Stay

Inhale His Scent…

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love…

- Adele

I am frozen. I cannot move. The room is swimming and blurring as I register David grab Lily’s throat and push her to the wall. He did this to me once. I know how scary it is. I want to scream, but nothing escapes my mouth. It’s like a nightmare when you want to run but your legs are pinned to the ground. My heartbeat is so loud I’m afraid he can hear it…I inhale deeply and try to gather myself. He hasn’t seen me yet. I have to do something.

Slowly, I move my legs to the direction of my kitchen cabinet. I open it carefully, never taking my eyes off him. He is growling something to Lily, inaudible. I know he is drunk. How could I risk her? I am such a bad person for putting her into this. I choose the biggest pan I have. Then I do a small pep-talk on how brave I am and that I’m going to save Lily. With cautious steps, I approach him. Lily sees me and widens her eyes but I gesture her to hush. When I am close enough, I hit him hard on the back of his head. I hear him growl in pain and for a moment he is disoriented. He lets Lily go and leans against the wall to regain his balance. Lily is breathless and crying, she is terrified but I know this isn’t the right time to panic. We need to run. We need to escape. I grab her hand and pull her with me. I grab my purse from the hanger and push Lily out of the apartment.

“Where are your keys?” I ask her softly because I know she will panic more if I show my fear.

“At… On the… Bedside table…” She sobs.

“Here, take my phone. Call Alex. Hurry.” I put my phone into her palm and rush to her bedroom to get the keys. I can still hear his growls and moans and it scares me to death that he can get me. I run to Lily and lock the door behind me with shaking hands. There are only two keys to this apartment. They are both in my hands now. David is trapped.

Lily seems to be having a panic attack. She has dropped my phone and is staring at it, tears running down her cheeks. I rush to her and hold her.

“Lil, it’s over. It’s done. He is trapped. Don’t cry, please…” I try to calm her but I also need to be calm. “Look at me. It’s me. He cannot get to you now. It’s done.” I kiss her forehead and cup her cheeks. “Now please concentrate. Are you listening to me?” She nods, her face flooded with tears. “Has he hurt you? Has he done anything to you?” She inhales sharply.

“No. I’m fine. He came some 10 minutes before you. Didn’t have enough time to hurt me.” I feel my own tears building but I need to be strong now. I need to save us. He might break the door.

“Okay, don’t cry. Have you called Alexander?” She sobs and shakes her head.

“No, I’m sorry. I dropped your phone.”

“Sarah!” Am I imagining Alex’s voice? I freeze.

“Damn it! I knew it! Sarah!” He shouts and I slowly turn my head. Alexander is running to us full speed. I see him and the world starts blurring again. I start shaking. He reaches us and pulls me to him. He hugs me so tight I cannot breathe. Or it’s the panic.

“Are you ok? What happened?” He urges me for an answer. “Sarah, speak!”

“David is in the apartment. He tried to hurt Lily.” I see Alex’s face drop. All the blood drains from it and he clenches his jaw. Fury. Pure fury.

“He’s in there now?” He asks so calmly I know it is dangerous.

“Yes… He is drunk. I hit him with a pan… Then… I locked him inside. I have the keys.” I say between my sobs. He pulls Lily to him and examines her searching for any sign of injury. She shakes her head. She’s not hurt.

“Sarah.” He tilts my chin and smiles. “I am so proud of you. Now, be a good girl. Go downstairs. Take Lily with you. Get into my car. Lock the doors. Then call the police. Tell them where you are. Okay? Can you do this?” I nod.

“Come with us. Please don’t stay here.” I beg him.

“I need to make sure he doesn’t escape baby. Give me the key.” He opens my palm against my will and takes the key. I sob. I am scared for him. He can get hurt. There are kitchen knives there…

“No, please no… No…” The lights of the corridor start spinning. I cannot control my legs and my hands. Feels like I’m falling and falling…

“Sarah, no. Sarah. Wake up baby. Wake up please. Sarah!” I distinctly hear Alex’s voice but I can’t open my eyes. I can’t move. “Sarah, wake up. Lil, call the ambulance. Hurry!” I want to tell him it’s okay and that I don’t need an ambulance, but I cannot force myself to speak. His voice is fading.

I wake up to a bright light. I feel some sort of movement. Slowly I recognize where I am. It’s a hospital. No, wait. It’s moving. It’s an ambulance…

“She’s awake. Miss, look at me.” A woman says. A nurse, I think.

