SHADOWS OF THE PAST

Chapter 06

Did she… No She didn't, she couldn't have. Yeah I know, she didn't… AfAfter finally composing myself, I walk. I'm mad I'm furious I will fucken combust.

When I get outside she's nowhere insight, f**k! I kick the car wheel; I see a few people looking at me. f**k them.

Taylor comes from the corner and stomps his sigarett bud. "you f****d you know that right"

"f**k off" I walk up to the driver seat and he climbs the passager, throughout the whole ride envision what I would do to her but all the possibilities end up with her bend over me knee, as much as I want that, I can't, God i can't. Not after how she cried the last time, I can't. I'm not prepared to have my heart break like that, seeing her hurt or crying breaks me. What if I become extreme and hurt her like the last time? No I can't, if it means using my hands then I'll have to live with it. She can use her hands too but…. f**k! Just thinking about her pleasuring herself gets me stone hard.

I take a uturn and drive off to a direction I haven't in a while.

"Travis you don't wanna do this" Tyler says when he sees where I'm parked. "do you really want all those times to be in vain. Every fight you guy have been in. Do you want it all to be for nothing?"

, mxm… He Doesn't know what he's talking about. I open my door and walk out, i except to find him here when i come back.

And as expected, she's shkovked to see me. She's in a short satin pajama that exposes her percectly shaved legs, the pajama top shows a bit of cleavage.

"Carlos what-?" I don't allow her to finish, I grab her face and our lips collide. I kiss her with so much hunger, I feel like I'm going to burst.

"mmm, Carlos what is wrong?" I don't answer her, instead I bend, remove her short, she doest protest, good for me. I turn her around, bend her on the vanity and rub myself on her, she releases a moan. f**k! This feels so wrong, but I can't, I can't stop. I have to. I need to.

I push into her "oooh God Carlos"

"shh" I move once, I stop. My heart is not here, my heart is one Blue-Grey eyed brunette, f**k! she starts moving her self,

No, no, no, no, no, i shouldn't be doing this, but it has been long. I grab both her hands so they behind her, and I start pounding into her, I feel her walls contracting, she's close, I'm not. I continue pounding into her, she keeps crying out, I close her mouth with my hand, I don't want to hear her moan, the guilt is enough. I stop and turn her around, I bring her to her knees. Like a little b***h she is, she doesn't need to be told what to do. She starts massaging my balls, f**k! She licks me from the bottom up. I feel myself twitch a little, I'm close I know it, she's teasing me, i don't have time for this, I shove into her mouth and she doesn't gag. f**k, Bella did-no! I can't be thinking about… OoOooh God that feels so good. f**k! I'll just endulge myself. She grabs my shaft, sucks it like her life depends on it.

"oooh God f**k!!! You doing good baby, f**k yes" I can feel the smile on her lips.

"oooh God f**k…. Bella" I feel myself release. Her mouth is no longer there. I look down and she has me c*m all over her face and brests, it doesn't look good on her.

"did you just call me Bella"

Ooh s**t. I grab my pants on the floor and put them on.

"so you just gonna leave, you got what you wanted now you leaving"

Can someone tell her to shut up already?

"well… WeWe both got what we wanted didnt we?"

She kerps quite.

"I can see she doesn't know how to give it good otherwise you won't be here, f*****g me when you should be in bed cuddling with your wife"

Stab.

"don't be too sure, she's better than all of you"

I slam the door on my way out. It's true, not the giving good part. Bella is the best I ever had. Her words hurt because she's telling the truth. I should be in bed cuddling with my wife, instead here am I, busy f*****g someone she completely despises. If she ever forgives me I'll be one lucky burstad, no… If I ever forgive myself for this, I know I'll be one lucky son of a b***h.

When I open the car door, Tyler just looks at me and says nothing, good for him. I'm dealing with guilt as it is, I don't want him adding onto thing.

