Can't Hate You

Coco

Melissa

I was driving back home.. and this one damned song was playing....

The Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez

I hated how every word of her graceful voice stung my heart so bitter.. I hated how I felt each of her words and how I couldn't stop thinking about Elijah even tho he was the one ho hurt me.

I knew thinking about it would only make it worse and now even a whole day passed since he decided to destroy my life but I just couldn't stop thinking about him. It was true he destroyed my life.. Charlie was the only one that I hated but I couldn't stay at her place forever and I wasn't going to go back to my mom.. to hell. I had nobody and I gave everything up for him. Everything.. but wash that what I wanted? Didn't I decide on my own?

I pushed the button and as soon as the the CD came out of the drive I broke it into tiny pieced and threw it out of the window. My hand started bleeding from a cut it but I couldn't feel the pain because it was nothing agains what I was feelings on the inside..

Elijah

I was sitting in my office. I was planning. Thinking of her. Reading what I wrote again. Thinking of her. Reading what I wrote again. Thinking of her and reading what I wrote again because I didn't understand a word since my thoughts kept drifting away and I couldn't concentrate.

I finally picked heard my phone ring and picked up when I saw Josh's name on the display.. "Bro! Charles followed her but he lost her." he said and he sounded like he was really sorry. I just sighed.

"How the f**k did he manage to lose her? Did she drive into a labyrinth or something? I think the f**k not. Tell him to be more careful next time."

I was pissed and I didn't want to let it all out on Josh since even the tiniest thing could make me lose my mind.

"Is she back at Charlie?" I asked and looked at my watch. It was 6pm. Where was she and what did she do? Who was she with and did she think of me? She dint even text me.. I mean I dint text her either but I thought she would at least call me or sent me a message about how much she hated me and how stupid I would be and that she would never want to see me or talk to me again but it seemed like I hurt her more than I thought and I hated myself for that.

Melissa

I knocked onto the door and when she opened I entered. I was more aggressive and mad than I was before.

I was mad at myself because I was so confused. I should hate Elijah. I should hate him for what he's done to me and that he didn't even try to apologize. He just didn't care about my feelings and I hated myself because I was still driving his car. I hated myself because I was still loving him and didn't spent a second without thinking about him since I left. I hated myself because I had the urge to help Kingston to rip Elijah's heart out but how much would that help any of us? Would he even care? Probably not because he had a new girl. Even thinking about this fact destroyed me.

Besides that, I didn't want to get too much into this business with Kingston because I knew myself. I would lose control because of my anger and do anything to hurt Elijah back and that was another thing that I hated because actually I was never that kind of person and I wasn't planning on being one like that.. but I needed to do at least something.. at least find out what happened between them too and then I could still decide in which direction I could throw myself and to be honest it didn't even matter if I was going to stay on Kingston's side because Elijah didn't want me anymore. We weren't going to come back together.. even tho a little piece of me was still hoping for it...

I looked at my palm and heard Charlie's voice. "Melissa where have you been??" she asked totally worried and I felt sorry because I made her worry more than she was already worrying. I took a deep breath. "Just drove a few times around the block.. no need to worry..." I lied hoping it would comfort her and I felt awful for lying to her. She smiled and walked towards me.

Then she put her hand onto my shoulder...

Usually that would mean a lot to me and I would feel her warmth but I couldn't feel anything. Nothing mattered and I hated that he had such an impact in my life and was able to control me like this. I hated that I could feel how my emotions were disappearing so quickly.. just like my heart..

"I planned a movie night with some your favorite pasta that I made just for you! I hope you feel at least a little better after that.." her hand went down my shoulder stroke my arm. I just with a fake smile that showed her how tired I was. Then I nodded and went upstairs to change my clothes and take a quick shower because I needed to get a lot off me...

On the next day I couldn't wait and just headed right to him. It was early in the morning but the curiosity got me. I was too impatient and furious to wait. I couldn't sleep anyway and laying there with Charlie in her bed while she was sleeping peacefully was a waste of time.

