will discuss everything to her. Don't worry." Narinig kong sinabi ni Mateo kay Francis habang nauna akong maglakad patungong elevator.

"Thanks, she needs to know that as well." Sagot naman ni Francis.

Humarap ako sa kanila dahil hindi ko na masundan ang mga sinasabi ng mga ito.

"Okay, I am getting more curious. What is it that you wanted to tell me?" Tanong ko.

"I'll tell you everything in the car," Mateo answered.

Tumunog na ang lift hudyat na nasa tamang palapag na ito at bumukas na ang pinto. Nauna pa rin akong pumasokat sumiksik doon sa dulo. Pumasok na rin ang mga ito at sila na ang pumindot ng palapag na aming pagbababaan. Naguusap pa rin ang mga ito sa aking harapan na tila ba hindi nila ako kasama sa loob ng lift na ito. Wala akong maintindihan o pinili ko na lang huwag intindihin dahil tungkol lamang sa babae ang pinaguusapan ng mga ito.

"I swear that you will like her. She is a very accomplished woman. I'll set you up on a date." Sabi ng aking pinsan.

Sino kaya ang tinutukoy ng mga ito?

"Wala naman akong pakialam sa narating o nakamit na ng isang babae," sagot naman ni Francis.

Tama! Dahil hindi naman talaga iyon ang basehan para magustuhan mo ang isang babae.

"That's great! I'll give her your number." Masayang sinabi ni Mateo.

Napapairap na lamang ako sa ideyang nambubugaw itong pinsan ko.

"I solemnly check my messages or calls which are not important. So it's best if you will not give my number." Francis said.

"Come on, bro. She's damn fine! Let me handle everything, okay?" Pagpupumilit naman ni Mateo.

"Whatever you say," pagsuko naman ni Francis.

Bumaba kaming lahat sa parking area at kay Mateo nga ako sumabay para ihatid ako nito sa bahay. Hindi ko pa rin kinakausap si Francis kahit nagpaalam rin ito sa akin. Pumasok lamang ako sa loob ng sasakyan at nagsuot ng seatbelt.

Nauna namang umalis ang sasakyan namin habang nakasunod siya sa likod. Hinarap ko si Mateo dahil hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan ang dapat na sasabihin nito sa akin. Dahil hindi na rin ako makapaghintay.

"Ano bang sasabihin mo sa akin, Mateo? Na hindi mo masabi noong nasa opisina pa lamang tayo." Tanong ko.

Sa unahan pa rin ang tingin nito ngunit alam kong nakikinig siya.

"We planned to go in La Union to visit the vineyards. And we will take you with us." Sagot nito.

"Like in the mansion?" Tanong ko.

"Yes,"

We're going back there. Am I ready? It's been years and I can't remember what it feels to be there.

I'm getting worried for myself.

"When?" I have to prepare myself at least.

"Tomorrow,"

Bukas agad?

Hindi ba pwedeng huminga muna ako kahit na dalawang araw na palugit dahil gusto kong ipasok muna sa aking isipan na muli kong makikita ang dati naming tirahan. Will it be the same? Marami na bang nagbago? Sino na ang mga tauhan doon?

Paguwi ko sa flat ay binuksan ko ang aking maleta at pinaton ito sa aking kama. Hindi ko alam kung alin ba ang mga gamit na dapat kong dalhin dahil habilin ng aking pinsan na kaunti lamang ang aking dalang gamit.

"This dress would be great with my combat boots," pinagtabi ko ang damit at ang sapatos sa kama upang ito ay muling tingnan.

"Oh, this khaki pants would go a long way if I wanted to stroll the city." Hinelera ko ito kasama ang mga damit na ilalagay ko sa maleta.

My phone rang as soon as I packed everything in my luggage. Sinagot ko naman agad iyon nang nakita kong si Mateo ang tunatawag.

"Hey, are you still packing?" He asked.

"No, I'm done. I've settled everything. Why?"

"We'll leave tomorrow at six. Susunduin kita dyan sa flat mo kasi ako ang kasama mo. We'll go by land. Nauna na kasi si Francis kanina." Sabi naman nito.

It's gonna be a long journey. Traffic pa naman minsan.

"Alright. I'll wait for your call then."

"Alright. Good night cousin."

Then he ended the call.

I know that he said that I should not brought many things. But I cannot leave all these cute clothes I have that I know I will be using when we get there.

