Valeria

9 Consuelo

Saktong pagkarating ko ng bahay ay tumigil na ang ambon. It was just after six-thirty in the evening, and I could already smell Aling Nenita’s cooking. The pungent smell was enough to bring me back to my childhood memories. Ganoon ang amoy ng mga luto ni Papa bago pa man kami nakabalik ng Sorsogon.

I wanted to eat but seeing the rain’s aftermath, I decided the food could wait. I needed to run first. I did, and it felt just like in the wee hours of the morning. Iniwan ng ulan ang hamog at lamig. Binasa lang ang kalsada upang tanggalin ang init ng lupa.

By the time I finished two laps, my lungs were burning. Doon ako nakaramdam ng gutom at nagpasyang umuwi na. Surprisingly, I was able to eat dinner after a quick shower. I finished everything in my plate even without Beatus by my side.

Nagpapahangin ako sa labas nang maabutan si Hanz sa garahe. Nakayuko ito at may buhat na mga lata ng pintura.

“Hanz, ayos na ba ang kabilang kwarto?” I couldn’t help but to ask.

“Opo, mam! Walang amoy!”

I mentally noted to myself that I should give him an extra raise. Pinaayos ko kasi sa kaniya ang kwarto ni Apollo. Sa halip na manatili ang iba’t ibang mga kulay ay pinabalik ko sa dati. The walls should be all white when I get inside.

Ilang minuto pa akong nagpahangin sa labas. Hinihintay ko si Beatus habang nagpapababa ng kinain. Hindi nga siguro ito darating kaya pumasok na ako sa loob.

Tulog na ako at naalimpungatan lang nang marinig na pumarada ang kotse niya sa garahe. I squinted my eyes when I opened my lamp. Pasado alas-dose na ng hatinggabi.

Nagdalawang-isip pa ako kung sasalubungin ko ba si Beatus. In the end, it was what I did. Sino ba ang may gustong matulog nang kaaway ang asawa?

“I’m home. Yeah. I’ll make sure to read the reports…”

When I heard Beatus talking, I stopped walking down the stairs.

“Matatapos na siguro natin next week. The layout is long overdue. It’s getting exhausting if you ask me,” he continued.

Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad. Nang marating ang dulo ng mga baitang ay napalingon sa akin si Beatus. He was holding a glass of water in one hand while the other was pressing our landline phone against his ear. Inayos ko ang roba sa balikat.

“Have a good night too. Thanks, Nova…” Nagpapalaam man sa kaibigan ay nakasunod ang kaniyang mga mata sa akin. I also grabbed a glass of water before I sat down in front of him. “Hindi mo pa rin nahahanap ang cellphone mo?”

Umiling si Beatus at sumandal sa bangkuan. My brows rose at his white long sleeves before I looked around for his coat. It was draped at the back of the sofa in the living room.

“Was that Antonova?” Bumaling ulit ako sa kaniya.

“Yeah. We’re talking about our project.”

“And what’s your project again?”

“We’re doing the shop drawing for a big mall in Tagaytay. Nova is the architect…”

“SM ulit?” Humalukipkip ako.

Dahan-dahang tumango si Beatus. “Yeah. Something like that.”

I looked at him for the longest time. Beatus didn’t bat an eye. Nang tumayo ako ay narinig ko ang kaniyang malalim na buntong-hininga. Kinuha ko ang mga baso namin para ilagay sa sink. Ako na rin ang naghugas. Beatus was still sitting there even as I already finished.

It was all quiet except for the soft rustling of cloth I used to dry off my hands.

“Gusto mo bang kumain ulit?” My tone didn’t come off as friendly as I wanted. It more of mocked my husband but he didn’t react. Tumayo ito at hinarap ako. Siya naman ngayon ang naghugas ng mga kamay sa aking tabi. “Hindi na. Gabi na.”

I stood there beside him, watching him take off his gold wristwatch and lather the soap in his hands. Inayos kong muli ang suot na roba.

Pagkatapos niyang maghugas ng mga kamay ay inabot ko sa kaniya ang pamunas. Beatus had that look in his eyes as he dried his hands. I was right when he stepped forward and closed our gap. Pinatong niya ang mga kamay sa aking magkabilang gilid bago tinapatan ng tingin ang aking mukha.

“Hey…” Humabol ang kaniyang mga mata. “I’m sorry for earlier this morning. I’ve been very frustrated within the past week. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.”

