The same story

 It's such a sad story I am about to tell, but that doesn't mean there isn't a happy ending. The girl's story that is about to be told is like many others before her. It began with a girl, a young naïve girl who fell madly in love with a man who was never reachable. It began with that same girl and ended with her changing into a woman. This story takes place from personal events that have changed the person. I was just shy of 18 when I came home one day having my dad tell me I needed to find a place of my own due to my apparent unlivable actions. It was only a year before I was caught kissing my boyfriend at the time who I was so in love with and I thought he was too. There was my first mistake I should have learned from. Clothes were on, door was open, no lips just a kiss on his cheek. But to parents of a 15 year old girl, that is the end of the world. So of course my dad scared him away and took me out of my high school the next day and transferred me to an alternative school. This seemed very extreme but let me go back a few more years to where I meet the real me.  My parents were constantly fighting, screaming, yelling, slamming doors, throwing plates. You name it. The day I watched my dad walk out the door for some air was the day I realized the dark demon that was dwelling inside a small, innocent 7 year old girl. I thought I had everything even though all the red flags were there. I thought that was what love was. I thought I had loving parents, a big brother to look up to, and friends. Little did I know I was pushing the demon deeper inside me. I was 7 when my mother took me to see a specialist and I was "diagnosed" with ADHD and on set depression and anxiety. My mother only laughed it off, and threw me on a super high dose of medication. The feeling of being numb from a pill you had to take was unbearable. The day came fast and it was like a blur. Dad came home one day with a yellow package with papers in it. I saw my mom sitting at the table crying and screaming, "You cheater! I knew you were with that w***e!!" What w***e? Mom why are you crying? What is going on?! Dad only shook his head and walked away, again. It seemed like days but weeks flew bye fast, between school, visiting dad on the weekends, and spending time with my first love. Shannon. She opened my eyes as to what was happening. Thanks to her that demon I held back for years, depression, became my best friend. to what was happening.  The feel of the cold blade across my arm still lingers today. Thankfully now I'm working on getting a tattoo to cover the scars of my past. "Kelly, don't you feel different when you're with your dad? He doesn't make you take the pills does he?" Never. He never wanted me to but of course since he was fighting the system to take full custody of me since my mom had her own fair share of s**t to deal with. Depression, anxiety, bi-polar, and raging anger. "Shannon, I don't know what is going to happen to me. If I stay with my mom who will I become? If I stay with my dad, I will never see you again and I love you!" What a stupid girl I was. She too walked out of my life. The cold blade, the extra pills I would sneak into my room. The only thing that brought me to life was the feel of warmth. Was I always like this? Did I do this to my parents? Was I to blame? Here I am 26 years old with a daughter of my own still blaming myself. What if.  I remember the day I met a judge. What an awful man. I still hate him. He tried so hard to get me to stay with my mom, thinking she was the suitable parent, even though she was the one that ordered the doctor to put me on 175mg of Concerta at the age of 7. Do the math. I was addicted and anytime I spent the weekend with my dad, it was the worst 72hrs of my life. Now that I think of it, the only happy time I remembered was when I was on those damn awful pills. I really wish I was spreading the truth, but I remember the numbers. They killed me, and now I'm paying for it. The day I ran to my dad to let me live with him was a blessing. Who knew what would have happened if I stayed with my mom. I remember the day I met the judge. The next day I was packing my stuff to move in with my dad since in Oklahoma, the kid also has a say in who they stay with. I went out to the storage shed to grab some boxes, still only 9 years old having to pack away my life after losing my parents and my first love. I remember hearing the door close behind me and a pair of hands on my forearm. "Don't you dare leave! You can not stay with your dad! He is an evil man and he will only hurt you." I tried to push my mom off and I felt her nails digging into my skin and the blood dripping down my arm. I could feel the fear and I ran. As I darted out of the shed I could hear a loud popping sound. She had dislocated my shoulder blade from it's socket. But, it was my fault. She tells me to this day. No shoes, in 100 degree weather in the middle of an Oklahoma summer, running down the alley of gravel. I ran, I was in so much pain and I ran to Shannon's house. But of course, she wasn't there.  I was so scared, and confused, and hurt that when the officers found me they took me to my dad's. My arm never healed right so now my left arm is 4 inches longer than my right arm. I was so afraid to tell my dad I had a couple of friends the next day help push it back. I spent the rest of the summer with my dad, I was so happy. Until I met him.