Stellam Matutinam

That Went Well: Part II

Going back to taking my time in getting ready since facing the music isn't in me right now. I don't bother to straighten my hair, only towel drying and leaving it at that since I can't be f****d brushing it at the moment, the damp strands no longer dripping rivulets down my back and collarbones.

With the cardigan the last item on my list, I dart on silent socked feet with much help thanks to the tiles to my room and rush through my wardrobe to grab it, my brain instantly groaning at the added layers on the arms since the air hitting the bareness of my skin was just the perfect temperature to keep me from overheating.

Striking it from my thoughts for now in favour of seeing how the others are going, they're instantly asking if I know who it might be, my thoughts halting for a few moments when I try and come to a conclusion as to who it could be yet come out empty handed.

"Nope, not a f*****g clue." I answer honestly for I really don't know who it is since if it was my foster parents, then why would they trash my place and not wait for me? Is this a trap and are they going to kidnap me during the night? Or is this them warning me that they're after me?

Either way someone f****d with my s**t in a way as if someone would when looking for something, but I still have to have a proper look to make sure nothing was taken, though instantly I'm distracted by my spotless surroundings and for a second I wonder if my house was actually trashed.

Only the evidence is still well, evident in my room for I haven't gotten around to putting my clothes back as well as washing my other ones and putting the ones in the dryer away. I mean I haven't even checked to see if they've been taken out yet and thrown all over the place like the rest of my s**t.

"Holy f**k, you even cleaned up the place for me. Thank you so much like you guys didn't even wait for me." I point out before anyone can question me further on the matter.

"No worries Lilly you seemed like you could use a bit of help. Besides I have news on a new place for you since I had a talk with the others. Apparently Aunty Felicity has a granny flat going up for rent and we think you'd be perfect for it. Well the flat would be perfect for you and much better than this apartment." Nessa fixes with a blush and awkward chuckle as she casts her eyes around the spacious lounge room, something I don't see a problem with apart from the elevators and people I have to share them with.

"Oh ah, are you sure? I mean why like no offence but haven't you and your family done enough for me?" I squeak out as I cast my eyes around the eager helping faces though can't help but feel Josh's burn on me the hottest when I land on him briefly, and even when I pull away does the stinging sensation stay.

I can't do this, not right now...

"Well you looked like you needed a hand and we had everything you needed. If you haven't realised we aren't like most families so people tend to freak out when we do something nice for them. So we understand your uneasiness but please we only love helping people. It's what our family would have wanted for us if we were in your position." Nia takes over when she motions for me to sit between her and Nessa whilst Josh and Lissa scoot over to make room for me.

"Now I feel like a cunt, I'm so sorry if I sounded like an ignoran-"

"Not at all Lil we understand completely. In saying that we also know you want a drink for we need one as well." Lissa grins with the others agreeing enthusiastically with their cousin, a laugh sounding in the back of my throat when she jumps up from her position and makes her way to retrieve the said items.

"Oh yeah I forgot about those!" I exclaim seconds later on Lissa's return, a little too excitedly over alcohol though Nessa seems just as surprised since she too forgot about them.

"Well the kitchen isn't so bad and the fridge was actually left untouched. Just a few items on the floor I picked up for you." Lissa explains on her way back in whilst Nia and Josh converse lowly about something I can't quite catch.

"Thanks Lissa you really didn't have to." I half-smile with a deflated sigh lingering in the back of my throat for a few seconds which only has her flapping her wrist at me as if it's nothing.

"Hey I need to go back home and change into something el-"

"Don't be silly if you want I have some clothes you can borrow? I mean they probably won't be your style but it's something for now." I offer to Nia, Lissa and Nessa reaching for their handbags, the thought of being left home alone with Josh installing instant fear for I really couldn't handle Nessa walking in on us doing something again. Let alone face Josh and explain him that hours ago I was thinking of choosing Nessa over him due to what she knows about me.

"Thank you for the offer but we were all having showers as well and we weren't sure exactly how much hot water you have." Nia explains after running her coffee stinking hands through her dirty brown locks now loose from its restrains.

"Ahh I see yeah I get you. Safe trip home and message me I guess when you're coming back or who can still come back. I know that some of you have work tomorrow so don't feel obligated to stay the whole night." I assure them which only has them giggling and reassuring me that they'll be back.

"Okay." I murmur meekly though can't take my eyes off of Nessa for I don't think she gets how awkward it's going to be leaving me alone with the guy who almost f****d up this whole thing between us. Only it wasn't just him but me as well.

Maybe it's a test and she's seeing if she can trust me again. That or see what I have to say to him since she might be getting me to tell Josh about us this way. f**k did I just get played in a way?

Saying one more goodbye from each of them they're finally gone, my heart rate picking up a few paces when it's just Josh and I on the couch, his semi-lanky form not moving from its sprawled out position on the longer part of the L shaped couch.

"So, how was your day besides from coming home to this? I mean you and Nessa must have sorted things out then?" he questions casually after putting his phone down to turn his head sideways so he's able to face me.

