You Wouldn't Dare

CHAPTER 17 - VIOLET

DAY ONE 

Day one was the worst day by far.

So much had happened in such a short space of time that I struggled to

cope with all the emotions I had running through my mind. It seemed there was

no escape. My every moment focused on my misery until I felt as though I was

drowning.

I both loved and hated Khaos. He had caused so much pain but given me

more love than I could ever have hoped. I noticed more and more just how much

my mother had trapped me, and how much freedom Khaos gave me in

comparison. He let me and my wolf run free and accepted us both. He never

asked for the pretty porcelain doll I imagined I presented on the outside. He

wanted the real woman I was on the inside - good and bad.

However, that did not change the fact that he had murdered my best

friend. Yes, Logan and I had a history, and I knew that would be hard for a man

like Khaos to handle, but it was no excuse for murder.

Logan had often been my rock in troubling times. He was my best friend,

trying to help wherever he could. Even the rescue mission that had cost him his

life had been for my benefit, and it would haunt me until my dying day that he

never got to live a long and happy life. I was as much to blame as Khaos. I might

not have committed the act, but I should have reached out before he resorted to

coming to find me.

He had told me that my mother was different and that made me hurt in a

way I didn’t think was possible where she was concerned. We didn’t have the

best relationship, but for her to hide away in her rooms all day, forgetting her

role in society and the commitments she had made, must mean that she was

hurting. I needed to contact her and let her know I was safe before she did

something stupid as well.

Khaos knew enough about the relationship between my mother and me.

There was no telling what he would do if he found her on his property. It would

be a direct insult, a threat to his pack. He wouldn’t stop at killing her. He would

send warriors to take over the entire Atlantis pack, ensuring they could never

return here.

I wouldn’t even be able to blame him. Two high-ranking wolves from the

same pack on his territory would demand retribution. It was the way of the

wolves.

As much as I wanted to hate Khaos, to never speak to him again, I couldn’t help the way I missed him. In such a brief space of time, he had come

to mean so much to me. I was used to turning to him when I thought of

something funny, sharing my meals with him, my bed, my heart.

It wasn’t the same.

My wolf was distraught, refusing to speak to me. She thought Khaos had

been justified. She had never agreed with what I did the day Khaos and I met,

the way I had tried to use Logan. She had warned me at the time that he wasn’t

my mate, and she made it more than clear I deserved Khaos’ treatment of me.

I had to hope that she would come around soon.

I didn’t leave the room on the first day. I cried, slept, cried some more,

and spent a lot of time just staring into space. I wanted to find Jasmine and see if

she could ever forgive me, to explain my side of the story, but I knew that was

hopeless. Khaos had said that she was angry on my behalf, but that was just

because of the way he had tried to humiliate me. I saw the look in her eyes. She

believed in what Khaos had told her, she just didn’t agree with the punishment.

As day turned to night, I contemplated running away. I wanted to find

my old pack and have them smother me with kind words and pity, safe in a little

cocoon of adoration. It made sense as it crossed my mind; I needed to contact

my parents anyway. Yet the scared little voice in my head reminded me I would

have to explain Logan’s absence, have to face up to his parents considering they

were the Betas of the pack. Being the chicken I am, I quickly put that idea to bed

and decided I would find a way to mind-link my parents. I couldn’t be that far

away, surely?

Day one was by far the worst day, but I had hopes. Tomorrow was a new

day. It had to get better. I couldn’t hurt like this forever.

DAY TWO 

Day two wasn’t much better. I skipped breakfast again, my stomach turning at

the thought of eating. My last meal had been the deer that Khaos and I had

shared, and that thought alone sent me spiralling back down into depression.

I didn’t change out of the dressing gown that still lingered with his scent.

I didn’t brush my teeth or attempt to wash. I wanted to call him and hear his

voice but realised I didn’t have his number. I could easily find it, but that meant

going to his office and I couldn’t handle that right now. It was probably for the

best. He needed time to process this too. Besides, everything was still too raw. It

would be easy for us to fall back into the same routine, making promises neither

of us were capable of keeping just to make the pain go away.

