Loveland

My name is Anarose, I'm a teacher, but I'm different from my fellow professors, maybe because of my past...maybe it's me. This abyss I don't know how I fell into it, it's dark and scary, I feel lonely... Shooting...carrying a gun...killing... these things became a part of my life because of that incident. I can no longer trust people, nor can I trust this life. The moment I turn my back, I will be stabbed. That is why I decided that I will face this life... I will not give up... I must rise and fight against these feelings and against my weak self because I want to live... This is my only desire and because of it I am still alive. My story is sad, but I do not want pity because I will face this world with a smile... In such a miserable life, these children, whom I take care of, are everything to me... I will not allow anyone to harm them even if I have to kill those who disturb them, for this I am a teacher, because I don't want these children to grow up to be like me or to live like my life... I will not allow the mistakes of adults to affect them or for them to be blamed for the actions of their family... Years later, the children grew up. There were those who got married and others who traveled... Some of them found their luck in this life, and the other bravely faced fate. It is true that their lives were not completely white, but I am glad that they found their way even if they forgot me, even if they left me alone, because this is the way of life. I remember crying that night they left me, I drank a lot and made trouble and then I got hit by a car after someone pushed me to save his friend who beat him up...I'm not sad about my death, because I didn't like this life anyway... When a very thin line separated me from death, I had remembered my dream to live in a world where children decide their future...In a world where they are free from the rules of adults that determine their clothes, actions and personalities, then I remembered my students...I hope they live happily...To live that beautiful life that I could not live... I do not regret anything in my life, but if there is a chance to live again, I hope to live for myself only... This is my last wish before I close my eyes forever. This is what I thought, but I never expected that I would open my eyes in another world between fantasy and reality. In this new life that has been given to me, I will live only for myself... I will live an ordinary and calm life with a smiling face... In this life I will do whatever I want... This is a promise I made to myself.