You are Enough

Chapter 12

My dad leaves soon after I say my piece. I have always kept my mouth shut and been a good girl. I didn't ever want to rock the boat, so to speak. Things were kind of rocky with dad and Elizabeth and they were having issues. I think it was heading for divorce. I feel bad for him, but I can do nothing to change it. I can't make it better. They have been fighting more and more lately. My thoughts are you can't have a solid marriage when you get together by cheating. I do my best to give my dad the love and respect you are supposed to give to your parents, but he makes it very hard. It feels you with sadness knowing you don't have a good relationship with your father. I try so hard to make things better for everyone else, but who is there for me? Who takes care of me? I have been asking myself this since Dr. Kavangh asked me last week. Who takes care of me? I'm a mother and work two jobs trying to make things easier for others. Things need to change for me or I am going to be a very bitter and lonely person. After the party, when the kids are outside playing, Scott texts me wanting to wish the kids a happy birthday. This man is so sweet, he wanted to buy the kids a gift each but I talked him out of it. I can’t wait to meet him face to face in May. I am so excited that I can’t contain it. We talked all the time and I am falling head over heels for him, plus I did a background check on him. What? I have to make sure he is safe to be around my kids. I have to protect them, right? I thanked him and promised I would let the kids know that mommy’s friend said happy birthday. I can’t believe this man, he’s so thoughtful of my kids. My days are spent cooking, cleaning, working, and being a mom. Scott and I continue to text and talk on the phone.We also Skype on the computer.As the day draws closer, I am more nervous about meeting him. What if he doesn’t like the way I look? What if he decides that a single mother of twins isn’t worth his time? Finally, the day comes when we meet face to face. We decided to meet him at the hotel. Yeah, I know looking back that was a pretty dumb idea, but I trusted him already. I wanted to make a big entrance, so I knocked on the door to his room and turned my back to the peephole hoping that he would look through it. I knew it was a good idea to do it when he opened the door and I turned so he could see my face. The smile that crossed his face numbed all those fears I just had. We get into his car and head to Pizza Hut for lunch. We talked about everything we could think of. We had so much in common that it was crazy. He made me laugh a really good laugh. He asked about the kids. He asked about my hopes and dreams. He asked about my greatest fears and my biggest accomplishments. He asked all the right questions. I was worried that he was just playing the part. We decided us spending the weekend together at his parent’s house in a small town I had never heard of. There are only 175 people in this town. We made the three-hour drive to this unknown location. Yes, I know it's very reckless of me, but my mom is very careful about our safety and took down his license plate number in case something happens. I couldn’t explain it though. I trusted him not enough to meet my kids yet but that he wouldn’t hurt me. I was already falling hard for this man and we had only been talking for three months. It was almost like this man was made just for me. We had the same sense of humor, he was more on the logical side and I am ruled by my emotions. I change the way my hair looks like the wind blows. I'm coming to realize that is part of my bipolar. Never be happy with yourself. Never be okay with who you are. Then you add in the borderline personality disorder and my moods are all over the place. I have already told Scott about my mental health and he reassures me that he can and will handle any bumps in the road that should arise. He’s good to me. He checks in with me on how I’m feeling or doing. We talk about everything under the sun on the drive. He tells me about all the little towns along the way. All you see for miles are farmers and crops. I ask which is what crop, seeing as I have never been around this type of farming. We had cattle, dogs, and pigs growing up. We weren’t into the crop side of farming. It seems so peaceful and calm, not like our busy town. The closer we get to me meeting his family, I start to get anxious and all he has to do is hold my hand and I almost melt.