Las Cosas Series #1: Ashes From Our Past

Capitulo Catorce

I am humming while choosing something to wear dahil ngayon ako pupunta ng simbahan.

Kinuha ko ang maroon vneck t-shirt at jeans. Matapos magbihis ay p-in-onytailed ko ang buhok ko at nagspray ng perfume saka lumabas.

It's still 7:40 in the morning baka hindi pa gising si Arturo. Nahihiya naman akong gisingin siya at istorbohin sa pagtulog para ihatid ako.

I already ate breakfast dahil maaga akong nagising--as always. Nang makababa ay naisipan ko nalang manood muna ng T.V habang hinihintay si Arturo.

Makaraan ang ilang minuto ay nakita ko na itong bumaba.

"You're up early," bungad niya.

I just shrugged my shoulders.

"May nakahanda nang agahan roon sa lamesa. Kumain ka na muna." Ani ko dito habang nakapokus parin ang paningin ko sa T.V.

"Hindi na 'ko kakain. Let's go."

I saw him fixing the collar of his polo on my peripheral vision.

"Kumain ka na muna hindi naman ako nagmamadali. And besides it's still early. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day so you shouldn't skip it. Go and eat breakfast, sayang din yung hinanda ko," pangangaral ko pa sa kanya. At saka hindi dapat sinasayang ang pagkain lalo na kapag ako ang nagluto.

"You cooked breakfast?"

"Umalis si manang kaninang madaling araw. Uuwi siya ng probinsiya ngayon diba? Eh, sino ba ang magluluto maliban sa ating dalawa? Unless may imaginary cook tayo." I replied.

I heard him sigh. "Fine"

Tumalikod ito sa akin at naglakad papuntang kusina.

While watching the morning show something-- or rather "someone" caught my attention.

Napaayos ako bigla ng upo at tinutok ang paningin sa telebisyon at nakinig ng maigi sa sinasabi ng reporter.

"Talking about business, our dear citizens. Here's Aubrey for the latest updates regarding the business news!"

"Thank you, Noel. Good morning, citizens! For the Business news... The known business tycoon, Alfredo Walters is back in the country! He just landed on the Philippine Airport and with him was some foreign investors on his newest venture. He was interviewed before and he said that he will be building his newest branch in the Philippines."

Ipinakita ang pagdating ng nasabing lalaki na pinagkakaguluhan ng mga reporters, habang may mga security guards na humaharang sa mga reporters para hindi makalapit kay Alfredo Walters.

A reporter asked him at inilapit ang mikropono dito.

"Sir Walters, can you tell us a brief info. about your newest branch that will be built here in the Philippines."

"An interview will be held soon. I'm sorry, I'm in a hurry right now. I will give my full statement about the said project on that day." The man in his americana suit said while nodding his head. Pumasok agad ito sa kotse nag-aabang sa labas mismo ng airport habang hinaharangan pa din ng mga bantay ng mga ito ang mga reporters.

Ibinalik ang tutok ng camera sa reporter. "Mr. Walters only gave a brief statement regarding his business im country. So that's it, citizens. We will hear what the great business tycoon brought for us soon. Stay updated. Back to you, Noel!"

Kinuha ko ang remote at pinatay ang T.V. Isinandal ko ang likod at ulo ko sa sandalan ng sofa at ipinikit ang mga mata habang hinihilot ang ulo.

I stayed like that for a while.

"Beatris."

I opened my eyes and saw Arturo standing inches away from me while both of his hands are stilled inside his pockets.

"Are you still sleepy? You woke up so early. Matulog ka nalang kaya muna mamaya na tayo umalis."

Umiling iling ako dito. "Hindi, umalis na tayo ngayon and I'm not sleepy. Hindi ka ba papasok ngayon?"

"Nope."

Tumayo na ako at nagpuntang garahe.

Habang bumibiyahe ay naisipan kong tanungin si Arturo. "Wala ka bang bibisitahin sa sementeryo, Arturo? O ipagtitirik ng kandila?"