"Oh, yeah we did and my day wasn't bad. Thanks for that by the way, I'm sure she lightened up with your help." I chuckle nervously when my thoughts instantly take me back to my moment with Nessa behind the Café.

"Not all me, I only sent her a couple of messages today considering I was flat out at work myself. So whatever you said must have worked." he grins only I don't miss the weird look swimming in his eyes which makes me think he knows, yet I've been proven to be paranoid in the past.

Locking eyes with my fidgeting hands I flinch a little when I sense his presence close in on mine, soon relieving my tense form when he stops just an inch or so away yet my tightened muscles don't fully relax entirely, for some reason I'm waiting for him to make a move on me.

"Look I have something to tell you." I squeak out in a small voice, my brain knowing exactly how he's going to take it and to be honest I don't think I'm ready for it just yet.

"Okaaaay, what it is?" he demands slowly as his brows furrow together in thought as to what I have to tell him.

Oh boy here we go...

"Umm some s**t went down between Nessa and I." I start off but avoid his eye contact for I can feel it burning on me as we speak, his sprawled out position on my couch changing though I refuse to still look in his direction in fear of what his facial expression might be.

"What do you mean?" he pushes with his tone still level though I can tell he wants to explode right now, I'm playing with the both of them a bit and that was the one thing I promised I wouldn't do.

Fuck.

"Well Nessa and I sorted our s**t out and, yeah I-"

"So you choose Janessa then?" he intervenes with now folded arms when I finally build up the courage to glance in his direction and regret it for he's pissed, only for some weird reason he's trying to hide it the same way Nessa did this morning she caught me in bed with Josh.

"Nooo I didn't say I choose her. I was about to say that I still can't make a decision though for the drugs in me are not helping, and my brain was desperate to make a hasty decision today. So I'm sorry if I seem like I'm f*****g you around, I just need time to think on this sober." I argue but refrain from raising my voice in attempts of keeping any sort of peace between us.

"Wow, you were so f*****g sure thi-"

"Don't give me that f*****g s**t! I'm sorry! But the both of you are f*****g with me right now! Ugh! If you were smart enough then the both of you would've left me alone to f*****g choose! Though instead, you stick to me like white on rice cunt! I can't get away right now and it's driving me f*****g nuts!" I explode and this time watch as he clamps his mouth shut instead of getting ready to counter my argument with his, his chest rising and falling at a quickening pace meaning his adrenaline is as high as mine right now.

I feel bad for saying what I said considering the hurt is evident on Josh's face, but what I said is true and I guess he needed to know that. You push me for an answer and it might not be the one you're looking for or expecting.

"Alright I'm sorry you felt that w-"

"f**k me I need to go, I'll be back." I murmur through gritted teeth, clearly defeated considering now don't only I feel bad for what's just been said on my behalf, but my other half still stands strongly by it.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place I exit my apartment knowing full well my shoes are in my room only I couldn't give a f**k right now, Josh calling for me to come back and that he will go but to no avail. I'm not turning around for no one and even when my apartment door slams shut I continue on my way to the elevator.

If only I could smoke here in the hallway.

Counting the golden numbers on each door until reaching the elevator I need to take, it doesn't take long for it to reach the top and open up to someone standing smack bang in the middle of it, my heart in my throat when I leap back after almost charging head first into the person's sternum.

"Hey are you stalking me?" Luca grins and instantly it's taking everything I have to keep from breaking down in front of him and beg him to take me away.

"No what the f**k! Hey! And I believe it's you who stalks me today. Still all jokes aside what the f**k are you doing here? I mean you are the last person I would've expected to see right now." I admit when I remember how tense it is back at home and think how it wasn't long ago I was thinking about Luca coming in to save me from this love triangle.

"Maybe I am, I came back here to finish you off actua-nah just kidding only because your face right now. But really I'm here on business, that's why I got a little weird when I dropped you off here the other night. Half of these people are my clients." he murmurs the last part as we step aside from the waiting elevator for the imaginary people to come through.

"Ohhh makes sense now, would also be nice if you did top me off though." I grumble when Josh once again comes back to annoy me with his face flashing in the back of my mind.

"Whoa someone's not a happy camper today! Well anyway that's my alibi on why I'm here so what's yours?" he laughs as I roll my eyes to show him I'm serious, only I don't think he's picking up what I'm throwing at his face.

"Funny, well I'm actually ahhh, waiting for my friends to get here though I'm not sure if I have it in me right now. Anyway I thought I'd wait out the front of the resort, you know the car pa-"

"Ah yeah I kn-" his phone ringing cuts him off in order for him to see who it is, his posture instantly straightening to attention once he realises who it is.

"I'm sorry Lil I have to go, but it was good seeing you. Now I know where you live I'll be able to stalk you a little easier now." he winks which has my heart skipping a few beats and waving half-dazed when my brain tries to work out whether if that just really happened or not.

I mean it does make sense as to why he is here, but of all the days it's today, the day my apartment also got broken into.

Not wanting to pin it on him for he genuinely seemed just as surprised to see me as he was, it's just the odds of bumping into him on this floor was I thought out of the question since it's such a huge resort, and my luck at the moment seems to be taking the piss out of me.