When I arrived he was already waiting for me in front of the door of the high building because I texted him on my way and he seemed like he was really happy about that. Someone it made me feel a little better to know that at least someone was happy about my appearance..

I noticed how empty the streets were. It was a Sunday. Everybody was probably sleeping totally thankful because they didn't need to go to work and I was thankful because we wouldn't get much attention from passing strangers. So he was the only one who looked down at me.

I was wearing a high waisted tight black jeans, a random grey sweater that I got from Charlie closet -which seemed a little too big- and the same black-white converse that I left Elijah's castle with.

"Even in a sweater you look so beautiful."

"Talk about business, not me. Don't forget it."

"Alright. We have a lot to do today!" he said and lead me inside the building. It seemed like a large lobby with white walls, marble furniture and a chandelier. It was so bright and so clean that I was a little distracted for a second but finally nodded.

He looked down at me and smiled. "I'll introduce you to the crew. Then we'll do a lots of other things. I'll show you how it is with us so you can get a little.. feeling.. you know?" he asked and I nodded again while I followed him towards the marble stairs. I felt like this was my first job in a bank or something and I was nervous as f**k because I had no clue what to do or how my boss would be. Actually I was ready to do anything because I was sick of thinking about what I was going to do at least a hundred times.

He stopped on the middle of the stairs and turned around. Seemed like he was doing that more often. He looked down at me, straight into my eyes.. I looked into his eyes and he looked straight into my soul. Somehow I couldn't complain.. It took him a while to break the silence.. "There's no turning back." he said and I knew he meant more than this business thing... I nodded again.

We arrived upstairs and I found myself in a huge room.. There was only a table on the middle in front of the stairs, and the wall.. well that was no wall.. it was just windows. Clean windows. I could see the building across from us trough it and the sun rise.. and that made me think of him.. so I shook my head because I shouldn't be thinking about him. I shouldn't feel guilty for what I was doing and what I was choosing because I wasn't his anymore and he wasn't mine.

He clapped and I flinched because he ripped me out of my daydream that I was so caught in for a second. Within one second a lots guys were standing arounds us like they were only waiting for this signal. I looked at Kingston and his smirk just showed how proud he was of him. I don't know why but somehow that made me smile and I had to chuckle. Maybe because I already went crazy and that silly but dangerous and serious guy made me laugh.

I looked at the guys and somehow I wasn't feeling uncomfortable around them after I thought of what I've already bee through. Even though the scars in their faced and the furrowed eyebrows gave me goosebumps I tried to show that I wasn't a scared chicken.. I recognized the guy from yesterday.. the one with the knife. When I looked down at his hand I saw that he was holding the same knife again.

"He's a psycho." Kingston said quietly like he read my mind. The most of them had tattoos. Even in their faces. It seemed like he got people out of prison to work for him. Maybe I would ask him about that one day. They seemed so aggressive and one of them had two different eye colors what made me look at him eyes widened before I could stop myself -later I got to know that his name was Gabriel-.

The way they were looking at me.. well okay maybe I was scared a little bit but only I was in the same building with them and they would catch me before I could even try to run. If we would have been outside somewhere where everybody could see and hear us, I would've been more confident. But of course I still tried to act really seriously confident and as dangerous as them but as soon as one of them made a step towards us a little too fast I jumped a step backwards and a little closer to K.

"Is she our new toy?" the guy who stepped towards me asked and I looked at him eyes widened as well. I froze a little bit. I wasn't their new toy -well I hoped- and I didn't want to be. Somehow -I don't know why- I was hoping that K would say or do something to protect me but why should he do that? I couldn't help but take another step closer to K just because he was the only one I knew there. How sure was I again that he would protect me from his team?

Surprisingly he opened his arm and wrapped it around me, pulling me closer like he would want to protect me and show them something. I couldn't complain because he didn't seem as weird and crazy like the others so I just stayed in his arm with my cheek against his chest hoping I wouldn't have to look at any of them again and I realized again how good he was smelling..