I saw him clenched his jaw. "Meron."

"Sino? Your Grandparents?"

"No."

"Who?"

"Ang namatay kong puso."

Napatanga ako dahil sa sinabi nito.

I don't know if he's serious or what. I want to laugh but he wore a very serious expression while saying it and that stopped me from bursting out. I bit my inside cheek and just stared outside the window.

"O-okay..."

Itinigil ni Arturo ang sasakyan sa parking lot malapit sa simbahan.

After I unclasped my belt ay tiningnan ko si Arturo na kasalukuyang pinapatay ang makina ng sasakyan.

"Salamat sa paghatid. Pasensiya na rin sa istorbo. Huwag mo na akong sunduin mamaya magtataxi na lang ako pauwi. Naalala ko naman ang dinaanan natin kanina kaya di ako maliligaw."

Tinanggal nito ang seat belt bago ibinaling sa akin ang kaniyang paningin.

"No, sasamahan na kita. Mamayang hapon pa naman ako aalis."

Tumango nalang ako dito at bumaba na ng sasakyan.

The church has a medieval style of architecture. I am awed when we entered the church, we were greeted by the giant chandelier hanging on the middle and it is exquisite!

The church's wide ceiling was painted with angels and clouds. Some of the paintings above was the Last Supper and the highlights of Jesus' life.

"The altar was made of pure gold." Saad ni Arturo na nakapamulsa sa tabi ko.

Tunay na napakaganda ng altar nasa gitna ang malaking istatwa ni Hesus na nakapako sa krus.

Nag sign of the cross ako at bahagyang lumuhod saka naglakad papunta sa mga upuan.

The church is solemnly quiet and the sound of the birds chirping surrounded the place.

Lumuhod ako at nagdasal. I prayed for the soul of my mother. I prayed for our healing. I lifted everything to Him because I know He's the only one who can heal me.

I also talked to my mother, hoping she would guide me. And may those nightmares stop haunting me. The nightmares I always encounter felt like a chain that kept dragging me back to my past. It hinders me from totally moving forward. And here's only one way to stop this. Not until I give justice to my mother's demise I will still keep on suffering. Justice. Until I get that, only then, everything will halt.

Arturo and I are currently standing in front of the lighted candles beside the church.

Pagkatapos kong magdasal sa simbahan kanina ay agad kaming lumabas ni Arturo para magtirik ng kandila.

I opened my eyes and looked at the man beside me who is intently looking at the candles.

I wanted to call him out but he's probably still praying.

He looked like he was drowned in a deep thought while staring at the candles that made him very occupied and engrossed on his surrounding.

I took a few steps back and waited for him to finish. Ngunit isang hakbang ko palang patalikod ay bumaling na kaagad ito sa akin.

"Are you...done?" I asked him.

He stared at me for a couple of seconds before he replied. "Yeah."

--

We passed by a park at tinigil ni Arturo ang sasakyan. I thought we're going home already. But I guess not. We we're silent after lighting up some candles and offered prayers to the souls of our loved ones.

"Tara," ani Arturo.

"Saan?" Nagtataka kong tanong.

Hindi ito sumagot, bagkus ay lumabas lang ito at naglakad papunta sa kung saan.

Agad naman akong bumaba at sinundan ito. "Arturo, saan ka pupunta?"

"Basta." He just kept on walking habang ako nama'y nalilito na kung saan nito gustong pumunta.

Patuloy pa rin itong naglalakad pero tumigil sa harap ng isang bench.

Pinagmasdan ko ang paligid. Napakaganda ng parkeng ito maraming puno ang nakapalibot sa lugar at tahimik. Siguro dahil nasa mga kani-kanilang probinsiya ang mga tao o sa sementeryo at dinadalaw ang mga mahal nila sa buhay.

He sat on the bench at tinabihan ko ito.

"'Bat mo naisipang magpunta dito?"

