Absolute Silence

32

He carried me to the bed, laying me down reverently on the soft cotton sheets. His hands went to my waist where he undid my pants and tugged the fitted fabric down my legs. I hadn’t paid attention to my wardrobe choice, but it suddenly occurred to me that I’d worn pants to the Omega when I’d only ever worn dresses to the Den. Had I subconsciously made it more difficult for myself to stray from Filip when I dressed that evening? Perhaps I wasn’t quite as heartless as I was acting. All I knew was that it felt right for his hands to be the ones that lifted my blouse over my head. For his eyes to drink in the sight of my n*****s peeking through the white lace of my bra. I wanted Filip just as desperately as I needed to keep my secrets securely locked away. But in that room, when the gentle strains of a piano played in the background and the world fell away, all I wanted was Filip. All that mattered was Filip. The emotion was too intense to share, but I could feel the sentiment shining in my eyes as he stripped me bare. A week of mental agony had been too much to process without the overflow of emotions pouring out. Now that he was there with me, dropping his last articles of clothing and pressing his naked body against mine, the relief was overwhelming. A second tear leaked from the corner of my eye. Filip lifted my hands over my head and ran his lips down the column of my neck. When he lifted his head and met my gaze, he used one hand to gently swipe the moisture from my temple. “Are you on birth control?” His hand slowly trailed along my jaw to my chin and down my sensitive throat. It was such an intimate gesture. Everything about this moment felt so much more personal than our times together before. I couldn’t fathom how that could be. We’d argued. It was clear we weren’t compatible and would likely only hurt one another, yet the confrontation had somehow pulled down a veil from between us. Now he was wanting to have s*x without protection. It was foolish and unnecessary and exactly what I wanted—to feel that connection with him re-established. “Yes,” I answered, giving my permission to feel him bare inside me. Filip wasted no time. He pulled one of my knees up, then rocked himself inside me one inch at a time. His breathing shuddered while I gasped, in awe of how perfectly our bodies fit together. My insides felt stretched and full in the most delicious way. I lifted my hands to wrap around his neck, but he stopped me, taking my wrists back into one of his hands and securing them above me. His body hovered over mine, filling me and soothing away all the torment from the days before, but he never lowered himself close enough for my lips to seize his. I desperately wanted to taste him—to feel his velvet tongue glide against mine—but it hadn’t escaped me that we’d never kissed. And while one of the many barriers between us had fallen, others were still firmly in place. I had essentially told him that he hadn’t earned my trust, but it would seem that the reverse was true. I had not proven worthy of his faith in me. That hairline c***k in my heart blistered open further. Of all the people I was close to, Filip had become the very last person I wanted to let down. I’d hurt and disappointed him, and that sin felt unforgivable. He wouldn’t let me kiss him or hold him, so I did the only thing I could. I wrapped my legs around his middle and met his every thrust. I held his fierce stare and allowed him to see inside me to the depth of my remorse. I wanted to be worthy of him. I wanted to please him yet maintain my own autonomy, but I didn’t know how to achieve those two things concurrently. Could it be I hadn’t given us a fair chance? My baggage might have made me oversensitive to the threat of being controlled. Could I find a way to keep Filip in my life? Would he even want to stay with me when he learned the darkest of my secrets? “Camilla,” he called softly in a strained voice. “Stay here with me. Don’t lose yourself in those thoughts of yours.” He knew. He sensed my panic and had drawn me from the edge. I discarded my worries and focused on the delicious rhythm of our bodies. His flexing abdominals and the tempting way his chin pushed toward me with each thrust, almost as if he craved my taste just as much as I craved his. He lowered his head to suck one of my n*****s into his mouth, tugging the sensitive flesh taut before releasing it with a pop. I moaned, and my internal muscles clenched, chasing the cliffside that remained just out of reach. Sensing my desperation, Filip increased his speed, hissing when my muscles clamped down impossibly hard. “Yes, Filip. Yes!” My eyes shot to the ceiling, but all I saw was a blinding white light as my body plummeted into an abyss of pleasure. I fell endlessly, lost in another dimension. Filip squeezed me closer, burying his face in my hair as his body found its own release buried inside me. His lips drifted down and hovered over the spot at the base of my neck that had only just healed from our last joining. Though I was still drunk on my own release, I was aware enough to sense what he was doing and angle my head to give him room. To encourage him to mark me. Instead, all I received was a hollow sense of disappointment. Filip pulled away and rolled us over, situating me close against his side while he lay on his back, eyes trained on the ceiling. We lay like that for minute after minute. Neither of us said a word. What we’d just shared had been more than s*x, but there was still so much to resolve. “Where does this leave us?” His voice was hollow steel, cold and empty. My whispered reply was just as broken. “I don’t know.”