Detoxify

Chapter 18

Blamed

Avery's Point of View

Agad akong bumaba at nakita ko ang tatlong sina Edward, Tyron, at Tyler na nakaupo na sa mesa. Tahimik. Walang imikan. Pero kahit ganoon, napangiti ako. Kahit paano, sabay-sabay kaming kakain. Something na hindi na namin nagagawa lately. Ang simple lang pero parang ang laki ng meaning sa akin. Maybe kasi these little things remind me na hindi ako alone, kahit pa ang daming gumugulo sa utak ko.

"Haysss, salamat at sabay-sabay tayong kakain ngayon," masaya kong sabi habang lumalapit. Pinilit kong gawing lighthearted ang boses ko, parang gusto kong i-set ang mood para maging normal ulit ang lahat.

Ngumiti si Edward at Tyron, pero si Tyler... nakaiwas ng tingin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero parang ang bigat ng aura niya. Ramdam mo agad na may dinadala siyang mabigat, and suddenly I felt this sting in my chest. Like, did I do something wrong? Or is it just me overthinking again?

"May sakit ka ba, Tyler?" tanong ko sa kaniya habang lumalapit. Kahit simple, sana naman sagutin niya nang maayos. I just wanted to care.

"Wala," malamig niyang tugon.

Masakit. As in literal na parang may pumunit sa loob ko. Bakit ganito siya makitungo? Asan na 'yung dating Tyler na laging may kalokohan, laging may banat, laging may ngiti? Parang ibang tao na siya ngayon. And it's terrifying how fast people can change right in front of you, parang overnight lang.

Tumayo ako at nilapitan siya. "Wait, check ko lang kung may sakit ka—"

Akmang hahawakan ko ang noo niya, pero bigla niyang tinapik ang kamay ko. Not rough, but enough to stop me. Enough to freeze me in place.

Napalingon ang dalawa. Si Edward at Tyron, both looked shocked. Ako? Napatulala. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong masaktan, magalit, o umiyak.

In that moment, I realized na sometimes silence cuts deeper than words. That small action felt louder than a thousand rejections. And I hated myself for feeling too much, kasi maybe I was just making a big deal out of it. Pero hello, sino bang hindi masasaktan kung ganoon?

Tahimik akong bumalik sa upuan ko. Pilit na hindi nagpapaapekto. Si Edward, sinubukang kausapin si Tyler pero ni hindi ito lumingon. That cold shoulder, that refusal to connect, why does it feel like I'm losing him... slowly?

"Come on, Avery," bulong ko sa sarili ko. "Piliting ngumiti. Pilitin. Kaya mo 'to." Pero alam kong fake. Ramdam ko. My lips were curving up pero my heart was bleeding inside.

Napatingin ako kay Tyron. Nakatitig siya sa akin, and in his eyes, nakita ko 'yung pag-aalala. He didn't say a word, but somehow that gaze was enough to remind me na may nakakapansin pa rin. Still, iba pa rin kapag galing kay Tyler... iba pa rin kapag galing sa taong dati mong nakasanayan.

"K-Kunin ko lang 'yung pagkain. Excuse me," mahina kong sabi, almost whispering, trying to sound steady kahit nanginginig ang boses ko. Tumayo ako, kinuha ang tray ng pagkain. Pero habang papalapit ako, napahinto ako.

My mind kept replaying everything. Tyler's silence. His cold tone. His refusal to even meet my eyes. What changed? Bakit parang bigla na lang siyang naglagay ng wall? Did I do something na hindi ko alam? Or is this about what happened that night, nung naospital ako? Could it be guilt? Or worse, could it be... indifference?

I swallowed hard, staring at the food in front of me, but all I could taste was the bitterness in my chest.

"Wala siyang kasalanan dito, Tyler. You should not do that to Avery," sabi ni Tyron, may diin ang tono. His voice was firm, almost protective, and for a moment I felt a strange warmth inside me.

"Tyron is right. She's innocent. She doesn't even know what's happening here," dagdag ni Edward, calm but heavy, like he was trying to ground everyone before things completely spiral.

And then Tyler's voice cut through the silence and it's sharp, angry, unforgiving.

"I don't care! Yeah, she's innocent, pero siya ang dahilan kung bakit nag-aaway si Elliot at Tyron. She's the reason why all of us—"

He didn't finish. He stopped himself, but the damage was already done.

I froze at the doorway, tray in hand, every word sinking into my chest like shards of glass. Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. So it's true. Ako ang dahilan ng lahat ng gulo.

