I'm Not Your Mommy

Chapter 2

Calista

Nightmares were my company even when I moved countries. It has been my companion ever since that one moment that determined the new course of my life that I didn't think I would take but here I am.

Nightmares were a pretty staple thing in my life but recently, as I come to accept what happened and try to move on, it was as if it backed out, seemingly having done it's job. Of course, it never completely left me. I don't think it ever will but I'm always thankful if I sleep through the night without waking up in cold sweat and tears streaming down my face as I remember the events that happened like it was just yesterday.

Today was one of those days and I couldn't help but let out a small smile. Five straight of no nightmares was quite a record, I just hope it continues its streak but maybe that's because I've been busy and tired recently to even think about it, if that was ever possible.

Getting up slowly from the bed, careful not to trigger a headache from the jet lag, I trudged to my bare living room and looked for my phone that I left on the sofa earlier in my haste to get to bed. I located fairly easy since I remember where I left it. Heading to the kitchen, I opened the cupboard to find a mug and filled it up with water at the same time as I opened my phone and as expected, there were a couple of messages and e-mails for me. Some of them were from Mimi, constantly checking on me like a mother hen that she was, and some from some of my friends asking me if I landed well and checking up on me too and there was an e-mail from my editor and acquaintance asking to message him if I already settled in.

I filtered through my notifications and messages, answering some of them and sending a quick message to my editor before deciding to open the fridge. I hadn't eating anything other than a couple of sandwiches from the plane earlier. I've never really had the appetite whenever I fly so I sufficed for sandwiches earlier but now I'm hungry.

Fully expecting the fridge to be empty, I was still a little disappointed to see that it was empty. Well not that I could blame Mimi for that. She was adamant of stocking my fridge when she was still a little doubtful that I would follow through my flight and she was always against wasting food so she decided not to fill it up. There's also the fact that she wanted to go grocery shopping with me but I'm afraid we have to move that.

Closing the fridge, I checked my phone one last time for messages and upon seeing nothing urgent for me to chek, decided to take a shower. Flying for hours made me feel sticky so I took a quick bath and changed to more comfortable and casual clothes before rummaging through my bag for my wallet. I sent Mimi a quick text telling her I was going to go grab lunch and maybe drop by the grocery for some essentials while she whined about not being able to meet me and I just laughed at her and told her to stop checking her phone since she was with her in-laws while waiting for a taxi.

I bought a car but Mimi was the one using it at the moment and it was parked in their house so I can't use it until I come visit them later and get it so I can rely on taxi's until then.

When the taxi I requested arrived, I went in and since I was a little unfamiliar with this side of town, and given that it's been quite a while since I was here, asked for recommendations for a quick lunch. The taxi driver happily gave me some suggestions and when a restaurant caught my attention told him to go there.

The taxi driver was quite chatty but after a couple minutes into the ride, we settled into silence as he let the radio fill in the silence as I scroll through my phone looking up articles about the latest development in the city. It's not that I don't know, what with Mimi constantly dropping hints every time I call her, but still. I was randomly scrolling through the articles when I saw one that caught my attention. I sucked in a sharp inhale when I caught sight of it. It was about the Verlice Group of Companies and their recent development and success of their new business venture. I don't know why I'm rather affected by it, we had a good relationship with their family but not quite that close either so why am I affected? Ah it must be because of the fact that when I tried asking them for help they didn't even spare me a glance, let alone help me. I scoffed at the reminder. Right, it's not like they were required to help us but judging from the fact that I once heard them talking about the merger between our companies that was about to undergo, I at least expected some compassion but I forgot that the business world was cruel and full of ruthless people. Relationships in the business world were only made if it was favorable for both parties and what happened certainly wasn't favorable for anyone.