But nothing could replace Elijah's scent.. the voice in my head said. God damn just shut up.

"No. Her name is Melissa. She's going to help us and she is off limits. Seriously. If any of you disrespects her..." he didn't continue his sentence but I assumed that it was enough to keep them away from me and to be honest I was really surprised and thankful. I mean I knew his words meant a lot to them since he was the boss and I didn't want to imagine what he was threatening them with but I was still afraid of him too. I couldn't trust him. Not yet. Was I planning to?

They nodded and after he introduced them to me they disappeared so Kingston and I were alone what made me a little nervous of course because I didn't know what was going to happen next but I was ready to find out..

I realized that he had a totally different relationship to his team than Elijah. Kingston was the boss. He was the one who was controlling them all on a really different level. They weren't friends or bros.. they didn't make joked and supported each other... he was controlling and way crazier than I though. Maybe this was Kingston's weakness. They would've never been able to stick together like Elijah and his team..

"Thanks for.. protecting me in front of your team. I felt really uncomfortable." I said and bit my inner cheek. I looked at the ground. I hated admitting it but made he should know that I wasn't going to do this will all fun and enthusiasm. I wasn't even sure what I was going to do.

"Don't get too emotional or you'll wake the sleeping lion inside of me ." he said with his deep, raspy voice but surprisingly he sounded very calm and quiet. The way he looked into my eyes showed me that he meant it but I didn't know what he meant..

I realized that our faces weren't that far from each other so I needed to change the subject because there was something about him that gave me goosebumps and I was afraid of catching that feeling to find out what it was..

"What now?" I asked backing a step off and scratching my neck.

"We don't have that much time that means I'll show you a little bit of everything." he answered. I nodded and he began to walk again. I followed him down the stairs and out of the building from the same way we entered.

When we were standing on the sidewalk I realized that more cars and people were passing. The city was awake.. and so were we. It seemed like we didn't catch anybody's attention and I was asking myself how he was doing all this gang s**t with such a building in the middle of the city.. didn't need he to hide or something? Not everyone was like Elijah.

We started walking a few steps until he said "Turn around.. we're changing the direction.". I was confused about that sudden decision but I did what he said and caught up with him. I looked up at him and asked "Why?"

He sighed a little annoyed. I didn't want to annoy him or make him angry because I still felt so vulnerable even tho I was so numb. I was sure that I would start crying as soon as he would scream at me or something.

"Elijah's team is watching us. Well, you. Hold my hand." he said not even looking at me or down at our hands and I looked at him eyes widened."What?" I asked a little overwhelmed since he also started walking faster and I needed to be careful to not bump into other people. "Hold my hand." he repeated and he seemed really annoyed and pissed so I did what he said and interlocked my hand with his.

My question was why and how he knew that they were watching us but I would ask him later about that. I have to be honest I got goosebumps again with my small hand in his big hand.. The way his grip tightens and how his hand felt was different than Elijah's and I felt the pain in my chest again so I tried to shake that feeling off.

I said I wouldn't be together with him but holding hands wasn't that bad right? I was still worrying about Elijah and how he would feel or what he would think if he would see me holding hands with him and that was so stupid because he slept with another woman several times without wasting a second with a thought of me so I was going to hold Kingston's damn hand as long as I wanted.

He stopped in front of a black Range Rover.

"Get in." he said opening the door for me and I remembered that Elijah never did that. Could I please just stop thinking of him?

I raised my eyebrow at him but he furrowed his eyebrows like I was pushing his buttons. "Do you think there's a need to kidnap you after introducing you to my team?" he asked and he was right and since I didn't know how far I could go I let his and go and got in.. I out my seatbelt on and leaned back until he got in too.

The last time someone kidnaped me I fell in love with the person and got heartbroken.

