You are Enough

Chapter 17

While I slept the guys decided that we would go to the zoo the next day. The kids would love that. Scott and I hadn't been able to full around since we got here so he wakes me asks if I want to shower together so we can. We put the kids to bed and hop in the shower together and full around. Once we are done we head to bed. Jordan and Brody had already gone to bed for the night. I lay awake afraid to fall asleep because of the nightmare I had earlier. I try to breathe in and out but it's no use I can seem to calm down. "Scott, I'm having a hard time sleeping again," I say. "Is it because of the nightmare earlier," he asks? "Yes, I'm scared it will happen again," I say. "It's okay, I'm right here if you need me," he say. He pulls me into his arms and I lay my head down on his chest. I finally start to drift off and have a dreamless sleep. I wake a few hours later to Holden and harper sleeping in bed with us. I wonder if they were having trouble sleeping as well. I scoot closer to them and hold them until I fall back asleep. "Kat, honey what are the kids doing in bed with us," Scott asked? "I woke up and they were in bed with us. I think they were having bad dreams," I say. "Or they felt you were in need of comfort from them," he says. "That could be it as well," I say. I roll over to face him and say, "Are you going to be able to handle them? You are going to be their stepdad," I say. "I'll be able to take care of them. Once I'm around them more it will be easier to see what they need and their mannerisms," he says. "Yes that's very true," I say. We lay there cuddled up together and wait for the kids to wake so we could go out for breakfast. I ended up falling asleep again until I hear, "Mommy, wake up it's time to get dressed and go eat," says Holden. I rub the sleep from my eyes and look to him and say, "Okay baby I'm getting up." We all get ready and go out to breakfast and meet Jordan at the zoo. The kids were so excited to see the monkeys and lions. The elephant scared them but they were fine after a bit. We walk around for hours stopping and learning about the different animals. Harper liked the penguins and Holden liked the tigers. When we finish there we head out to lunch and take it back to the apartment. The weeks pass with the guys showing us around and taking us out to eat. Before we knew it, it was time to head back home. Scott was released from the Army and we head back to his home town so he could see his parents and we could start putting our plans for the wedding into motion. After we spend a few days with his family we head down south to see my family and so my mom could help me find a dress in time. We plan to have the wedding at his parent's house on their land. It was going to be an outdoor wedding in the fall but for some reason this October was still warm. At least it wasn't supposed to rain on our wedding day. With all the planning and getting everything set up our wedding day is finally here. It was a beautiful wedding. We used fall colors for our colors. Most of our families showed up and celebrated our day with us. I was a little mad when we found out before hand that Scott's brother's girlfriend wouldn't let I'm be in our wedding. After the ceremony we all dance and ate. We all had a good time just hanging out and enjoying everyone. Once the party was over and everyone had gone home we cleaned up. We had a lot of of food left over so we sent some home with family and friends. We didn't go on a honeymoon because we didn't want to leave the kids for to long. I may be overprotective of my children but who is going to watch out for them if I don't? I can't believe that we are finally married. We had decided to find a place to live down around my parts of the state and he took a job as a mailman in a neighboring town. We ended up finding a two bedroom apartment that was in our price range that wasn't to fall from Scott's job. I stayed at home with the kids and taught them their colors, numbers, and alphabet. We want the kids to be ready for preschool when they start. So that's how I became a stay at home mom and wife. I go about my day with the kids taking them to the park to play and teaching them things that they will need to know. Sometimes it's a bit of a struggle to stay sane but the kids need their mama. I put in a full days work every day. I know it's not a job that people often say thank you for but it's a rewarding job. We live a quiet life unless I'm having flashback or nightmares. I see my doctor regularly stay on my medications. It's hard when you feel like this biggest failure to your new husband and kids. You feel defeated at every turn. Your mood changes like the wind blows. You constantly feel like a burden to your loved ones. People never knowing how to talk to you for fear of hurting your feelings. My own siblings don't know how to act around me. Which in turn makes our relationship suffer. I try to say positive but it's not always that easy.