Stay

Fight For It...

What if it rained?

We didn't care.

He said that someday soon

The sun was gonna shine.

-Paul McCartney

9 days later…

Arthur is a hard-working student. If he continues this way, he will be able to rejoin the group in a couple of days. Today is the third private lesson with him. We still had five to go but I am sure we need less. Though I notice the way he looks at me during the lessons, I choose not to pay much attention to that. Many days have passed since our last ‘date’ with Alexander and I have come to the conclusion that no one can hurt me the way he can… There were days when I would just stare at my phone waiting for a call, a message, a small gesture… There was nothing… There were also times when I got so pissed off at him that I wanted to contact him myself, ask him why he did that to me… But every time I decided against it. He had plenty of time to text me. He didn’t. It means he didn’t want to. I need to have some self-respect.

It’s 8:40 pm when we finish the lesson with Arthur, so I decide to call a cab for a drive home. The sky is gradually darkening and it is colder than I expected. My brown sheath dress does nothing to save me from the cold and I have no jacket. I am trying to catch a taxi when I feel something touch my shoulders. It is a jacket. And it smells of men’s perfume. A familiar scent.

Arthur leans into me and says. “I thought you might be cold. Need a drive home? I can take you.” He is sincerely willing to help and I like that honesty about him.

“No, really, no need. I’m going to catch a taxi. Thanks for the jacket though.” I flash my smile at him and his gaze seems to get more… um… gentle.

“Okay then. I will wait here with you till we catch a cab.” Such a gentleman.

“Thank you. I appreciate your help, really.”

He holds my gaze for what seems like the longest moment in the history of gazes and it is even awkward at some point. I shift my attention to the street and right at that moment, the world starts spinning and blurring and getting colorful all at the same time… Alexander is watching us with a fixed, concentrated look. He is in his car, the window fully open. His hand is on the wheel, seems like he is squeezing it. Arthur seems to be oblivious and it is a relief but I freeze when Alexander gets out of the car and starts walking towards us. I want to cry and laugh and hit him at the same time.

“Get into the car.” What? Is he kidding me? After 9 days of silence he thinks he can just reappear and I will fall to my knees? No way.

“Hello, Mr. Tateossian. Thank you for the offer but I am going to catch a taxi.” I say dryly hoping to hurt him in the worst way possible so he can feel a small bit of the pain I’ve felt because of him. Twice. He has broken my womanly pride twice. I am furious at him.

“Miss Kasparian, is there a problem?” Arthur is speaking to me but I wish he didn’t because I feel Alexander’s scorching gaze on him. That gaze gives me an idea.

“Arthur, could you please take me home?” I try my hardest not to look at Alex’s direction but I fail horribly. He has a pained look on his face, his nostrils flare and his hands fist at his sides. Good appetite, Mr. Hot and Cold, you deserve this.

Arthur seems to be surprised at my request but soon regains his composure. “Sure, this way please.”

A small part of me feels awful. As if I have cheated on Alexander. But then a bigger part of me is glad I could defend my dignity for once. And also, who is Alexander to me, but a stranger? At least, that’s what he has shown me 9 days ago.

I am silent throughout the way, but then the sky starts crying and I pray to the gods of all broken-hearted girls to help me get home without Arthur noticing my tears. It is a big relief to see my building from afar. I give Arthur the directions.

“Arthur, thank you so much. You are a good person.” I tell him as I am opening his Opel door.

“Miss Kasparian, wait!” I wait. He pauses for a moment. “You are welcome.” I know very well that it is not what he wants to say but I force a smile and let it go.

I am exhausted, helpless, sad, angry… All at the same time. The pain I have been concealing for the last 9 days finally bursts out and I start crying… Just outside my building… It’s not an easy thing to try to understand Alexander. He’s a mess of hotness and ice, coated with gorgeousness. Crying is the only thing that can relieve me now. I cry with pain. Just like the sky.

With slow steps, I walk into the corridor. I feel small and just want to curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep. Alexander is the best and the worst that has happened to me. He can be tender and gentle at one moment and then become ice-cold at the next one. How I wish I could forget our last date. Or can I call it a date? He had been so careful with me at first. I had to know better than expecting something from him. Because later he turned into an iceberg who kept drowning me for 9 days straight. Our story started and escalated to quickly it was hard for me to keep up with it… Our first encounter at the forum, him leaving me alone in the street, his erratic behaviour when he met me at the café, his text on that very evening, our carousel date, then again him leaving me alone in the street… What did he want now? How more understanding could I be? My tears flow and flow. I do nothing to stop them.

“Sarah!”

I freeze.

“Sarah! Damn it!”

The oh-so-familiar voice calls my name… I turn around. Alexander is running to me through the rain. My heart skips a beat when he reaches me. Flawless. Beautiful as hell and so imposing in his navy blue suit… His hair is messy from the chase and his chest is heaving but he couldn’t look more handsome to me now. I hate myself for it. I have to be looking like a mouse caught in the rain. My mascara is probably smeared and my hair looks awful. But I don’t care.

“Who is he to you?” He yells.

“Who are you to ask?” Fine, I’m yelling as well.

“Why did you reject my offer and take his instead?”

“Why would you even offer?”

“Are you together?”

“Why do you care?”

“Answer my questions! Don’t be unreasonable!” He is not shouting anymore but is still angry.

“Me? I am being unreasonable? Are you kidding me? You broke my trust twice. You left me twice! I thought you were an adult! No! You are just an arse who loves leading girls on and leaving them hanging! And here you are, requiring answers from me? Who the hell do you think you are?”

“An arse?” He is amused.

“Was that the only word you heard?” Damn, I want to punch him right on the face. “I am done! Leave me alo…” He smashes me to the wall and kisses me senseless.

I fight as much as I can, but my hands are like wool hitting a rock. I hit his chest and I bite his lip but he is so strong. 5 foot 9 inches of muscles are keeping me still. His kiss is firm and yet so gentle, his lips so soft and plush… Soon, I melt against him… He is holding me tight, his suit soaked by my dress. Yet he doesn’t care. He just holds me for long moments, kissing the life out of me. Passion, electricity, lust… All of them pour into me from his kiss…

When he releases me, I slap him. Hard. As he stands there, astonished by my wilderness, I quickly run the stairs up to my apartment, get in and lock the door.

 Do I laugh or cry now? Total confusion. What happened a moment ago seems like a dream… And I don’t know if I ever want to wake up from it. I close my eyes…