Maaga ang alis namin bukas kaya maaga din akong natulog. Dahil ayos na naman lahat ay wala na akong pangamba. Pilit namang sumasagi sa isipan ko ang ideyang muli kong mapupuntahan ang tirahan ko dati. Hindi ko maiwasan na isipin kung may pinagbago bang naganap. Ang mga katulong at iba pang tauhan sa vineyard. Kilala pa kaya nila ako?

Nagising naman ako sa aking alarm dahil hindi ito tumitigil kakatunog sa tabi ng aking ulo. Agad naman akong bumangon para makaligo na at makapaghanda. Tawag na lang ni Mateo ang hinihintay ko upang makaalis na kami kaya naman ay nanood muna ako sa TV.

Thirty minutes before six, I got a message from my cousin saying that he's in his way to my condo. He brought some food so I do not have to worry being hungry on a roadtrip. He's very thoughtful when it comes on taking care of me, I gave him that.

"Food is in the backseat. Pumasok ka na at ako na bahala dito sa mga gamit mo. I told you to only bring one." Nakaparada na sa harap ng building ang kanyang sasakyan.

"I cannot! I'm a woman, cousin. I have a lot of things so I have to bring them all." Sagot ko naman sa kanya habang umiirap ang aking mga mata.

"Whatever. Just get in the car." Sa inis nito ay hinayaan na lamang niya ako.

The whole trip was at least a little bit alive. He let me maneuver my own playlist on his radio so I got busy. Every thirty minutes, I am eating a sandwiches he made while I feed him because he's driving. He doesn't want to stop because he said that it will just add more waiting time before arriving to our destination.

Country roads, take me home

To the place I belong

West Virginia, mountain mama

Take me home, country roads

"I know it's a lot to take in. But you'll get there." Mateo said out of nowhere.

"I just find it peculiar that I never expected to come back this early. I don't know if I'm ready. It's been a long time." I said.

All my memories gather 'round her

Miner's lady, stranger to blue water

Dark and dusty, painted on the sky

Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye

"That's the only place I know you'll be safe. Hindi ka nila masusundan dahil alam nilang hindi na Carluccio ang residente roon." Anito na nakapokus pa rin sa pagmamaneho.

"My dear cousin, I have never been safe since my father died. I don't even remember the last time I had a good sleep." Sabi ko sabay tingin sa bintana upang pagmasdan ang aming mga nadadaanan.

"That's why we're trying our best to keep you away from danger. Hindi natin alam kung kailan sila muling aatake."

"If they want me dead, they will do it. They will always track me down. Kahit saan ako magpunta. Wala akong takas."

Natigil ang aming paguusap nang lumiko ang sasakyan nito hudyat na nasa tamang destinasyon na kami. Nagbukas ang malaking gate upang kami ay makapasok. The security of the place got advanced. More guards, and they we're all in uniform. It's like a full force of soldiers.

"We're here,"

I finally saw the house.

It didn't changed anything. It's like all was preserved. Kung ano ang mga naiwan, iyon din ang aking nadatnan ngayon.

Para namang napako ang aking mga paa at hindi ako nakagalaw. Binuksan ni Mateo ang pintuan at hinihintay akong makalabas. Unti unti namang namumuo ang aking mga luha at hindi ko matingnan ang bahay nang maayos.

"We're all waiting for you, Monica." Mateo softly said.

"I can't do this. Let's just go, please." Pumiyok ako sa huling salitang aking binigkas kasabay ang pagpatak ng aking mga luha.

It's like waves of memories came crashing my mind and my vision that I cannot move. It's so hard to move.

"Hey, don't cry." Inalo naman ako nito at kapagkuwan ay tinanggal ang aking seatbelt. "You're gonna be fine."

"Maids are now taking care of your luggages. All you have to do now is to step out of the car and go inside. Francis is there."

"It's still the same. I don't think I can do this. I need more time." I sobbed.

"Hindi ka makakausad kung palagi mo pa ring bitbit ang mabigat na nakaraan. Mahirap para sayo ang tumayo dahil nakasalta pa rin sa mga balikat mo ang mga bagay na dapat ay nasa nakaraan lamang."

"Let us help you, okay? Pinapangako ko na hindi kita pababayaan."

Pangako na naman. Hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin ko pa ba. Ilan nang pangako ang hindi natupad para sa akin. Ayoko nang dadagdan pa. Ayoko munang umasa.

"Hold my hand. I'll be with you." Inaro sya sa aking harapan ang kanyang palad.

Pikit mata ko iyong tinanggap at dahan dahan bumaba ng sasakyan. Niyakap niya ang aking mga balikat upang sabay kaming maglakad palapit sa pintuan ng bahay.

Ito na talaga. Wala nang oras para bumalik pa.