My Mate's Secrets

My Own Fantasy

*Through Emily's Eyes*

    I raced out of the house, my hair still wet, my bag unzipped and my open jacket whipping around behind me. Luckily the school was a quick ten minute run from the packhouse so I would only be a minute late for my history quiz.

    I slid into my seat as Mrs. Taylor was handing out the papers. She made a face at me but didn’t say anything. 

    “Cutting it a little close?” Ruby whispered. I gave my best friend a confident smile and a wink before focusing on the quiz. 

    Due to the size of our pack and the remote location of it, the school was in our town and only for wolves. The class sizes were small, but it was comparable to some human private schools. And our transcripts were accepted by human universities, which had become more popular ever since Aunt Sage’s degrees became public knowledge. 

    Because I was the future gamma, I planned on going to college for business and economics. 

    After our quiz we learned about werewolf participation in wars in the 20th century. Each unit ended with a day of learning about the universally ignored, and unknown, ways that packs had contributed to historical events. Next was math, which was my best subject. Even though I was a junior, I was in the senior math class. Biology was after that, which I hated, followed by lunch. 

    Ruby and I took a seat at our usual table near the corner. We liked people watching. I noticed Elliot and his friends trying to impress the other girls at their table by looking disinterested in everything while carefully posing and fishing for attention. The pre-teens were being loud as usual. Some of the mated seniors were wrapped around each other making out at their tables. 

    I was happily watching the interaction between two ten year old boys trying to prove their superior strength when my line of sight was suddenly blocked by my least favorite person, Eric. He was a senior who always hit on me, but I knew it was because of my rank and not because he actually liked me. 

    “Looking for me, Egg?” he said with a stupid smile, flipping his hair out of his eyes. 

    I hated that nickname. My name was Emily Grace, and when I was younger some of my cousins called me EG, which morphed into Egg. But he was not in my inner circle and therefore had no right to call me that. 

    “It’s Emily. And no, I was most definitely not looking for you,” I scoffed. 

    “He was looking for me!” my friend Jill said cheerfully as she walked past him and sat at our table. She threw him a wink before leaning forward to tell us her latest gossip. She loved gossip. She also loved flirting with Eric because she knew it annoyed him. She wasn’t ranked and therefore he wasn’t interested, but that only amused and encouraged her. 

    Ruby and I leaned in to close our conversation from Eric, and eventually after realizing we were just going to ignore him, he walked away. 

    “Apparently that freshman, Candice, who was going after Logan, already slept with him!” Jill whispered loudly. 

    Ruby looked horrified. “He just got his wolf! And she’s like fifteen!” she gasped. 

Jill just nodded her head with her I-know-can-you-believe-it face on before turning to her sandwich. 

    I glanced over at Elliot. He looked quite upset. But he was too good for a girl like that, a girl so obviously attracted to the notoriety and power of someone instead of the actual person, despite the horrible teenage boy attitude he had recently adopted.

    While we weren’t actually blood related, I considered him a cousin. I mean, I called his parents Aunt and Uncle and felt protective over him, the same as his siblings and the rest of the young ranked kids. After Olly, I was the oldest in the bunch. 

    “That poor girl. She’s about to get a nasty reality check when he moves on to the next one,” I sighed. 

    “Boys suck,” Ruby scoffed. 

    “Amen, sister,” Jill said. 

    Not Olly, Eva purred in my head.

    My wolf really loved Oliver. 

    Apparently our parents were convinced we would be mates when we were growing up. He was my best friend, and while he acted like my big brother, I’d had a giant crush on him ever since I realized what crushes were. 

    Being four years younger than him was a challenge. When he turned 18, I woke up that morning hoping he would treat me slightly differently, feeling some kind of pull. But he didn’t. 

    I woke up on my sixteenth birthday with the same hope. I hoped that with my wolf, maybe a mating pull would appear. But again, nada. 

