Can't Hate You

Dark Moon

Dean

I went to the restroom to wash my face because my nose was bleeding. Actually not only my nose. His blood was also on my cheeks and my temple but he didn't hurt me. No one was able to hurt me.. only my dad. I couldn’t feel any pain because I was already used to it.. thank him. He Mädels get used to it and the pain that he was giving was the only thing that could hurt me.. but Moon’s moves.. we’re nothing against that. Actually I should thank dad for that one day.

I looked at myself in the mirror and got mad at myself.. I leaned onto the sink with my hands and looked deep into my own eyes.. I started breathing faster and heavier... I should've hurt him more. I should've said things that would have made him really kill me. I should’ve said things that would’ve made him lose his mind.. but I was going to do it.. I still had time. I was going to make him so angry that he was literally going to explode. I was going to be the most disgusting person on this planet.. the biggest douchebag.. until he would kill me because all I wanted was death.. that’s all I deserved.

I hated everything. I wanted other people to be as hurt as me. Why should I be the only one who was hurt and angry? Why should I be the only one who was lonely and in pain? That was unfair. But I was going to handle it because I was going to make Moon crazy, break Sun's heart, kill my dad, kill Blake and myself at the end.

That was my biggest wish. Dying one day.. hopefully on my eighteenth birthday.. I knew that people who turned eighteen felt free.. and I was going to feel free as well.. only a little differently than them. There wasn’t much left to my birthday. Only a few months.. and then I was going to be free as well..

That’s what happened when I looked at myself in the mirror.. I hated myself even more than before..

I was never going to be happy. So I just needed to keep being savage so no one would get close to me and get something of my negativity. I was like a dark cloud that destroyed everything and everyone.. and I wasn’t going to let someone come near me because I didn’t want them to turn grey too. I wanted to be lonely.. I needed to keep being who I was. No feelings. For no one. Never.

I walked out after washing and drying my face. I fixed my hair before and went straight to class. I was planning to sleep during the next period but when I sat down I got a few snaps from Sun that made it impossible for me to sleep.. they woke me up.. completely. I almost dropped my phone.

She sent me pictures of her.. pictures that made me go crazy.. I’ve got endless nudes from endless stupid girls but none of them hit me like these.. none of them made me feel like these made me feel.. and she wasn’t even naked. This girl was really different.. I was surprised because I never thought I would get her to do that and I didn’t even ask her. I liked that... it was a huge step... just like I wanted it. I took screenshots of each of them.

Just when I wanted to text back she sent me more.. I felt like I couldn't breathe.. she was so god damn hot and pretty.. I swallowed and tried to keep calm. The smirk on my lips got bigger and bigger... Especially because I knew I was the only one who was going to see her like this. I was the only one she was sending these to.. and I was going to keep them to myself..

'Do you like it, daddy?'

I bit my lower lip and tried to breathe like a normal human being. She couldn’t do this to me while I was in public.. she couldn’t do this to me while she wasn’t next to me.. she couldn’t kill me like this.. If she would’ve only know how much I liked it...

'You already made me horny this morning. But now.. I need you..'

I imagined everything that I wanted to do to her. She really made my thoughts run wild..

She texted back.

'Goal '

That made me laugh. I needed to see her and I knew she needed to see me as well.

Sun

I wanted to see him so bad. I felt like I couldn't live without him and I couldn’t understand how that was possible in such a short time. It took people more than a month to fall in love with somebody but I already fell for him in the first week. I was addicted to him. Not because my family didn’t like him and I wanted to act up or make them angry on purpose.. I just wanted him and loves the feeling he was giving me.. even though he was treating me really bad sometimes, there was something that made me want him even more.. He was so cold and mean but he made me feel every emotion at once..

When he talked about my dad and how much he cared.. I was so surprised because I didn’t expect him to have such a mature, sensible and rational side. He had many different faces and I wanted to get to know all of them. I wanted to get to know every inch of him.. and I. I couldn’t believe myself for the thoughts that went through my head and the shivers that ran over my spine.. he was succeeded in making me fall in love with him..

I put some comfortable but pretty clothes on and walked downstairs. I knew that I was still grounded and that I was going to be grounded for a very long time until I would talk to dad and apologize but I needed to ask mom if she would let me go out for a while. I already felt like I was in prison and I knew that she was going to understand me. She was mad at me foo but not as much as dad..

“Mom?!” she was folding some clothes in our guest room.. it seemed like she went off in her thoughts. I was really nervous but she seemed really calm and I prayed that she wouldn’t freak out about my question. She looked up at me and seemed very curious about what I was going to say. “Would you... let me go out for a few hours?” I asked and but my lower lip nervously. She raised a brow immediately. “Hell no. Your dad is going to kill me if I allow you that..” she said and I sighed.

“I promise you I'll tell you where I am, for how long and with who! I’ll keep you updated all the time and I definitely won’t turn my phone off.” I said looking at her with puppy eyes. “With who?” she asked me and I regretted what I said a little bit but I was going to keep my promise and be honest to her because lying would’ve mad everything worse.. “Dean..” I anderes and her jaw dropped. “Sun, I think you still don’t understand how serious your dad was.” I sighed again.

“Mom could you please stop mixing dad into this all? I did understand him but I didn’t leave this house for more than a week and I behaved well! Look I’m even telling you the truth about where I want to go.” I tried to make her believe me because I was honest. There was no point in hiding it and she just needed to see how much I wanted it.

She looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. That was a ‘no’ but I wasn’t going to let it be. “Look I promise you I'll he back whenever you want me to be back and nothing will happen! Nobody will have to worry." I tried again. She took a deep breath and for a second I hoped and believed that she would let me go. “No.” She said and I pressed my lips together.

“But I feel awful and right now.. I need him..” I said opening up to her a little bit, hoping she could understand me better. I knew I would get her with empathy but that wasn’t the only reason I said it. I wasn’t using her feelings or something. I only wanted her to understand me and let me go. Her face softened . “I still feel awful because of dad and what I've said... and he‘s the only one I want to talk to right now..” it was true.. but it wasn’t the only reason why I wanted to see him. I could see that she was thinking about it..

“Does he really make you feel that comfortable?” she asked. She seemed a little upset but curious at the same time.. like she couldn’t believe that I had feelings for somebody or that I wanted somebody so much and I couldn’t understand that because it wasn’t something that never happened in history before. Why was it so weird and unacceptable for them?

“Yes.. he does.”. He really made me feel comfortable. I should’ve been distant to him from the first moment on but I couldn’t help but feel like me.. like I didn’t have to act. Like I could just let go and be someone else. It was probably really stupid to trust him or be so close to him but I was on my way to getting to know him even better and that was all I wanted. Staying away wouldn’t help me with getting to know him.. it was weird that I had to get to know my boyfriend but it all unfolded naturally.

“Okay... I allow you to meet him. But not for too long and you will not turn your phone off. I’ll call you every twenty minutes if I have to and you’re coming back before dad comes home..” she said after a long silence. Her eyebrows were still furrowed but I could see that she didn’t want to be mad.. I jumped up and screamed. Then I hugged her a little too tightly. “Thank you so much Mom! I love you!” I kissed her cheek and heard how she laughed. “Yeah, sure.” she said and my smile got even bigger. I was smiling so much. “I’ll go and grab my stuff.” I said on my ways to the stairs and heard how she said “Hurry!”

Just when I wanted to go up the stairs I heard how someone opened the front door.. I thought the universe was kidding me. My heart stopped because I thought it was dad and I couldn’t get out but instead a very very angry Moon came in.

“SUN!” he screamed and his voice was too rough and loud. I furrowed my eyebrows and walked back.. “Moon why are you screaming?” mom asked him a little pissed. He was breathing heavily and he didn’t look very good.. He didn't answer.. he just looked at me like he wanted to kill me. What was his problem? I didn’t do anything. He was stressing for nothing.

“And why are you already back?” she added totally confused. I got a very bad feeling. I knew that something was wrong.. He threw his backpack on the ground and walked towards me. I stayed calm and just looked at him. I mean dad already almost killed me so what did he want from me?

“You... are NEVER GOING TO MEET DEAN AGAIN!” he screamed shaking. My jaw dropped. It was like he knew about it.. like he knew that I wanted to meet him.. but he couldn’t.. so why did he bring this up? »What.. is wrong with you?” I asked a little offended and confused.

“You think you know him? YOU DON'T KNOW s**t ABOUT HIM!” he pointed at me and mom grabbed his arm. “Moon! Stop screaming at your sister!” she snapped at him. I was just confused. “If I... hear anything about you.. and him again.. I swear I'll kill you both and I don't care about dad.” he was really serious.. serious like he’s probably never been. “Why are you saying this now?” I asked, knowing that something happened.

He rubbed his chin totally stressed... “I had a small fight with him and do you know what he said about you? Of course you don't...” he said and it seemed like he was talking to himself. I started breathing heavier.. he fought with him.. he was the one who was making problems for nothing.. not Dean.

“Then tell me.” I said..

He just looked at me with his clenched jaw and asked “Mom could you leave us alone for a second?”. She shook her head immediately and answered “Definitely not.” but Moon insisted so she actually left because she trusted him.. she knew that he was going to handle it.. if she would’ve only trusted me like this.

He told me what he said.. he told me about their conversation and how he enjoyed making Moon freak out.. he told me about every detail.. I listened to him without interrupting him once and I knew Moon too well to think that he was lying only to tear us apart. I knew how honest he was and that he was really angry about it... and he was worried.. and I could understand him.

I was very disappointed.. I was beyond disappointed.. and a little angry. I didn’t want to believe that he said these things about me.. like I was a trophy that he won or something he could beat Moon with. I didn’t want him to use me for that or anything else. I knew that he was dominant and intimidating but I didn’t think he would brag with it.. and I had to believe it because he was that type of guy.. I felt a little uncomfortable...

“Don't you dare to protect him.” he said still very serious and mad but he already calmed down. I furrowed my eyebrows and didn’t say a word. I knew that saying something wasn’t going to change anything. I wasn’t going to come forward.. I needed to handle it instead of wasting my words on him..

I turned around and walked upstairs with fast steps. A million thoughts were running through my head and I needed to hurry so I could clear this all.

I put my jacket on and grabbed my phone.

Then I rushed back down and saw that Moon already left. I wasn't sure where he was but I didn't care. All I was thinking about was Dean. I walked out without seeing my mom either because I didn’t want to waste any time. I realized how fast I was breathing when I got off our property and walked down the street with fast steps. I called him.

“Dean... where are you?” I asked him when he picked up. “Still at school. You?” he asked

“I'm out.. I need you..” that was right. I needed him. I still needed him and I was going to ask him about what Moon told me. I was going to see how he was going to explain it to me.. if he was going to lie or tell me the truth..

“On my way.”