Agad akong pumasok, dala ang tray ng pagkain. I pretended na wala akong narinig. My steps were steady, my expression blank, pero sa loob ko? Chaos. Pag-upo ko, binaba ko ang tray with a forced calmness. None of them spoke. Walang naglakas-loob magsalita, and in that silence, I heard the echo of Tyler's words again and again.

Lahat ng 'to... kasalanan ko.

I told myself I should've never transferred here. I should've stayed in my old school where everything was perfect, where I was admired, where no one questioned who I was. If I never came here, I wouldn't have met them, wouldn't have gotten too close, wouldn't have tangled myself in their lives like this. Maybe they'd all still be okay, still be whole, if I didn't exist in their world.

"I love this situation. So quiet."

The voice was unmistakable. Elliot. Walang tunog ang upo niya sa tapat ko, parang multo na bigla na lang dumating. His tone was cold, sarcastic, almost mocking. Pero kahit malamig, kahit masakit, I forced a smile. Kasi ano pa ba? Mas pipiliin ko nang magpanggap kaysa ipakita sa kanila na basag na ako sa loob.

"Let's eat," sabi ko, pilit na masaya, kahit ramdam kong nanginginig ang labi ko.

They moved, one by one. Utensils clinking, food being passed around, pero tahimik pa rin. No jokes, no casual chatter, no laughter. Only silence filling the spaces between us.

And yet, habang pinagmamasdan ko silang lahat, I felt tears sting the corners of my eyes. I held them back, forcing my smile to stay, kasi ayokong makita nilang weak ako.

Still, deep inside, I was breaking.

But at the same time, something strange bloomed in me. Gratitude. Kasi kahit gano'n, kahit puno ng tension, kahit parang ako ang ugat ng lahat ng away nila... they were here. We were still together. Kahit paano, buo pa rin kami.

And that fragile thought na kahit gaano kaliit was the only thing keeping me from shattering completely.

"I'm full."

I turned my head toward Tyler. His tone was short, clipped, parang walang effort at all. He stood up, chair scraping softly against the floor, and as he passed beside me, instinctively, I reached for his wrist.

"Tapos ka na agad, pogi?" I asked, forcing a playful tone, the kind I used to throw at him all the time. My lips curved into a smile, but it felt fragile, like glass that could break with the slightest push.

He looked down at my hand holding his wrist. His eyes locked with mine for just a few seconds pero sapat na para maramdaman ko. Wala na. The warmth, the teasing sparkle, the familiar softness that used to live there? Gone. What replaced it was... emptiness. Coldness. Almost like he wasn't even looking at me, but through me.

He pulled his hand back, gently but firmly, and walked away, climbing the stairs without a word.

My chest tightened. My shoulders sank. I bowed my head, staring at my plate, then forced a smile kahit ramdam kong namimilipit na ang puso ko. I shoved another spoonful of food into my mouth, even if I couldn't taste anything anymore.

May mali ba akong nagawa? Did I cross a line? Did I push too hard? Or maybe... maybe Tyler just hates me now.

"Hey, Avery, are you okay?" Tyron's voice pulled me back, his hand gently resting on my shoulder. His touch was warm, grounding, but it almost broke me more.

"Ahh yes, I am," I answered quickly, forcing the corners of my lips to lift. My smile felt fake, brittle, parang papel na madali lang mapunit.

"You're not good at lying," Elliot's voice cut in, cold, flat, but painfully true. Walang lambing, walang sarcasm, just honesty that sliced right through me.

"Masaya lang ako," I whispered, barely audible. As if by saying it, baka sakaling maging totoo.

"You don't look like one," Edward added softly, concern lacing his tone. His eyes, steady and kind, bore into me like he could see every single crack I was trying to hide.

They care.

And it was exactly because they cared that I broke. Inside me, something shattered. My tears didn't fall loudly, no hysterical sobs, no dramatic gasps. Just quiet, silent pain, the kind na ramdam mo hanggang buto.

"Masaya talaga ako... kasi magkakasama tayong kumain," I said, my voice trembling, forcing a laugh through the cracks of my throat. "Para kayong mga tanga."

The laugh didn't even sound like me. It was hollow. Empty.

I stood up quickly, napkin brushing my lips just to do something with my hands, to look normal. "CR lang ako," I muttered, excusing myself before they could see more.

The moment I stepped inside the bathroom, the mask fell. My tears bled out uncontrollably, hot and relentless. Tahimik lang ang paligid, but the sound of my sobs echoed in my chest like thunder. I tried to stifle them, tried to bite my lip, tried to pretend I could hold it back pero mas pinipigilan ko, mas sumasabog ako sa loob.

Why does it hurt this much? Bakit ganito? Why does it feel like I'm slowly losing them, one by one?

I pressed my hands against the sink, staring at my reflection. My eyes were swollen, my lips trembling. I barely recognized myself.

