I'm Not Your Mommy

Chapter 3

Calista

Entering the grocery store and grabbing the grocery cart was more calming than I thought it would be. Granted, it might be through the accumulation of the long calm walk and the almost empty store that I entered that benefited to that, there’s also the soft jazz music playing on the stereos which deeply calmed me. Clearly, choosing this inconspicuous grocery store was the right choice.

Heading straight to the frozen foods section, I began picking some of my favorites, trying to navigate to the onslaught of different brands. Thankfully, the brands that I used to eat before are still here so that was less stressful than I thought it would go. I was moving on to the canned food to look for some when my phone suddenly rang. I stopped by the meatloaf section and looked at it closely. There were two messages, one was from Mimi and the other was from my agent. Mimi was telling me that she finally got home from her late lunch with her in-laws and was now trying to cook for dinner. I sent her a photo of me in the grocery before replying to my agent who was asking me about the latest royalty fees on my new book. I just told him to take care and negotiate it for me for a while and for him to send me the clause and agreement through e-mail which I’ll reply to later and pocketed my phone but not before sending a heart to Mimi.

I sighed and grabbed a couple of the canned goods and moved on the sanitary products. Being a freelance writer certainly had its perks. Not only can I work in a completely different country from my publisher without them complaining, I still get paid a hefty amount and still able to publish my book from there. Hiding under a pen name was even better too, since I don’t have to go to book signing tours that often, although I was scheduled for one next month in here but I’m sure I’m going to be well adjusted until then.

Grabbing a couple of necessary items such as soap, shampoo, body wash, toothpaste, and toothbrush, that I was too tired to pack from where I came from and why should I when I could just buy it right? Anyway, after getting all of the necessary items on my list I went to the chocolate and chips section. I’ve always had a sweet tooth so chocolates were always a necessary item. There was also the fact that I tend to eat it whenever I stay up late writing my manuscript that I haven’t started yet but I just released a new book months ago before moving so I’ll be fine for a while.

I was currently mulling over whether or not to get the whole box of my favourite chocolates (or maybe two) when I felt something collide with my leg. Surprised and startled, I turned around to see if it was someone who was clumsy enough to let go of their cart but only to be rendered even more surprised when I saw that it was a kid with bright green eyes beaming at me from where he was glued at my legs. I looked curiously at the kid and wondering whose kid this was. I have been very cautious of kids when I moved, certainly right after…I left and this kid is the first kid (besides Mimi’s) that I have ever been this close with. He looks like five years old…that’s the same age as him when I left him.

No stop, Cali, don’t let this little boy affect you. He’s innocent and is in no way connected to him, you’re going to be okay and you will not break down in front of this innocent bright eyed boy. I took calming breaths to stable myself before giving the boy a slight smile who was looking at me curiously, green eyes glinting under the dim lights of the grocery store. I was about to ask where his parents were because clearly he was lost and probably trusted me enough to approach me in this obscure grocery store and he must’ve wanted chocolates and he didn’t account his parents, yes that’s probably it.

I managed to convince myself but the boy clearly wasn’t having it and seeming like coming into realization his bright eyes even brightened (is that even possible?) and he shouted quite loudly. “Mommy!”

I was startled at the title and froze. What the f**k? Did this boy…really just call me “mommy”? What the heck?!

The boy clearly didn’t notice my internal panic though and proceeded to hug my legs enthusiastically and I just about died. I can feel my system failing and I don’t know how to reboot. No no no, this is why I didn’t want to be close to kids!

“Mommy it’s really you! I’ve been searching for you everywhere!” he proclaimed enthusiastically and I saw an old lady shopping look at us fondly. Meanwhile, I still don’t know how to react. Years away didn’t prepare me for this and I don’t know how to respond.

“I’m sure you’re glad to find your mommy. You must’ve been scared.” The old lady cooed and this random kid just nodded, agreeing. What the heck? Did he mistake me for his mother? Because clearly I wasn’t his!

“Ummm…” was the only thing I can muster when the old lady ruffled him on the head and smiled at me before telling me to take care and keep an eye more for my child lest he gets lost. I can’t help but chuckle bitterly; I already lost him years ago.

The lady chuckled fondly one last time before heading off but the child still clung to my feet and was looking at me with those innocent wide bright green eyes that for some reason striked me as familiar but I can’t pinpoint why. He was still looking at me expectantly though and I know I can’t just let him hug my leg like this forever.