“Alexander. Lily.” I mumble.

“They are fine. Everything is okay. How are you feeling? Any nausea?” I shake my head.

“Where is Alexander? Lily?”

“Sarah, I’m here.” Lily takes my hand. I look at her and see the red marks on her cheeks and throat. I weep again…

“No, don’t cry. We are okay. The police is there now. They will arrest him.” She calms me.

“Alex. Where is Alex?” I sob, scared that David has hurt him.

“He’s following us. He’s right behind us. He didn’t get hurt. He’s okay.”

“How did this happen? Why am I here?”

“Miss, you need to calm down. We have injected you with a medication that is going to make you fall asleep. Don’t be afraid if you feel yourself dozing to sleep.” The nurse says and indeed, I feel the voices fading…

In the hospital the doctor asks me a thousand questions before deciding I can go. I just fainted and that’s it. Why make such a tragedy out of it? All of these tests and sample taking annoy me so much. Especially when I can hear Alex in the corridor. He’s talking to who I guess is a police officer.

“Seems you are totally fine. I think you can go home.” The doctor says and smiles, leaving the room, Alex peeks in.

I jump from the bed and rush to him hugging him tight.

“You scared the hell out of me.” He says as he hugs me tighter. “Are you okay? Did the doctor say anything?”

“I’m fine. Sorry for causing this trouble.” I say lowering my head.

“Don’t be, sunshine. It’s okay. It’s over. He’s in the police. Now, the police officer will ask you questions. You need to answer them. Lily has already been questioned. I will tell you about the details later.”

“Okay. Just please don’t tell my parents about this.”

“Sure baby. Don’t worry.” He kisses me softly and leaves. A moment later the policeman enters.”

“Hello, miss Kasparian. I am officer Vanian. I need to ask you some questions. Is it okay?” I nod. He puts a device next to me, a recorder, I guess.

“Are you and the suspect related in any way? How did he know where you lived?”

I swallow. What if he learns about the s****l abuse? I don’t want to be examined or questioned about it. I just want to forget it… This is harder than it seemed. I clear my throat.

“He is my ex boyfriend. We have been together for some one and a half years. It has been over for two years now.” He takes a note in his small notebook.

“Why did you break up?” He studies my face.

“He was abusive. I decided it would be best if I was away from him.”

“Abusive how?”

“Physically and mentally.”

“Are you aware that he has been in jail for the past one and a half year for unlawful discharge of a weapon?” The call to the police was anonymous. They don’t know it was Lily.

“Yes. One of our mutual friends told me. I was glad.” I look right into his eyes. He seems intelligent.

“Do you have any idea of who could have reported that anonymously to the police?” I look away quickly and shake my head. He smirks.

“Okay. Could you please tell me what happened today at your apartment?”

I tell him everything in details.  

“Alexander Tateossian is your fiancé, I suppose.” I wish.

“He is my boyfriend.”

“Good. This is all for now. Please, sign here and we can both go.” I sign and he leaves. As I’m putting my shoes on, Alex enters the room together with Lily. Her jaw and neck are now bruised. It’s sickening…

She comes to me and hugs me.

“Lily, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.” I swallow my tears.

“Don’t be stupid. This is none of your fault. Are you okay now?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. How did this all happen?” I glance at Lily and Alex.

“Well, when you said you were on your way I decided I would not go to bed and wait for you. Some ten minutes later I heard a loud knock and it surprised me because you had told me you had a key. Then I thought that maybe you’d forgotten it and went to open the door. I didn’t even ask who it was. I just opened it. Stupid me!” She facepalms. “Then he just went inside and demanded that you talk to him. I said you weren’t home but he thought I was hiding you. He smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. So disgusting. I told him you were not home and wouldn’t be today but he barged into your room calling your name. When he didn’t find you, he got crazy mad. I told him he’d better leave or I’d call the police but he was relentless. His aggression scared me and I knew he sensed it. He wanted me scared and afraid of him. So he pinned me to the wall. You were just on time.”

I hate myself for ever letting him into my life. I am so ashamed.

“Alex, how did you know he was there?” Lily asks him curiously. Indeed, he came back just on time. How did he know? I also look at him.