I used to be so confident, so sure of my place. Back then, people admired me, adored me. But here? Every day, I feel like I'm just... breaking them apart. Like I'm poison. Like my presence is tearing their bond to pieces.

Maybe Tyler's right. Maybe I am the reason.

And that thought... that terrifying, ugly thought clung to me like a shadow I couldn't shake.

Tyler's Point of View

I'm Tyler. Yes, that Tyler na twin brother ni Tyron, ultimate mood-maker of the dorm, certified pogi ayon kay Avery (though let's be real, she calls almost everyone pogi when she's in a good mood), and your occasional peacekeeper when things get out of hand.

Kung hindi mo pa rin gets, ako 'yung kakambal na mas approachable. Mas madaldal. Mas madalas ngumiti. I'm the guy you'd go to kapag kailangan mo ng kasama sa 2 AM food trip, or kung gusto mong may makikinig sa rant mo habang sabay kayong nagra-ramen. Tyron, on the other hand, well... his default face screams don't mess with me. But deep inside, malambot din 'yun, I promise. The problem is, not a lot of people stick long enough to see it.

Ako ang laging sumasalo sa damage control. When Tyron says something too blunt, I soften it up. When Elliot's temper explodes, I calm him down. When Edward gets too serious, I crack a joke para ma-lighten ang mood. I guess that's my role in this group... certified comic relief. And maybe... tulay na rin. The bridge between people who don't want to talk to each other.

But lately...

Lately, I feel like I'm failing.

Because no matter how hard I try to hold everyone together, it feels like the cracks are getting bigger.

And at the center of those cracks? Avery.

Don't get me wrong. I don't blame her. At least, I tell myself I don't. Kasi paano mo naman sisisihin ang isang taong ang gusto lang ay makihalubilo, makisama, mabuhay ng normal sa mundo na sobrang harsh sa kanya? She's brave, sobra. She laughs loud, nagsasalita ng walang filter, nagsusuot ng damit na parang runway ang hallway. She is unapologetically herself.

Pero ever since she came into our lives, things changed. I noticed it. The way Elliot looks at her... different. The way Tyron hovers, it's more protective than usual. Even Edward, who normally plays neutral, finds himself drawn into the mess. And me? Well... ako 'yung stuck in the middle, watching everyone I love start to pull away from each other.

And I hate it.

Because deep inside, I'm scared.

Scared na baka isang araw, the bond we once had won't exist anymore. Scared na baka dumating 'yung point na kahit ako, hindi ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar.

Kanina sa dinner, when Avery touched my wrist, I flinched. Not because I hated it. Not because ayaw ko siyang humawak. But because my chest felt too heavy, too tight, too... confused.

She smiled at me, that smile she always gives when she's trying to keep things light. Pero I saw it. The cracks. The sadness she was hiding. And for a split second, gusto kong yakapin siya, sabihin sa kanya na okay lang, na hindi niya kailangan pilitin maging masaya para sa amin.

But I couldn't.

Because if I did, if I allowed myself to comfort her, then what? What would that mean?

Would it mean na I'm choosing her side? Would it mean na I'm betraying Elliot? Or Tyron?

After dinner, I stayed in my room, lying on my bed with my arms crossed behind my head. Staring at the ceiling, naglalaro sa isip ko yung eksena kanina. Avery's face when I pulled away. The way her eyes dimmed, even if she tried to smile.

God, that look.

It's haunting me.

Because I know I hurt her. And it kills me na ako mismo, the one person who's supposed to cheer people up, made her feel worse.

Sometimes I wonder... what if Avery never transferred here?

Would we still be the same? Would Elliot and Tyron still laugh together instead of glaring daggers at each other? Would Edward still be calm instead of tense all the time? Would I still feel like I belonged, instead of standing at the edge of something I don't understand?

And yet...

Whenever I think about a life without Avery, I feel this pang in my chest. Like I don't want to imagine it. Kasi kahit ang daming complications, she also brought color, liveliness, and energy. She made us feel things we've been too scared to admit.

Tyron always says I'm too soft. Na masyado akong nagpapadala sa emosyon, that I try too hard to please everyone. Maybe he's right. Kasi right now, I don't know what role I'm supposed to play anymore.

Am I the peacemaker? The joker? The supportive twin? Or... am I just another pawn in this messy game we never asked to play?

I rubbed my temples, letting out a frustrated groan. "Tangina, ang complicated na ng lahat."

I hate this version of me. The one who hesitates, the one who avoids, the one who lets people break without doing anything.

But more than that, I hate that I can't stop thinking about Avery. Her smile. Her tears. The way she whispered "masaya ako" when clearly, she wasn't.