Dahan-dahan akong tumango. “Me too…”

“I didn’t mean to shout,” bulong niya at mas lumapit pa.

I uncrossed my arms and let our bodies touch. Beatus took that as a cue to finally put his arms around me. Ipinatong niya ang isang kamay sa aking baywang at ang isa naman ay sa aking braso. Dahan-dahan itong pumikit at mas inilapit sa akin ang mukha.

At the back of my mind, I knew it would be just one of those nights when Beatus wanted it fast and rough. Pagod siya dahil galing sa trabaho. Parang pampasarap lang ng tulog. He would apologize at first because he might not enjoy the feeling of f*****g when he and his wife had a row twelve hours before. But in the morning after, nothing would change. There was still that wall between us which was getting thicker and thicker each passing day and none of our sorrys combined could knock it down.

Sa huli, wala akong nagawa kung hindi ang tanggapin ang pagdapo ng kaniyang mga labi. Katulad nga ng sinabi ko kanina, sino ba ang may gustong matulog nang kaaway ang asawa?

And of course, there was the underlying fact that f*****g was so much better than fighting.

Beatus kissed me slowly. His lips were molding mine quite thoroughly so like he was savoring the moment that we weren’t arguing. Not worlds apart, not facing a terrible loss. Not disconnected with each other.

I savored it too by kissing him back with the same slow yet torturous dance of our tongue.

He released a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping down in relief. I slightly opened my eyes to see just how much pressure it took off of his face. His lips came back but our moment was gone. It came crashing mine in a fast pace that he needed to survive the cold night. I let him.

Muli sa aking magkabilang baywang ay umakyat ang kaniyang mga kamay upang abutin ang aking mukha. Beatus held my face in both of his hands as he devoured my mouth. It was a sloppy kiss, wet and painful. Tumatama ang kaniyang mga ngipin sa aking mga labi sa bilis ng kaniyang paghalik ngunit hindi ako nagreklamo.

For a while, it was just my lips and tongue that he was trying to consume. My cheeks were next then my jaw. It didn’t take long before his mouth went down on my neck. Tumingala ako upang mas lalo siyang makahalik. Sa pagkakataong iyon ay bumalik ang kaniyang mga kamay sa aking mga braso.

“Let’s–” I bit my lips. “Let’s go upstairs…”

Beatus only grunted. He pushed his body forward, leaving me gasping. As punishment, his mouth suckled the sensitive flesh where my neck and jaw were connected. My hands were already familiar tracing his sides. It went further up to grasp his shoulders.

“My house. My wife. I can do whatever the hell I please,” mariin niyang bulong sa aking leeg.

Naging pabulong ang aking mga sagot. He loosened the ties of my robe and bareds one shoulder. The nighties I wore let his hands freely travel on my thighs. Hinawi lang niya ang aking top upang gawin ang gusto.

“Shh,” he hissed when I moaned loudly.

Kinagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi upang patahimikin ang sarili. My husband got himself busy by alternately licking my taut n*****s.

I didn’t know since when did Beatus initiated this kind of fast and dirty s*x but I wasn’t complaining. With our situation, it was what I needed. Fast and rough. Not the usual way he made love to me which was slow and passionate.

Parang naubos na ang pasensiya nito nang hawakan ako sa baywang at walang kahirap-hirap na ipinatong sa ibabaw ng lababo. Nagpantay ang aming mukha. Beatus wasted no time and slammed his lips on mine once again while his two hands got busy. He pulled me closer and spread my thighs open for him. We had done it a thousand times that my hands were already done unbuckling his belt and pulling his manhood out.

He pulled away from my lips again so he could focus his attention on my hands that were busy down below. I squeezed his massiveness and gave it a few thrusts before inserting it inside. We both groaned in relief.

“Sol, don’t be so loud…” Beatus sighed on my neck.

Sa ilang segundo ay nawalan ito ng lakas ngunit madali ring nakabawi. Umayos ito ng tayo at hinila ako patungo sa gilid ng lababo. He held the back of my thighs while I leaned behind me using my two elbows. I was practically open for him.

Inayos nito ang pagkakahawi ng aking maikling night dress bago bumwelo. Then he was slamming himself so deep inside me. His thrusts were brutal and in need of a fast release. Hindi na niya inisip ang gitna dahil ang tinanaw lang ay ang dulo.