    He was a twenty-one year old unmated guy, so I couldn’t really blame him for making his rounds, but I still recoiled a little whenever he came downstairs smelling like s*x. While he was definitely not a player, he was still a guy with needs. 

    But I had some of my own. I compared every boy’s smile and hair to Olly’s, and the emerald green of his eyes was my secret favorite color. 

    Ruby dragged me away from my thoughts by starting a conversation about the upcoming biology field trip to the pack hospital, and I was officially done eating when she mentioned watching a surgery. Werewolf or not, blood was not my thing. 

    After school we decided to go on a run. I’d had my wolf for the longest: six months. Jill got hers in September and Ruby in December. It was still so thrilling to shift and run around in wolf form. 

    We ran around the forest and then raced up to the hills behind the house. Without a cloud in the sky, it was a warm January day and the snow glistened in the sunlight. I had found the crisp air of winter especially invigorating in wolf form and hopped around happily with the two grey wolves with me. Finally we laid in the snow with our bellies to the sky, linking each other and joking around. 

    I watched as a bird drifted across the blue sky and decided that other than having a secret crush on my best friend and a disgusting field trip at school the next day, my life was pretty damn good. 

**********

    Training on someone’s birthday was always a fun day. Especially when it was Uncle Xander’s birthday. 

    Uncle Ben always made the session plan special so that he and my dad got to spar and beat the s**t out of the alpha as their own birthday present. 

    But it was all in good fun and no one ever got too injured. My mom and aunts would just stand off to the side, shaking their heads while everyone else cheered on the fight. 

    When it was over Uncle Xander would pop up and saunter over to Aunt Sage and dip her in a passionate kiss. Everyone would cheer even louder at that, because they almost never displayed any signs of affection. 

    I think he knew that since it was his birthday, she wouldn’t deny him that kiss. Not that she ever denied him anything, they just mutually acted quite conservatively. In public that is. Olly, Asher and Aurora sometimes slept over on a different floor on one of their parents’ birthdays. Packhouse walls were soundproofed… but the doors weren’t perfect. 

    I loved and deeply respected my parents, but Aunt Sage was kind of a personal hero. The pack businesses were her babies, and when I started showing a strong affinity for business and numbers she always made sure to give me tips and check that I was already up to speed with the company affairs.

    I wasn’t alone in my idolization. Everyone in the pack thought of her with the same respect and admiration I did, each for slightly different reasons, which is why it was so profound to me. She had thousands of loyal pack members, but not one was a blind follower. Not one fell in line solely because she outranked them. Her leadership, her power, her respect; it was all earned. And the respect was earned on both sides, from the members of her team all the way down to each omega. 

    She was also Olly’s hero. She walked on water in his eyes. I knew some details, but not all. But enough to know that she and Uncle Xander adopted him when Uncle Ben found him wandering in the woods. They always treated him as their own and while a little intense, Aunt Sage taught him everything she knows about being a leader. He went to Alpha School even though he isn’t one by blood. And apparently he was near the top of his class. Of course, Uncle Xander was also a hero to Olly, but Aunt Sage had an aura about her that indicated she had some kind of additional information, or connection, to Olly, although I wasn’t sure what it was, and I wasn’t sure if Olly did either. 

    When Olly turned 18, Uncle Ben introduced a new tradition where he made Olly and Uncle Xander birthday spar too so that Uncle Ben could include comments about the alpha’s advancing age into his onslaught of trash talk. 

    Which was what was currently happening. It was a pretty evenly matched fight, until Olly was pushed back by a brutal kick, followed up by a punch that sent him to the ground. 

    Uncle Xander immediately helped his son up and they hugged and bowed like actors to the audience. Caught up in his victory, he dismissed everyone for breakfast early. 

    I ate with Elliot since the whole alpha family was having breakfast on the fifth floor together. Another birthday tradition. 

    As I walked down the stairs I noticed the twins and Ivy heading to Maxie’s room with piles of junk food, presumably having a sleepover. It was too early to sleep but too late to do anything productive. 