Elijah

I fell asleep on my table because I didn't sleep all night and I felt like my should left my body. I was working all day and night to get closer to my goal and get her back. Honestly I was already pretty far but not far enough to start something big.. I couldn't wait to bring her back home after all this s**t was over.

My door opened and Christian came in.

I raised a brow at him.

"We saw her walking side to side with a guy." he said a little out of breath. I stood up immediately with a racing heart that almost made me lose my mind.. "They got in a black Range Rover." he added and my jaw dropped.

I started thinking of all the guys she could be with, old friends of her, people that she met while she was with me but nobody came to my mind. She was with me all the time who could she know? Who could she trust and leave in a car with?

Maybe the answer was in front of my eyes but all I could see was her with someone else and it was making em crazy because it was the last thing that came to my mind. I thought she would satay safely with Charlie. God I was about to lose my mind..

"WHO IS HE? DID YOU FOLLOW HIM?" I screamed already shaking.

He looked at the ground. "No.."

I tried to calm down because if I wouldn't then I would break his neck.

Melissa

"You've ever been to a Strip Club?" he asked out of nowhere on the middle of the way. I was confused about that question and its importance. I wasn't sure what do say and to be honest I felt a little embarrassed.. "Uhm.. no.. not really." I answered and he smirked dangerously.. "Aww."

I looked out of the window after that. He was really handsome and attracting.. and something really pulled me towards him like something magical that made me lose control over my body but he was also dangerous.. I knew what kind of guy he was.. he was one of those who had no mercy and who would let me down when it would come to something serious. That he protected me from his team was nothing. He only wanted me to trust him..

"Well then it's going to be your first time." he said and I turned my head around to him quickly with anxiety and panic and shaking hands.. "B-but I.. am a girl.. not that kind of girl and I would never-...!" I couldn't continue my sentence because he did a full break in the middle of the street and grabbed my face. I looked at him eyes widened while his eyes were filled with danger..

"Do you really think I would let you strip for someone?" he asked very seriously and mad like my thought was the dumbest thing ever. I was shaking and breather faster than I should. He was so close and his eyes... I didn't answer. I didn't know what to say but because I thought it would be a good idea I shook my head quickly and I knew he could see how anxious I was..

He looked at me for a few seconds and then at my lips and suddenly he leaned on and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away, freeing myself and started looked at him with furrowed eyebrows. I was still scared but I was more than angry.

He leaned back and bit his lip.

»I SWEAR IF YOU TRY SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN...« I screamed and didn't continue because I wasn't sure what I should threaten him with. He didn't seem like he was afraid of something and I didn't know him that well to threaten him with something.

It bothered me because I only wanted Elijah's lips on mine and no other.. thinking of it was enough to raise my blood pressure. Even though he hurt me and betrayed me.. it didn't feel right to let someone else kiss me.. no matter how attractive Kingston was.. I just couldn't do it.. especially not as long as it hurt so much..

He started laughing what made my blood boil but he had to start driving again when the other cars behind him started honking. I leaned back and crossed my arms in front of my chest still really mad. I started panicking.. maybe he wouldn't kidnap me but that didn't mean he would harass me.

We arrived at a large building with purple/black walls and a neon sign on it. 'Red Cherry'. It was still early and bright but it was already on.

He parked and I could see the security guys standing on the front door ready to kick everyone to the galaxy who wanted to get in without permission. They seemed intimidating just like K. We got off the car and walked towards the door but instead of getting in we walked round it until we were behind it, on a little alley between the club and a huge wall.. I was still pissed so I walked a few steps behind him. The security guards didn't even ask what where we would going and I assumed that he knew them.

"Do you have fetish for the lonely alleys behind buildings?" I asked and that made him laugh. Again. Ugh.

"No. I just wanted you to taste something before we go in." he answered and I furrowed my eyebrows..

First he got a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up. I rolled my eyes while he began to smoke.

Elijah wasn't smoking..

