Stellam Matutinam

Oops

"Wakey wakey Josh! Hey have you seen Li-never mind she's here." Nessa murmurs the last part before forcing a fake smile on her face, her work uniform reminding me of my first day today with nervous butterflies swimming around in my gut for I know I'll be working with her for sure.

"Ah fuck." Josh mumbles under his breath and instantly putting me on edge more than I already am, she's pissed and I have no idea why she's trying to hide it, I'd be flipping my s**t.

If only she knew about Erica though, then she'd understand.

"I was doing the rounds to see where you went off to last night, but I see you ended up back here." she beams brightly before dropping the façade entirely and storming out of the room with his bedroom door slamming shut behind her, the front door following suit not long after.

"Well that's f****d, I thought I locked the front door." he mumbles beside me whilst going for his mix bowl and bong on his nightstand and offering me the bowl once his is packed, my face now in my hands as I picture what work is going to be like since I only got four hours sleep. So add the fact Nessa now hates me on top of all the bullshit that's already accumulated and you've successfully f****d my day.

"Come on I'll talk it over with her, have a couple of cones with me first." he suggests which surprisingly pulls me out of bed.

"Here." he reoffers the bowl again, my shaky hand taking it then walk out with Josh to the lounge.

Seated on the couch next to Josh ripping his morning breakfast cone as I used to call them when I was a heavy smoker, I wonder how my lungs will go this morning for all I felt instantly after fearing the unheard wrath of Nessa was a heap of phlegm stuck in the back of my throat, the amount of cones I sunk last night coming back to haunt me along with the disappearing figure I saw in Nessa's backyard last night.

Knowing I'm not crazy and I know what I saw, Josh's hand on my thigh instantly strikes it from my thoughts for now in favour of seeing what he wants, his muddy brown eyes searching my dry feeling ones thanks to the lack of sleep.

How the f**k am I going to get through today? I feel like each movement is weighed down by a bag of sand and my eyes are battling to stay open.

"You will be okay, just give her some space and she will come around. I on the other hand will have to try a lot harder." he grumbles then semi-throws the glass mix bowl on the table with unnecessary force.

"Fuck." is all I can say under my breath when the anger begins to boil, my brain demanding how I could make such a huge f**k up like this and why I couldn't have just stuck with Luca.

I know for a fact I will hardly see the guy and if I do then the catch ups will only get more interesting. He's a bit of a loner, I can gather that much for he's very straight to the point with his customers, me I was treated a little differently that night due to the circumstances we met under.

But all in all Luca will keep me out of this f****d up love triangle I have going between Nessa, Josh and I, why not find someone who's hardly in the scene to get me out of it for I know that someone's going to get heartbroken badly.

It's just what the f**k am I going to say to Nessa when she finally decides to talk to me and demand why I did what I did, and I doubt she will forget the fact that I ditched her once again at her family's gathering, which if I'm going to be honest kind of freaked me out since I felt things along with her family as well as witnessed a figure f*****g disappear in her backyard.

If that wasn't a ghost or whatever then what the f**k was that? Was that the thing causing the intense presence that also follows me around now? The exact same presence that screamed at me as soon as it hit and made me feel like a child being scolded for something naughty.

"Hey don't worry I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. It's just Nessa and I are close and had a feeling she liked you. But I let my selfish desires get in the way though in all honestly I don't regret it. I regret the argument I know I will have with Nessa but she will understand when you tell her why. You have to be honest and tell her enough about why you find it hard to be intimate with her. In saying that though give it time and I'm sure you will get that chance to talk to her about it. Anyway you can have a shower but first did you want another bong?" he offers as hands over the bong and bowl.

"Thank you, I do need one." I admit when I can sense last night's grime seeping deeper and deeper into my pores, my hair not as bad as I thought it'd be but still in need of a wash.

Chuckling whilst I rip my cone down slowly so I don't pull it too hard and cough my cunt out, I'm then head my way to the bathroom after grabbing my duffle bag from Josh's room and make it safely behind the door until suddenly, I drop my head into my hands and slide down the door with threatening tears brimming my eyes.

I am so f****d and I know it. Her Aunty Felicity who happens to be my boss will definitely know about it, like I could lose my f*****g job before I even f*****g start it! UGH!

Stripping Josh's baggy Nike hoodie he lent me last night halfway through the night when I got up to get a drink, next are the underwear until I'm submerging my body in the warming water.

Eventually adding the cold I'm quick to rush through my shower routine for not only doesn't he have any hair products I can use to wash my hair, but he doesn't even have soap by the looks of things after a few moments of scoping out his bathroom.