“I just figured it out. I had heard Sarah tell you she had the key. So, I thought why would you leave the door open if you knew she would be able to get inside herself? Then it crossed my mind that something was wrong. I called Sarah’s number and it went to voicemail. So I rushed upstairs. I wasn’t wrong.” My smart ace. I smile at him and he blows me a kiss.

“Can we leave now?” I ask them both.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Alex hugs my shoulders and Lily takes my hand. We leave the hospital.

“You are both staying at my place today. And no objections.” Alex says as we get into his car. “We can drop by your place and get the things you need.”

“Okay.” We say in unison. Partially because we would be too scared to stay alone and because we are afraid to say ‘no’ to him now.

On the way home I analyse my day. With so many things happening at once, today receives the reward for the most complicated and exhausting day in my lifetime. It started off as a beautiful, lazy Saturday: me waking up next to Alexander, touching and feeling him warm and soft against me… Then we met Miriam, damn it. She is such a b***h! Later, Alex took me to meet his parents and pinned me to the wall in his childhood bedroom. Then we took a long walk down town and admired the fountains. Then I asked him to take me home… Then I called Lily… Then David… The hospital, the police… This is too much for just one day.

I exhale slowly. Alex notices my tension, like he does every time. He reaches for my hand and kisses my knuckles. I smile at him. He is the only good thing in my life. Never betrays me, never lets me down. I so love him.

“I love you.” I mouth to him. He pulls me to his chest and though he’s driving, he chooses not to let me go. Lily giggles on the back seat.

“You are such romantic lovebirds.” She makes the this-is-so-cute face and beams. Oh, Lily. She has also been through a lot today. This day made me value the people I love more. I am so lucky to have them. I caused all of this trouble and yet they never make me feel bad about myself.

“Lil?” I search her face in the mirror. She’s looking at her phone and as I call her name she looks up. “I love you so much.” I say softly trying very hard not to cry. Her life was in danger today.

“I love you too.” She says cheerfully and reaches to kiss my cheek. Such a beautiful and amazing human being. My girl.

As we reach Alex’s place, I show Lily around. She is amazed at how comfy and beautiful the apartment is. Then I show her the guest bathroom and tell her to relax in the bath. I know Alex won’t mind. I go in search for him knowing very well he’s in his study.

“I need him in jail for a longest time. I need him to never come out.” He barks at the phone pacing the room nervously. I take a step back from the door and half-close it. He’s definitely talking about David. I need to know what he wants to do.

“What can we do about this? I don’t want him to just pay that freaking bail and get out. Do something, damn it!” My heart sinks. Does this mean David could easily get out and find me again? I feel the panic surfacing.

“He was arrested on Saturday. He won’t be able to know the amount of the bail till Monday. We need to find something on him. Something serious. He must have a lot of dirt in the past. Work!” He snaps and hangs up. Whoever it was on the phone, he’s in a tough position.

I stand there for some moments, watching him. His handsome-to-perfection face is distorted with anger and worry. Oh ace, look at how much trouble I cost you. Look at how much effort it takes to keep me safe. How I wish my life was simple and drama-less. I wonder if David knows Alex now. It worries me sick that he might try to harm him in any way. What if Alex doesn’t find enough on him and he just gets out of jail? What if he harms Alex? The thought makes me nauseous right away.

I run to the bathroom hardly managing to get there in time. I empty my stomach into the toilet coughing. Alex barges in. Damn! I forgot to lock the door. As if I had time to.

“Baby. What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Alex crouches besides me and strokes my back with steady motions. His touch is healing. I take a breath.

“I’m so sorry. I just got sick.” I say shamefully. I sit on the floor and flash the toilet. “I need to brush my teeth.”

“Yeah, I have a spare toothbrush for you. But what made you sick?”

I look away from him. “I heard your conversation… Can he get out?”

“Oh kitten… Curious as ever, aren’t you…”

“I’m sorry, I had to understand the situation.”

“I will not let him hurt you in any way. Not you, not your family, not Lily. Never.” His words calm me so much. I trust him with my life. When I am with him, nothing can get to me.

“Okay. I trust you.” I make an effort to get up and he helps me, taking all of my weight on him. “Did he see your face? Does he know who you are?”

He sits me on the counter. “No. Don’t worry.” He wets his hands and splashes water over my face and nape. “Feeling better now?” I nod. “Good. Take this.” He opens the drawer and takes a toothbrush out. As I’m brushing my teeth, he just waits there, staring at me with his greenish, mesmerizing eyes full of affection. My caring ace. Even my nausea didn’t freak him out. Sometimes I’m amazed at how similarly we love each other. I cannot breathe without him.