He didn't reply. He just looked at the playground. Biglang para na naman itong nalamon sa malalim na pag-iisip. Now, I'm wondering if something is bothering him.

I was about to ask him if something's wrong pero naunahan na 'ko nitong magsalita.

"I wish I can turn back the time... so that I can relive the memories— when I was still happy and contented beside her. When life wasn't cruel to me yet." He sighed

I can see that he's very frustrated.

"Most of the people wished that too but none's wish was granted." Wika ko dito.

So that's what making him sad... He misses someone.

I was looking at the playground when an ice cream vendor passed by. Agad akong tumayo at lumapit dito.

Mamá said that this helps us to lighten our bad mood.

"Manong pabili po."

"Anong flavor, hija?"

"Isa pong ube at isang tsokolate."

Binigay ko kay manong ang bayad sabay kuha ng mga ice cream.

"Sa inyo na po ang sukli, Salamat po."

"Salamat din hija." Nakangiting ani nito sa akin.

Ngumiti ako dito sabay talikod at naglakad papunta kay Arturo.

"Here." Inilahad ko dito ang tsokalate na ice cream nang kinuha nito ang ice cream ay umupo na akong muli sa tabi nito.

"What's this?"

Nagtataka nitong tiningnan ang ice cream na binigay ko.

"Hulaan mo." Sagot ko dito at dinilaan ang ice cream ko.

"Anong gagawin ko dito?"

I rolled my eyes and looked at him.

"Subukan mong kausapin baka sumagot 'yan. Magchikahan kayo." Sarkastiko kong sagot

Tiningnan naman ako nito ng masama. Bumuntong hininga ako saka ko ito sinagot muli.

"Kinakain ho kasi 'yan kung 'di niyo alam."

Hinawakan ko ang ice cream niya at inilapit ko sa ito sa kanyang bibig.

"Yan. You're welcome," saad ko pa.

Nang sinimulan na nitong kainin ang ice cream niya ay umayos na ako ng upo at pinagtuonan ang ice cream ko.

"What's this for, Beatris?"

"To help you lift up your mood. That's what my mother always give me whenever I'm sad. Comfort food, 'ika pa nila. And for that, I'll tell you a story."

I gaze through the wide park while reliving a memory...

I was afraid because papá scolded me for having a low grade in one of my subjects.

"Mujer joven, what is this?"

I am standing in front of my father while my hands are on my back. I fidgeted my fingers.

"L-los siento, papá." I lowered my head and clutched both the sides of my pajama.

Iniling-iling pa nito ang kanyang ulo at namewang sa aking harapan.

"You should've studied harder. This is not acceptable, Deborah. You are a Turizo and a Turizo is not a loser!"

"Stop it, Severino!"

Mamá came near me and hugged me. She caressed my hair and looked at papá.

"Don't pressure her, Sevi. She's just a teenager. And your daughter is studying harder than you think."

Inihampas ni papá ang card na hawak niya sa lamesa.

"Then what is this?! Bakit may bagsak siyang marka kung nag-aaral siya ng mabuti?"

Tinanggal ni mamá ang pagkakayapos sa akin at lumapit kay papá.

"Iyan lang ba ang nakikita mo, Severino? Ang bagsak na marka ng anak mo?"

Kinuha ni mamá ang card ko at tiningnan ito. "She only got one failing grade out of eight and the rest were high marks. And mind you, it's all line of nine. Sa walong matataas na marka niya ang isang bagsak na grado lang niya ang pinagtuonan mo ng pansin." My mamá looks mad but she's still able to talk to papa in the most calm way.

What mamá said made me think... Bakit ba ang hilig ng mga taong mas punain ang maliliit na pagkakamali? Na kahit anong gawin mong tama ang mali mo ang mas pinapansin nila.

"Instead of congratulating her, you're scolding her. You got a nice way of appreciating your daughter's efforts, Sevirino."

Tinalikuran ito ni mamá at lumapit sa akin. She tapped my shoulder and lead me to walk outside the library leaving my papá behind.