He's on the driver side so he just drives, with silence spreading across us. Sigh… I

I messed up, big time. "f**k!" I bang the dashboard. Tyler looks at me and keeps quite. f**k him. Why is he quite. I want him to say something, tell me what a f**k up I am.

He parks at the basement, immediately when I climb off, he reverses and drives off, like a fucken maniac, another person I disappointed, with a sigh I call the elevator and wait for it. I bang my head of the elevator doors. The emotions overwhelm me; I feel my eyes blurring.

The elevator door pings open and I immediately compose myself when I see two girls walking out. The look at me, giggle and walk out.

When I get home, I’m immediately welcomed by silence. I hope she didn't leave. I call her name, and nothing. This feels like deja vu… I

I run upstairs and open our bedroom, I find her watching her laptop, she seems engrossed with it. She has headsets on, in her hands she has a box of pizza, looks like it's her seconds seeing as there's an empty one on the bed.

I walk to the shower and immediately when the hot water hits my skin, I feel myself calm, maybe this is what I needed to wash away all the guilt I had.

BELLA

I see him walking in, but I ignore him. He immediately goes into the shower. I feel tears blurring my vison. What kind of life is this? I can't continue like this. This isn't what I signed up for. If this thing continues, I swear to God I'm going to leave.

He walks out the door with just a towel around his waist. I can already feel myself heating up. He likes making things difficult for me. I push my laptop and the pizza box away from me and cover myself with the blankets. I can feel tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Bella" I can hear him moving towards me. He shouldn't, please no…

"baby"i keep quite and shut my eyes closed." I know you not sleeping, please talk to me"

I remained quite, I feel him sigh and walk away. Tears still streaming down my eyes.

Will I ever find love; will I ever be enough!?

"mmmh” I feel something brushing me stomach, when I move back, something pokes me. "mmm"

Suddenly the hands go under my shirt and pitches my n****e. "baby wake up" I feel his breath on my ear, he nibbles it a little but enough to have me aroused.

"wake up baby." his hands moved from my n****e to the line of my panties. "I know you awake. Look at me"

I feel my panties being pushed aside. And his figure touches me there, right where I long for him. "Travis" he inserts a fingure

"yes baby" he shifts suddenly he's on top of me, planting wet kisses on my neck. He keeps kissing me until he reaches my belly. He removes my panties and immediately I feel his tongue.

"Travis" I arch my back and fist his hair.

"im right here baby" he keeps licking and sucking, licking and sucking until I feel myself convulge.

He moved back up and kisses me, hoisting my neck up with his hand j wrap my legs around his waist.

"I love you so much baby" he says before I feels him inside me.

"oooh God Travis" this is what we do, this is how we communicate. This is what we know best.

"oooh faster please" I beg, he keeps going in and out in a snail pace, but I need him to be fast, I want it rough and… And…

"allow me this baby, let me take my time savoring you please" he whispers in my ear. His breath sending tingles in my belly,

"that's it baby, come for me alright, I'm close, come for me miamor"

And as always my body betrays me and listened to him I let loose and let go the same time as he does.

"f**k!" he cusses…

We are both panting, looking up at the ceiling trying to catch our breaths.

"it was all me baby, it was never you okay"

I remain quite. Still trying to catch my breath.

"I love you so much Travis. Please don't ever do that to me again okay"

I managed to say after catching my breath.

"I know baby, I'm crazy about you too" he grabs my face before kissing me. Slipping his tongue in, he lifts my leg up before entering me. "oooh God"

****

I wake up to go pee because I'm pressed and Travis is nowhere near me. Strange.

I go to the bathroom and do what I came to do, once I'm done, I look myself in the mirror… I really really love this guy, to look past everything and just give myself to him like this.

I see the lights on in the kitchen, well… Atleast he didn't ditch me or something.

"hey" I say immediately when I reach his side, brushing his back in the process.

"hey" he replies with his mouth full.

"what the hell are you eating?"

"I don't know" his not even paying attention to me, he's so engrossed in his food, I can't help but laugh.

