I'm Not Your Mommy

Chapter 4

Calista

I was still stuck on aisle 14 with a kid clinging on to me even after I ended the call. The kid won’t budge at all and I was too scared to extract his grip on me lest he start crying again and I don’t want that, my guilt and conscience could not take another pained cry from a child.

Biting my lip in contemplation I look at the child on my leg and shook my head. No I can’t think about getting rid of him right now, at least not until we both can calm down and I have time to think this through. I dug up my brain for something and remembered that he seemed to calm down when I mentioned buying him ice cream so I tried that. I’m on my last straw here.

“Hey, do you want to get ice cream now?” I whispered and unknowingly stroke his head gently to grab his attention, which worked because he looked at me with his big glassy eyes that were now filled with excitement and he nodded enthusiastically from my leg. I nodded and couldn’t help but smile. Well that’s a start.

Having no choice, I hoisted him up and placed him on the space where you put your kid in in the cart and he seemed giddy when I did.

“Daddy never lets me ride here.” He pouted and clung unto the handle and swayed a little, excited. I shook my head at that and decided to ignore his statement and just smiled before continuing with my shopping. I decided I might as well finish what I started and think about how I can shake this kid off without triggering the waterworks. It was a hard to think about but I’m stuck in this situation so I need to get out of it myself.

“Umm Mommy needs to finish shopping okay? Will you let me finish shopping first before we go for ice cream?” I asked gently and he nodded enthusiastically that it rattled the cart a little.

“Yes yes, Mommy can do anything! More time with Mommy yey!” he exclaimed and put his hands up and I couldn’t help but chuckle because he was adorable though certainly a problem I’m willing myself to deal with.

“Okay okay. Then let’s go!” I tried to say with the same excitement as he did but I know it came out forced and strained but the kid was too busy giggling to notice that and I doubt he’ll be able to notice if he wasn’t.

I went into several more aisles, and got tomatoes for Mimi all the while the kid on my cart looked at me with sparkles in his eyes. I tried hard not to stare at them too much for I can’t bear the heavy feeling on my chest every time I do and it’s the last thing I need right now.

I moved quickly and panicking because I still can’t think of how I can get rid of this child without triggering his tears and then before I knew it I was already at the ice cream section of the grocery and the child upon seeing the ray of freezers squealed on the cart and clapped his hands which caught the attention of the couple beside us who cooed at him. He doesn’t seem to enjoy the attention however because he made grabby hands at me and not wanting to upset him (and the fact that his pout was irresistible) I picked him up and let him choose which ice cream to get.

The couple just giggled and didn’t say anything thankfully and went on their merry way while I let the kid choose the ice cream. He chose the popsicle one and gave it to me. There were two however and I was confused about it but I guess he wants to eat two, though I think that will be bad for him. I won’t want him to have an upset stomach so I crouched down to his level to try and convince him to only get one ice cream.

“Are you going to eat two?” he looked at me with big eyes and shook his head.

“Nope! The other one’s for mommy!” he said excitedly while waving the popsicles in front of me proud. I was a little taken aback but smiled gently and caressed the top of his head and he giggled before he dragged me to the counter and I let him.

I paid for everything and before the bagger could even finish putting all of my purchases in the bag, he was already chomping on the popsicles. I opened mine in his insistence and ate slowly. I never really liked popsicles even as a child but I got to play the part unless I want him to have another tantrum.

We were already out of the grocery and he was still holding on my other hand tightly while I hold the bag of groceries on the other and I still had no idea how to break it to him that I’m not his mother. Gosh what if his real parents were looking for him and saw him with me suddenly and thought I was a kidnapper? I don’t want any more dirt on my name, not after I just cleared it.

We walked in silence and I was a little surprised because he was quiet but thought that it was because he was pre-occupied by the popsicle that was dripping down his chin. We passed the street and I let him lead me to a park that was across the grocery store that I didn’t even know existed since it was a little hidden from view. I looked at him and a thought suddenly popped in my mind. He must live near here otherwise he couldn’t have known about this park. He seems to be very familiar with it too, with the way he instantly dragged me to a certain bench and pat the empty space beside him while still licking on the popsicle.

I took my phone out and sent Mimi a text for her to pick me up if she was available since I don’t really want to walk to the bus stop with all the bags and hopefully no more child. Mimi replied and told me to wait somewhere since she dropped by her work to get something and will probably take time to get here which was perfect because my plan was to wait for her until someone recognizes the child and bring him to his real parents. It’s not a very solid plan but it’s my only choice and also I hope they come before Mimi arrives because I don’t know how I’ll explain to her my current situation if she sees.

Looking around, I can’t seem to spot anyone close to our spot. The park was not empty per say but there were still not that many people either. And none of them looked like they were panicking looking for their child which was generally a good thing just not for my current situation. I sighed and leaned back on the bench and looked at the little troublemaker beside me. He was on the last layer of the popsicle and surprisingly, there was little to no mess on his mouth, hands and cloth. For a child he seems really aware of the mess and tried hard not to make one. His parents must be proud of him.