"Do you want me to smoke or what?" I asked him and maybe I was going to far with the way I was talking t him but I couldn't care less.. "Just a taste..." he said and approached me. My heart started racing because I thought he would kiss me again but he put his hand onto my neck and grabbed the back of my head gently. He pulled me closer like that and placed the cigarette between my lips.. then he looked into my eyes...

I wanted to resist and turn around but the way his grip tightened let me know that I couldn't play with him and that I needed to do what he wanted because otherwise I wouldn't get out of it.. I took a drag actually not wanting it but still doing it after fighting with the demon in my head..

I started laughing and he let me go. While I almost chocked he started laughing again and I could stand his laugh anymore.

"Now.. we'll go over to the real stuff because this was not what I meant."

Just after I got myself back together I saw a little thin plastic bag in is hand with some white stuff in it. I held my breath. It looked like sugar but I knew it wasn't.

He put his phone out and his devilish smirk almost made my heart stop. What was I doing here?

"You know how to do it right?" he asked like it would be the most normal thing on earth. Maybe that's why he was so crazy and aggressive. I didn't even notice when he threw the cigarette onto the ground.

I was kinda shaking and nervous because I never did any drugs or something else and I didn't want to... I swallowed.. "Sniff it in through your nose. It's easy." he said knowing that I've never done it. I nodded even if I never wanted to do that but I couldn't say no. Not in the position that I was in. I would destroy myself with it. I would destroy my body...

But... I was already destroyed so.. again I had nothing to lose and I read that you won't get addicted that fast.. I didn't think that one time would kill me..

He told me to hold his phone and carefully strew it onto its display while I watched him. He rolled the hundred dollar bill in his hand and I don't know why but suddenly I felt so underdressed. it was so random but I felt uncomfortable thinking about what I was wearing while he looked so fine like yesterday..

He handed me the rolled dollar and my heart was beating so damn fast I thought I was going to get a heart attack. I just wanted to throw up..

Then he made straight lines out of the heap with the credit card in his hand.

"Could you do it first?" I asked with a shaking voice and I sounded so shy and scared that I hated it because that's what I was. It was the first time I've seen drugs outside of the tv and it was overwhelming. He winked at me and did it... it was also the first time I saw someone do it in real life... I was sure he wasn't doing it for the first time and I hated admitting that it was kinda cool.

"It's your turn."

I guess it wasn't that amazing for him because it was completely normal and I bet he already took some before I came. I was sure that I could control myself. That means I would never be addicted to it. Only one time.. and never again. Only to stick with him for now.

I took a deep breath and sniffed it in feeling totally brave and praying to god for forgiveness. In that moment I felt like I was falling but flying at the same time. Everything was spinning and my nose was burning a little bit.

I couldn't feel anything yet but I knew it was going to kick in later what made me nervous because I was too curious about how it felt like but I realized that I already started shaking and wiped the tears on the corners of my eyes away.

"Oh my..."

I looked at him but everything was a blur. I wasn't crying My eyes just got wet because my nose was burning.

After a few seconds I felt like I couldn't breathe and started panicking because I didn't knew if that was nervous so I started hyperventilating. He put his phone away and grabbed the back of my head gently again making me let my head fall back.

"Breathe..." I heard his deep voice and felt shivers running down my spine.. his touch made me feel something crazy..

I leaned in again and his face was inches way from mine...

For a second I I thought I was going to faint so I grabbed his arm and leaned my head against his shoulder.. I started asking myself if it was what I thought it was or if it was something else that he mixed to make me feel like this...

His villain laugh was spinning in my head.

He kept holding me and I began to breathe again. When I felt his hands on my lower waist I didn't push him away. I let him pull myself towards him and actually didn't resist about being so close to him. I just leaned my face against his shoulder and closed my eyes because everything was spinning.

"It'll get better in a few minutes. No need to worry." his deep voice almost made me sigh. I could feel that my heartbeat was getting faster and faster with every second and out of nowhere I asked myself if it wasn't too early and bright to be right were we were..

"You're ready... let's get in."