I go to the fridge and take out a milk cartoon and pour some in a cup before and taking out cookies out of the cookie jar.

"where do they come from?" He still has his mouth full.

"table manners young man"

He grabbed me by my waist and pulled me towards him. "table manners for what in my house" then he placed a kiss on my mouth.

"eew deLuca" I wiped my mouth then he chuckled.

"you love me still"

"unfortunately I do" I said in between laughter, he still had me pressed to him. He finished chewing and had a drink from my cup of milk.

"I really don't deserve you, you know” he looked lost in thoughts.

"who does then?" I said taking a bite from the cookie, making it make that crunchie sound.

"don't even think about it, you…" he brushes his nose with mine "you are for me… marry me"

Without waiting for an answer he pushes his lips towards mine, making me feel all sorts of things only he's able to make me feel… "marry me please" he cups my best making me release a moan.

"f**k baby, your boobs are firmer this time" he lifts my t-shirt up, well… his t-shirt up to take a good look at my boobs.

"woman!" he exclaims with a smirk on his face "I love what I'm seeing right now"

He takes one n****e in his mouth, sending an electric jolt in my tummy. "mmmm"

He makes me lift my hands up and discards my t-shirt on the floor. Trailing wet kissed all over me. He picks me up and placed me on the chair he was on spreading my legs so he stands in between them. My hands find their way around his neck bringing his face closer to mine.

"I love you" I find myself saying.

"i love you too baby" he says before parting me legs furthure, pushing me to him and then… I Feel him enter me.

"f**k!"

Tuesday morning, we barely got any sleep last night so now here we are pumped ourselves with coffee, too much coffee let me rather say. We in the backseat of the range rover, he has his one arm around my neck and I have my head on his chest, his checking his emails with the other hand. I'm too caught up in his embrace I don't even realise that we parked.

He kisses my head and then sighs "can't we rather stay here?" he says.

"I feel like that too" I pout.

He removes his hand from my shoulder and rubs his face releasing a sigh in the process. "marry me"

What is it with him and that question? He looks at me expectedly when i don't answer.

"I… Tra-" knock on the window. Thank God for that because I really don't know how to answer him.

"cruise" oooh yeah, they know each other, how can I forget.

"deLuca, Bella" he nods his head and smiles.

"River" I return the smile.

"nice to see you again beautiful lady"

"mmm" I nod my head; I don't know how I feel about him being all this nice in front of Travis.

Carlos opens his door and cones to mine, leaving River on the other side who by the way just lit a cigarette…

"go up in baby, I'll see you later alright?" He brushes my cheek with his knuckles.

I look at River who's looking at us and then back at this yummy man in front of me.

"okay" clearly they need to talk so I'll let them be. I turn and walk away only to be stopped three steps later.

"that's not how we do things baby" he turns me around, grabs my hair and kisses me, "I love you" he says, I have my eyes half closed because I'm still reeling off the kiss he just gave me.

"Bella…" I look up at his expected eyes. I grab onto his waist and smile up at him.

"I love you too baby" I sneak my arms around his neck and bring him in for another kiss and he doesn't protest.

"cutt it out you two" someone shouts from the back, I laugh and break the kiss, he has a stupid smile on his face too. He looks… Happy for want of a better word.

"I am happy Miamor, you make me really happy" he nuzzels his nose, he attempts to kiss me but stops.

"we'll never finish if I kiss you" I choke on my laughter. "get going now" he s****s my butt but still takes my hand anbd leads me to the elevator. This guy, people are waiting for him and…

"have lunch with me" he not asking, I can tell by the way his busy playing with the strands of my hair.

"no"

"we'll have it in my office, I need us to check some papers"

See… He's already made his mind up; he's not even paying attention to what I'm saying.

The elevator door opens and I step in, instead of walking he stands on the doors and balances himself meaning until he leaves, the elevator will not move.

And just like that ladies and gentlemen is how I got late for an annually meeting.