I still thought about him though, much more than I cared to admit. What

was he doing right now? Had he tried to contact me? Was he even thinking about me?

How was I supposed to know if he had rung home, if I refused to let

anyone in? I had almost left the second that thought entered my mind. I had been

ready to rip open the door and find the first wolf and demand to know if I had

any messages.

Yet, just as my hand reached for the handle, I remembered nobody would

talk to me anyway.

I wasn’t their Luna anymore.

In fact, I never had been.

They wouldn’t listen to my commands and I didn’t actually know any

wolf here well enough to be sure that they wouldn’t harm me without Khaos

here to protect me.

I dropped my hand and went back to my seat, staring out of the window

into the forest that held so many happy memories that it haunted my every

waking hour.

Day two passed by much the same. A knock at my door signalled the

meals being brought to me, and the mutters of disapproval a while later signalled

them being taken away. Using this, I could time my day, keeping a loose hold on

the passing hours as I lost myself more and more.

Day two really hadn’t been much better after all.

DAY THREE 

Day three was a turning point. The day mostly dragged by, the same knocks at

the door, the same tuts and mutters of disapproval. Everything stayed the same. I

calculated the hours, moving the chair around the room to remain in the sun,

until eventually it came to the time when the sun had me sat in the last place I

wanted to be – the place where my memories came to life.

I stared out of the window, remembering my hunt with Khaos and the

subsequent chase. The time when we had given ourselves to each other. I would

never forget the lightning bolt that had hit me, realising my wolf had bonded

with Khaos. I remembered Logan and his sweet, gentle love. He had always tried

to do his best by me, my happiness being his highest priority, and yet when it

was time for me to step up, I had let him down. I was my own worst enemy on

this day, blaming myself for things I had no part in. It wasn’t my fault that

Khaos had murdered him, but that didn’t stop me from believing that his blood 

was on my hands.

Jasmine and Erin, the raven-haired beauty, stopped by. They pleaded for

my forgiveness, that Khaos explained everything. They apologised for not

stopping by sooner; they were too consumed with their guilt and they had wanted to give me time to grieve. I didn’t respond to them. If I was being honest,

their words barely registered with me. I was too involved in the movie playing in

my mind, showing the events of my life that had led to me ending up in this

situation.

Together they took charge, caring for me, spoon-feeding me soup, and

gently coaxing me into the shower. Jasmine helped me wash, massaging my hair

for me whilst Erin fixed up the bedroom. They laid out fresh clothes and tucked

me into bed like a child, and I made my false promises to come down to

breakfast in the morning.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I had said. I had no intention of

keeping that promise. I knew it and they knew it. But at least I was talking, even

if my voice did sound strained and scratchy.

As soon as they left, I broke down, sobbing because everything was new

and fresh, and nothing belonged to Khaos. Nothing held his scent anymore. They

had taken away the last remaining piece of him. It would be washed and returned

to me, smelling clean, smelling different.

I cried harder, realising how pathetic I was. Where was the strong,

opinionated Violet that took no s**t from anyone?

Was she gone forever?

Maybe day three wasn’t such a turning point after all.

DAY FOUR 

Day four was the day I decided enough was enough. I vowed not to let Khaos

destroy me completely. I went to breakfast with the pack, hesitant at first, but

they all turned bright, happy faces my way. A few younger ones still called me

Luna, but I ignored the sharp stab of pain their words delivered. It wasn’t their

fault. They had just been getting used to the idea of having both an Alpha and a

Luna, and now their Alpha was gone, and their Luna wasn’t really their Luna at

all. Yet more to add to the list of people I had failed.

After my slight setback at breakfast, I walked around the gardens, finding

a beautiful fenced off area. Upon further inspection, I found the temple and

realised I was in the worship grounds of the Moon Goddess.

