Begging for rejection

Chapter 20 - Blame

Alexandria POV

He closed his eyes, I waited for him to open it again, I begged and pleaded … but he did not respond.

His chest is almost still and I can hardly feel his heartbeat, Am I really going to lose him?

That’s not what I wanted; I just wanted to protect him … not for him to be gone.

I did this to him, if he didn’t reject me he would have been able to defend himself, if I didn’t push him that far he would have been okay.

I always do this, bring death… but I did it right this time, didn’t I? I pushed him away, I wasn’t selfish like I was with Luke, this time my mate was suppose to live, he is going to live.

I start shaking Derek again saying “Derek, just wake up this time and I’ll do whatever you want, please just this once, open your eyes”, still no response.

I hear movement coming from the trees, I snap my head around looking for the dagger I dropped and I can see it just at arm’s length, I reach for it and grab it.

I stand protectively over Derek with my dagger in my hand ready to take the life of anyone who dares to come near him.

A black wolf with white paws appears from the tree line flanked with a dark brown wolf and followed with several other wolves.

They don’t look like rogues but I’m not taking any chances, I tighten my grip on the dagger and take a fighting stance ready to take down any wolf that would attack even if I go down with them.

The wolves are fast and they approach me in seconds only to halt right in front of me, the black wolf shifts back to his human form and say “Alexandria, it’s okay, it’s me, Dean”.

I take a second to register what is happening and as soon as it all sinks in, I drop my dagger and move so Dean can get to his brother, “Help him, please, he is barely breathing” I say pleading.

Dean rushes to his brother’s side and I feel arms coming around my shoulders, I look up and it’s Dylan, when did he come here? Was he the brown wolf?

“What happened?” Dean asks.

“Rogues” is all I am able to say, Dean starts shouting orders and everyone runs to a different direction, some checking on the dead bodies, others going back into the woods checking the parameters and the rest is surrounding their fallen alpha with Dean just crouching beside him figuring out the safest way to transport him.

-

We are standing in-front of the operation's room doors, Dean, Dylan, Sophia and I, it’s been an hour and no one said a word.

There is nothing to be said, they are all silently praying to their moon goddess to save him while I’m cursing her with every word known and unknown to the modern world.

Why is she punishing her own kind by mating them to me? And why isn’t she protecting them? Luke didn’t deserve to die, my baby didn’t deserve to die and Derek doesn’t deserve to die.

Aren’t all of them her children as they say? What kind of sick goddess is she?

“So if Derek killed them, how did he get hurt” Dean asks turning his head towards me breaking the silence.

That was random, we’re they mind linking?

“He killed one” I answer him.

“And you killed the rest?” he asks a little surprised, why is that hard to believe? I’m a f*****g hunter; I think I said that often enough, wasn’t he there when I gave my little hunter crash course followed with my big revelation ?

“Of-course” I answer a little confused with his surprise.

“Why didn’t Derek?” he asks a little aggressive, it feels like an integration and I believe he already knows the answer to his question.

I open my mouth to confirm his doubts but before I could say anything the doors of the operation room opens and they roll Derek out on a gurney, he looks pale and weak, my heart clenches seeing him like that.

We all follow Derek and the doctors to a hospital room or more like a suite, it’s much bigger and far more luxuries than the one I was in.

“We’ve done everything we could surgically, it’s up for his wolf now to do the rest, but for some reason he is far weaker than expected, he is there but barely, he is totally drained and that’s what made the injuries more severe as it didn’t even start to heal... normally he would heal by tomorrow, but under this new conditions its really unknown when will he be at full strength again” Doctor Martin explains and I can feel Dean's gaze burning holes through me, he blames me and he is right to do so.

“Thanks doctor, you may go now” he says with an unreadable expression.

The doctors leave closing the door behind them and Dean turns to me, his eyes full of disdain.

“So you made him do it?” he says more as a statement than an actual question.

He is mad at me, it couldn’t have been easy to see his older brother like that, and like the doctor said, if it wasn’t for the rejection he would have been fine.

I don’t answer him and that seems to piss him off even more.

“You know what, it’s a good thing that he rejected you, you don’t deserve him, he is a great guy who would have treated you like a queen, he would have protected you against whoever is after you... but no, you wanted nothing to do with him, you are good on your own… but guess what ? You are not good enough, not on your own and definitely not for him” Dean says with anger raising his voice.

“DEAN” Dylan tries to stop Dean from talking and I just stand there taking in every word he is saying.

“What? She is not your Luna anymore for you to protect her” Dean snarls at Dylan.

“That doesn’t mean that I have to stop being a decent person and what you are doing is uncalled for” Dylan says and I can see that he is getting emotional too, Sophia comes to stand beside me trying to hug me but I step away from her, I don’t need comforting, I’m not the one who almost died.

“Uncalled for? Do you see Derek laying there half dead?” Dean says his voice getting louder now.

“How is that her fault Dean? She is the one who killed the rogues and protected him” Sophia now says coming to my defense, all the while I remain silent.

“He wouldn’t have needed protection in the first place if it wasn’t for her” Dean says or rather shouts.

“That’s not fair and you know it, you’re just pissed that your brother got hurt and you are taking it out on her” Dylan says matching Dean Volume.

“You are damn right I’m taking it out on her because it’s her damn fault, I mean look what happened to her first mate, whose fault was that?” Dean says pointing a finger at me both figuratively and literally.

He may be right and I deserve every word that he said, but I can’t take it anymore, I turn around and go towards the door.

“What the f**k is wrong with you, you need to shut up right now” I hear Dylan yelling at Dean but Dean ignores him.

As I open the door and I’m almost out of the room, Dean shouts angrily ,as loud as he could be, from behind me

“What happened to Derek it your fault Alexandria, your fault”.

I look up and it seems that the whole hospital if not the whole pack heard him, I don’t answer or look back and try to find my way out of the hospital while everyone I pass gives me a dirty looks or angry glares, they are following their beta’s judgment without even knowing the facts and who can blame them.

I get out of the hospital and start walking to the pack house heading back to my room, as I’m walking, my phone dings, I take it out of my pocket and it’s from Max,

“The papers are ready, send a location to meet, you can relocate as soon as tomorrow”, damn it max, wrong timing, I can’t leave now, I have to make sure he is okay.

I reply “I can’t leave yet, maybe in a couple of days”, it’s cryptic but sufficient.

I shove my phone back in my pocket and continue walking, I reach the pack house and it’s the same thing as the hospital, dirty looks and angry glares, apparently word travels fast in this pack, it’s going to be some intense couple of days but I can take it as long as Derek is okay.