“Umm…are you lost? I can help you find your real mommy.” I offered gently, trying to pry him off my leg but he only pouted and shook his head vigorously that I can’t help but feel worried for his neck.

“But you’re my real mommy. Not all those ladies daddy brings home.” his pout intensified when he mentioned that and I can’t help but melt but quickly hardened myself because no Cali, you need to be strong for your own well-being and gentle enough as to not make this boy cry while helping him look for his real parents.

“Umm but I’m not. Come on, I’ll help you look for your daddy instead.” I said when I realized that he only mentioned daddy and even told me his dad brings a lot of ladies home. He must’ve hated that, still that doesn’t give him an excuse to call random ladies with broken hearts on the grocery store ‘mommy’.

“No! Daddy is at work!” he pouted and I had to wrack my brain up on how to shake him off and he must’ve noticed that because his bright eyes dimmed and turned glassy. Oh s**t.

“Are you going to leave me again? You can’t mommy! I spent so long looking for you! You can’t leave me now!” and now he’s wailing. f**k, now I’ve done it. Years distancing myself to kids didn’t prepare me for this reaction but I should’ve expected it.

There weren’t that much people on the grocery store but there were still a couple and a wailing child was certainly a spectacle to the otherwise calm and silent grocery store. I felt a couple of sour looks thrown my way. It’s not my fault okay? I also want to cry right now, is what I want to say back but seeing as I’m the adult I need to get through with this.

I crouched down and picked him up and wiped his tears. I don’t why I did this when I told myself to stay away from kids but maybe it’s out of guilt for making him cry or that motherly instinct, that I buried deep inside my heart when I left him, speaking. I tried shushing him by putting him on my shoulder, placing my hand on his head gently and swayed a little to calm him down. I saw Mimi and some of the people I know do this to their crying child and I just hope this works because if not then I will join him in the cry fest.

Thankfully it seemed to work because he stopped full on wailing and before long I can hear him sniffle and hiccup. I extracted him from my shoulder (that was currently wet by snot and tears probably) and looked into his eyes. There was something about those green eyes that spoke to me but maybe that’s just my yearning and guilt speaking. His face was red from all the crying and snot was everywhere. He tried wiping it with his hands but that didn’t help so I tore open the paper towel I got from my cart and wiped it to his face. I’m going to be paying for it anyway so it’s fine. He took it in stride and used that to wipe his nose and blow on it before looking me dead in the eyes again. I couldn’t stay looking into those innocent eyes for long however, before I felt that dread and guilt resurface on my heart once again. When I averted my eyes, he proceeded to snuggle on my shoulder, making himself comfortable there.

I just continued to look at the ray of canned beans on the side like it was the most interesting thing in the world and as if I wasn’t carrying an unknown child that I accidentally made cry. He was still sniffling and when I finally looked at him after a couple of minutes of scrutinizing the beans, his eyes held curiosity and adoration that I couldn’t help but want to let him go but I know if I just dropped him suddenly he’s going to hurt himself and I don’t want that on my conscience. I have hurt a kid once and I promised myself never again.

I wanted to put him down but judging by his reaction from earlier he might cry. I was running out of options and then the thought that his real parents were looking for him set in and I paled. Crap, I did not account for that. What if his dad thinks I’m going to kidnap him?!

The universe seemed to take pity in me however because while I was panicking with my hands full of a boy that I didn’t have a slightest clue as to why he clung unto me, my phone rang. I couldn’t possibly get my phone on my pocket while carrying him can I?

Biting my lip I looked at him from my shoulder and slowly put him down. He was about to whine and I panicked so I just decided to ride with whatever he thinks to appease him.

“I’m sorry. I have to take a call okay? I’m going to buy you ice cream later okay?” and I resulted to bribery, great. That seemed to work however because he nodded and proceeded to latch back on my leg. There’s no escaping this is there?

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and saw that it was Mimi. I bit my lip to calm myself a little before answering her. The last thing I want from her is to panic when she hears the shake in my voice.

“Hello Mimi?” thankfully, I somehow mastered how to talk calmly in situations like this.

“Hey! Where are you? Are you still in the grocery?” I looked at my leg and saw the kid looking at me again. I looked away.

“Yes. Do you need anything?”

“Oh yes. Can you buy me some tomatoes? I ran out.”

“Sure. Umm…I’m hanging up now. See you later.” I said and ended the call right after she said goodbye. I looked at the problem on my leg and wondered how I can shake him off without making him cry?