Mamá led me to the kitchen. I am sitting at the stool while she's getting something from the refrigerator.

"Here it is." Inilabas niya ang dalawang tub ng ice cream at ibinigay sa akin ang isa. She also handled me a spoon.

"Here you go. Sorry for your papá's behavior a while ago, sweetheart. And I'm also sorry kung nag-away kami sa harap mo. I just couldn't stand that attitude of him." Wika nito at bumuntong hininga. Kapagkuwan ay umayos ito ng upo at ngumiti sa akin.

She waved her hand in the air, dismissing the topic. "So much for that. Let's just eat this ice cream. This will surely make you smile."

I smiled at her widely.

"See, ngumiti ka na agad 'di mo pa nakakain ang ice cream. Paano pa kaya pag nakain mo na 'yan?"

Nagtawanan naman kami ni mamá.

She never failed to make me smile...

"You love your mom so much do you?"

I looked at him and smiled. "Of course, I do."

Laking tuwa ko naman ng nginitian ako nito pabalik.

Ilang sandali kaming tahimik na kinakain ang aming mga ice cream ng biglang may tumunog na telepono. I checked mine, but there's no call. It isn't ringing. Bumaling ako sa katabi ko.

Kinuha ni Arturo ang kaniyang cellphone sa bulsa at sinagot ang tawag.

"Hello... Catherine. Yeah, susunod nalang ako. I will be there later. Bye"

Ipinasok nitong muli ang cellphone sa kaniyang bulsa at tumingin sa akin

"Si Cathy?"

"Yes."

Tumango ako. "You can go. Saulo ko na ang daan ang pauwi."

Umiling ito. "Ihahatid na kita. Mamaya pa naman gaganapin ang ser-"

'Di nito tinapos ang dapat na sasabihin sana nito at tumikhim

"Tara na."

Itinapon nito sa kalapit na basurahan ang natitirang ice cream at nagpagpag.

Medyo nagulat ako sa nasaksihan, you can call me overreacting. But I felt a slight pang of pain nang tinapon nito ang ice cream. I gave him something that is special to me at tinapon lang nito iyon.

"Hindi sinasayang ang pagkain, Arturo."

Malamig kong bulong dito saka naunang maglakad papunta sa sasakyan habang bitbit pa rin ang ice cream na natitira.

--

Nang itinigil nito ang sasakyan sa harap ng gate ay nagpasalamat ako dito at dali-daling lumabas.

Habang naglalakad papasok ng bahay ay napatigil ako ng maramdamang may humawak sa palapulsuhan ko.

I turned around at nakita si Arturo.

Yumuko ito at bumuga ng hangin. "Are you okay? Kanina ka pa tahimik sa sasakyan."

I just nodded once.

"Did I do something wrong, Beatris?"

Hindi ako sumagot dito sa halip ay binawi ko ang pulso kong hawak-hawak nito. I don't like him touching me. It feels wrong.

"Look, I'm sorry if I've done or said something a while a go that made you mad b-"

"What made you think that I'm mad, Arturo?"

"You we're acting differently and I felt it-- that you're mad. 'Di lang ako mapalagay na may nagawa akong hindi mo nagustuhan. I'm really sorry." Nakayuko nitong wika.

I felt my heart raced faster and beat than it's normal pace.

"I'm good, Arturo. Papasok na 'ko. Salamat sa paghatid." Tinalikuran ko na ito at naglakad muli papasok.

The truth is... I'm not mad. Upset maybe, but not mad. I know it's a small thing para magkaganito ako para lang sa isang ice cream. I'm just overreacting a while ago dulot ng pagiging sobrang sensitive sa mga bagay-bagay. But I got over it while on the way home.

But isn't it too much? I mean, naguguluhan na din ako sa ikinikilos ko and I admit that I'm starting to get confused with my actions whenever I'm with him.

Bumuntong hininga nalang ako at umiling.