7 years later

Chapter 1 One of the man’s most dreaded nightmares came true right before his eyes, as he stared in through the restaurant’s window, feeling dizzy. He saw Lana at a table by the wall, in a black silk dress, bright and beautiful, just as the old lady had described her. Only she was not alone. She was with a man. They sat across from one another, and the man looked tall and well built, even while sitting down. He had black or dark-brown hair, as far as Hayden could tell from the outside. His forehead was partly covered by his longish, unkempt hair, and the profile of his nose was straight and masculine. To Hayden, he certainly seemed far too handsome and laughed far too much. Lana laughed as well. They were apparently intimate because Lana reached over the table to ruffle his already disheveled hair playfully, and then tugged at his collar a little, at which they both laughed heartily. Hayden’s world turned upside down at the sight, and he lost the ground from under his feet. He turned away from the window and leaned against the wall with his back. He ran his fingers through his hair, and then rubbed his eyes with his palms vigorously, as if he could not believe them. He did not know what to think of this. Lana was accompanied by another man he had never seen before. They were visibly having a great time, and it was also obvious they were familiar with one another. The man was certainly not Ben Jones. He’d surely recognize that guy. How could it be? How could it be that shortly after their date was cancelled, she was having dinner with a man, what’s more, in her favourite restaurant? Could the bond between them be of so little value? Could he mean so little to her? If he could not come to meet her, would she go out with someone else without hesitation? He couldn’t believe she was doing this to him, yet, it was difficult to doubt his own eyes. Was he once again mistaken? Was it possible that he had so terribly misunderstood her gestures? He was once again planning their future, and meanwhile, she was dating other guys behind his back. He turned back, and although the world was swirling around him, he fixed his eyes on the table beside the wall once again. The two people were visibly absorbed in conversation and were no longer laughing. Lana tapped the man’s hand, at which he reached into his pocket and took out a small, rectangular object and put it on the table. She became very excited and reached for the box. Hayden, fighting a wave of nausea, forced himself to keep watching them masochistically. Now Lana opened the box a little bit and playfully peeked inside. Then the man said something and took it away from her. He took something out of the box and held it towards Lana expectantly. What exactly the object in his hand was, Hayden could not make out, but he was certain it was some kind of jewellery. He thought it must be a ring. Lana looked delighted, and reached for it. This was too much for Hayden. He was unable to watch the scene any longer. He held onto the wall for support with one hand. He was breathing hard, and his head was about to explode. There was a big lump in his throat, and he was overcome by nausea. He had only one thought: Out! Out of here, now! He pushed himself away from the wall, fixed his gaze on the ground and without thinking, headed in the direction he had come. He pressed his hand hard against his forehead, as if the gesture could erase the events of the last five minutes from his mind. But the images he had just seen were burnt into his memory. He could not escape them and no matter whether he opened or closed his eyes, he could only see Lana and that other man. He barely noticed as he nearly knocked over a young, red-haired woman who was about to enter the restaurant, and who stared back at the strangely upset figure indignantly. Dark clouds gathered over his head, which brought storm and destruction. The demons of hurt pride and jealousy took to dwelling in his mind, and painted his thoughts black. Who is this woman? Is she some kind of a witch who has put a spell on me? I’m addicted to her like a damned druggie. I can’t escape from her. It’s as if she’s my personal brand of h****n. For a day of happiness with her, I have to pay so dearly that no man in his right mind could bear it! This is too much… I can’t take this any longer! This is enough! Enough! – His wounded dignity screamed inside. At the next corner he gave up. Bending over, he vomited, then went to buy himself a few mini whiskey bottles at the kiosk. He wandered the streets almost unconsciously and cursed himself under his breath for letting himself be fooled. He was convinced that Lana had been playing some sort of duplicitous game on him, and as time passed, he was pulled deeper and deeper into the bottomless whirlpool of blind jealousy. Finally, he reached the point where he doubted everything that had happened between them in the past weeks. The immense pain weighed on his soul so much that it became nearly unbearable, and the alcohol did not bring any relief at all. Finally, he wanted nothing else but to shout into her face, make her realize that she had been caught, and then perhaps crash into the first cement wall he could find at full speed, and that would be it. He had no idea how he’d unconsciously wound up at Lana’s apartment. He collapsed onto the last step of the staircase leading up to the entrance and buried his face in his hands. He sat there like some homeless person. The rain slowly started to drizzle, but his heart was already covered in thick ice. It was about half past eleven when Lana turned the corner in her car, looking for a parking spot. She got out of the car, and although the rain had stopped, she wound the silk scarf around her neck one more time and neared the front door at a quick pace. She already had her keys in her hand when she saw a stooping figure sitting on the ground. She gave a little shriek and started back. But as the person lifted his dark eyes, she recognized Hayden. He looked really terrible as he sat there with his wet hair and soaked suit. Lana was now truly frightened and covered her mouth with her hand. ‘For goodness’ sake, Hayden! What happened to you? You’re all soaked through!’ Her voice was full of concern. She crouched in front of him, and with one hand, she lightly stroked his wet hair. With the other hand, she wiped the water off his face and looked straight into it. ‘Speak up! Did you have an accident?’ The man’s features hardened, his lips began to form a thin line. ‘What happened to you? And how come you’re here at this hour anyway?’ Hayden just stared at her, thinking, how well she played her role, how concerned and caring she was. Her hand on his cheek, her eyes open wide, full of worry… as if he really meant something to her. He closed his eyes for a moment and considered the tempting idea to just let it go and allow this cruel and cunning angel to keep playing her games with him. On and on, until his heart stops beating. ‘Is something wrong?’ she tried again, more and more desperately. ‘What are you doing here in London anyway? Wasn’t it that… didn’t you say you couldn’t come back today? I thought…’ This was the point, when Hayden dismissed the previous thought, opened his eyes, and icily glared at her. ‘You didn’t expect me to come back, did you?’ he said in a coarse voice, and Lana didn’t know what to think of his tone of scorn. He pushed her hand away, stood up and stepped back to distance himself from her. Lana also straightened up, eyeing him uncomprehendingly and vexed. ‘Are you drunk?’ she asked hesitantly. Hayden laughed out with bitterness, but didn’t respond. ‘What’s with you? How long have you been sitting here?’ she continued, stepping closer to him. ‘Stay where you are!’ he answered coldly. ‘It’s pointless now! Can’t you see that?’ He backed another step, and clenching his teeth, he groaned in a pained voice, ‘Why do you do this to me? Why do you play with me?’ ‘What are you talking about?’ Lana now raised her voice. ‘Would you please tell me what has happened and why you are acting so weird? Did I hurt you somehow?’ ‘Oh Lana, please!’ Hayden turned, and then he sighed deeply, turning his face up to the sky and laughing bitterly. His voice was on the verge of hysterics, which terrified Lana as well. ‘I swear I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ He turned back to her and slowly, coldly spat his words at her: ‘I saw you.’ She just stood there in complete confusion and waited for him to continue. When he did not, she merely repeated what she had heard from him. ‘You saw me? What do you mean? What the hell are you talking about?’ ‘Oh, just quit acting, for f**k’s sake! I saw you.’ Lana felt she was verging on madness and was completely at a loss for what to say. She searched her brain frantically. She strained her nerves as she tried to understand what Hayden was talking about. He was beside himself, just like a few weeks before, at the IHIN party, where they had met again. ‘Please, don’t do this to me! You’re scaring me,’ she said in a faltering voice, nearly crying. She looked at him pleadingly, but he suddenly stepped threateningly close to her. ‘I saw you tonight at Zafferano. I saw you with that man at the table. I saw everything, understand? Everything!' he breathed heavily in outrage. For a while they stood face to face, wordlessly glaring at one another. Then Lana stepped back and turned her back to him. She buried her face in her hands. Suddenly, everything became clear. She understood what had happened and why Hayden was so outraged. She tried to gather herself together and what she had slowly realized, saddened her deeply. Then she heard Hayden’s accusing voice again, coming from behind her back. ‘I assume you didn’t expect me to be here. Admit it!’ Lana lowered her head in sorrow and felt a teardrop run down her face. She couldn’t believe this was really happening to them. ‘So, you saw me?’ she asked quietly, turning towards Hayden. ‘You saw me with a man after you cancelled our date. You made me think that you missed your flight, only to have a chance to spy on me?’ Her voice grew stronger and louder as she spoke. Her whole body tensed. Her hands were clenched with emotion. Haydn swallowed with embarrassment, and answered with a less certain voice. ‘No, it’s not like that. It turned out at the last minute that I could still make it back, but I couldn’t let you know. You didn’t answer any of my phone calls, so I just came here. I rushed straight here from the airport, like some i***t, but you’d already left.” Lana shook her head astounded and pressed her hands against her mouth. ‘My phone… had powered down…’ ‘The old lady from the ground floor told me you had left, dressed elegantly. Zafferano was the only place I could think of to look for you.’ Hayden’s voice cracked with pain, and it made Lana shiver. ‘And I did find you – except you were not alone,’ he finished with a groan, and mirthless, scornful laughter rose from his lips. Lana shook her head in despair. Every single unfair word was a slap in her face. ‘You’re ruining everything. You don’t trust me,’ she moaned in a faint voice. ‘And you never will.’ She wiped the tears off her face, gathered her strength, and straightened herself. She looked at Hayden straight in the eye, and began to talk bravely, but with pain. ‘The man you saw me with tonight… whom I was sitting with at the table… that man was my brother, Robert.’ Hayden’s mouth twitched as if he was trying to say something, but was too lost for words. He had the feeling a dumbstruck silence had filled the street. ‘I finally wanted you to meet. After all this time, I was finally able to organise for all of us to be at the same place, at the same time. I booked the table at Zafferano,’ she sighed dejectedly. ‘It was going to be a surprise, but you cancelled the evening, and I thought if Rob had been in town anyway, we could at least see each other. If you’d spied on us just a little longer,’ she went on reproachfully, ‘you would’ve also seen Veronique, Robert’s girlfriend join us. Only she was a quite late. She was also coming to London from work.’