Can't Choose Both

The beauty of silence, the irenic feeling of self-reconciliation. Moments of Hate or Love? You can't possibly hate and love at the same time, right? of course! They are two different feelings that can't be directed to one person! Well, that's how I felt at least. Because in my life, I only love one person and hate the other to hell and high waters. "GISIIIING!" Napabangon ako sa pagkakahiga ko sa ilalim ng puno dahil sa sigaw na iyon. Glaring at my boy bestfriend na todo makangiti akala mo nanalo sa lotto. "Wala talaga akong sasabihin, tulog ka na ulit." He laughed kaya tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, directing a nakakatawa-yon stare with sprinkles of sarcasm, hate, and love for him to leave me alone. "What do you want?" I asked while fixing my skirt and sitting up straight. Tinignan ko naman siya, his dirty blond hair that seems to be defying gravity, light-toned skin, strong facial features, pointed nose, and lips that barely smile. He also has these onyx eyes, eyes that are sharp and somehow squinted. In short, he possesses the description of your typical High School bad boy, a campus hottie, a man who captures the eyes of those who see just by breathing. But it seems like I'm neither a human nor a person kasi para saken, he's a man wasting space and oxygen. "If you stare at me that much, I might melt, Princess." at kung saan niya nakuha ang nickname na yun ay hindi ko alam, I swear even Dora's infamous map won't track where that name came from. It's just that, he's been my childhood Best friend ever since we were about 7 and he started calling me Princess and now I'm 17 and he's 18 and he does not seem to waver with that callsign. "The name's Mahah Bandon, Mr. Vaster Rivaille." I called him out pero ngumisi lang siya. "Mrs. Mahah Rivaille sounds better." Ang kapal ng mukha... I wanted to rebut once more pero may ibang nakahagip ng mata ko. My High School crush, Daniel Paragas. Ang captain ng Basketball club. Ang lalaking sweet at cool na parang hindi alam ni God kung alin sa dalawa ang ibibigay kaya pinagsabay nalang. "Oi, sakin lang dapat tingin." Humarang sa harap ko si Vaster kaya tinulak ko siya, my fingers flicking his forehead away. Ish! Di ko tuloy na-enjoy yung view! Now, Daniel is surrounded by his girl group, taking him away from his Basketball teammates that just finished their break time practice. "Yea, Yea, matunaw ka sana't di na kita makita ulit." I rolled my eyes before staring up my natural shade, flickers of light passing through the greens of this Narra tree. Ang aking dakilang tambayan sa buong school. "Grabe, ganun mo ko kamahal that you can't even last a stare down with me?" When I say, ang kapal ng mukha? I meant he's a fricking brick boulder that's too thick-skinned! "If you're Daniel then might as well stare at you till sunset!" Bumangon na ako, standing before dusting the dirt off my butt. Yes, I'm this comfortable with my boy best friend, It's not as if he'll do anything bad, right? Of course! He's a boy with pheromones that exceed their natural limiter, and a man who just turned 18 and is legal to buy condoms from a store. Yea Mahah, Nice thinking. "All you think about is Daniel." his words came out on a mumble that I barely caught the last words he said. It's somewhere along the lines of "I'm also here" or "I'm just your best friend." "Well, other than he's my crush, I also think about other things too you know." He looked up at me, arched eyebrows waiting in patience as I finish my sentence. One wrong move and he'll explode. "I mean, I sometimes think about you, buddy." His face scowled, Uh oh. A wild sulking Vaster had appeared. "You only think of me as your best friend." tumayo na siya from his earlier crouching position and walked down the small hill of this tree. Galit siya? I swear, his mood swings are worse than mine! "Hoi" Tawag ko dito but he didn't look back. Badtrip to, mamaya magpapalibre ulit tas ako sisisihin kung bat siya tinotoyo. "Baste!" It's his nickname, the nickname his lola calls him. "Kung di ka bababa, bahala kang ma-late." eh? Nanlaki mata ko saka inilabas ang