But then again, wasn’t that my sole reason too and nothing else? Just the relief of taking the weight off of my shoulders even if it was short-lived?

To be high on my senses and pretend to see something that almost didn’t exist?

Hindi ko napigilan ang mga tunog na lumabas sa aking mga labi. Beatus was just moving too fast and rough, impaling himself inside me like a madman. He was grunting and cursing, pushing and pulling. He was all those things except a loving man. Pumikit akong mariin habang tinatanggap ang lahat mula sa kaniya.

When I noticed his thrusts were getting much deeper, I focused my mind into it. Tama ang hinala ko nang hinila ako ni Beatus sa magkabilang braso at niyakap nang mahigpit. His thrusts brutalized me in a way that almost got me forgetting that I was his wife. Halos sumandal kaming dalawa sa mga plato sa likuran ko dahil sa lakas ng kaniyang mga kabig at tulak.

Three more painful thrusts and he buried himself deep, almost filling me to the brim before pulling out fast. Kasabay noon ang pagbaon niya ng kaniyang mukha sa aking leeg. He panted hard as he convulsed on my thighs. Sabay ang mabilis na pagtibok ng aming puso.

“I love you, Sol,” Beatus groaned.

I tried to return it even when he already pulled away. He zipped back up and helped me get down. Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko nang tumapak sa sahig. Kumuha ako kaagad ng tissue upang linisin ang mga hita.

Beatus went to grab his wrist watch and coat. “I’ll take a shower. You should sleep…”

Wordlessly, I nodded and went up the stairs. Inunahan ko na si Beatus sa kwarto.

The last thing I had in my mind were the words I tried to say back to him. Thankfully, I was fast asleep, otherwise I would have also thought about just how much I meant it. Which, in my case, hardly.

Kinabukasan ay maaga ulit umalis si Beatus ngunit hindi katulad kahapon ay sa bahay ito nagkape. Aling Nenita seemed a bit cheerful so she must’ve mistaken it as a good sign.

Pagkatapos ng aking breakfast ay pumasok na ulit ako sa trabaho. Madalas pa rin akong matulala at huminto sa mga gawain. My head was killing me within the whole day that I was inside my office.

Akala ko ay matatapos na ni Beatus ang proyektong ginagawa kasama si Nova ngunit hindi ko ulit ito naabutan sa bahay. I just woke up in the middle of the night with him on our bed. He’s on his laptop, his hands furiously typing.

“Hindi ka pa ba matutulog?” bulong ko sa dilim.

“I need to finish this. The client needs this first thing in the morning.”

Bumuntong-hininga ako at tinalikuran siya. I tried to even out his fingers typing harshly on the keyboard. Nakatulog din ako kalaunan.

The next morning, Beatus was already preparing to leave. He was really in much of a hurry.

“Papunta na ako, Nova. Talk to the subcontractors first. I’ll be there as fast as I can.” Hawak niya sa tainga ang telepono ng landline naming habang inaayos ang kung anu-anong mga papel sa ibabaw ng coffee table. Nang magkatinginan kaming dalawa ay kumaway lamang ito. “Yes, Nova. I’m on my way.”

I was having my morning coffee when he went inside the dining room only to kiss me goodbye. Then he stormed out of our house, his car engine revving up loudly. Naiwan ulit akong mag-isa.

“Laging busy si Sir Beatus ano, Mam? Laging may katawagan,” kumento ni Aling Nenita habang kumakain ako.

“Hindi pa rin ho ba kayo nasasanay?” Humigop ako sa tasa ng kape.

Hanz appeared by the open window with a garden hose in his hand. “Oo nga, Mam. Mukhang wala na kayong mga date?”

I looked at the two wordlessly, my frowns showing. Mabilis silang bumalik sa kani-kanilang mga trabaho. Hindi ko naman sila masisisi dahil kung may makakapansin sa mga kinikilos naming mag-asawa ay sila iyon. They lived inside our house more than we did within the past month.

Bumuntong-hininga ako at napatigil sa pagkain. It tasted bland once again. I couldn’t understand my appetite these days. Minsan ay may gana. Madalas ay wala. Like my s*x drive.

“Papasok na po ako sa trabaho, Aling Nenita…” Tumayo ako at pinunasan na ang mga labi.

