SHADOWS OF THE PAST

Chapter 05

Did she… No She didn't, she couldn't have. Yeah I know, she didn't… AfAfter finally composing myself, I walk. I'm mad I'm furious I will fucken combust.

When I get outside she's nowhere insight, f**k! I kick the car wheel; I see a few people looking at me. f**k them.

Taylor comes from the corner and stomps his sigarett bud. "you f****d you know that right"

"f**k off" I walk up to the driver seat and he climbs the passager, throughout the whole ride envision what I would do to her but all the possibilities end up with her bend over me knee, as much as I want that, I can't, God i can't. Not after how she cried the last time, I can't. I'm not prepared to have my heart break like that, seeing her hurt or crying breaks me. What if I become extreme and hurt her like the last time? No I can't, if it means using my hands then I'll have to live with it. She can use her hands too but…. f**k! Just thinking about her pleasuring herself gets me stone hard.

I take a uturn and drive off to a direction I haven't in a while.

"Travis you don't wanna do this" Tyler says when he sees where I'm parked. "do you really want all those times to be in vain. Every fight you guy have been in. Do you want it all to be for nothing?"

, mxm… He Doesn't know what he's talking about. I open my door and walk out, i except to find him here when i come back.

And as expected, she's shkovked to see me. She's in a short satin pajama that exposes her percectly shaved legs, the pajama top shows a bit of cleavage.

"Carlos what-?" I don't allow her to finish, I grab her face and our lips collide. I kiss her with so much hunger, I feel like I'm going to burst.

"mmm, Carlos what is wrong?" I don't answer her, instead I bend, remove her short, she doest protest, good for me. I turn her around, bend her on the vanity and rub myself on her, she releases a moan. f**k! This feels so wrong, but I can't, I can't stop. I have to. I need to.

I push into her "oooh God Carlos"

"shh" I move once, I stop. My heart is not here, my heart is one Blue-Grey eyed brunette, f**k! she starts moving her self,

No, no, no, no, no, i shouldn't be doing this, but it has been long. I grab both her hands so they behind her, and I start pounding into her, I feel her walls contracting, she's close, I'm not. I continue pounding into her, she keeps crying out, I close her mouth with my hand, I don't want to hear her moan, the guilt is enough. I stop and turn her around, I bring her to her knees. Like a little b***h she is, she doesn't need to be told what to do. She starts massaging my balls, f**k! She licks me from the bottom up. I feel myself twitch a little, I'm close I know it, she's teasing me, i don't have time for this, I shove into her mouth and she doesn't gag. f**k, Bella did-no! I can't be thinking about… OoOooh God that feels so good. f**k! I'll just endulge myself. She grabs my shaft, sucks it like her life depends on it.

"oooh God f**k!!! You doing good baby, f**k yes" I can feel the smile on her lips.

"oooh God f**k…. Bella" I feel myself release. Her mouth is no longer there. I look down and she has me c*m all over her face and brests, it doesn't look good on her.

"did you just call me Bella"

Ooh s**t. I grab my pants on the floor and put them on.

"so you just gonna leave, you got what you wanted now you leaving"

Can someone tell her to shut up already?

"well… WeWe both got what we wanted didnt we?"

She kerps quite.

"I can see she doesn't know how to give it good otherwise you won't be here, f*****g me when you should be in bed cuddling with your wife"

Stab.

"don't be too sure, she's better than all of you"

I slam the door on my way out. It's true, not the giving good part. Bella is the best I ever had. Her words hurt because she's telling the truth. I should be in bed cuddling with my wife, instead here am I, busy f*****g someone she completely despises. If she ever forgives me I'll be one lucky burstad, no… If I ever forgive myself for this, I know I'll be one lucky son of a b***h.

When I open the car door, Tyler just looks at me and says nothing, good for him. I'm dealing with guilt as it is, I don't want him adding onto thing.

He's on the driver side so he just drives, with silence spreading across us. Sigh… I

I messed up, big time. "f**k!" I bang the dashboard. Tyler looks at me and keeps quite. f**k him. Why is he quite. I want him to say something, tell me what a f**k up I am.

He parks at the basement, immediately when I climb off, he reverses and drives off, like a fucken maniac, another person I disappointed, with a sigh I call the elevator and wait for it. I bang my head of the elevator doors. The emotions overwhelm me; I feel my eyes blurring.

The elevator door pings open and I immediately compose myself when I see two girls walking out. The look at me, giggle and walk out.

When I get home, I’m immediately welcomed by silence. I hope she didn't leave. I call her name, and nothing. This feels like deja vu… I

I run upstairs and open our bedroom, I find her watching her laptop, she seems engrossed with it. She has headsets on, in her hands she has a box of pizza, looks like it's her seconds seeing as there's an empty one on the bed.

I walk to the shower and immediately when the hot water hits my skin, I feel myself calm, maybe this is what I needed to wash away all the guilt I had.