phone to check the time. No way. We only have 8 minutes to spare and our room is 3 floors up! The exact opposite of my favored tambayan! "Run!" Hinila ko ang kamay ni Vaster saka tumakbo papasok ng campus. Avoiding and dodging everyone who walks by. "S-sandali, ba't ka ba nagmamadali?" I glared at him. "Wala akong sagot sa math!" "Ahh, so kokopyahin mo sagot ko? Wow Princess, wow." "Di naman purong kopya! Analytical copying gagawin ko!" I voiced out pero dahil siguro sa paglingon ko sa kanya ay di ko napansin ang tao sa harap ko. I bumped into him, hard, that he fell butt first on the floor. Dahil siguro sa pagkakahatak sa akin ni Vaster ay hindi ako ganong nagka-major impact kahit na parang cheetah sa bilis ang takbo ko kanina. "Omyghad, Sorry sorry---" I tried approaching him and helping him up nang bumilis ang t***k ng puso ko. The contact of our skin made me withdraw to my palpitating heart trying to break out of its cage known as my ribs. It's like any cliche first meeting--bumping romance but this time I have a boy best friend who pulled me away from my bump buddy. "HAHA, it's fine." kusang tumayo si Daniel at ngumiti saken. "What's with the rush anyway?" "ahh eeh", Stop it Mahah! It's not every day do you get to meet your crush in a hallway with the romantically known scene of bumping against each other and ending up meeting frequently until you both date! "She's on her period." nanlaki ang mata ko sa sagot ni Vaster. WHAT?! "She needs to buy a napkin." "h-hAa?!" Nangunot ang noo ko. How dare this man ruin my chance of an unbridled romance with my crush?! "But we only have 5 minutes left and the canteen is far east. Opposite of our class." Daniel and I do not really have that close of a bond. We're mere classmates that talked with the usual, "Hi" and "Hello" or during group or class activities. "Sir Chris pa next sub, you know he hates late students---" "Kaya nga kami nagmamadali." Hinila na ako ni Vaster, pulling me away from Daniel na nag-alinlangan kung magpapaalam ba or tatayo nalang. I gave him an awkward wave hanggang sa makatakas kami sa field of sight niya. I assumed he's confused, canteen is far east, why are we running west? To no avail, I also can't explain! "I hate you." I mumbled ng makaupo kami sa kanya kanyang upuan namin. "You can't hate me when you need my help, can you?" He waved his paper in front of me. The paper that holds the end of every brain cells' suicide mission is called Math Quiz. "I still hate you, just less." Agad kong kinuha ang papel niya, scribbling the answers on my sheet as I rushed with my ink jabbing, copy-pasting, answer writing session. "Oh? Kala ko ba Analytical copying gagawin mo?" Nang matapos kong makopya ang huling sagot niya ay biglang tumunog ang bell. Signaling every student that class is about to start. Napatingin ako sa upuan ni Daniel. He's not yet here? Guilt laced my face pa'no kung na-sprain siya? Na-twist paa? Or worse nabasag pwet n'ya? I think the latter's far-fetched. "Hoi, kala ko ba Analytical copying?" "I'll analyze!" I rebutted, gazing my eyes over the numbers I copied nang biglang bumukas ang pinto. Lahat ata kami ay napatingin dun, girls are probably fawning over his look. His sweatdropped face and hitched breath. Ruffled hair that fell on one side, undid necktie, and a two button-down polo uniform. In short, He's burning hot. It's as if the room's temperature exceeds hell's thermostat that it caused fire---perhaps fiery screams and gawking eyes of women my age. "I made it on time." His gaze didn't travel around the room dahil diretso na sakin ang paningin nito. His sweet lips carved into a soft smile. The small paper bag he's holding indicates one thing. No. Don't tell me that's... I gulped nang lumapit siya. LUMAPIT SIYA SAKIN WITH HIS VICTORY SMILE. No stop! I'm melting! "I don't know much about women but," inabot niya sakin and paper bag, placing it on my table. "I'm sure you need this more than me." First of all, I've never met a man with a period. Second, he bought this for me. Third, he thinks I'm on my period. and Fourth, HE of ALL people bought me napkins!  Myghad! Lupa! Lamunin mo 'ko!