I knelt at her statue and I prayed and prayed to her as I unloaded all my

worries and fears onto her. A gentle breeze brushed against my cheek, assuring

me that everything would work out okay in the end. Even in your darkest hour,

there was always light at dawn.

I realised that this was the place where Khaos’ journey had begun.

He had also been found in a place of worship when Ryssa had been at her

lowest. For some messed up reason, this brought me comfort. It made me connect with him. Hell, it reminded me of him almost as much as the forest did,

and for that reason I decided that I would come here every day and whisper my

journey to the Moon Goddess. She was watching us as surely as she had watched

Khaos all those years ago. She would not interfere with free will, but she only

wanted what was best for her wolves. She provided us with everything we

needed to be happy. It was only by our own actions that we were miserable.

In short, I placed my trust in the Moon Goddess, my faith bringing me

pangs of joy.

I left feeling more whole than I had in a long time. I joined in with the

evening games, laughing even though I didn’t really feel like it. I enjoyed a

beautiful dinner, convincing everyone around me that the worst was over with. I

just needed to work on convincing myself.

The time would come, though. I couldn’t grieve forever. There was such

beauty in the world, a haven to explore. I might not do it with my mate as I had

always planned, but I would visit all the sights that had jumped off the pages of

the books I had read as a child. I would walk the corridors of Holy places of

worship, immerse myself in the history of other cultures, living their history and

escape my own life, even if only for a short while.

I had a plan and so for the first time since Khaos left me, I was able to

breathe easy.

DAY FIVE 

Day five was a setback.

Too much food when my stomach had gone days without eating gave me

awful cramps. I attempted breakfast but immediately brought it back up again.

Jasmine expressed her concern, but I reassured her I was fine, a simple case of

too much too soon. She asked me if I had reached my decision and I didn’t know

how to answer. Yes. No. I couldn’t think past one day at a time.

Last night I had been so sure of myself, but another night of no sleep had

me doubting myself.

Give Khaos one more chance, don’t ruin your happiness forever.

Leave now, don’t let Khaos destroy all the good within you.

Each decision was one that couldn’t be taken back. Either would change

my life in such a drastic way.

At Jasmine’s insistence I visited the pack doctor who gave me a clean

bill of health but ordered me to take things much easier whilst we waited for the

results of the blood tests, just to be on the safe side. I had told him I didn’t need

any blood work, but he had replied that it wasn’t worth pissing Khaos off. If

anything happened to me, even if it were just a cold, the doctor would be to blame. I had stretched my arm out with a sigh and told him to get it over with.

Khaos was still influencing everything that happened to me.

They sent me back to the room they had ordered me to leave just a day or

so ago, and I took up my usual position in the seat by the window. In no time at

all, I was once again lost in my memories.

Day five really hadn’t gone to plan at all.

DAY SIX

Day six kicked off with an early morning visit from the doctor as he handed me

my test results. He was pleased to announce I was fit and healthy, no doubt

fearing Khaos’ wrath if he had told me anything else.

He handed me an envelope that contained my diagnosis and left me to

my thoughts.

Day six was the day I made my decision. It was time to stop being

childish. Whether Khaos or I ended up together in the end was of no importance.

We still had things to talk about, things to work through – even if it was only for

the sake of closure.

Making my way to his office with the help of Jasmine, holding my elbow

and guiding the way, I called him. My palms were sweating as I anxiously

listened to the endless ringing. The more the phone rang, the more time I had to

look around the room and take in all of his belongings, his scent wrapping

around me.

It wasn’t Khaos that answered. It was a female.

Jealousy ripped through me before common sense took over. Of course

there were going to be females around. There was nothing to be worried about.

She introduced herself as Grace, the mate to Alpha Duke.

It didn’t escape my notice that she didn’t say “Luna”.

Maybe Khaos and I were not the only ones experiencing troubles in

paradise.

Grace assured me that she was going to get Khaos and made me swear to

stay on the phone. Five minutes, tops. They didn’t know where he was. He

hadn’t been seen all day.

What the f**k was going off over there?

Finally, a lot more than five minutes later, he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s me…”