Hindi nagsalita ang kasama namin sa bahay. Kung hindi rin siya sanay sa takbo ng tiyan ko ay hindi na niya binoses pa.

“Ay, Mam! Saglit lang po!” Humabol sa akin si Hanz bago ako makapasok sa kotse. “Nakita ko po sa loob ng kwarto ninyo noong nagpipintura ako. Nakalagay lang sa isang sulok.”

I stopped walking when he presented me Beatus’ phone. Napaawang ang aking bibig. “In… Apollo’s room?”

“Opo, Mam Sol. Muntik nga pong matapunan ng pintura! Buti nakita ko. Nakalimutan kong i-abot kahapon.” Napakamot sa ulo si Hanz.

“It’s… It’s okay,” dahan-dahan kong tango. “Thank you.”

“Sige po, Mam. Ingat kayo!”

I was left alone in our garage with Beatus’ phone in my hands. Ang sabi niya ay sa kusina niya naiwan. Nag-away pa kami. I remembered telling him that his phone wouldn’t be inside that room. In Apollo’s room.

Because why would it be? When he showed no interest of even looking at it when I told him I had the baby’s things removed?

The image of him going inside Apollo’s room created a big crack in my heart. Even just passing through its thresholds must have been tough for him. I didn’t acknowledge that – his pain. Hindi ko naisip na baka katulad ko ay pinasok niya rin ang kwartong iyon upang makakuha man lang ng kahit kaunting alaala. Ngunit nang sinubukan niyang pumasok ay huli na ang lahat dahil nasinop ko na ang mga gamit.

I clutched his phone in my hands. With a heavy heart, I went inside my car and drove away.

Kahit subsob sa trabaho ay hindi nawala sa isip ko na idaan nang personal ang cellphone ni Beatus. Kaya naman nang tumawag si Kuya Ilay at sinabing kakain kaming tanghalian kasama ang asawa ko ay sinamantala ko na.

Beatus wouldn’t say no to Allistaire Delgado so we three went out for lunch. Our table had a light conversation which I preferred so much than the one that we might have if Kuya Carlo was with us. Him and Beatus didn’t exactly get along that well, and it wasn’t because they hated each other. Ate Cala might be the greatest factor because she and my husband were close friends. That was how I knew she’s back from the US.

“Mr. Santa Romana, Miss Antonova Escobar is on the line.” Lumapit ang isang waiter sa aming table.

Sabay pa kaming nagkatinginan ni Kuya Ilay.

“Excuse me…” Beatus nodded at the both of us before receiving the call.

In the end, he really excused himself because his presence was needed by their team. Naiwan kaming dalawa ni Kuya Ilay sa restaurant. Unang tapak pa lang ng asawa ko sa labas ay umiling kaagad ang aking kapatid.

“Oh, don’t be like that. Parang hindi ka naman ganiyan lagi.” Inunahan ko na ito. “Cut him some slack, Kuya.”

“I don’t do that when I’m dining with family. Even if a building of mine is collapsing. Family is much more important than a needy co-worker,” makahulugan niyang sabi.

Pinako ko ang tingin sa pagkain, nagbibilang ng isa hanggang sampu dahil hindi na yata mapipigilan ang kaniyang bibig.

“Or is she just some co-worker? Are you actually allowing your husband to treat you that way, Consuelo Valeria?” asik niya ulit.

It only meant that he was beyond irritated. He rarely used my name like that.

“Stop it,” pirmis kong iling.

“Antonova Escobar. Hmm. Not a Montemayor… But close…” His voice dripped with bitterness.

“I said stop it, kumakain tayo. Babawi rin si Beatus sa inyo ni Kuya Carlo. He’s just busy.”

“E sa’yo? Kailan daw babawi? Hindi ba sinabi?” ngisi niya. “Ayusin mo iyan, Sol, habang maaga pa. Learn from your brothers.”

Our lunch was finished finally. I was more than happy to get up from our table because of Kuya Ilay’s snarky remarks. My brother and I went our separate ways after that. I didn’t know where the hell he’d go but certainly not anywhere near Sorsogon too.

Nakahinto lamang ang aking kotse at hindi sigurado kung saan din pupunta. I tried not to think about Kuya Ilay’s warning but I was already pulling out my husband’s cellphone. Napamura ako nang inatras ko ang kotse.

I had an excuse anyway. Ibibigay ko lang naman ang cellphone ng asawa ko.