    Sometimes I wished that I had a friend my age who lived in the house, like how Olly had Ace. Now that I was 16, I tried not to be pretentious or snotty, but I felt a little old to hang out with the thirteen year olds. 

    I made my way out onto the deck. A recent warm day had melted most of the snow and I laid on one of the recliners, staring up at the stars. It was a nice, peaceful night to get lost in thought.

    I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see Uncle Xander and Aunt Sage walking quickly, hand in hand. He ruffled my hair before she placed a kiss on the top of my head as they walked by. 

    “Goodnight honey!” she called. Clearly she was in a very good mood and quite distracted, as pet names were saved for her immediate family, and usually in private. 

    “Goodnight! Happy Birthday Uncle Xander!” I responded, but they were already halfway up the stairs inside. 

    His scent hit me and I noticed Olly had walked up behind them. His thick, messy black hair looked slightly sweaty and I assumed they had come back from the ice rink. The slightly nauseated look on his face made me laugh. He had overheard his parents saying things he didn’t want to hear. 

    I moved my feet as he came to sit at the end of the recliner. 

    “Well they moved upstairs quickly,” I joked. 

    “Stop. Gross. That walk back was disturbing,” he said, shaking his head. 

    “Wolves have s*x all the time, chill out,” I chided him, realizing too late the path of conversation I had started. 

    He turned and I focused on his deep emerald eyes. They practically sparkled in the dim light coming from the house. He raised an eyebrow at me. “It doesn’t bother you when your parents are all over each other?” 

    “Eh. I’m used to it now.” My parents were very typical mated wolves in love. They touched all the time, and while they were careful their didn’t actually see anything, they weren’t shy about their s*x life either. 

    “Well I’m not. You know how they are,” he shuddered. He ran his hands through his hair, making it stand slightly on end. 

    I just nodded. I did. His parents, on the other hand, were quite unique in our world. They didn’t publicly touch often, and things like kisses were even rarer. 

    As his friend, I wanted to tease him about Savannah, but I also didn’t want any details. Just as I was about to open my mouth, he turned back to me. “Wanna go on a run?” 

    I nodded eagerly and jumped up. I made my way to an unlit corner of the deck and stripped quickly. Holding in a slight whimper, I shifted as fast as I could. It still kinda hurt but it was getting better. 

    When I returned he had also shifted. Wolves weren’t shy about nudity, but I didn’t need more temptation, so I never even tried to watch him shift. 

    His beautiful wolf stood in front of me. His eyes were an even brighter green and his black fur seemed extra shiny in the soft light. Across his chest he had a collar of white fur with a second collar of gold under it. It wasn’t too dense, but it gave an optical illusion that made him look bigger than he was. I loved it. 

    He playfully headbutted me when I walked up and took off running. 

    “Usual spot?” he asked as I sprinted, trying to keep up.

    “Of course!” 

    We dashed through the trees, yipping and occasionally trying to push each other. Coming to the clearing, we slowed down. 

    The small pond in the mountains was still frozen over and the grass around it was covered in snow. The elevation was higher than the packhouse so it was slightly colder. The dark entrance of the cave looked blacker than black, looming up behind the water and adding a little mystery to the spot. 

    I had found the pond one day after my birthday, when I spent all day in wolf form exploring. The next day I had brought Olly, only getting lost once or twice… three times. But he was nice about it and it was a great spot in the northern mountains of the territory. 

    We pushed each other around, slipping and sliding on the ice until he fell and the thud cracked the whole thing. We scurried off and collapsed in the grass before we could fall through. 

    Similar to what I would do with Ruby and Jill, we rolled onto our backs and looked up at the stars. The fact that he was comfortable exposing his tummy in my presence made Eva purr. It was a big sign of trust for a proud wolf like him. 

    “How was school this week?” he finally spoke. 

    “Gross. We dissected frogs in biology.” 

    He laughed. “I will never understand how you can’t deal with a little blood. Dead frogs don’t even bleed.”

