Stellam Matutinam

Oops: Part II

Taking that as my cue to leave and still feeling awkward for who knows what Nessa might have said to her in my absence, I just hope Josh is right and she hasn't told anyone. I mean I'm probably paranoid and am taking Lissa's nice attitude and morphing it into her pretending to see what else I'll cough up about what happened last night, but right now my anxiety is through the roof and I don't think I could handle a confrontation by all three since I'm now making eye contact with Nia and Nessa.

Regardless I'm working with Bodhi and there is no doubt in my mind she knows exactly what went down, it's just a matter of figuring it out when I see her and the way she is with me the whole day, the thought riddling my stomach with butterflies and instantly clenching my duffle bag straps in my hands.

With my heart in my throat I smile more at Nia for she's greeting me just in time for Nessa to take off, my eyes ignoring her expression for I know she wishes she was anywhere but here. I don't blame her for I do as well.

"Okay so follow me through the kitchen and I'll show you where to place your things." she explains after my quick glance around the cramp-ish kitchen and small walkway leading to the very back of the café where another space opens up to an office type area, another door next to a desk littered with neatly stacked paperwork labelled STAFF BATHROOM.

To the right are a bunch of hooks where I assume are where the girl's bags including Bodhi's is, mine soon joining them when Nia appoints me my spot then continues to inform me that today is sort of busy but I shouldn't worry for I won't be thrown in the deep end.

"Sweet so what did you want me to do first?" I question when I'm taken back to the front of the shop where Nia's currently taking orders whilst Nessa's making them, Bodhi soon joining us at the front with a gentle touch on my shoulder.

"Ah Lilly it's good to see you." she greets just as Lissa's about to give me my first job, my eyes scanning her black jeans and shirt instead of the outfit she wore last night I for some reason expected her to rock up in.

God damn drugs...

"Same here, I hope you recovered better than me." I half-smile when Lissa disappears to do whatever Nia's asking her to do, leaving Bodhi and I alone standing in the middle of the front work area.

"I must have done a lot better than Felicity considering she rang me around six this morning saying she couldn't make it. So I apologise if things are a little different here today, I haven't worked here for a bit so not even I know all of the changed rules." she goes on as we take a step back away from the register and coffee machines a little more so that the girls can work around us.

"That's okay all I need to know is where I will be standing today so then I can make it easy for you." I squeak out before Nessa's walking past us as if we don't exist until her Mum's pulling her up and asking her to start up another job so I can finish it off.

Not saying a word other than a nod to her Mum, Nessa's off again and leaving her Mum to show me what it is Nessa had been doing up until I got here, my heart skipping a few beats at the fact that surely the Mum knows something is up between the both of us since we haven't said a word to each other since my arrival. Why can't Bodhi be real with me and tell me I've let her as well as the rest of her family down for doing what I did? Why is she making it out that she doesn't when even I can cut the tension in the air with a knife.

"Don't you worry Lil we won't have you doing much other than taking orders as well as doing a few things out back such as dishes and whatnot." she smiles and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear, the same nearly black hue as Nessa's hair which only makes it harder for me to talk to this woman without spilling the beans myself. It feels as if I'm literally talking to an older version of Nessa only minus the tattoos.

"Awesome." I beam when I sense the tension of Nessa leave the area and instantly I'm thrown into my first task.

Learning the till isn't as hard as I thought it would be, it's dealing with the customers which was a lot harder for me since meeting new people could lead me to getting caught. I mean who knows if my name is plastered all over the news? I know I haven't checked.

Next on my task list is helping with the dishes out back, Nia and I conversing about what I'm doing after work as well as her and Lissa since they live together pretty much, until Lissa's coming in asking for her sister's assistance.

Leaving me alone to stack the industrial dish washer as well as put the dried ones away, the sound of someone coming through the kitchen door has my brain thinking it's Nia and instantly I'm continuing on with the conversation before turning around and halting when it's Nessa.

"Oh sorry I thought you we-look can we tal-" but she doesn't want a bar of it for she's storming back out of the kitchen with not so much as a look in my direction.

"Okay so she's still pissed." I murmur to myself though find I'm not an emotional wreck like I thought I would be.

Instead I'm calm and not really caring at this point for I can only do so much until it starts f*****g with your pride, something I'm starting to build back for myself so why destroy it over someone that clearly doesn't want to acknowledge my existence.

A little annoyed at myself for giving in to the first guy that said the right things to get me in bed with him, I also wonder how things between Nessa and I would have been this morning if I did stay the night with her, and what Josh would have thought also if I chose her over him.

But what Nessa has to understand is that her touches brought back a lot of f****d up memories for me, something I wish never happened for all of this bullshit between us would've been avoided and I'd actually be happy at the fact that I'm moving on with my life.

It's just the news I have would destroy her and I don't think I would even take it lightly if someone told me that my intensions and touches scared them to the point of almost pissing themselves, it honestly would kill me and I don't think I could ever speak to that person again.

I'd never hate them but I honestly think my presence would surely put them off forever. So what better to do than wipe them from your life?

Fuck me why do I care so much as to what Nessa or Josh would think if I got with either one of them? They should be happy I'm not f*****g playing them both and that I made my f*****g decision?

Even better I'm not going to choose either one of them, I'm choosing Luca for he has been the first person besides Nia and Lissa who hasn't tried f*****g me. Yeah I thought that about Luca at the start on our first and only encounter so far, but he states pretty clearly he isn't like that.

So maybe hanging around Luca might get me out of this bullshit I have dragged myself into, he appears to be a bit of a loner like I used to be before and after Viper since Maddy and Fran were now out of the scenario.

What I guess I'm getting at is, it's better for me to distance myself away from Nessa and her family to focus more on getting to know Luca for he appeared to me as someone above all of this bullshit, the energy he gives off when I'm around him weirdly calm and the problems I seemed to also carry around me at the time had disappeared into thin air.

Not realising how much I've been in my own thoughts when Lissa comes in to tell me that it's my lunch break, I thank her with a beaming smile then head straight for my bag and fish out the cigarettes I'm desperately craving the taste and burn of.

"Ah good Lilly before you head off for your break I just wanted to give you your roster for this and next week as well as the figure of how much you will be earning an hour." Bodhi explains after poking her head through the office type area doorway to see who it is at the bag hooks.

Thank f**k, for a second I thought she was gonna bring up the argument between Nessa and I.

"Oh awesome, thank you." I chuckle awkwardly and accept the sheet of paper along with the number of how much I will be earning written at the bottom of my roster, my eyes widening at the twenty-three dollars an hour I'll be earning as well as the five shifts this and next week I will also be working.

The amount of hours I shall be working each of those days could vary since this place opens up at six thirty and to the public at seven thirty, then closes around four in the afternoon sometimes later depending on the season and which days the holidays land on.

"Whoa! I've never been paid this much before, am I casual or-"

"You're full time but we make enough money here to pay our workers good, well it's more my sister and her husband that do the pays but you know what I mean. But it's good to finally have a job that pays good I assume?" she beams when I still can't seem to take my eyes off of the figure.

"Then I must really show you guys how good I can work." I blush at the fact that I've never had a steady job and this is probably the first time I've made it into work and not left early due to needing another hit.

"Oh I can tell already you're a hard worker, Felicity will be pleased." she assures me before she's being called by Lissa for some help.

"Now go and enjoy your break, I'll talk to you later on what else I'd like you to do for me." and with that she's off with my thank you following behind her, a confident smile now sneaking its way across my face for today I'm actually proud of something I have done for once.