Being Enamored By Him

Is there anything I should know?

You can share all your pain, your sorrow and be angry at only one person whom you not only love but trust too immensely, deeply...

You know that person will never leave you alone no matter what the situation is.....

NAINA'S POV

I cannot put it in words what I was feeling right now. When I said that Kabir has done every single possible thing to make this marriage what it is today I really meant every single word of it. Being in Kabir's arms I feel safe from everything and I do genuinely want to tell him about everything that had happened in these last twelve days but I don't know from where I should even start! I am scared too...

"You know what today is?" Kabir asked me after a while.

"Hmm," I muttered and snuggled more.

"Today is the day when we first met on our engagement and we had our first hug," he said looking straight into my eyes with an emotion I can not decipher. I was just too lost in his eyes that it felt like hours! I was stunned knowing that he actually remembered as there was soo much going on in my life right now that I clearly forgot about today...

"You remembered?" I asked him which more came out as a question.

"Of course... I still remember every single moment that we spent together as it is imprinted on my memory like anything. You don't know Naina but you are truly the most important person in my life for whom I can do anything" he said looking proudly at me which made my eyes watery.

"Ooh, Kabir... what have I done to deserve you. You have done so much for me and for us...." I said and cried thinking about everything I am going to tell him today.

"Shh Naina... don't cry, you don't have any idea but I hate it when you cry," he said looking down at me and wiping my tears with the back of his hands.

"By the way how was my surprise?" Kabir asked me grinning like an i***t.

"I hate you and your surprise was pathetic," I said to him and moved away although this was the best moment of my lift still I was angry at him.

"Oh I know you loved it," He said sitting on the bed and dragging me with him that now we both were sitting on the bed and my head was resting on his shoulders.

"Kabir I want to tell you something and you have to promise me one thing," I said to him and searched his eyes which were fixated on me telling me to go on.

"After listening to what I have to say if you want to leave me you can and please be honest with me," I said to him and again my eyes were full with tears which I tried to hold back.

Listening to all this Kabir became more alert and his eyes widened...

"Naina there is nothing in this world which will make me leave you. The way you trust me I also trust you Naina and you know what I have trust in our love too. So just say whatever you intend to as nothing is gonna change" he said taking my hands in his and kissed my knuckles...

I took a deep breath and started telling him about that day.

"Kabir you remember I had an appointment which you threatened me not to miss," I asked him to which he nodded.

"That day Dr. Verma asked a strange question about my periods but since my periods are not regular so I told her about that. She told me that last time when I went there they did some tests just to make sure everything is okay with my body....." I trailed off but Kabir squeezed my hand in reassurance that I should continue.

"Ummm Kabir in future I might not be able to conceive," I said and he froze.

That moment my heart literally shattered into tiny little pieces again. Seeing Kabir like this was just soo painful for me. I stood up just to go out in the balcony so that Kabir can take some time and absorb what I just said but Kabir stopped me by holding my hand and asked me something which I never imagined he would ask.

"So," he said his face devoid of any emotion.

"So what Kabir?" I asked him and now I was losing my patience how can he be so cool after listening something like this.

"So what Naina if in future you will not be able to conceive will this change anything?" He fired back this made me lose every ounce of patience that I had in me.

"Kabir, are you even listening to yourself what are you saying?" I asked him but he didn't say anything instead was looking at me blankly.

"Kabir you will not be able to have your own child. I can never be a mother! You yourself wanted kids right but now it isn't possible. Do you know what the doctor said? She said there are almost no chances me conceiving ever and even if I conceived then there are high chances of miscarriage and not only that she said if I had a miscarriage then in future I will never be able to conceive ever Kabir. My womb is way too delicate to carry a baby... I know you wanted kids but I cannot give you what you want Kabir. I can just give you pain and sorrow and this is what I am giving you from the past eleven months Kabir. I am a pathetic loser and I can never be who you want. Please understand Kabir" I said to him and till now I was crying hysterically.

I know this wasn't fair to burst out all my anger on him but he needs to understand. This time we don't have any way out. I cannot give him what he wants. But my sudden outburst did nothing good he was just looking at me with the same love and affection that was there in his eyes before. How can he love me so much even after all this?

"Naina," He said after a minute but to me, it felt like hours. He shook my shoulders and hugged me hard. He hugged me like he is never going to let me go ever. But all this was scaring the s**t out me. What if he decides to divorce me and leave me forever? And these bloody what ifs are not doing anything good.

My hands were around his neck and his hands were on my back securing me and protecting me from everything but the battle that was going on in my heart what should I do with this?

Until now I was holding every emotion that I had in me but now that I have confessed everything to Kabir on one hand I was feeling better but on the other hand, I was feeling terrible for doing this to him. I don't know for how much time we were like this but surely it was soothing me in every possible manner and giving me some kind of reassurance that nothing will go wrong. After what felt like hours Kabir lightened his hold on me and stared deep into my eyes.

"Why do you think I will leave you Naina?" he asked me looking straight into my eyes as if he was looking right through my soul. For the first time, I didn't have an answer to his question. But still gathering some courage and without meeting his piercing gaze I answered his question.

"Because I cannot give you what you want Kabir and if you will be with me you will never be able to experience the joy of becoming a father and will never have someone who will call you daddy" I whispered and I felt his hold my shoulders tightened the moment I said this.

"Naina I just want to ask you one question and I expect you to be honest with me," he asked me seriously and I was stunned as i wasn't expecting this coming.

"Okay," I whispered. I felt tired and exhausted, it was as if all the energy that I had when I saw Kabir there is now drained fully and I just want to sleep and spoon with him but we have a long night today which cannot be avoided and today some things which are way too important are going to happen which may change my life forever......

There are certain things which happen unannounced in our lives some are terrific and some are terrible……………