    I wrinkled my nose. “They’re still dead. And are all squishy and gross.”

    “Still crushing it in math?” 

    He was also crazy good with numbers and always made sure to ask me about it. 

    “Obviously. Your mom would kill me if I didn’t.” 

    He rolled over and looked at me. I stayed still so I could continue looking at him upside down. It felt slightly less intimate like that.

    “Do you actually want to go into business? Or are you doing it because your dad runs the companies and you’re expected to take over?” 

    I rolled over and put my head on my paws, still looking at him. No one had ever asked me that before. Intimate it would be.

    I thought about it for a bit.  

    “No, I actually like numbers. I like the strategies and prediction and the risky decision-making needed in business.” 

    He nodded and sat quietly for a while. 

    “I’m not sure I actually want to be Alpha,” his voice in my head finally said. It was quiet, like a thought he had that he was afraid to send to me. 

    I huffed. “I know.”

    His eyes snapped up to mine. “You know?” 

    “I mean, I’ve known you my whole life. You do everything you’re supposed to. But it’s obvious to me that some is just for your parents.”

    His wolf snuffled and huffed, and I assumed that it was the equivalent of a human deep sigh and groan. 

    “My parents are gonna hate me if I tell them that.” 

    “That’s bullshit and you know it!”

    He squinted his eyes, as if trying to make out an abstract idea, as if the idea of his parents forgiving him was too far fetched.

    “Why choose now to say that to me? Something on your mind recently?” I asked after a few minutes.

    “I’ve been thinking about my mate recently, and about where she is,” he responded. I thought he looked slightly guilty as he said it, and I tried to keep my face from showing any of my own emotions. “When...if… I find her, I feel like I need to know what I’m going to be doing.”

    That was something I had also thought about. But I had thought about it specifically in the terms of if he and I were mates, and who would take which position. I had never come to a decision in my own fantasy and had never considered what the situation would be if my mate was someone else, so I had no advice to give him. 

    I jumped up and nudged his flank with my nose, pushing him to his feet.

    We shook the snow out of our fur. “Race ya!” I yelled and took off sprinting.

    It wasn’t long before he caught up and pulled ahead. He might not have any ranked wolf blood in him, but he’d been trained as an alpha since he was a child and was a big wolf. 

    He got back to our clothes a few minutes before me and was pulling on his pants when I jumped onto the deck.   

    He did it hunched over so that I didn’t see anything, but when he stood I got a good view of his muscled arms and beautiful abs, as well as the prominent V muscles that made his pants look oh so good. 

    Eva fought for full control at the sight, but I was too scared she would do something embarrassing, so I held her back. 

    He turned slightly so that I could shift in private, and I flushed with embarrassment at the whine I let out when I did. I pulled on my oversized sweatshirt and picked up the rest of my clothes. 

    “You’re getting faster!” he commented as we made our way inside. 

    “Not fast enough,” I murmured, stretching my neck. I couldn’t wait until it stopped hurting too.

    “You’ll get there, don’t worry.” 

    He stopped on my floor and I gave him some confused side-eye when he walked down the hall with me. 

    “Yeah, I’m staying in your guest room tonight,” he grimaced. 

    I just laughed. “Thanks for the run,” I said when I reached my door.

    “Anytime,” he smiled, continuing his path. He paused at his door when he noticed I was still standing with my hand on the door knob. 

    “Knowing what to do doesn’t always require a big plan. Sometimes it’s better to wait and see what happens,” I said, finally responding to his statement in the woods. I wasn’t sure if I was referring to his dilemma about the alpha position and his mate, or my own unrealistic fantasies. If it wasn’t for the knowing smile and nod he gave me, I would have been mortified by my vague statement. I couldn’t help feeling like he could read my mind and see my thoughts of him. 

    “Goodnight Olly!” I added quickly. 

    “Goodnight, Red,” he responded before disappearing into the spare room. 

    Eva drooled. We loved that nickname.