Wondering if I'm going to get through the day not smelling like death, I shut the water off and jump out into the crisp air my body automatically trembles at then try to warm it up by drying the droplets of water soaking my skin, small rivulets coming from my hair and making their path's down my back the longer I leave them.

Once fully towelled off and hair successfully wrapped up, I throw on my new set of clothes with a little bit of pride at the fact that I've managed to get a job so quick, the sadness finally settling in when it dawns on me that I might not have the job for very long.

Not wanting to think negative on the matter, I force a smile on my face as I brush my hair and put it up in a ponytail the best I can with damp hair and no straightener or hairdryer to help me out, the makeup coming soon after to cover up the late night written all over my face and dancing still in my semi-enlarged pupils.

Giving my long sleeve with a rounded neckline this time as well as minus the thumb holes and skinny jeans the required black, a last once over while my Converses take over the position of my Doc Martens, I throw my items from last night in the bag including my makeup with a little more care until draping it over my shoulder.

"Ah you look nice!" Josh comments over the rim of a rolled up bill, obviously catching him just in the nick of time of having a line.

"Thank you, party still going for you?" I question with a pointed finger at the four lines of speed racked up on the smooth mahogany coffee table.

"Well I was gonna see if you wanted any?" he offers the two lines closest to me which I don't hesitate to have. I need this to get me through today so I can sleep it off when I get home.

"I thought you'd say yes." he chuckles when I only nod my head and accept the tightly rolled up note from him.

A knock at the door has Josh motioning for me to either hurry up and have them or hide them whilst he tries to see who it is at the door, hopefully being able stall them for a minute so I can snort them quickly and disappear to another room so I can recover.

Doing just that I make it just in time for his parents to come waltzing in talking in their mother tongue I'm now hearing a lot more of since last night, my heart in my throat when I make the decision to hide instead from his parents until I have to go to work. I just hope they're gone before then.

Sitting for a few moments in his room whilst listening to the conversation I still can't understand, I then pick up the sound of footsteps heading my way and hope it's Josh that's coming for me and not his parents.

"Sorry about that they just randomly like to f*****g rock up apparently. It seems like everyone wants to do that today. Anyway come out and say hi, I said I offered to take you to work today considering you and Nessa start at different times. They think she dropped you off here this morning." he explains quietly as the voices of his parents come floating through his slightly ajar door.

"Ohhh okay, I'm only freaking bec-"

"Don't worry she won't say anything and neither will I. The most she will do is tell Nia and Lissa, but they won't be angry for they won't get involved." he assures over me when he can sense my stress on the matter.

"Okay, let's just get this over with. I have work in ten minutes." I mumble whilst eye f*****g the bong I ran back into the room.

"Have another cone then come out, you look like you could need another one anyway." he winks with a nudge to my side in hopes of lightening my spirits.

"Ha, funny." I semi-grin with my brows flat of expression to show that I'm trying to not fear his parents.

Leaving me to do just that I build up the courage to face Josh's parents just in time for the Speed to hit my system and have me lying back on his bed for a second, riding the wave for a few moments until I'm able to face the music.

"Hey Lil, how'd you go last night?" Aisha questions as soon as she lands her muddy brown stare on me, her eyes mirroring Josh's the more I peer into them in my momentary holds of eye contact.

Today she's dressed down compared to what she was last night with a pair of tight fitting light denim jeans, a white shirt of some description due to her soft grey sweater getting in the way, a pair of plain white sneakers and dirty brown handbag to top it all off.

Even her tanned face is clean of makeup and hair that same muddy brown as her eyes, tied up in a semi-messy yet tight bun with a cup of coffee clutched in her right hand, meaning she too is still recovering from her night of drinking.

"Good actually, how did you guys pull up?" I smile nervously as I try and work out whether they know about what happened since they were speaking in Italian before, so they could've said anything and Josh doesn't have the balls to tell me the truth.

Not wanting to assume that much to my gut telling me it's true, I spend the rest of the conversation sussing them out and their overly nice behaviour they had towards me yesterday at Nessa's place, my heart rate not once calming down until the announcement of their departure.

"Well it was good seeing you even though we didn't catch much of each other." Bronson states as Josh and his Mum converse once again in Italian as they occasionally cast their glances in my direction.

Oh great. Now what?

"Yes it was, maybe we can catch up another time for I'm sure we will cross paths again." I say as sweetly as I can even though my heart's trying to beat out of my ribcage.

Like his wife Bronson also has ditched his formal attire for a pair of black jeans rolled up at the ankles, a similar pair of sneakers to his wife with a denim jacket over the top of his plain white shirt currently on display.