“I want to be selfish and ask you to spend the night in my bed, though I know Lily also needs you. She has been in a bad situation today. Must be very scared.” He toys with my hair.

“I want more than anything to fall asleep in your arms, but you understand it better.” I hug him.

Now that I’m sitting on the counter, we are nose to nose. He parts my knees and pulls me to him. Our bodies touch and the sensation is breathtaking. We pull like magnets. He holds me tight and whispers into my ear. “I. Want. You. So. Bad.” He kisses my neck and goosebumps spread all over my body. His breath is hot and heavy on my neck. I lean into him trying to gauge every phoneme he produces. “If anything ever happened to you, I would never forgive myself, Sarah. I would never be able to live over it.”

“I love you so much it hurts. Alex, you are everything I have ever wanted in my life. I need you like I need air.”

“Are you going to cry?” He says and I can hear the smile in his voice. I nod quickly. He laughs. “Okay, cry. I’m here. I’ll hold you.” He says this and I don’t want to cry anymore.

“Oh. It’s over. I don’t want to cry anymore.” I say beaming. “You are my cure to everything.” He laughs and wraps my legs around him. Then he lifts me and carries me to the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I ask him.

“You are hungry. We’ll make something to eat for all of us.” Bossy ace is back. I love, love, love him.

We make toasts and fruit salad, and then I go to find Lily. She is blow drying her hair. 

“Let’s go eat.” I tell her and tug at her hand.

“Did Alex mind me taking a bath?” She asks innocently.

“What? Lily, he’s the coolest guy ever. He loves helping, okay? It’s all good.”

“How long will we stay here?”

“Not too long. Alex has a plan. But let’s not talk about this now.” We go to the kitchen and find him deep in thought staring at the street through the window. I hug him from behind and kiss his back. He inhales.

“Baby. You’re back. Okay, let’s go eat.” He says in a way as if he wants to keep me away from his thoughts. As if they were going to hurt me.

A few minutes later the sandwiches are gone and the fruit salad is half-over. Alex does everything to distract us: tells funny stories about his programming team, jokes about how his parents hated me and thought I was stupid, even makes a plan on organizing a blind date for Lily and Ash. At the end of the day, Lily is exhausted and just begs me to show her to her room. I do.

“This place suits you. In the end, you are going to be the owner of this house, you know it?” She says as I cover her with the blanket.

“I would love to. I mean, not the house. I’d love to own Alex.” I say smiling. “But let’s not jump to conclusions. Today we saw how hard it is to keep me safe. He might get fed up with me and what comes with me in a package.”

“Don’t be dumb Sarah, he loves you. He will marry you one day. Because I have never seen anyone in my life so, so freaking worried for you to cry when you fainted.”

“He cried when I fainted?” I grin. My ace.

“He did, a bit.” She grins back. “I mean sometimes he does look fierce and unemotional, but I think he’s very soft inside.”

“Yeah, he is… I’m just afraid of what I feel for him, Lil. I have this bad.”

“Stop overthinking and overanalyzing. Just live it, enjoy it.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m going to go say goodnight to him now. Will be back soon.”

Lily looks at me disapprovingly. “Really? You want to sleep here?” I nod. She facepalms. “Sarah, I am fine, I don’t need you to sacrifice the night for me.”

“This is not a sacrifice. I don’t want to leave you alone after what happened today. End of.” I say bossily and leave the room. Alex is in his study going through the small hill of documents on his desk. I approach him and he looks up. His beam leaves me breathless.

“Sunshine. Come here.” He gestures at his lap and I almost run to him. I find my place easily, naturally, nuzzling into his warm and taut body. His arms snake around me and he kisses my temple. “I miss you.”

“Me too.” I say in a low voice. “Are you working?”

“Yeah. I’ve not been very focused on work recently. It all added up. I have an important meeting on Monday but the materials are now far from ready. But you should go to sleep. It’s nearly five in the morning now.”

“I know. I’m very tired but I cannot sleep. I just keep replaying the whole thing in my mind.”

“You have nothing to worry about. You have me. Just go to bed baby.” He links our fingers and takes them to his lips for a gentle kiss. I hide my nose in his neck and inhale his divine scent. If the oxygen ever disappears from the Earth, I will go on living just by inhaling him.