Stellam Matutinam

A New Step: Part II

Making it there alone and continuing in silence to my room with no interruptions on why I'm here or if I'm with someone, the alabaster walls turn a rich burgundy as I step out onto my floor with the doors a pasty eggshell and gold numbering on each door.

Pondering on how a building on the top floor is as cheap as the woman at the desk gave to me much to her subtle doubt when she gave me and my attire a once over with a manicured brow, my brain strikes it from my thoughts for now when I open the door to the apartment and silently gasp.

As I step over the threshold and into what appears to be the dining room, my feet take it slow on the ashen marble tiles in favour of seeing what else this place has to offer with my bag dropping at my feet, my head soon turning to the right as the spacious living room opens up where more of the view's available to see thanks to the floor to ceiling windows filling the place up with the cloud's dull gloomy light.

Thick cinema-like curtains a nice honey colour to go with the pale gunmetal grey walls are drawn back from the large windows to lighten the place up more whilst the smaller windows to the apartment are open to let in some fresh air, the town's air mixing in with the stale musky one that's currently sitting in the back of my nose.

Locating French doors displaying a small balcony in between the lounge room and dining room on the far back wall opposite the front door, the view overlooks the nicer parts of town where you're able to see more of how far the forest or woods stretches, mountains tipped with snow rising up in the far distant yet enough to make them out through the fog making its way for us.

So much for the day turning out nice, but then again I can't complain for I'm inside now.

On my way to the bathroom I check out the ivory L shaped couch pushed to the back of the lounge room wall so that it's facing the large flatscreen on a longish cabinet, DVD player underneath hooked up and ready to be used as well as a circle coffee table matching the couch and ashy rug, the marble tiles being replaced by cream carpet in the lounge room.

Discovering the bathroom has a shower and spa bath as well as a large horizontal mirror above the sink accompanied by bench space the length of the said mirror, I wrap up the tour of the lush apartment once I'm finished gawking at the bedroom I'm apparently staying in and begin making a list of things I will need in the future, the bright walls reminding me of the hospital I was planning on going back to before I decided to knock Erica down and make a run for it.

The décor of the room however pulls me from my awe of the entire apartment for now, my gaze scanning over the grand king sized bed and fire place with my brain asking me if this is all too good to be true and if I'm still dreaming, yet an absentminded pinch to my arm confirms I'm not.

Happy to see that the same cream carpet continues in the bedroom I'm still coming to grips that it's mine, I rush over to open the built in wardrobe and prepare for it to be filled by the duffle bag of clothes I've left out in the lounge room, my eyes spotting a power point close to the bed so I'm able to keep my phone charged when I get a new one and on the bedside table, something I won't be used to for a while since I almost forgot I had the damn thing this morning.

Sighing and knowing I can't dwell on the past I decide to start tracking down jobs in the area keen to take on someone with little to no experience in the working field, and then there are the résumés and clothes to wear for an interview if I do end up getting one. Ugh.

Tossing and turning on whether I should turn the phone back on and use the free Wi-Fi they have so I'm able to look for jobs, I end up doing so with my anxiety through the roof the entire time as I picture the Cops banging on the door demanding I let them in and take me back to Hell.

Applying for a few cleaning jobs as well as one at a Café since there seems to be about three going in Willow's Peak, I ensure that I don't get my hopes up of everything happening overnight for angels don't follow me around granting my every miracle I call for, for if they did then I would've been out of that hospital and my foster parent's care a long time ago.

Giving myself a miniature break from my phone screen when I notice the wind picking up outside, the clouds above seem to have only darkened with possibilities of exploring the town today now out of the window, something I'm not too bothered by for my job search is a little more important than sussing out the new area but I have to get a new phone! My freedom depends on it! Besides who's to say I don't sell it for a bit of extra cash anyway?

So keeping myself occupied with my job searching up until I'm craving a cigarette, I end up turning the phone off for now and semi-chuck it on one of the two bedside tables this room has to offer, eventually making my way out to the balcony I'm deeming my new smoking area.

Sighing as I gaze over the tree tops of the smaller trees and higher up at the ones where their tips could touch the clouds, my brain wishes things weren't so complicated and that I was actually here on vacation, not because I'm running away from my problems and f****d up home life.

The thought of Erica sends a wave of fear through me, not because of what she did to me but what I did to her I mean it won't be long until Cops are knocking on my door demanding I go with them, only they'd have to cuff me for I won't be so cooperative.

Avoiding the news since that'll make it worse for me I'm yet again distracting myself with sorting out the money I stole from Dian and Ray, putting the bills into piles for rent as well as food and other essentials I'll need money for before I'm leaving myself with just enough money to get maybe, I don't know a couple of weeks' worth of clothing if I go somewhere cheap and savings still left over if things go pear shaped.

Seeing clothes as a want instead of a need at the moment considering I don't even know when I'll be getting paid again and this six and a half grand has to last me until I come into work, it's still something I need for the items I have on me now will make it easier for me to stand out when that's the last thing I want.

Hoping they also think I'm too much work and the information I have about their precious psycho daughter might be enough to keep their mouths shut and let me live my life away from them forever, I somehow doubt it for as I said miracles don't just happen to people like me, I spent that up on getting away from Erica and her twisted mind.

Looking down at my covered limbs where images of what they were before I got them stitched up and taken care of, come back to remind me that they'll never go away unless I get rid of them myself with creams or tattoos, only I don't see the point when sooner or later I'll just make new ones anyway.

Remembering I was also high as f**k when I did all that, my mouth waters at the numbness drugs gave me when things only got worse, the faces of my old bestfriends Fran and Maddy coming to mind but know they moved probably to get away from the drugs since I was the one who was scared to quite.

I recall the day they tried to tell me I was pushing my addictions too far, I was almost ten kilos underweight and refused to see the problem in it, though my friends also didn't meet the demons I battled every day.

Though I don't blame them for leaving me when they did, it was just easier I guess for the three of us when I went in for they took the opportunity to move the first week I was admitted, something I could never hate them for I just wish they could see me now.