Deciding that I can’t take the silence anymore, I started talking even though the child seemed more than okay about the silence.

“Are you done now?” I want to hit myself with that statement but I couldn’t think of anything but the kid didn’t seem to mind and looked at with a big smile before chomping on the last bit of the popsicle.

“Yep! See I didn’t make a mess!” he smiled, proud and I forced out a smile, still don’t know what to tell him. He was completely okay with that though and hummed before he stared at me and I got flustered before digging through the bags beside me and produced a water bottle.

“Here drink some water. You need to wash down all that sugar.” I said stiffly and he took it gratefully and chugged a quarter of it and smiled at me again. We stayed in silence again after because I was awkward and don’t know what to tell him without breaking the wall I temporarily put around my brain and heart so I don’t trigger my emotions and is now functioning on auto pilot.

 I was still plotting on what step to take next but the heavens decided that they have tormented me enough for the day already and sent a messenger of hope to come solve my troubles for me.

“Caspian? Caspian! Oh my goodness where did you wander off?” a frantic looking lady approached us and when I glanced at the kid beside me, whose name was apparently Caspian, he was looking down guiltily while clutching the popsicle stick.

The woman dropped on her knees and took Caspian’s cheeks on her hands and turned it side to side as if checking for injuries. When she confirmed that he was uninjured she let out a sigh of relief and saw the popsicle stick and turned around to face me so fast I was scared for her neck breaking.

“Oh my goodness! Caspian who’s this lady? Did she do anything to you?” her voice dropped low in a whisper, not wanting me to hear what she said but I couldn’t help but butt in because I don’t want her to think that I meant harm on the kid. If anything he was the one who did damage on me.

“He approached me at the grocery store from across the street. He wouldn’t let go of me and I can’t possibly leave him there unattended so I brought him along and he dragged me here to the park. I was merely waiting for someone to come pick him up and if he didn’t I would’ve brought him in to the station nearby.” I went off; awkwardly trying to explain myself and the lady, as if flustered by my sudden burst of emotions looked at me with wide eyes and a very red face.

“Oh my goodness I’m sorry! I didn’t mean anything by that. I mean I was just making sure you know? There’s a lot of bad people in the world and you’re clearly not one of them and I thank you for taking care of him when he wandered off but yeah I was just checking.” She rattled and was more flustered than I was and I couldn’t help but be amused. Caspian was still silent however, clearly very guilty. For a child, he seems to know what’s going on.

“Oh it was nothing really, I’m glad to help.” Not really, I was panicking but she didn’t need to know that.

“Yes thank you very much. I was very flustered when I counted and he suddenly went missing. I was ready to call the cops but thank goodness I saw him before that. There would’ve been a lot of hassle.” She said, still red in the face and I nodded in understanding before standing up when my phone vibrated in my pocket and saw that it was Mimi telling me she was nearby.

I glanced at the two and saw that the lady was whispering worriedly to the kid and the kid just nodded, still guilty. I sighed and pocketed my phone, ready to leave but when I saw the sad look on the boy I couldn’t help but feel my heart constrict.

“Okay time to say goodbye to the kind lady okay?” the lady sighed and took the kids hands in hers and decided to face me.

“Thank you so much for taking care of him for a while and I’m sorry for the trouble. We’ll be going now.” She said with a bow and clutched the kids hands but he still looks like he wants to cry and despite the pain in my chest telling me not to do it, I still crouched down to his level and faced him. I couldn’t see the lady’s face but I can probably guess that she’s confused.

“Hey…you’re going to be fine? Here have some chocolate. Don’t be sad now. Just don’t do it again next time okay?” I said and offered him one bar of chocolate that I bought for myself and he took and I was satisfied when I saw the sparkle on his eyes.

“But you’re my mommy!” he whispered so the lady can’t hear him. She was looking at us with concern but when she met my eye she smiled. I don’t know what’s going on with their family but it’s not my problem, so I won’t pry.

“I’m really not.” I said and he frowned and I didn’t want that on his cute innocent face so I sighed and decided to play along. “Okay I’ll let you call me mommy okay? If we ever see each other again that is.” I mumbled the last part but he didn’t seem to catch it because he was focused on the first part of my sentence.

“Really?”

“Really. Now be a good boy and go with the pretty lady okay?”

“Will I get to see you again Mommy? You won’t leave me this time right? Not after I found you.” He pouted and I felt my heart get squeezed, by what? That I don’t know. I gave him a big but forced smile.

“Of course. Now run along now.” I said and didn’t let him say anything before I bowed on the lady and walked out the park fast, ignoring the shouts of ‘mommy’ ringing out the park as the lady pulled him somewhere and shakily took my phone out to call Mimi.

“Hey where are you? We’re at the grocery store!”

“I-I’m almost there.”

“Okay just hurry up. Dinner won’t cook itself.” And she hung up. I threw one last glance at the park and saw Caspian looking at me with tears in his eyes as the lady clutched his hands and dragged him away.