Having no hair to f**k around with but only a slight five o'clock stubble powdering how mouth, chin and sides of his face, I can't deny the fact that his cologne is hooking me right now and wondering if I could even afford half of the perfumes and colognes these people put on.

"I believe so too." he chuckles and witness a weird look dancing in his eyes at the mentioning of our path's crossing again.

Why I say weird stare is because it appears like he knows he's already going to see more of me, once again bringing me back to my conclusion of Josh spilling the beans to his parents behind my back using his mother tongue.

Instantly shutting down and refusing to say anymore apart from goodbye when his parents decide to leave my rage boils a bit higher as my angered thoughts on the matter fuel the fire, Nessa once again coming in to push me over the edge and sending me to Josh's room for another cone.

"You ready to go?" Josh asks once he discovers where I am, my head nodding since my mouth refuses to open still though he luckily hasn't picked up on my sudden weird change of behaviour.

"Cool let's f**k the pooch on this one." he grins in unison with clapping his hands and spinning on his heels towards the door.

Following silently behind him we jump into his crisp car slowly heating up thanks to the weak sunlight beaming in through the windscreen and other windows of his Holden V8 Ute, the leather interior instantly warming up beneath my semi-trembling body.

"f**k me it's a bit chilly." he comments whilst turning on his car and throwing on the heater, my eyes scanning his rugged up appearance and wondering how when he has that many layers on.

Clad in black shorts reaching the tops of his knees with a pair of matching skinnies underneath and a you name it, plain black hoodie with the hood up to cover his messy hair he clearly couldn't be f****d straightening today, I'm still able to make out his semi-fringe and slight bangs in amongst the chaos he'll probably avoid until he can be f****d.

Still not talking until my brain gets over the fact that I'm overreacting about the whole Nessa thing, I also blame myself for adding drugs to my mood swings for they surely don't help at all, like I ended up in hospital over them as well as amongst other reasons.

The car ride to work's awkward on my end with the radio being the only source of sound going around the cabin of his ute, Josh still not picking up on my silence or he's just smart to not push it considering I assume he's been around his female cousins long enough to know when a girl is about to lose it.

"Well, thank you for last night. I had an awesome time regardless of what happened this morning, I just hope you feel the same and it doesn't get awkward between us you know." he confesses in a meek voice, a tone I've never even heard on him before and instantly it's wiping the boiling rage I have building up inside me along with threatening tears.

How can I be mad at someone who genuinely enjoyed my company much to his own worries he had f*****g his cousin over. Even after he told me not to f**k them both over he still hurts his cousin by sleeping with me, a choice I'm still on the fence about regretting what happened regardless if something inside me is telling me not to for it was a night I enjoyed.

"No thank you Josh, I had an awesome night as well really, despite of what happened this morning. I just hope work can be easy and I'm not fired as soon as I walk through the door." I murmur as I fiddle around with the zip on my duffle bag.

"Look I promise please don't worry about it. Just give her some space and avoid her at all costs for she will be a cunt to talk to. But I promise if you do that then she will eventually come around, for I will also be sending her text messages throughout the day to try and talk some sense into her and get her to come around as to why what happened, happened." he reassures me with his hands reaching for my fiddling ones.

"Thank you Josh, I'm to blame as well for what happened I mean it takes two to tango. So it's also up to me to talk to her as well much to my knowledge that she will most likely ignore my entire existence the whole day." I confess with a sigh sounding in the back of my throat and attention now on Josh instead of my bag.

"It's up to you what you want to do. You're brave I'll give you that, but I will totally understand also if you choose to leave it to me." he states with my hands still in his, the pads of his thumbs rubbing small circles on the backs of my hands to try and soothe the slight tremor in them.

"Alright I guess we can see how this day goes. Bye Josh I'll see you maybe sometime this week and thanks again for last night, hopefully we can hang more and things between us and Nessa will be settled by then." I half-smile before exiting the car and picking up the sound of his electric car window rolling down.

"We will I assure you. Now go and enjoy your day, I'll message you later to let you know how it went on my end." he explains whilst I start slowly backing up towards the café door, thanking him yet again for everything until I'm leaving Josh and making my way through the café's door.

"Morning Lil, how'd you go last night?" Lissa grins as soon as she sees my face behind a couple of customers waiting for their orders.

"Not too bad, wish I slept more." I murmur whilst making my way behind the counter and lingering at the staff door to see what else she has to say.

"Tell me about it, I barely made it to work this morning. Mum however was lucky enough to palm the job off to Aunty Bodhi today so she will be the step-in boss I believe." she goes on before turning her sea blue stare to an approaching customer, those words instantly installing more fear for now not only am I working with Nessa but also her Mum too.