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Because the truth is, kahit ilang jokes pa ang gawin ko, kahit ilang peace talks pa ang subukan ko... I'm breaking too.

And maybe, just maybe, it's only a matter of time before everything falls apart.

Pero lately... ayoko na.

Ayoko munang maging tulay. Ayoko munang ngumiti. Ayoko munang lumapit.

Lalo na sa kanya.

Yes, Avery.

I avoided her these past few days. Not because I hate her. Okay... maybe a little bit. But not in the way she thinks. The truth? I'm just confused. Sobrang litong-lito.

Every time I look at her, I remember the way things were before like how close we were, how she trusted me with her secrets, how she laughed at my corniest jokes. Parang dati, kahit anong mangyari, I could always make her feel okay. Pero ngayon? Every time I see her smile, it feels heavier, like may kasamang guilt. Kasi behind that smile, I know she's breaking.

And still, part of me keeps whispering... she's the reason.

The reason why Elliot and Tyron can't even look each other in the eye anymore. The reason why Edward suddenly acts like a knight in shining armor, extra protective. The reason why I, the Tyler everyone knows, can't even recognize myself in the mirror.

Unfair ba kung iniisip kong siya ang dahilan?

Kahit alam kong hindi naman niya sinasadya. Kahit kita ko namang nasasaktan din siya. Kahit nararamdaman kong she blames herself, too.

But I can't help it.

It hurts.

It hurts to see the people I love drift apart. It hurts to know that kahit gaano ko gustong ayusin, parang wala na akong control. And the worst part? I can't even tell her this. Kasi if I do, I'll break her even more.

So instead, I push her away.

"Wala! Kasalanan niya! Kung hindi siya dumating, wala sanang gulo."

That's what I told myself, again and again. A mantra I forced into my head, hoping it would numb me. Hoping it would make things simpler. Kasi mas madaling sisihin siya kaysa harapin ang katotohanang maybe... maybe it's us. Maybe it's me. Maybe it's Elliot, or Tyron, or Edward. Maybe we were already breaking, and Avery just happened to arrive in the middle of it all.

Pero sa isang sulok ng utak ko, may boses na kumokontra.

It's not her fault. She didn't know. She didn't ask for this.

And that voice? It's killing me.

Bumaba akong muli.

"You don't need to do that," a voice suddenly came from behind me. Elliot. Of course.

"Do what?" I snapped, trying to sound tougher than I felt.

"I heard everything, Tyler. Lahat. Don't play dumb."

My fists clenched. "Tama naman ako, 'di ba? Nung wala pa siya, okay pa tayo. Pero ngayon?"

Before I could even finish, his fist landed squarely on my cheek. Isang malakas na suntok. Hindi ako lumaban. I just stood there, took it, let the sting burn through my skin. Maybe I deserved it.

"Do you hear yourself, Tyler? Hindi ikaw 'yan. That's not the Tyler I know," he spat, his voice raw, almost trembling.

He turned around, about to leave, but we both froze at the same time.

Avery.

Nakatayo siya sa may pinto. Her eyes were swollen, lips trembling, hands shaking like she'd been listening the whole time. My chest tightened. I didn't even breathe.

"Avery..." we both said in unison. But she... she just smiled.

Not her usual bright smile. This one was broken. Fragile. Parang sinulid na lang ang nagpipigil para tuluyang mapigtas.

"G-Ganun ba?" her voice cracked, small and trembling. "S-Sorry Tyler sa nagawa ko. Kung meron man. Promise, 'di na mauulit."

And then, just like that, she turned her back on us and left. Pumasok siya sa kwarto nila, leaving the silence heavier than any punch Elliot could've thrown at me.

I stood there, speechless. My jaw still ached from the hit, but my heart... my heart hurt more.

What the hell did I just do?

I wanted to scream at Elliot, to tell him that I didn't mean it, that I was just frustrated. Pero hindi ko nagawa. Kasi ang totoo, baka nga totoo yung sinabi ko. Maybe deep down, part of me believed Avery really was the reason.

But seeing her eyes, those broken eyes... shattered something in me.

I wanted to run after her, to tell her that she didn't deserve any of this. To tell her that she's not the reason we're falling apart. To tell her that she's family, that she's ours.

But I didn't.

Instead, I stayed frozen in place, my fists clenched, my chest heavy, and my soul crushed by my own cowardice.

Because the truth? I'm not mad at her.

I'm mad at myself.

For failing her. For failing us. For failing to be the Tyler I promised everyone I would be—the guy who keeps the balance, the guy who makes people laugh, the guy who fixes things before they fall apart.

Pero ngayon? I'm just another reason why she's breaking.

And that thought... will haunt me forever.