I sighed before tapping the exit button furiously to rid of that article and looked out the window. Well, there's no use holding a grudge against them. The years I spent abroad has given me time to go over all the scenarios that happened. Of course I realized that if they helped me or my family, their name would've gotten dragged through the mud and I understand that they don't want that but they could've atleast extended any sort of help but they didn't but well, there's no use blaming them. They're part of the past now and now hopefully they'll never be a part of my present but who am I kidding? I'm pretty sure I will never cross paths with them again, not with the difference in our status and careers.

At that, I finally calmed myself down the same time the taxi driver told me that we have arrived. I gave him a rather big tip, since I have way too much money to spend on my own really and I was once in the position where I was desperate too so I always saw to it to do small acts of kindness like this when I got better.

The restaurant was a located in a rather busy street in the city and I have no doubt that it would be full of people during rush hours but now that it lunch time has passed, there were significantly less people than usual. I was welcomed by the staff and ushered to an empty table and gave him a small smile when he asked if I was waiting for anyone and I told him I was dining alone. He seemed taken aback but hid it well before rounding me to a empty table near the window before hurrying off and left me with the menu. I can't help but chuckle at his reaction. People seem to think dining alone is pitiful but I have gotten used to it and really it's not so bad.

As soon as I sat down waiting for my order to be served, I glance up from where I was scrolling from my phone when I felt like something was prickling me and I know all too well what it means. I can feel a couple of glances my way and whispers and I can feel the anxiety creeping in at the thought of being recognized which I know is ridiculous because I’m on the completely other side of the town and it’s been five years since that scandal that followed me but I also knew that people retain scandalous and embarrassing memories more than good one’s but the anxiety was quickly unfounded when the stares stop and the people in the restaurant went back to their own conversations. That didn’t help with my thoughts though so I didn’t risk a glance up the whole time, only glancing a few times to the waiter dropping by my order and quickly finished lunch and went out of there.

Finally outside, I can feel the heavy feeling in my chest lift up at being out in the open more where I can escape anytime if people were ever to recognize me. I wasn’t usually this fidgety when going out but it was if my brain and heart remembers the feeling like it was yesterday. The feeling of stares, whispers, and fingers following me as the people gossip about the worst chapter of my life like I wanted them to know and see me vulnerable like that while I walk with my head bowed the whole time. People seem to think that it was their business to judge you for the decisions that you apparently made without actually knowing what happened for you to make said decisions and it’s frustrating but that’s human nature for you.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down and decided not to ride a taxi to the nearest grocery store and instead walk there. Walking has always been one of the few things that helped me collect my thoughts, especially if it was somewhere calm and silent like a forest or the sea but since I was in the middle of a very busy city, I’ll just live with this. Besides, whenever I’m walking I always make it fun by observing other people and come up with stories basing on their actions and what made them act like that. I always found that fun, though most of the time I don’t do it since staring and following someone with your eyes is rude and creepy and the last I want to be labelled is that.

I searched the nearest grocery on maps and when it redirected me to a small one just a kilometre away from the restaurant I just got out from, I immediately began walking to the direction maps directed me to. The weather wasn’t that hot and I’m thankful for that since I remember the heat in this country was unbearable especially during the summers. The universe seems to be in my favour too since the area and path going to the grocery store was lined with trees which provided great shade for people walking.

There were a couple of people walking around too, but not that much unlike during rush hours since it was the middle of the day after all and people were mostly in their offices working which was perfect for me. I continued walking and was a little regretful that I didn’t bring earphones but the soft hum of the cars passing by and the slight chatter from the passer-by’s were more than enough noise for me not to be too disturbed by it.

The walk was over before I knew it when I saw the glaring red banner of the grocery I inputted on the maps and by the sudden chime of my phone telling me that I have reached my destination. I pocketed my phone and stared at the sign for a few moments before entering the grocery store with the intents of buying enough food that will hopefully last me a couple of days since I know Mimi would complain about me shopping for too much and tell me we should’ve gone together.

I was too focused with mentally listing what I wanted to buy that I didn’t notice this time the pair of bright green eyes following my every action nor did I notice how those eyes came to life when it saw me.